Trans Kageyama bc i read @ashxlynsfw 's smut and i'm obsessed
Yachi is part of the poly too here.
They also live together, kinda like they get together in a house kageyama's parents own bc in this fic he's rich😩
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dysmorphia
/dɪsˈmɔːfɪə/
Body dysmorphic disorder is a mental health disorder in which you can't stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance — a flaw that appears minor or can't be seen by others. But you may feel so embarrassed, ashamed and anxious that you may avoid many social situations.
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Kageyama had recently felt something odd about his body. well, except the fact that he's a boy in a girl's body, it still felt like it wasn't right.
He did feel insecure about his chest, yes, but he felt that after all the workout and volleyball practice, his stomach looked...not so skinny. he didn't like it.
Hinata, on the other hand, somehow had a more toned stomach, while his were just soft.
Kageyama's hip curves could be seen too. it made him look too feminine and he didn't like it.
It's not that he doesn't like the idea of girls. He loved Yachi. She at least had much better of a body than he did and she's really pretty.
But Kageyama is a boy. he's supposed to be handsome and strong— like tsukkishima, Daichi, Tanaka, everyone on the team, including Nishinoya and Hinata. they don't have to be tall to be intimidating and strong.
Whenever any of his boyfriends/ girlfriend try to sit closer to him at practice, he would move away slightly as to not let their bodies touch.
At first Yamaguchi was confused, thinking the raven just didn't feel like getting sweat from someone else on him so he let it go for practice.
But then as soon as they were home, the same thing happened.
Normally he'd sit on Tsukkishima's lap on the couch to relax, but this time he sat on the armchair.
Yamaguchi guessed that he's probably uncomfortable wearing the binder for too long, even though everyone keeps telling him to wear a sports bra to practice and take it off at home, but kageyama wasn't one to listen.
He was glad Yachi was there to help Kageyama pick bras his size and comfortable ones, but Kageyama never listens, saying his binder works perfectly fine, even though they all know it doesn't.
In bed, where he usually sleeps with hinata, Kageyama decided to sleep on the couch.
Hinata was confused. he wasn't sick or anything so it was fine if they slept together. Plus, kageyama loved hinata's spooning.
while kageyama was leaving, Hinata held his wrist to stop him but he flinched away.
"s-sorry! i didn't mean to scare you i promi-"
"it's fine" he sighed, making his way out of his room again before hinata's voice stopped him,
"did i do something wrong?"
Kageyama shook his head in disbelief, "you didn't do anything,"
"then why are you avoiding us?"
"it's...nothing. just tired" he ran his hand through his hair, "good night"
"...night" he sighed as kageyama left the room, throwing himself into the bed.
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Kageyama couldn't sleep. every time he tried to close his eyes, he got visions of his disgusting body.
he got up, checking Yamaguchi's and Tsukkishima's room. they were cuddled up to each other, Yamaguchi drooling slightly over Tsukkishima's bare chest.
he went to Yachi's room, maybe she would let him sleep with her? of course she would!
as he opened the door, he found Yachi sleeping at the edge of the bed, almost close to falling. he smiled, helping her back to the middle of the bed and laid on the other end of the bed, next to her.
he tried to relax slightly but tensed when Yachi unconsciously draped an arm over his chest.
his face reddened, in both embarrassment and awkwardness.
it's not that they never cuddled before, but her arm on his chest made him slightly uncomfortable considering the situation he was currently in.
he slowly slid out of her grasp, deciding to go to his and Hinata's room next.
he bit his lip in anxiousness. Hinata laid on his back, an arm resting on his chest while the other was stretched to Kageyama's side of the bed. usually kageyama would lay next to him and lay his head on his outstretched arm.
he wanted to sleep next to him, cuddle him as hinata told him everything was okay, praising him. but his mind said not to. to avoid physical contact as much a possible.
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"Tobio, you okay?" Kageyama wasn't too focused on who was asking or what to reply with, he was too deep into his thoughts. he barely slept last night and he felt a little nauseous.
"your—-look a little heavy—-you sure—-okay?"
Heavy.
his heart dropped.
he looked heavy. he did. he felt heavy. and it was scary—terrifying even —hearing it from one of his boyfriends.
it took him everything not to breakdown right then and there.
He got up, trying to walk off quickly to his room before anyone else said anything as he saw Yachi walk out of the bathroom and looked at him concerned.
"Tobio-" Kageyama shut his door, not wanting to talk. he slid back onto the door and buried his face in his arms.
He's ugly, fat, disgusting, a women. his thighs, the only thing he liked about himself and Hinata absolutely adored, disgusted him.
Negative thoughts started running through his mind as he sobbed quietly.
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Yachi made her way downstairs where her boyfriends all sat in the living room uneasy.
"what happened?"
"i..dont know? yesterday Tobio said he wanted to sleep on the couch, and so he did. but when i saw him his eyes looked a little heavy, like he didn't sleep well or something and i told him about it and he just got up without a word" Hinata rambled, worried about the raven.
"he did seem off these last couple of days" Yamaguchi commented
"what do you mean?"
"he's just been...more distant? the last time i tried to hug him he dodged me."
"yeah, he also flinched away when i held his wrist" Hinata added.
the four sat in silence, thinking of a way to help the situation.
"kei!" Yachi says, as an idea popped into her head. and it seemed like yamaguchi got what she was thinking about.
