For the following two weeks, Hizashi and Shouta kept a closer eye on Katsuki since he shared a few too many alarming thoughts describing his self-worth that they needed to look out for. They checked into his room more often, and they tried to get him to go out with them as much as they could. The only time Katsuki looked even close to being happy was when he was mesmerized by Kuro, the little black cat he found on the streets the other day. Other times he just had a straight face, barely showing any emotion other than occasional frustration.
He was more willing to spend time with them, though. He helped to prepare meals, and he would slowly start eating with them almost every day. He was mostly moving around with Hitoshi, always appearing a little lost, a little too far inside his thoughts. The two boys grew quite close, and Katsuki was trying to get along with Shouta and Hizashi as well. He just did not know how.
He was still looking for boundaries and rules to guide him on how to act. The adults tried to assure him he couldn't do anything wrong, but what they offered was a whole another world for Katsuki. He grew up in a home that was like a battlefield, of course he did not know what to do when an adult showed affection towards him. It wasn't his fault. They told him that every day.
They told him how precious he was and that he was doing great, and that they loved him every single day, and Katsuki couldn't react. He stared at them longingly after each time they repeated it, but he never expressed a word to let them know what went down in his brain. Sometimes he would rub the back of his head and either hide behind Hitoshi or run away.
The grief his parents left behind surely took a toll on him. The more he accepted nothing will ever be the same, the more depressed he became. He would often zone out and start rubbing his left collar, where most of his scars were. They knew it meant he was wrapped up in a memory, and they would try to distract him every time. Katsuki never wanted to talk about it, but he seemed to find peace around them without having to say a word.
It was common between victims of abuse and trauma to either become prone to hurting others or themselves for numerous reasons. Hitoshi had been through it when he was younger. It was terrible to witness, and both Hizashi and Shouta would carry that phase within their memories forever. That was when Hitoshi first went to therapy. He didn't 'click' with the first therapist they found, but thankfully he liked the second one. He was offered alternatives to deal with the feelings he didn't know how to handle, and after a few months, he got better. Not perfectly fine, but better. And that was enough. Hitoshi never hurt anyone other than himself, but Katsuki was another case.
Katsuki was willing to injure other kids, but most of the time he had nobody to reflect his feelings on other than himself. He started small; rubbing his skin a bit too hard, digging his nails into it until they left temporary marks, cutting his fingers when helping around the kitchen a bit too often, and clearly not caring about it. They were all signs, subconscious or not, they were nothing to ignore. They made the mistake of not stepping in soon enough with Hitoshi, and they wouldn't make the same mistake again.
The ultimate dealbreaker was when Hizashi saw Katsuki throw his head against the top of his desk and pull his hair anxiously only because he didn't know an answer for his English homework and refused to ask for help. On the following weekend, Hizashi took Katsuki for a ride while Shouta and Hitoshi were out practicing.
"So where are we going exactly?" Katsuki asked from the passenger seat, already suspicious. He was sharp to say the least, but most of the time he was just low-key paranoid.
"There's someone I'd like you to meet." Hizashi said with a gentle smile, even though he was nervous as hell, knowing just how terrible Katsuki was with strangers, especially if they were adults. He couldn't tell him straight he was taking him to a therapist, knowing Katsuki would most likely have an unpleasant reaction. Hizashi and Shouta decided to give a friendly approach to the subject and put it in a way that wouldn't sound so scary.
"Why?" Asked his son, folding his arms across his chest. Defensive.
"I just thought talking to her would do some good. Shou agreed." Hizashi explained as he parked in front of the building. From the outside, it was just an ordinary construction, not giving many clues to Katsuki, who went silent as they walked inside.
There were not many people inside; the receptionist greeted them and when Hizashi told him who they came to see, they were directed towards a separate corridor. There was only one other teenager sitting in an armchair a few steps behind them. A glass door was separating them and the boy looked sorrowful, sitting there all alone. Black locks of hair were covering most of his face, barely letting his red eyes pop as his head was hanging between his shoulders.
