I was 4 weeks into the 6 week treatment plan my dad put me on. So far it had been really fucking rough. The first day I got here, I woke up in what looked like a hotel bedroom. It had these huge French doors that opened up onto a little balcony and overlooked a gorgeous view of the Hills. There was a dark green garden table and some rattan patio furniture, and that's usually where I spent the first hour of my morning every day.
My room was magnolia. There was a black metal bed with a super comfy mattress, Egyptian cotton sheets and duck feather pillows. The curtains were meant to be gold but they were more like a piss yellow. There was a small, dark wood table next to my bed which had a lamp on it, and there was a matching wardrobe, table and chair.
Using the bathroom was a pain. It was such a small facility that there were only a handful of residents. Everyone had their own 15 minutes to take a shower each night while someone waited outside the door. The whole thing was ridiculous.
I'd made friends with all the other "patients" and we were helping each other through it. There was Kimberly, she was in her 40's and the wife of a plastic surgeon. She had gotten addicted to medication he was slipping her after surgeries. Then, there was Kaine. He was a music producer and he was sooo freakin hot! He was covered in tattoos, had the dreamiest blue eyes and a charming smile but he was addicted to coke and pills, this was his third time going to rehab so far. And then, there was Mindy. She was the sweetest girl who was a model for a bunch of designer companies. She was around my age and she was addicted to weed and alcohol. Apparently she used it to calm her nerves because she suffered with really bad anxiety.
When I first arrived, I was really hostile to everyone. I'd sit on my own and tell everyone to fuck off. The withdrawal really fucked around with my head and the little pills they gave me to try and subsidise the effects didn't work that great. It was hard to be mean to the 3 of them though. Kimberly was like the mum figure of the group, she always had a smile on her face and would give you a hug if you needed it. Kaine was the eye candy but he was a real gentleman, we'd sneak off every night once the staff fell asleep and we'd go for a walk down the nature trail together and smoke cigarettes and just talk about all kinds of things. Mindy was so adorable. She really reminded me of Maggie but she looked a lot like Ashley. During my first week when I was really struggling, she would sneak into my room and leave her yogurt from lunch under my pillow with a little note saying she was proud of me for still being here.
At first, I wasn't committed to the whole thing at all, I was certain that I was going to walk out and leave and I tried to a couple of times, but the way the staff spoke to me wasn't how I imagined they'd be. I thought I'd turn up to some place with bars on the windows, white washed walls and every other resident would be a zombie, sedated up to their eyeballs, but it wasn't like that at all. There was freedom, respect and a lot of fun. They really cared about the people staying here and wanted to help rehabilitate them and support them back into society.
I'd gotten myself into a great routine. I'd wake up at 5:30 am, I'd sit outside on the balcony with a cup of coffee and watch the sun come up over L.A., then I'd knock on Mindy's door and we'd go join Kaine and Kimberly for breakfast.
At around 9:30, we'd have circle time where we'd all talk about the events of that morning, how we slept and we'd write down in our journals things we were grateful for, how we were feeling and our plans for that day. After circle time, we did our own thing. I'd usually go out to the nature trail which led to a lookout point and take photographs to add to my portfolio. I'd really gotten into photography and it had become a healthy distraction. I really wanted to hold an exhibition to showcase my work once I got out of here!
After I was done shooting for the day, I'd grab some lunch and then I'd sit down for a therapy session. Everyone else would talk and meet up with their families and friends but not me.
I'd rejected everyone's visitation. Nikki and my dad tried to visit every single day but I turned them away. Even though I was making amazing progress with therapy and I was completely sober now, I still hadn't forgiven them. Sharon tried to visit a number of times too, but I turned her away. Gloria and Maggie would call but I'd hang up. In my mind, I was alone. I felt like I'd been completely betrayed by Nikki and my dad and I couldn't trust anyone anymore.
I decided to give photography a miss today, and I was doing yoga outside with Kimberly and Mindy while Kaine was swimming in the pool. The 4 of us were laughing and joking as we watched Kaine try and show off by doing backflips and all kinds of stunts.
"Liv, honey? You've got a visitor" Maddie called as she stood by the back door. She smiled and waved for me to come inside.
I immediately stopped what I was doing and froze for a second before carrying on with my warrior pose. "I told you, Mads. I don't want any visitors" I yelled behind me as I tried to refocus and looked out at the view.
"Well, that's not a nice way to greet an old friend"
My eyes widened and my heart started to race. I'd know that cockney accent anywhere. I whipped my head round and I knew it. Long, dark, wavy hair. A red and black pin stripe blazer. A frilly shirt and a punked out belt lacing some black leather pants? I couldn't believe my eyes.
"Razzle!?" I exclaimed.
"Are you gonna just stand there or can I get a hug?" He smiled.
I ran straight at him, jumping up and throwing my arms and legs around him. I was squeezing him so tight, I didn't want to let go. If there was anyone left in the world that I could trust, it was my Razz.
"What are you doing here!?" I squealed as I pulled away, still sticking to him like some kind of spider monkey.
"Well, I was keeping tabs on you anyway but then Sharon called and told me what had been going on and, well... here I am" he shrugged.