"Kei, you talk to him. he takes your word better than any of us here" Yamaguchi stated, and Kei shook his head.
"there's no way. do i look like someone who can comfort a person to you??"
"dont— well, not really comforting, just say what's on your mind about what's happening!" Yachi tried to change the words, but Tsukkishima didn't seem fazed.
"please, kei? for Tobio?" Hinata pleaded, cupping his cheeks.
Tsukkishima sighed, nodding, "fine"
they all smiled in satisfaction as tsukkishima got up and made his way to the raven and ginger's room.
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Kageyama heard a knock on the door and ignored it, too busy to calm himself down from the tears that wouldn't stop coming.
but another knock was heard, then it kept on going, non-stop until kageyama gave up and opened the door.
he'd have to talk to them about it eventually.
When he opened the door he was surprised to see tsukkishima. he'd expected yamaguchi or yachi because they're normally the ones to talk someone out of a problem.
"hey" he smiled, and kageyama just stared back at him, his eyes glossy from the previous tears and cheeks red.
Tsukkishima sighed, reaching a hand for him before kageyama stepped back.
right...
"can i touch you?"
Kageyama froze.
oh.
Tsukkishima never — actually, his partners never asks if they could touch him. he was okay with their touchy side, cuddling him on their bad days. in fact, Kageyama was mostly the touchy one.
Kageyama hesitantly nodded, slowly making his way over to Tsukkishima.
Tsukkishima quickly pulled him into his embrace, taking a deep breath, smelling the raven's comforting smell, as he sighed.
he kissed the setter's neck softy, his fingers rubbing over Kageyama's knuckles as he smiled.
"how are you feeling?"
"good" he hummed, his body leaning into the touch.
though his mind refused at first, Tsukkishima's warmth helped ease it a bit.
"you look amazing in that, by the way" Tsukkishima said, noticing the white skirt Kageyama was wearing. it reached right above his knees so it wasn't short nor was it tall.
it was when he first started crossdressing that Tsukkishima liked it specifically. it was simple yet attractive. it bought out the milky color of the raven's slim and toned thighs, fitting him around his little waist perfectly.
"thank you" he whispered softly, a small smile curling onto his lips.
"do you want to talk about it?"
Kageyama nodded.
he wanted to tell them. they'd help. they always help.
"do you want to go back with the others? let them know about it too?"
Kageyama nodded again, and Tsukkishima opened the door as he lead them both to the living room.
Hinata's eyes lit up as he saw kageyama leave the room, with Tsukkishima leading the way.
he ran up to him for a hug to which he stopped midway realizing the situation.
"it's...fine." Kageyama whispered. his mind screamed no. but he couldn't help but want that same warmth again. and when hinata finally hugged him, his tense muscles relaxed a bit.
he slowly wrapped his arms around the ginger too and buried his face into his neck.
"i missed you" he said softly, making hinata smile.
"i missed you too"
he didn't really know why he missed him. they saw each other every day and talked as usual, maybe because he left hinata touch deprived, or maybe because he just simply though he didn't spend much time with him. either way, he truly missed him. everything about him.
"okay okay we get ittt" Yamaguchi whined, already kageyama-deprived, "let's sit down and talk about it. Tobio, my lap this time!"
Kageyama blushed and nodded as they sat back on the couch, kageyama sitting on Yamaguchi's lap as he was told.
"take your time" Yachi said, brushing her fingers through his silky hair.
Kageyama took a deep breath, before he started talking.
he told them all about it. about how he slowly noticed the change in his body, how he didn't like it, how he felt disgusted by it, and how he knew his partners would hate him once they notice it too.
they all looked at him bewildered. as if what he said was incredibly out of the ordinary.
how could he even think that about himself?
"...did we make you feel this way?" Yamaguchi asked in slight concern, rubbing the raven's hips gently.
Kageyama shook his head, "no one...just realized it a few days ago" he hid his face in his arm in embarrassment.
"i'm sorry. i didn't mean to talk that much...i just wanted to te-"
"you're not talking to much! this is good! you're opening up to us, i'm glad" Yamaguchi took his arms off his face and gave him a comforting smile.
"yeah. i'm grateful you told us about that." Yachi grinned.
"you're...not fat, you know that, right? no one's 'fat,' it's just something society normalized because people are judge-y. they'll always be that way" Tsukkishima commented.
"...i like your feminine side. you're really pretty. not just from the outside." Hinata looks at him, eyes serious and genuine.
"thanks...shoyo..." Kageyama wiped the tears he didn't know where forming in the corner of his eyes, then buried his face back in Yamaguchi's shoulder, "i love you..."
Yamaguchi beamed and squeezed him in his arms, "we love you too"
"you all had a turn!! now it's my turn with Tobio" Yachi mewled, making them all fall onto a fit of giggles.
kageyama willingly reached out to her as they leaned onto the side of the couch and cuddled up to each other.
she smiled brightly from ear to ear and kissed his forehead, enjoying their little moment before hinata jumped onto them, whining a 'not fair' as the others fought back, defending with their usual excuse to them 'sharing a bed every night'
Kageyama sighed, struggling to get out of the pile of limbs that are his lovers and gave up, resting back to where he was, in the middle.
yeah.
they can definitely help.
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i haven't proof read so i'm sorry if there were spelling/grammar mistakes but i hope you enjoyed this lmfao thanks for taking the time to read it 😫