If Hizashi were alone, he would've surely gone there to check up on that kid, but for the time being, he had his own to worry about. Katsuki was completely silent ever since they entered the building, and as they were standing at the corridor, he was turning towards him and his body was rigid with tension. He was staring only and exclusively at Hizashi's side, where he was hiding, ignoring the rest of the world, pretending if he didn't see it, it wasn't there.
Hizashi placed a hand on his shoulder before speaking: "It's okay. This is a safe place. We only came here to talk to Ms. Kugisaki."
Katsuki didn't reply or move. The door of an office opened and the tall woman in a sleek suit stepped outside. She had her white, curly hair pulled up in a stylish low bun. Her youthful eyes were shining with kindness and the gentle wrinkles on her cheeks pulled as her mouth formed into a soft smile.
"Oh, there you are," She greeted them politely on a smooth tone.
"Hello, Ms. Kugisaki. How have you been?" Hizashi felt a wave of relief washing through him, knowing he was talking to a professional; she would know what to do about the boy who shrunk into himself further in hope to be ignored.
"I've been doing just fine. How about you?" She answered, her eyes slowly traveling down to the boy at his side.
"Same goes for me. This is Katsuki." Hizashi spoke, giving Katsuki's shoulder a gentle squeeze, urging him to turn and take a glance at the woman, but he still refused to speak up.
"Hello, Katsuki. I'm pleased to meet you. Would you come in to my office, so we could talk a little?" Ms. Kugisaki asked kindly.
"Go on, she won't bite you." Hizashi added in encouragement and Katsuki snapped his head up to look at him, and he found his voice again:
"You're not coming?"
"No, I—"
Hizashi was surprised to say the least when betrayal and anger flashed through his son's face, then he swatted him away roughly.
"Fucking go then." Katsuki spat with newfound fury as he stepped aside, turning his head low and locking his arms across his chest.
Hizashi shared a look with Ms. Kugisaki before stepping closer to Katsuki, saying: "I'm not going anywhere, I'll just—"
"I don't care! You're not my fucking dad anyway, you don't gotta explain shit! Not like I believed your s-stupid fucking promises—" Katsuki's voice was trembling and soon enough a soft hiccup left him, making Hizashi realize he was hiding his face because he was crying.
He crouched down and embraced Katsuki tightly, not letting him loose when he wanted to push him away.
"Katsuki, we are here because I noticed you've been feeling down lately and—"
"And I'm not fucking—" The boy's yelling was interrupted by wet hiccups as his sobs turned hysterical. "W-welcome to stay anymore! I f-fucking get— it! Fuck you! Not like I ever even liked you—"
"Katsuki." Hizashi raised his voice barely enough to silence the child in his arms. "Listen to me. I am not leaving you behind. I am not sending you away. We are going home together." He spoke in short and simple sentences. Holding Katsuki's shaking body close to himself as the boy sobbed.
"I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you. All I ask is that you step into that room with Ms. Kugisaki and talk to her. I'm going to be waiting for you right here." Hizashi continued, and he glanced up at Ms. Kugisaki, who seemingly already started analyzing the scene in front of her. She must have found it to be an interesting detail that Katsuki was crying because he didn't want to be separated from Hizashi, yet he was embracing himself instead of hugging Hizashi back.
"I don't wanna go in there and I don't wanna talk to her. I don't— I don't wanna go in there with her." Katsuki sobbed, and he buried his face into the crook of Hizashi's neck.
"She's harmless, and I'll be right here when you come back." Hizashi tried again, a bit softer this time as Katsuki's fury was replaced by sorrow.
"You won't be here." Katsuki sobbed quietly, almost only to himself. Hizashi's heart had been broken a thousand times before, and that day wasn't an exception either.
That was the moment he realized Katsuki indeed had grown attached to them, but he couldn't trust them. Attachment without trust only caused pain on the long run, especially for a child with abandonment issues. He no longer just expected to be left behind, he feared it.
