Tw homophobia ?
(Also just ignore this whole thing written here)
I feel so out of place almost like all the time and I hate not being the beauty standard
Everywhere I go I see these perfect girls and it makes me hate myself even more
Yea I'm skinny but not the beauty standard skinny and it's so annoying bec It's something I can't do anything about and one of the hardest things honestly is changing like clothes or anything
I miss not caring about my looks and what others think about me and I hate my friend even more for body shaming me into it
It took enough confidence to go outside without a hoodie on and I am very excited for winter
The friend who body shamed me always says like "omg in so fat and small" and every time she says it I just wanna punch her
I know it's dumb but she had everything that I don't have
Everybody likes her and I know not a single person who doesn't likes her , while she literally destroyed any confidence that I had
She is nice to everyone and is pretty
Next to her I'm the ugly annoying and too loud friend
Most people just hate me for no reason and I hate it
And I am so scared of venting to people because I don't want them to get sick of me and leave me
I had two friend , they were like brothers to me and suddenly they switched up on me and started hating me
Today was like the only fucking day I felt like half accepted bec the two friends were like kinda normal towards me
And my friend kept making jokes about me being a lesbian (she like half knows but I still always deny it) amd I was like "imagine if I would actually be gay like a few years later"
And she was like "you already are" LIKE JF I WOULD FEEL COMFY TELLING PPL THAT IM A LESBIAN THEN I WPULD HAVE TOLD YOU but if I don't tell you , you can just stfu and not tell everyone
My class is very homophobic and now everyone thinks that I'm a lesbian
I don't want ppl to know or in general irl ppl to know
I sometimes feels like everyone around me just wants to ruin me
This whole pride shit was just trash
It's always "respect all lgbtq+ ppl" until it comes to lesbians
Like lesbians always need to be a tomboy and mean
I feel like I can't be myself around anyone
I just wanna have someone that like trusts me
Something you need to know about me is that no one trusts me and I trust no one
The hardest thing for me is to actually trust people
If I trust you I have at least
-told you about my first kiss
-vented to you
Bec I told no one but you guys about it , since that would just confirm that I'm a lesbian
Well anyways bye guys , hope you sleep well / have a good morning or what ever time it is