The decision was one that would leave my mind vulnerable to one of the most powerful beings in existence. I had never thought that I would someday take this step willingly.
But there wasn't a decision to be made. Not really. I didn't have the luxury of time to think of an alternative, and I wasn't going to put anyone around me at risk, even at the cost of my own mind.
"Do it." I told him. I looked at Arthur dead on, my voice surprisingly clear and steady despite the violent way my heart raced in my throat.
Arthur raised his brows, "are you sure?"
I nodded, the motion jerky and curt, "yes. You only need to release enough of it so it doesn't overflow anymore, right?" I said, referring to my magic.
"Yes, but this is only a temporary solution. I will need to teach you how to control it, and it will mean more time in your head in the future."
"Fine." There was no other option
"Alright," he stepped closer, "close your eyes and don't push me out."
The moment I closed my eyes, I felt him come closer, his presence pushing against my senses. His palms were warm on either side of my head, and a second later I felt a subtle push in my mind. A gentle invasion. It took all my power not to lash out at it.
"Relax," Arthur said, his voice calm, "I'm not going to do anything you're not on board with. I'll do what I need and get out."
I couldn't relax, not completely. But when I felt his presence flare up in my mind, I didn't push him out. It felt exactly as it was, like someone else was in my head. His presence touched the part of my mind in contact with my magic.
The magic recoiled, sensing the foreign presence. I took a deep breath and tried as hard as I could to project a feeling of safety and peace.
It worked. The next time Arthur pulled on my magic, it went willingly, flowing down my arms to the tips of my fingers.
Arthur let go of my face. I opened my eyes to meet his. They were all black again, like that time in the hospital after we took the blood vow. No irises, no whites. He tipped his chin down, a smile creasing his cheeks, "Don't point your palms at me."
Wide eyed, I looked down at my hands as blue flames rolled out of them like waves, slow and small. They hit the ground and dissipated, leaving black scorch marks where they touched.
I blinked as the energy slowly drained out of my body. It throbbed with every beat of my heart. Arthur and I kept our silence for about ten minutes, his presence in my mind like an itch I couldn't scratch.
When the energy flow died down, Arthur's eyes slowly went back to normal. He retreated gently from my mind.
"There. That wasn't so bad, was it?" he said.
I blew out a breath. My magic felt calm, at peace, as if it was asleep. It wasn't all gone, Arthur had simply purged enough of it out so that it didn't overflow again. It would be back to full bloom in a matter of days.
"Thanks," I said and shifted on my feet, "you're right. I thought it was going to be a lot more..."
"Violent? Invasive?"
I pursed my lips, but nodded. Suddenly feeling like a brat for having so vehemently denied his proposal. "Right."
Arthur chuckled, then reached up and tugged on a strand of hair that had escaped my ponytail. "I understand. Trust doesn't come easily to you."
I frowned and moved my head away when he started rubbing the hairs between his fingers. His smile grew. "Very well, now that you got over your apprehension, I should start working on teaching you how to control your magic."
"Will I be able to?"
"It will be difficult, but it is possible. Let's go." He moved around me toward the doors.
"Go where?" I jogged to catch up with his long legged steps. My ribs groaned. They were simply bruised, thankfully. They'd heal in a few hours.
"Training, we need to be in a relatively empty area. We don't have much time, you need to be in total control of your magic when we go to Europe."
Something nagged at me, I looked at his sharp profile, "did you know I would lose control if I fought Jesse?"
"Hmm... did I?" His smug smile answered my question. The arrogant, manipulative asshole...
I couldn't even bring myself to be mad at him because, manipulation or not, I had lost control.
Out of the training hall, Jesse and a few soldiers waited near the trees. Jesse straightened up. The skin on his forearms was gone, the muscle underneath it exposed. I felt sick to my stomach, and grateful to Arthur for manipulating me into losing control. I wouldn't have truly realized the risk, otherwise.
Arthur stopped beside the group of soldiers and looked at Jesse's arm for a moment, "go get it treated, the rest of you back to practice."
A chorus of "sire" was the response.
I looked at Jesse, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."
He frowned, "There's nothing to be sorry about. We were fighting, fair and square."