Hizashi felt a touch on his shoulder, and Ms. Kugisaki gave him an understanding look before saying: "Why don't you come back some other time?"
It meant she judged Katsuki wasn't ready to go through a session. Hizashi wanted Katsuki to go in, but he didn't seem to want to stop crying anytime soon, so he gave in and let it go.
"I'm sorry..." He apologized to her.
"It's okay. It happens more often than you'd think. Give me a call around three in the afternoon." Ms. Kugisaki offered.
"Thank you, I will." Hizashi said before giving a gentle stroke to his son's hair, who quietened down a bit, merging into his arms, still not hugging him back. "Baby, how about we go get some air? Just you and me."
Katsuki nodded as soon as it was confirmed only the two of them would go, and Hizashi stood up slowly, said bye to Ms. Kugisaki and he led his weeping son out of the building. They didn't get many looks as it was a place where crying patients weren't an unusual sight. Hizashi was keeping an arm around Katsuki's shoulder as they walked to the car. The November breeze blew through them, making Katsuki shiver against his side.
Katsuki was trying his best to wipe away his tears and the only sound he made were a few sniffs. Hizashi opened the car door for him and helped him sit at the passenger seat. He buckled Katsuki's belt for him as they shared a few quiet moments, allowing Katsuki to calm down just a bit. Hizashi stayed by his side for a while, occasionally rubbing his shoulder as his son struggled to stop shaking. Once the tears stopped, Hizashi sat into the car as well and before turning on the engine, he broke the silence:
"I was never going to leave you here." He said and Katsuki's lips pressed into a thin line as he bit the inside of his cheeks, not lifting his head, fixating his eyes on his lap. "Are you mad at me?" Hizashi asked after a beat of silence.
Katsuki shook his head, looking gruesome as ever. He was certainly in a worse mood than before Hizashi took him there. That's just how all his plans had been backfiring lately. Another day, another failure.
"I didn't mean... what I said." Katsuki whispered in a stained voice.
Hizashi gave his head a gentle pat, saying: "It's alright. Don't worry about it. What do you say we grab something to eat?"
"I didn't mean to cause a scene." Katsuki whispered, even more quietly than before. For a change, he stuck with the matter that needed to be discussed instead of jumping on the opportunity Hitoshi granted to change the subject.
"Baby, it's alright. I'm not mad at you, but please understand that I will not leave you anywhere, okay?" Hizashi paused for a moment. "Do you believe me?" He asked and Katsuki nodded hesitantly.
"Thank you." Hizashi said, and he reached out to pet Katsuki's head again. "How about we grab something to eat?"
Katsuki just shrugged, and he kept staring at his lap. Hizashi started the car, and they were on their way. The ride was quiet until Hizashi turned the radio on and hummed along with the light jazz that filled the car, hoping to ease the mood. Hizashi had to choose a restaurant alone because Katsuki refused to help. He was utterly quiet as he either stared at his hands, fidgeting with the zipper of his coat, or staring out the window with tear-filled eyes.
Making it obvious he did not believe Hizashi when he promised he wouldn't leave him behind, Katsuki went into the restaurant with him and stayed close by his side as they waited in line, being completely silent, grasping his hands anxiously. Hizashi placed a hand onto his shoulder and leaned in a bit to tell him: "Baby, I told you it's okay."
Katsuki went rigid under his touch. Hizashi got the hint and took his hand off of him, knowing they were back to the no-touch-zone. Katsuki lifted his gaze and looked at him with what Hizashi guessed was anger, then he croaked:
"You're doing it again."
"What do you mean?" Hizashi asked.
"You're being kind, and you're giving me shit when I..." Katsuki lowered his gaze again and whispered the last part. "... hurt you."
"Okay, um," Hizashi was interrupted by having to take their order. He quickly took it and thanked it, then he stepped back to Katsuki and led him outside to a quiet part of the street. He lowered himself in front of Katsuki, allowing himself to look into the boy's eyes, then he started:
"Your reaction was understandable. I don't blame you for it, and I'm not mad at you for it. I know you're uncertain about many things, and you don't really trust me yet. You reacted the way you did because of all the feelings inside you, and I want you to know that each and every one of them are valid, and they matter."
