AN: Sorry for the delay! The good news is I'm back in the zone. I've been writing all day and I've even made a little playlist with songs that I think really fit Shelby and Toni which actually helps me keep on task. Anyway, enjoy! Also feel free to recommend some Shelby/Toni songs for my playlist.
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Toni had no idea what Dot gave her but she actually felt better when she woke up on the bathroom floor the next morning. The sharp stomach pains were a little bit muted and the nausea that was constantly swirling in her gut was more intermittent.
She peeled her sweaty body off the bathroom floor but had to grab onto the sink as she was hit with a sudden bout of lightheadedness. The bathroom was pretty much clean but she grabbed the cleaning products from under the sink just in case, gagging at the overwhelming scents of lemon and bleach.
It took her about half an hour to clean the bathroom due to the periodic breaks she had to take when smell of cleaning products and the movement became too much.
She switched the shower on and turned the dial to cold. She was still sweaty and hot so the cold water felt like heaven. She had no idea how long she stayed in the shower, just sitting under the running water and enjoying the feeling of the night being washed off of her.
She suddenly remembered some of the more hazy details of the night, namely, the phone call with Shelby. She pieced the event back together in her mind, relieved to remember that Shelby had not done anything extreme and didn't threaten to call the cops. In amongst the relief, however, there was a flicker of disappointment. Toni dismissed the feeling as quickly as it came, she wasn't going to give up now. The cops couldn't have done anything anyway. The house was spotless and there would have been no cause for a warrant to search for the drugs that were probably sitting in a drawer somewhere. No, there was nothing anyone could have done. And it was over now anyway, all she needed to think about was the presentation.
Fuck! School! Toni leapt out of the shower, stumbling as her head swam at the movement. She reached for her phone. 7:30am. Perfect, she still had time to read over her section and get ready. Not much time, but enough.
Toni dried herself, throughly brushed her teeth, got changed and snuck out of the bathroom, careful not to raise Carol from her substance induced coma.
When she got to her room she closed the door quietly and put her nearly dead phone on charge. She decided to ring Dot to tell her she was okay to go to school.
"Hey," Toni said as Dot picked up, her voice was hoarse from the night before.
"Are you okay?" Dot got straight to the point, not even bothering with greetings.
Toni cleared her throat so her voice came out a bit smoother. "Yeah, I'm okay. Still sick but not too sick to do the presentation."
"Are you going to tell Carol that you're okay to go or pretend you're still too sick and have the school catch her in a lie?"
Toni hadn't even thought of that. Both options were terrible. If she told Carol then she would probably come up with another way to keep her home or fuck it up for her. But if she caught her in a lie that would probably be worse because not only would the school possibly get involved, but she would be humiliated. Toni knew by now that the best way to minimise the abuse was to work with Carol, not against her.
"I think I have to tell her," she whispered.
"Okay, well if you need anything, I'm here, okay?"
Toni thought about that for a minute. Carol was going to be furious when Toni got home and she was not sure she could cope with a beating at whatever else Carol could think up to punish her; especially not while she was still in such a bad way after last night. Toni decided maybe she should ask for help.
"Actually, could I stay the night at yours? Carol is going to be so mad at me tonight."
Toni held her breath for a response.
"Toni..." That didn't sound good. "I can't. My dad is in a really bad way recently. Maybe ask Martha or any of the others, I'm sure they would let you stay over in a heartbeat."
Toni realised right then how selfish she had been over the last few months. She hardly knew what was going on with any of her friends se was so wrapped up in her own shit.
"Fuck Dot. I'm so sorry. I have been a pretty shitty friend haven't I? I promise I am here for you though, just say the word and I'm there if you ever need me, Carol be damned."
"You've got your own stuf-"
"Dot shut up. Nothing is more important than you and Martha and the other girls. That's why I haven't got myself sent across the country."
"Okay. I'm just saying you don't need to carry more than you already are."
