Next chapter! Enjoy this chapter, much love, and happy readings!
"Meredith?" Amelia said while knocking on her bedroom door. Nothing. It had been another week since they had found Meredith in the parking lot. She was just getting worse and worse. She couldn't comprehend anything and she had a lot of flu-like symptoms. She hadn't left any surgery's mid-operation but the second she would scrub out she would race to an on-call room.
Flashback
Meredith had just finished scrubbing in a heart liver transplant with Maggie, a heart liver transplant! That is an amazing surgery. She hadn't left in the middle but she could feel her mind-twisting. The second she got in the scrub room she scrubbed quickly, rough. Her hand was scrubbed raw and it broke out into a bleed. She was shaking her head rapidly every couple of minutes and Maggie was just watching in concern.
The second she was done she had made the same path as before and rushed to an on-call room. This time making sure it was empty and didn't contain her sister. There she finally broke down. Lightly smacking her head with her palm while pacing back and forth, left foot, right foot, left foot, turn. Repeating that over and over.
The room was shaking, it was turning upside down and spinning. Like she was in a funhouse at the carnival. Just not as fun. It was dreadful. She let out a light whimper while gripping the upper bunk of the bed and smacking it as hard as possible, feeling a slight sting in her fingertips.
"Meredith? Meredith, what are you doing?" Maggie said concerned after she had followed her sister into the on-call room. She wasn't planning to go inside but when she heard a loud whimper followed by the sound of a bed hitting against the wall she got worried. Meredith took a step back at the sound of her voice and her breathing only quickened more.
"There's- something is going on in my brain, Maggie. P- please! I need- I need out- I can't... I can't.." she stumbled backward and her butt came in contact with a small wooden table. She jumped up and stepped away like she was scared of everything. He backed up to a wall with her hand behind her, leaning on it immensely, her other hand scratching at her chest as her breathing felt constricted.
"Okay.. okay I'm here Meredith, what do you need??" Maggie panicked while stepping forward. She gripped her shoulder and Meredith flinched, but Maggie only gripped harder. Her skin was sticky like she was sweating. And Meredith could feel her heart beating in her chest. Faster and faster.
"I- I need... I need out." She skittered. She was crying deeply now, her eyes were wide and bouncing around the room. She felt Maggie push her to the floor and sit next to her. Meredith leaned into her shoulder deeply while Maggie stroked her hair. She squeezed her eyes and opened them. Nothing. She repeated that at least 5 times before she opened them and the world wasn't shaking. She blinked a few times, her eyesight was blurry, almost fuzzed over. Her breathing calmed all the way, and now when she realized she was out of it she broke down into sobs, tears coming out like fire hydrants, silent tears but you could hear her sniffle slightly as her face was forced into the nook of her sister's neck.
"Thank you." She whispered into her sister's neck. Maggie just silenced her and twirled her hair in her fingers. She never expected to be sitting on the floor hugging her sister but she was and she was confused, to say. But happy to help.
"You're okay?" She questioned as Meredith pulled away and looked up at her.
"I- I- I don't know.." she whispered. Maggie nodded. Rubbing her shoulder, giving her time to think.
"I think- I think something is wrong, Maggie." She whispered. Her eyes were still shaking almost, her pupils rapidly moving around the room and shaking back and forth.
"Okay.. do you want to do something? MRI? We can run some blood work?" Maggie questioned. She had a quizzical look on her face as she stared at her sister intently. She could agree, it seemed as if something was wrong.
"I- okay. Yeah..." she responded while taking one last deep breath. The two sisters stood up in one motion, Meredith slightly dependent on Maggie. Her hair was a mess and her eyes were bloodshot, she could guarantee it. Meredith smoothed over her hair and rubbed her eyes.
"Okay.. let's go," Maggie whispered while opening the door.
End flashback
"Meredith, we're gonna be.. late." She sighed while opening the door fully. Meredith was still sound asleep in bed, not waking up from the continuous beep of her alarm. She sighed while walking into the room and to Meredith's side.
"Meredith, wake up. We have a conference with Bailey today, remember?" Amelia said calmly. Meredith groaned and opened her eyes slowly. Not even responding to Amelia as she got out of bed.