Katsuki just stared at him with a scowl.
"These feelings..." Hizashi continued. "You might not prefer to share with us, but you could talk to Ms. Kugisaki about them. She could help you understand them and make you feel better."
"I don't want to talk to her." Katsuki rasped out, looking less angry than before.
"Why?" Hizashi asked.
"'Cause I don't. I'm fine. I don't need help." Katsuki said, avoiding eye contact.
"Okay, I... I would still like you to talk to her. Not right now, but sometime when you feel ready." Hizashi offered.
"I don't need to talk to her. There's nothing I wanna say." Katsuki replied.
"Yes, I know. But could you just think about it? For me? I'm just worried about you." Hizashi was low-key begging at that point.
"I don't need you to worry about me." Katsuki grumbled and Hizashi's face fell before he could hide his disappointment, which urged Katsuki to change his mind. "Fine. I'll think about it if you want it so badly."
"Thank you, Katsuki." Hizashi said with a warm smile.
When they got back home, Shouta stepped out to the end of the corridor to greet them. Katsuki noticed him after he put his shoes aside, and the clearest realization that Hitoshi was home as well was technically written on his face.
"You're early." Shouta murmured, already creating scenarios in his head, and Hizashi was certain his face said it all. He started walking closer to his husband as he glanced at Katsuki and answered his unvoiced question: "Hitoshi just went upstairs to take a nap."
With that, Katsuki took his path up the stairs with enough rapidity to nearly trip on the top step.
"That bad?" Shouta muttered as Hizashi crashed into his arms and let out a breath he had been holding for way too long.
"That bad." He answered.
The following week, after his morning show at the radio station, Hizashi bought Katsuki a full set of mountain climbing gear as a last effort to make him happy. He and Shouta explained to him about a hundred times that they weren't kicking him out in a twisted way, and they expected him to come back. After the fifth round of trying to convince him, Katsuki seemed to believe them and he asked if he could go out that day.
Hizashi and Shouta were hopeful. Even though Katsuki didn't appear too excited, — as if they even knew what he looked like when he was excited — he was willing to do something that he used to enjoy before they met. It was an effort to grant him some familiarity from the previous phase in his life that wasn't harmful, and Katsuki welcomed it. He changed in no time, packed the new backpack Hizashi brought, — not taking his old clothes that were still in his blue school bag in the corner as Katsuki kept the scenario where they would send him away anytime, open — and he was ready to go.
Hizashi saw him out and after Katsuki laced his shoes, Hizashi asked him to stay just for one more moment. He crouched down and looked up at his son before starting:
"Once again, we are waiting for you to come back before eight. If anything happens, don't hesitate to call us." Hizashi spoke softly and gave Katsuki a sticky note with three phone numbers on it. "In case you didn't save our numbers back when I asked you to because you didn't think you would need them." Hizashi added, watching Katsuki cast his eyes downward as he took the note.
"I don't want to come off too worried, but if you don't come back by eight and don't call or text to let us know you're okay, I'm going to have a police precinct comb the mountains for you."
"Don't you think that's a bit of an overkill?" Katsuki asked, staring at the paper in his hands, probably realizing that he sold himself out by taking it, making it obvious he didn't save the numbers when Hizashi asked him to for the first time.
"It might be, but that doesn't mean I won't make it happen." Hizashi answered with a wink and a sly grin that froze over his face as the boy closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around his shoulders.
Katsuki just hugged him. Willingly, without hesitation or pushing. Katsuki just hugged him for the first time.
Hizashi could feel the small hands of his son grasp the fabric of his sweatshirt as he rested his head in the crook of his neck, and he was certain he just got a heart attack and was brought back to life in a second. Hizashi embraced Katsuki as he could hear the thuds of a pair of feet closing in on them.