I pulled him back into a hug and squeezed him. "I can't believe you're here! Can I get you a drink? Do you want anything to eat!? Obviously there's no alcohol but they do have..." I started to ramble.
"Before we go in, I've got to tell you something" he said, cutting me off.
I frowned as I looked down at him. "I'm not on my own, I've bought some other people with me" he said a little anxiously.
I pulled away and jumped down, looking at him completely dumbfounded. I heard footsteps and out the corner of my eye, I saw 4 heads sneak around the door.
"You got any lemonade?" Athena cackled.
I rolled my eyes and looked up at Razz with a big smile on my face. "You bought them?" I smirked.
He shrugged his shoulders and I felt myself being picked up. I whipped my head back around and Athena was squeezing me and started to swing me around like some kind of rag doll. "Dude! I missed you so much" she said in a baby like voice as she squished my cheeks together.
I had no fucking idea what was happening right now. I hadn't seen Razzle in such a long time, but here he was, standing right in front of me along with Athena, Duff, Sean and Slash.
"I think we should all go inside and talk..." I said a little hesitantly as she put me down.
***
We all sat down in the family room. It was this cosy little room with couches and soft furnishings like blankets and fluffy cushions and stuff. Along the walls were all the achievements and things we'd been working on since we started our journey. I never really went in there and if I did it was only just to add photos I'd taken of the other guys to their progress boards, so I was kinda surprised to see how full mine was but I guess I had Mads to thank for that.
Sean and Athena were looking at it as I walked in with a tray full of drinks for everyone. They looked a little startled. I placed the tray down on the table and sat down next to Razz.
"So what are you guys doing here?" I asked.
"Razzle swung by and we got him up to speed on all the shit that happened so it was his idea to come free you from jail, dude!" Slash giggled from behind his aviators. He reached into his pocket and grabbed a cigarette, leaving Sean and Duff shaking their heads at him.
"What!?" I scoffed. "Uhhh... you can't do that in here" I said.
He nodded his head. "Oh fuck! Say no more, man" he said as he put his cigarette back in it's box and put them back in his pocket.
"We bought you something" Duff said as he handed me a large box with a big bow on it. I could see everyone smiling at me, even Razzle.
I frowned at them and I could see Athena bursting with excitement and Sean had a mischievous smile on his face. I pulled the lid off and rested it against the couch. Whatever it was, was neatly wrapped in tissue paper. I started pulling away at it and eventually I noticed the back of a crimson red leather jacket with the word "CRIMSON" on the back in our font. My jaw dropped and my eyes lit up.
"It's Italian leather" Sean whispered as I held it up and threw the box onto the floor. It was covered in studs, chains, and patches of skulls, anarchy symbols, devil horns... honestly it was every punk's dream.
"Guys..." I gasped.
"Look dude, now you're finally free of that asshole, we wanted to know how you felt about maybe getting the band back together" Athena blurted out.
"Are you guys serious!?" I said in disbelief.
Last time I saw them, I said some pretty unforgivable things to each and every one of them. Of course I didn't mean anything that I said, I loved them all so much, I just wanted to push them away because that's what Dave wanted. I wanted to apologise to them, but my life had become one big revolving mess and I was stubborn but therapy was helping me a lot with that.
"Of course we are! I mean you left us all in a pretty shitty situation and we were all really hurt for a while but when we all sat down and talked about things, we realised that that wasn't you. Dave was manipulating and abusing you..." Sean said.
I looked around at Slash, Duff, Athena and Sean as they all gave me sympathetic smiles.
"I know you guys have your own opinions on things but, I really do owe all of you an apology..."
"You don't owe us shit, man. We just wanna go fuck shit up again but we need our girl back" Duff smiled.
"Yeah dude!" Before I knew it, Athena tackled me to the couch and was all over me like an excitable puppy.
"Athena, I can't breathe" I gasped as she suffocated me with hugs and kisses on my cheek.
"Oh! Shit! sorry" she smirked as she got up and sat back down next to Duff.
"You need to get back making music, Ollie. It's what you've always done and you're amazing at it" Razzle said quietly while the others were distracted with Athena and her clumsy ass. I flashed him a smile and reached out, holding his hand in mine.
"So what do you say sweetie? You in?" Sean asked with a big smile on his face.
Razzle was right. Music was my life and without it, that's when I really started to lose myself. All I ever knew was to express myself through music. I was clean now for the first time in my life and I had a lot of things to work out with therapy but, I wasn't as lonely as I thought. For my band to come here and be so forgiving after all the shit I'd put them through, it meant a lot, and it just showed me that not everyone was like Dave and Lita - I did have good people around me that cared and that I could trust all along.
I stood up and put my jacket on. It needed to be worn in a little but it still looked amazing and I could tell it must have cost a fortune. I caught a glimpse of myself in the window as I adjusted it, and it's like everything I'd lost and forgotten about myself, all the fire and passion, it all came racing back to me in that moment.
I glanced down at Athena who looked like she was praying, and flicked my eyes to Sean. "I'm in" I smiled.