The rest of the soldiers appeared from the trees, joining the group already heading inside. Some cast me confused glances, some stared plainly, and a few others looked genuinely afraid.
I sighed. Great. I was now the bogeyman these immortals were afraid of. What an honor.
***
Arthur led me to the lake where I'd trained the junior soldiers before. The water looked gray and murky under the heavily clouded sky, no sign of the sun peeking through anytime soon.
We sat cross legged on the soft ground near the lake, facing each other.
"Can you do that to anyone?" I asked.
"Do what?"
"Take over their mind and use their magic."
"It is difficult. If the person is resisting, using their magic would take a lot of energy, which is not worth it if you are in the middle of a fight."
I blinked at him. That was easy. I hadn't expected a straightforward answer. Arthur smiled, "Trust goes both ways."
Then there was no more playing around. Arthur went inside my mind again. It felt as odd as the first time.
Following someone's mental presence was easier said than done. I had to focus hard in order to pick up on every little detail of Arthur's actions inside my head. How he pulled on the strings of my magic, how he split and directed the flow of energy through my body. At first, it was so difficult, like I was trying to push a truck with my forefinger.
My magic was so wild. I felt like I wasn't built to handle an energy so colossal. After about an hour of trying to divide my magical energy into manageable parts that I could guide and manage, I gave up with a frustrated scream.
"How can I do that!" I fell back on the ground, staring at the gray sky, "it just won't listen, it's like trying to shape water!"
I heard Arthur's deep sigh. "Giving up already?"
"I'm not." I sat up, scowling at him, "just resting."
He scratched his jaw, "you know magic is an entity of its own, right?"
I nodded. Uncle Robert had always said that. And I felt it first hand. Sometimes I even had the feeling I could communicate with my magic.
"Some people might disagree, but I believe it's a sentient being."
I raised my brows, "a sentient being, that's a little..."
"Think of it this way: how does a shapeshifter's magic manifest?"
"Their other form," I replied.
"Correct. Their magical energy manifests first as their animal form. Some of them may have other abilities, like Irene, but the main part of their magic is their animal form. Any shapeshifter will tell you that their animal form is a sentient, independent being. The animal is part of them, but it is also autonomous in a way.
"If shapeshifter's magic is such, why should our magic be any different?"
Hmm... When he put it that way, it kind of made sense.
"Magic, no matter the race, should not be treated as a simple form of energy to be used and restocked," he continued, "the people who understand that are the ones whose magic thrive."
"So, you're saying I should treat it as another being? A sentient being?"
"Yes," he gave a firm nod, his hair glinting blue black under the sun rays that peeked for a second through the clouds. The sun was swallowed up by gray a second later, "The energy is part of you, but it is also conscious. Its main concern is to keep you, its host, safe. Left to its own devices, without your guidance, it will act in what it thinks is your best interest to ensure your safety. Your magic will lash out to protect you when you're helpless, even without your conscious orders. That's why Jesse is now treating a third degree burn that will take a few days to heal."
I winced. A few days was not much, but I felt guilty about it.
"The point is," he continued, "your magic will act according to your orders, but if you don't give it orders, it will act on its own to protect you. Now, the sealing spell may affect the natural order of things for you, but the baseline is the same. You can control your magic, because at the end of the day, you will not do something that harms you."
"Well, all of that will make controlling my magic very easy, if I can actually communicate with my magic, right?"
Arthur kept looking at me.
"I can?" I asked.
"Everyone can. For the rest of us, it's an instinctual thing, we've grown up doing it since our infancy. It must be different for you."
My magic has been smothered since my birth, so I had never learned to deal with it on my own. As I grew up, I felt more of it, but I could not control it. Somehow, the sealing spell had messed up the natural connection I was supposed to have with my magic.
I closed my eyes and focused all my senses inward. I could feel the energy, I could almost touch it. It was the closest I had got to my magic, thanks to Arthur's mental guidance. His presence was still inside my mind, but it was watchful, observant. He wasn't doing anything right now.
To communicate with someone, there has to be a connecting point between the two parties. It makes communication smoother, easier.
I kept the fact that my magic's priority was my safety at the forefront of my mind and reached out to it. I didn't try to shape it or control it, I simply focused on conveying an idea, a feeling of security and peace, conditioned by a bond between the two of us.