Katsuki let him go a second later and as Hizashi looked to the side, he saw him hug Shouta, too, who looked as surprised as Hizashi felt, then he gave a head pat to Katsuki. At the next moment, Katsuki wordlessly hurried out the door.
Hizashi stood up and skipped to his husband with a loving smile before speaking up: "Guess he likes it, after all."
Shouta leaned in for a kiss and put a hand onto Hizashi's waist, pulling him closer. Hizashi smiled into it and wrapped his arms around Shouta's shoulders, deepening the kiss they shared. They didn't tear apart until Hitoshi's yell made them chuckle.
"Katsuki, don't forget to bring me a rock!"
"He already left!" Hizashi yelled back as their youngest son stepped out to the other end of the corridor.
"Ugh, I'll just text him then." Hitoshi mumbled and pulled his phone out of his pocket.
"He has your number?" Shouta asked, pulling away from Hizashi in mere shock.
"Of course. We talk all the time." Hitoshi replied. Oblivious to how much that meant.
"Damn, he really is his favorite." Shouta mumbled to Hizashi.
"At least he has one." Hizashi replied, planting a peck onto Shouta's forehead.
Fallen leaves and branches cracked underneath Katsuki's boots as he walked through the timber on his way up to the mountains. The air was cold and fresh. A light breeze occasionally rustled the trees and bushes that already changed their colors to all shades of orange and brown. The sound of the earth breathing echoed through the forest along with the singing of the birds that were yet to leave for winter.
The sunbeams lingered upon the edge of the mountain, painting it to a richer, warm tone by the time Katsuki was halfway up. He walked closer to the edge and took a look at the city laying by the rim of the forest. He took a deep breath and sat down a bit further from the end and decided to watch the sunset from that spot, knowing he had no time to make it to the top if he wanted to get back by eight.
Katsuki took a minute to just breathe and feel the sun on his skin while he watched the creamy mixture of colors swirling upon the horizon.
He checked the time on his phone to notice he had already gotten a few texts before saving the numbers he was given. He added names to the numbers of the adults, to clear up who sent what.
From: Eyebags 3:57PM
bring me a rock
From: Hizashi 5:21PM
Are you ok?
From: Shouta 5:30PM
Is pizza ok for dinner?
From: Eyebags 6:04PM
they think you died text at least one of them back
Katsuki puffed before texting Hitoshi to get off his back and sending two short answers to the adults that felt far more awkward than it should have.
He arrived back to the house at half past seven, and even though he knew they expected him to go back, he hesitated to try to open the door. His fingers ghosted over the door handle for a moment before he pushed it down and the lock clicked, letting the front door open. Katsuki let his doubts at the doorstep as he got inside and kicked off his shoes.
"Hey, Small Fry." Shouta greeted him as he walked down the stairs. He stepped closer to him and gave him a head pat before asking way too many questions: "How was it? Did you see something nice? How far did you end up going?"
"I, uh, I watched... the sunset... ?" Katsuki struggled to work up a normal answer. He wasn't prepared to have someone show interest in him whatsoever. "It was nice."
"I'm glad. Pizza's gonna be here in a few. Go wash up and change, then we can talk about your trip a bit more if you want to." Shouta said, and Katsuki nodded in agreement before heading upstairs. He barely had time to slide his backpack and coat off his shoulders before Hitoshi walked into his room.
"Did you bring me a rock?"
"Three, actually." Katsuki grunted and he took the rocks out of the front pocket of his backpack, then he handed them to Hitoshi, who ran to him to get them.
"Thank you!" Hitoshi cheered while checking them out. "Wow, this one's shiny!" He gasped enthusiastically.
Katsuki took his sweater off as well and folded it to pass the time, waiting for Hitoshi to leave while he was changing, not wanting to have an audience. Hitoshi had other plans in mind as he placed the rocks on the desk, then he sat down on his bed. Not showing his disapproval, Katsuki walked to his wardrobe to choose a change of clothes as Hitoshi spoke up:
"So how was the..."