"Right." She said quietly at least two minutes later while walking into her bathroom to get ready, which she did quickly, throwing her hair in a loose pony and putting on barely any makeup. She hated makeup. Butting on a blouse and matching pants, she looked nice but the only thing off was her rapidly shaking irises. They never stopped moving. You didn't have to look very hard to see the agitation in her eyes.
"Let's go. The big day right? Boring day but important nonetheless." She smiled while helping her out of the room. The kids were already in the car with Maggie and there was already a coffee ready for Meredith on the table. Meredith nodded while grabbing the coffee off the table and walking to the front door, gathering her things. She let out a deep cough as the cool air come in contact with her throat, quickly putting on a fake smile for her kids as they reached the car.
"Morning Mer." Maggie smiled as she jumped into the front seat, setting her coffee in the cup holder and her bag on the floor. Meredith nodded in her direction and looked straight ahead at the road. Maggie looked at her with a large sigh before putting the car in drive.
Flashback
"Nothing. Not a single thing." Meredith whispered while looking at the objects in front of her. They had gotten blood work, which came back clear. MRI, clear. After they were both clear they got a CT, clear. They even redirected to a PET scan, similar to CT but different. All clear. There was no indication of anything being wrong. Not a single abnormality.
"I'm sorry Mer, maybe it's just a little cold or something.. maybe stress?" Maggie whispered while looking at the material in front of her. Meredith nodded with a sigh.
"Right. Stress.." she whispered while standing up and walking out of the room. Maggie looked at her with a sigh and placed the files into a chart she had made up for her.
End flashback
The group of five drove to the hospital in mostly silence. Bailey and Zola were talking quietly to Amelia and occasionally to Meredith and Maggie who sat in the front seat. Meredith was quiet though. Nothing medically was wrong with her but she still felt horrible. Her headaches were gruesome. Horrible. And her cough was deep, violently shaking her lungs every time it erupted. She felt like she was... she was almost seeing things. Like things that weren't real. But they looked real, they were real. In her head at least. When she had a moment in her mind, a skull-crushing pain. She couldn't see what was real and what was fake. She couldn't hear. She couldn't think. She could see differences in people's personalities. Their demeanors. It was scary. She lashed out. She panicked. She shouted.
It embarrassed her when she snapped out of it, the looks people gave her. How do her sisters or Alex or someone else close to her have to usher her out of the room? How she jumped when people touched her. How she shook lightly and hurt herself to stop it. How she felt like she was about to pass out. It wasn't fun. And yet.. nothing was wrong.
"We're here." Maggie broke her out of the conclusive thoughts. They hopped out of the car and all held the bands of their children. Meredith was on the outside of Zola while Maggie was in the middle and Amelia was on the other side of Bailey. They walked in a small line toward the hospital daycare. In the fall Zola would be going to a real school. Kindergarten. It was only May.
"Love you Zozo, love you Bail's." Meredith smiled while kissing her kid's foreheads and signing them in. She was better at hiding the pain that stuck throughout the day, it was only the bursts and highs that happened every so often. And every so often ended up being a lot.
The group of attending's now made their way towards the lounge. Head of general, head of Neuro, and head of cardio. Pretty big roles you could say. But today, all the heads of departments would be going into a day-long conference. 8 hours in a small room with Chief Bailey. Leaving the attendings in charge.
It was just a normal conference, checking up on how their department was running and how the attendings and fellows were behaving. Nothing big. Just a routine check-up. They happened once every couple of months.
"Y'all excited for today?" April questioned while sliding on her coat. She wasn't head of trauma, so she wouldn't be attending, but was still supportive.
"Yup," Arizona replied sarcastically, no one wanted to sit on their butt for an entire workday and talk about paperwork. She was head of fetal, replacing Nicole Herman who had lost her sight to a brain tumor removal. Others agreed and nodded and hummed.
"How are you feeling today Meredith?" Arizona whispered. Meredith's neck stiffened as Arizona touched her shoulder, taking a deep breath and rid of her thoughts she turned towards her with a smile.
"I'm- I'm feeling better." She lied while grabbing her binder full of paperwork and stats on her specialty. She was hoping she could trick herself into being fine. It wasn't that big of a deal but any conference was important, she didn't want to make a fool out of herself in front of Bailey. Even if it was just a check-up.