After what felt like forever, the magic pulsed inside of me, a sensation of accord and harmony. A feedback. I felt an echo of my magic's "thoughts". It was wild and protective and aware.
All I wanted was to guide the energy, to gently direct its flow, to make it free again. I conveyed all my wishes, pushed out my thoughts towards it.
The energy glowed with understanding. It buzzed through my veins, my heart throbbing with it.
Acting on instinct, I touched my hand to the ground beneath me. The earth felt cool and rough under my hot finger tips. The energy flowed to my fingers like water through a stream, smooth and steady. It was only an idea in my head. Instead of forcing the energy to do as I wished, I simply had to show it and it would react, eager to please.
I opened my eyes and stared down at my fingers. They were glowing a light blue, five tiny flames touching the ground but not spreading anywhere. I grinned.
Thank you. I whispered to my magic, not even aware that Arthur's presence had vanished from my mind at some point. I looked up at him, my smile so wide it hurt my cheeks.
He had a small smile on his face, his lips barely up but his eyes were the warmest I'd ever seen them.
"I did it." I whispered.
He nodded, reached over and flicked my forehead, "I know. It took you long enough."
I stuck my tongue at him, my smile not dimming. Not even his highness was going to ruin my mood. I turned my hand upward, and pictured a ball sized flame. It took a couple of seconds, but the magic flow increased and a blue flame hovered unsteadily on top of my palm.
"Thank you." I told Arthur, not taking my eyes off the flame. Without his help, I wouldn't have been able to find the very first point of mental contact with my magic. I owed him.
My thoughts strayed to uncle Robert. How proud he would've been, how much I wished he was here.
The only other person I was eager to share my small progress with was Irene, and I did just that when we met for dinner that night at Arthur's. All of Arthur's seconds were there, as usual, along with Thomas, who was in charge of dinner. He'd politely chased everyone out of the kitchen and told us to enjoy our evening while he prepared dinner. Even Arthur didn't argue with him.
Kat, Charles and Jesse were sitting under the gazebo, discussing something in low voices while the rest of us stood under the night sky in the backyard. Blue flames hovered on top of us, casting the grass in an unnatural shade.
"Well," Amanda said, looking up at the three swaying flames, "that is quite a progress for one day."
Arthur hummed, and I waved my hand off, it took me two attempts before the flames died down. "It's not as easy as it should be, yet." I said, blowing out a breath. I was already feeling the exhaustion of the day catching up with me. I hadn't stopped practicing since morning.
"It will not take long." Arthur said.
"You should start practicing using your magic in combat." Harvey suggested, his hands tucked into the pockets of his light gray suit. "You're a remarkable fighter, already. If you master your magic, too, you will be untouchable."
"You should probably do that before the trip to Europe." Amanda said.
Harvey chuckled, glancing at Arthur, "Burak will take an unhealthy interest in Elle."
Burak, one of the Five. The one ruling over a large part of asia. I frowned, "why would he have an interest in me?"
Amanda nudged Harvey's side with her elbow, shaking her head, "he's always been competitive with Arthur. Overly so."
"I still don't know what that has to do with me."
Wes strolled out of the backdoor at that moment, headed straight to Arthur, rubbing against his leg.
"You're a fae," Arthur explained as he scratched Wes' head, "you're loyal to me. No fae had ever pledged their loyalty to someone other than the royal family in millenia."
The royal family. Thinking about it made my stomach churn with a sense of impending doom.
I no longer had delusions. Sooner or later, my existence would come to light. The royal family would figure out who and what I truly was. I only wished to meet them on my own terms, when I was ready, and when I was sure who was friend and who was foe. Right now, I was fine with remaining a faceless, nameless fae who'd somehow grown up outside the kingdom.
"That fact alone," Arthur continued, "will make you irresistible to Burak. And since you're also a beautiful female..."
I made a face at him. The grooves on the bottom part of my face were fading, but not fast enough to be completely gone by our trip to Europe. As if guessing the direction of my thoughts, Arthur shook his head.