Hitoshi trailed off as he glanced the blue school bag in the corner next to the closet. Fully packed. Katsuki was sleeping with it a few weeks ago when he wanted to leave.
Had it been there ever since?
With no further hesitation, Hitoshi walked there while Katsuki was hiding in the wardrobe. He was a shy dresser and Hitoshi would turn away every time they were dressing in the same room, letting Katsuki have some space. Unzipping the bag, he found a bunch of clothes inside, folded neatly, untouched. He pulled out the first T-shirt he could find — it had a white skull on the chest, giving off the opposite vibe as Hitoshi's cat tops — then he tossed it at Katsuki, who barely caught it.
"Put this one on. It suits you." Hitoshi said as he pushed Katsuki out of the wardrobe and started putting his clothes onto the shelves.
"What are you doing?" Katsuki grunted, staring at the T-shirt in his hands for a bit, then at the clothes Hitoshi was packing put of his bag.
"Putting your stuff to place. It's not like you're going anywhere." Hitoshi answered, and he could feel Katsuki's eyes on him for a few way too long moments before he stepped aside to change.
He was quiet. Awfully quiet. He always had something to say when the two of them were alone, but Hitoshi barely could hear him move around behind him. After emptying the bag, he dropped it to the floor and turned to glance at his brother. Katsuki was wearing the skull T-shirt, staring down at it, lightly grasping the fabric at the bottom.
"Hey," Hitoshi whispered, and it took Katsuki a long moment to drag his gaze away from his top and find Hitoshi instead. He looked pained. "Are you mad at me?"
"No." Katsuki rasped out. "It's fine."
"Because you're not going anywhere." Hitoshi added. Katsuki looked to the side and rubbed the back of his head. "Say it."
Katsuki opened his mouth only to close it back and bite down his lips. Hitoshi walked closer and tugged his fist off his shirt to hold it and led Katsuki out of the room.
"Kuro has been crying after you." Hitoshi changed the subject as they headed down the stairs. As soon as they got closer to their parents, Katsuki slipped his hand out of his hold, but he stayed close enough to make up for it.
"Obviously." Katsuki grumbled.
When the pizzas arrived, they settled in the living room for a change to watch a movie Hitoshi choose. Katsuki agreed to stay, but he chose to sit in an armchair instead of the couch where the rest of the family was sitting.
Katsuki glanced over at Shouta and Hitoshi. The latter was sheltered in the adult's arms. They were leaning on each other, both sleeping peacefully. Shima somehow managed to sprawl across Shouta's lap, too. They werent even halfway through the movie. Katsuki's eyes drifted to Hizashi, who glanced back at him and gave a blissful smile that hid no lie beneath it.
Katsuki didn't return the smile, he just looked away, back to the TV while he petted Kuro at his chest.
"There's still room here, you know." Hizashi spoke softly, not to wake the sleeping ones.
Katsuki turned to him again and after a bit of hesitation, he stood up and walked there to sit at the edge of the couch next to the adult. He was holding Kuro a bit tighter, and he drew his legs up to his rib cage before Hizashi draped his blanket over him, too. Katsuki let the tenseness in his muscles fade as he reminded himself that this was okay, and he had nothing to fear. He had to repeat it in his head a few times before he became comfortable with the fact his body was connecting with Hizashi's side.
He relaxed into his seat after a few more moments, and soon enough his eyes became heavy once more. A soft, warm hand started tracing circles into his skull until Katsuki was nuzzled into Hizashi's side, blinking slowly, taking deep, calm breaths.
He lazily glanced over to the people next to him one last time before closing his eyes and rested his head against Hizashi's side. At that moment, right before he drifted off to sleep, Katsuki noticed how peaceful it was to be there, to be around those people. At that moment, he wasn't waiting for anyone to come for him. He didn't want to go anywhere. At that moment, he felt safe.
It was something Katsuki thought he could get used to. He wondered if that was what home supposed to feel like, and if it was... maybe one day he could find home there.
Maybe he already had.
From this point on the series will continue with shorter stories. I'm glad you all liked my story