Toni gently replied, "Maybe you should look in the mirror."
Dot laughed lightly, "Yeah maybe. I'm handling what I choose to handle. Don't worry about me."
"Did you stop worrying about me when I said that too?"
Dot hesitated. "No."
"Exactly. And when I needed you, you were there. All I'm saying is expect the same from me, alright?"
"Got a heart of gold under all of that bravado and aggression, don't you Shalifoe?" Dot joked.
Toni laughed, "Says you, Campbell."
"I'm gonna come pick you up now, be ready." Toni went to hang up. "Wait! Also, did you take the meds this morning?"
"Oh shit. Thanks I didn't realise I was meant to do that today."
"Well you would have if you had read the note all the way through."
"Right..." Toni scoffed, drawing out the word. "When I'm better we are going to have to have a serious conversation about your handwriting."
"Oh shut up I was in a rush. See you in a few."
Toni hung up and quickly tried to get herself into a semi-presentable state. She still looked awful once she was done, but at least it looked like she had tried to correct that.
She left her room to find Carol asleep in her chair in front of the television. She debated waking her up to tell her that she was going to school. Ultimately, she found almost no benefits to waking her up, only to then give her bad news. Grabbing a pen and paper from her backpack, Toni wrote out a note explaining that she was well enough to go to school and that she hoped Carol has a nice day. Toni cringed at the well-wishes but opted not to redo the note. Who knew, maybe it would help?
She tiptoed barefoot around the house and retrieved a granola bar from the kitchen. The mere sight of food made her stomach turn but she slipped it into her backpack, she would have to eat something before the presentation. She also found the medication that Dot gave her and took them with some water that was sitting on the kitchen table so she wouldn't wake Carol with the running tap.
The water was not water, but vodka. Toni wheezed but managed to keep it down, despite how hard her body tried to reject it.
Toni waited outside for Dot. She scrolled through her recent text messages. There were loads of them. God, she really had been a terrible friend.
There was one message that caught her attention though. She had to reread it to make sure that she had read it right and the poisoning hadn't fucked with her vision. Yep. She read it right. Shelby had replied to her message from before she got sick. Shelby had downloaded and listened to that song with Toni on her mind. Toni felt the corners of her mouth drag up. She was just trying to get a rise out of Shelby, she didn't actually believe anything she was saying. So... Shelby really was trying to accept her feelings and they weren't just spur of the moment admissions off the back of upsetting events.
Toni let herself think about it for a minute. About how she actually felt herself. Beyond all of the meaningless flirting and teasing. The whole fantasy came crashing down just after she realised she really wanted to be more than friends too, because the next thought was: how could they be? The truth was that they couldn't. Shelby had her homophobic asshole parents, and Toni had foster care and Carol. One way or another it would all fall apart, and there probably wouldn't be second chances for either of them.
She sighed and ignored the message. She occupied herself waiting for Dot by calling all of the girls to see if she could spend the night somewhere. Fatin was hanging out with Leah tonight which Toni thought she could just join but apparently it was a girls night. Toni reminded them she was a girl but Fatin just burst out laughing and said she was, quote, "Not the kind of girl that enjoys girls night, trust me."
Toni decided not to push it, she didn't want it to come across as though it was an emergency, even though it kind of was. She called Rachel next but she had a late diving meet and no one was going to be home after school.
She didn't even bother to call and ask Martha because her mum, Bernice, had the kind of eyes that could see into people's souls and she would instantly know that something was wrong with Toni beyond just being sick.
So that left her with Shelby.
It didn't have to be a thing. They were friends and that was all they could be anyway. Toni chose not to call Shelby but to just ask her at school. Worst case scenario, Toni could just suck it up and go back to Carol's after school. Nothing she could do would be as bad as what she had already been through before anyway.
Dot pulled up and waved at Toni out of the window. Toni climbed into the car and flung her backpack in the back. "Hey," she said, gingery putting her seatbelt on.