"The scars only make you more unique, intriguing him further." Arthur watched as Wes edged closer to me, and nudged my hand with his nose until I petted him. "But that matters not, Burak only pushes me so far. He will not dare go overboard with his teasing."
Arthur narrowed his eyes as Wes sat down by my feet, silently watchful.
I kept thinking back to the odd way Wes had acted back in Arthur's office. I'd always had a certain affinity to animals. Uncle Robert used to say that my magic had something to do with it. I believed it was simply because I'd grown up in the woods, surrounded by wildlife. But what if there was more to it than that?
Whatever it was, it didn't matter at the moment. I was actually feeling sort of smug. I had somehow alienated Arthur's own dog against him. And Arthur was clearly affronted by it.
Ah, small victories. They taste so sweet.
"When are you leaving for Europe?" Irene asked.
"In four weeks time." Harvey replied.
I looked at Irene, "you're not coming with us?"
"Nope, I'm staying here with Jesse." she knelt on the ground to roughly pat Wes. He liked it very much.
"Jesse and Irene will hold the fort here," Arthur said. "Meanwhile, we prepare for our own journey in Europe. It will be no vacation."
Over the next couple of weeks, I spent the majority of my time training the junior soldiers in the morning, and practicing my magic with Arthur in the afternoons.
Two weeks after the first time I'd used my magic freely, I was at ease with it. Using it frequently without worry that it would get out of control was liberating. I didn't know how I had lived twenty five years without being able to use my magic at will. Now it was as natural as breathing.
One afternoon, Arthur showed up in our usual spot by the lake with an excited look on his face. He rubbed his hands together. "It's time to start real practice."
I slowly came up to my feet from the boulder I'd been sitting on, eyeing him carefully, "what do you mean?"
"Using your magic while fighting," he explained, crouching into a fighting stance.
I held up my hands, "Whoa. What if I burn you?"
He looked at me for a long moment before he burst out laughing. "what makes you think you will even land a blow."
My eye might have twitched. Asshole. Fine. I wouldn't even feel guilty if he ended up with half his face burned.
Okay, maybe not his face. He was too good looking and it would be a waste to mar all that beauty.
I flexed my hands and let my magic flow forward, following my instincts and what Arthur taught me. I held up both hands in front of me, palms facing each other. A ball of blue fire filled the space between my palms. When I widened the gap between my hands, the ball got larger.
I bounced the fire ball back and forth between my hands as Arthur and I circled each other. He looked so excited, his lips twitched up in an easy smile and his eyes bright.
I sent the ball flying his way without warning. I expected him to dodge out of the way, but he remained in place and simply flicked his hand when the ball was close enough. It flew off to the lake, burned on top of the water surface for a couple seconds before it died down.
Of course, he was telekinetic.
I sent another ball his way, and a slightly smaller one right after he knocked the first one out of the way again. He dodged. The ball hit a tree, scorching its trunk.
Obviously, attacking him directly from a distance wasn't going to work.
I jumped right in. He blocked the punch I aimed at his jaw with ridiculous ease while my kick connected to his side. The force I put behind it should've at least made his ribs crack. He didn't even wince, simply gripped my leg in his hand and flipped me in the air like a doll.
I landed on both my feet thirty feet away from him. Distracting him by another burst of magic, I attacked physically again. My attempts at landing even a scratch were laughable. He was ridiculously fast, and he wasn't even trying.
The fact that he was only defending and not attacking wasn't lost to me.
So, as I launched a series of successive attacks, I let my magic flow down my legs and into the ground. A streak of blue flames erupted in a line straight to Arthur's feet.
He jumped away just in time, and kept leaping out of reach, barely missing the fire that stretched from me to him. He chuckled, clearly enjoying the game. Asshole.
Keeping the line of fire needed more focus and skill than I currently had, so I stopped it suddenly and sent a small ball of fire Arthur's way. Since it was small, it was fast and difficult to spot, so it almost grazed Arthur's jaw. Unfortunately, he leaned out of the way in the nick of time.
"There, you're learning." He said with a wide smile. As much as it galled, he was right. I already had a better feel for what worked and what didn't in a fight, and it had only been a few minutes.
But as much as I liked to hone my skills, I wanted to leave him with a reminder of our fight.
All I had to do was keep trying.