Bailey was her mentor. All the other attendings had seen her outbursts. But not thinking much of it. Bailey didn't know what was going on along with some other heads. They had seen small things, like Jackson and Owen or Callie. But nothing major that her sisters or her best friend had to help her through. It was stressful. Stress. She needed to stop stressing. That was the cause of this. Only plausible cause.
"C'mon Mer," Alex whispered while touching her arm, pulling her out of the thoughts that she got stuck in a lot. She smiled at him and followed them out. Richard would be working her service during the day, operating the other attendings and residents.
The conference room was average size. One large table with a chair set gingerly around it and a large projector screen on the far wall. They all took their seats, light chatter spread through the surgeons as they awaited Bailey's arrival. Meredith just sat there, in between Amelia and Alex while tugging on her fingers silently.
"Good morning everyone." Bailey smiled while setting a coffee on the table and sitting herself down. By this point, Amelia had wrapped her fingers around Meredith's fidgeting hands to stop them. Working temporarily until Meredith's leg bounced up and down. Amelia sighed and gripped her hands with a tight squeeze before letting go.
"Okay, I know this will be a long meeting but I need to go over a couple of things with each specialty. Let's start with Cardio." Bailey said while opening her binder containing who knows what. Maggie was sitting opposite Meredith. Looked at her carefully. This means Meredith's specialty will be around halfway through the meeting.
Bailey began to question her on the working of the newest fellow and how some cardio-specified residents were fitting in. On and on about things Meredith had no interest in. Her leg was bouncing up and down still, unable to stop the constant motion.
Meredith tuned out her fellow attending's as they all butt in the conversation. She studied the wooden table. It was shellacked and shiny. The center was decorated with flowers and breakfast treats. Cinnamon rolls, fruit bowls, and other pastries spread down the line. The meeting was extremely boring but they always had to attend them, it was crucial to their public standpoint, how to make their destination better, and how to incorporate new ideas. All that jazz.
"Okay, sounds good Dr. Pierce." It seems as if more difficult cases were coming from others parts of the country. Their goal was to be the destination hospital for difficult cases and patient care. Maybe even possible to one day pass John Hopkins in ranking. They were still stuck at 2nd. Better than 3rd though. Meredith hadn't even realized they had gone through a while specialty as she thought.
"Robbins, let's move to you," Bailey added while looking at every person in the room. Her vision stopped as she saw Meredith's agitated state. She looked paranoid. She also noticed just as many other people had how her irises shook back and forth in her skull. Her leg was bounced and she was tugging at her fingers roughly.
"Right... Uhm.. I know you recently became head since Dr. Herman's exit, how is it running so far.." she stated while tearing her gaze from her former intern and to the next section of her binder, quickly flipping to the correct tab.
"It's been good. A lot of paperwork but Dr. Chapman has been a good help with that. He helped Nicole a lot. We are the only attending though and I'd appreciate reaching out, fellow Norris is helpful as well though." Arizona stated while pulling out her papers. There weren't many people in the world who had the skill to do what Arizona could do in her field, she was one of six only in America. Teaching more and more people was their goal.
"Yes, I have some upcoming 3rd years who are interested in studying under you... hopefully, they'll be a good fit." Bailey responded while looking back to Meredith, who seemed to be scared now. Her face was stuck in a small frown, and her facial expression looked fearful.
"Do you think we could contact the Shales program in New York and see if they have any available fellows or workers in fetal dynamics? That is their main teaching specialty and we can look for recruits year-round." Alex suggested while supporting his former mentor. Arizona nodded in agreement.
"I'm sure we can arrange something." Bailey smiled. They continued to blabber on about the paperwork and financial side of things.
Meredith wasn't necessarily paying attention. She was leaning back in her rolling chair as the people around her discussed. She hated these conferences before, but now the pounding headache didn't help. She heard Arizona talk but it sounded like gibberish. She had to fight the urge to giggle at her words which came out quite funnily. At first, she was scared when she heard her speak, not knowing what she was trying to say but everyone else seemed to understand it, so it now amused her.
She sat back and watched as the others talked openly, moving down the line to Dr. Carnet, and then Jackson, and Callie. Just sighed intently, next was Alex and then her. She felt stress pile on more and more as her turn neared, it wasn't a big deal. They spoke in front of each other all the time. But she was petrified of what would happen as she spoke out.