"You sure you're okay to do this? You're so pale you're practically translucent."
"I'm fine."
Dot let it go and drove off, offering to pull over if Toni really felt unwell.
They made it to the school with no incident. "So where are you staying tonight?" Dot asked, breaking the silence.
"Well hopefully Shelby's." Toni rushed out, hoping Dot wouldn't pick up on her feelings. Which was stupid because just mentioning someone's name didn't mean you had feelings for them.
"Good. I'm glad you two are close now."
"What do you mean?" Toni couldn't stop the words from pouring out. She unbuckled her seatbelt, avoided eye contact and fiddled with the radio in an attempt to seem nonchalant about the whole conversation.
"Just your feud and all the fighting over the last few months. It didn't really seem necessary."
"Yeah I guess," Toni mumbled. "Anyway, thank you for the lift and everything."
"No worries, see you later."
Toni was out of breath by the time she reached the entrance to the school. She felt so sick that somehow every part of her body felt nauseated. She was starting to doubt that she could do this.
"Hey, how are you doing today?" Shelby's voice jerked her out of her thoughts.
The blonde girl looked especially good today, like she had made a special effort for the presentation. Her hair seemed like it had been curled slightly and her makeup appeared a little bit more refined. Her outfit was one that Toni hadn't seen before, probably because it was all quite tight fitted and she imagined her dad would have something to say about that which probably explained why she was wearing large zip-up duffle coat over it.
Toni brought her gaze back up to Shelby's eyes and decided to be honest. "Not great honestly. I'm really sorry if I fuck this up for you."
"Toni, it's gonna be fine. We have all of the information, we studied hard and covered every aspect of the topic. I don't think they will mark us down too much if the actual presentation is not perfect."
Shelby stepped forward and hugged her. Right there on the top step of the school entrance for everyone to see. It took Toni by surprise but she didn't flinch like she usually did. "I hope you're right," Toni mumbled into her neck.
"It will be fine," Shelby repeated and tried to step back. Toni held on though, not quite ready to let her go.
Shelby let her.
Finally Toni stepped away. Their eyes met for a split second that felt like a minute. She smiled awkwardly. "So, what are your plans tonight?"
Shelby toyed with the hem of her shirt. "Why do you ask?"
"I don't want to go back to Carol's tonight and I don't really have any other options." Toni realised what she said and backtracked. "No! not like that. I realise how that sounded, I just know that you aren't that comfortable having me at your house with your parents and stuff."
"You come over all the time, what do you mean?"
"Normally you sneak me in and out, I was thinking of coming over properly." Honestly she wasn't. She didn't know why she even said that, Toni didn't care if she had to be snuck in and out. She didn't correct herself though, she waited to see what Shelby would say.
"It wouldn't be very fun. You would have to stay in the guest bedroom and I know my dad; he wouldn't be able to go minutes without saying something insensitive... like to you and about your, you know, sexuality."
Toni had to laugh. At least it was an improvement from 'sinful lifestyle.'
Shelby blushed and blurted out, "You know what I mean! Maybe It would be better if we played basketball for a bit after school... I guess I would play and you would rest, then we can get dinner out and I'll sneak you in."
"That sounds like a date."
"We would split the bill," Shelby retorted indignantly.
"Well that's very liberal of you," Toni quipped back, unable to resist winding her up.
Toni could see Shelby getting all flustered and aggravated the way she did when she was trying not to say what she actually wanted to say. She decided to jump in before Shelby stomped her foot or something, which it looked like she was gearing up to do. "Okay, let's do that then. I don't mind avoiding conversation with your father for another day."
Shelby took a deep breath and responded, "Great." Toni could physically see Shelby wind back down to her resting state. "Let's prepare for this presentation."
They walked into school together, their arms brushed as they stepped through the narrow doorway. The whole time Toni was thinking how easy it would be to just take Shelby's hand, but she didn't.