"Right, and I'd like to expand our resource outlet farther down the coast, in Cali Gen they are constructing these small carts too.." she heard Alex speak right next to her. Zoning out again. Her head pulsates badly she fought the nerve to curl up in a ball. She discreetly brought a shaky hand to her temple and rubbed lightly.
She felt Amelia's hand rubbing her knees as all sounds were blocked and she refused to open her eyes that were squished tightly together. She heard the faint chatter that sounded like an argument, definitely the voice of Bailey, but it was a feminine voice, not Alex's. So someone had probably butt in and suggested something out of proportion, she opened her eyes to see no one looking at her except the glaring concern from Maggie and pity-filled eyes of Amelia.
"Alright, we will discuss this at the end. Right now we need to get to the general." Bailey muttered while flipping to a different tab. Dr. Venture then shut up on her beliefs for the Urology department that had arisen during Alex's speech. Meredith heard the word general and tried to sit up a little straighter.
"Alright Grey, you've been quiet today. I'm surprised." Bailey smirked lightly. Meredith nodded and coughed as lightly as possible.
"How's it been running my department, hopefully going smoothly. I know Dr. Tye can be a real problem." Bailey added with a small chuckle while pulling a random paper out of her file.
"Yeah- yeah he hasn't been too bad," Meredith whispered, fighting the urge to stand up and bash her head into a brick wall.
"Good, I need to discuss your newest project with you. I have a patent flying in from Oklahoma, pretty far. She had a tumor rapping in between the major vessel as in her liver and stomach. It's been shut down by other hospitals, labeled inoperable, but I told them I had hope with one of our surgeons." Bailey ranted while passing her the patient file, Meredith paused and read the file with a confused look on her face. She had heard Bailey talking about apples. Apples and here she was looking at the patent chart and scans of a random patient,
"Is something wrong Grey?" Bailey questioned after seeing the quizzical look on her face.
"I- no. I just, I'm fine. Yeah- yeah this looks good. Uhm- we could discuss with- with Dr. Webber later." She smiled lightly while clearing her clogged throat. Coughing lightly as she did So. She searched the room to see everyone's eyes on her. They were all judging her. All started at her embarrassing figure as she stuttered. She heard laughing to her right and looked over to give Owen and Callie an odd look.
"That sounds good. Let's talk about the financial stability to begin.." Bailey went on. Meredith couldn't concentrate on anything as the laughter and chuckling increasing got louder around her. They were laughing at her. They were. Meredith just nodded every once in a while inspecting the chart longer, having trouble grasping the information.
"Grey! Are you even listening?" Bailey shouted at her, Meredith jumped lightly and looked up at her. She was standing now and looked very tall.
"I- I-" she stuttered while fumbling with her papers.
"I need you to sign off the department grant." Bailey began again. Meredith shook her head quickly and ruffled with the tip of her pony.
"Could you please just shut up!" Meredith shouted while looking directly at Callie. There was a large smirk sat across her dark face as she stared back at Meredith. Callie just laughed harder and harder. Meredith's breathing lowered as she looked around and everyone was laughing.
"Meredith?" Amelia whispered as she saw her sister shake lightly. Breathing was shallow. Hypoventilation. Don't get it confused with hyperventilating. It was the opposite, with low breathing and shallow heartbeats. Everyone was staring at Meredith now, confused. She had told Callie to shut up when she wasn't even speaking, or making any sound for that matter. She was just sitting there. Bailey sat there with a confused yet agitated look on her face.
"Dr. Grey. Do you need a break?" She said a little harshly. She loved her student, and she did. But the more time wasted meant the longer the meeting. Meredith pushed herself away from the table and stood up slowly.
"I- I need- I- I don't.." she stuttered while backing towards the wall. Everyone had immense concern written on their features. Amelia stood up quickly as well and grasped her shoulders tightly while leading her toward the door.
"We'll be back." She whispered while guiding her to the door.
They made it just in the hall outside the window before every person in the room saw as Meredith collapsed into Amelia's arm and multiple nurses came rushing over.
7/30/21
Word count: 3562
Next chapter done!! Hope y'all liked it. I've researched so much for this and I'm exited! Cliffhanger...
As always, leave questioned or suggestions in the comments. Stay happy
-Nadia ;)