Remus Lupin was sure the universe was playing a sick joke.
As a Werewolf, he'd never felt as if he deserved anyone's love, he'd always thought that keeping people at arm's length was safer. Yes, he'd had crushes; yes, he'd desperately wanted to get into a relationship before - everyone had. But he'd told himself repeatedly that bringing someone into his life like that would just put them at risk, and so shutting feelings down was something he found easy to do.
Shutting the world out in a good book was something he was well-rehearsed in.
However, here he was, clammy handed and flustered, as he struggled to get one person off of his mind. His stomach swarmed with butterflies, his words kept getting stuck in his throat, and he had a constant irrational panic that he looked a mess. Which I do - the newest scars on his arms still bright pink, as they taunted him mockingly. How such intense emotions had sprung on him so fast out of nowhere, Remus really didn't know, for he'd never felt the way he did before. Maybe it was the long summer away from his friends, or maybe it was the fact that there was a war going on and so it seemed like there was no time but the present. The answer wasn't clear.
But he'd fallen for one of his best friends, he was sure of it.
Ever since fourth year, when things started shifting slightly, Remus had been greatly interested in Ellie and Sirius' relationship. Though, he'd always thought it was because he cared for their well-beings and wanted to see them happy. Which he still wanted of course, but Remus hadn't ever thought maybe it was because a part of him, very deep down, was jealous.
He'd always loved Ellie Gryffin, and she'd always loved him - there was just something about the beautiful girl that captivated everyone. She felt like his other half, someone that filled in all the gaps missing in his soul. Compensating as an extrovert where he was introverted, or forcing him to be more impulsive where otherwise he probably would've just sat reading all day. And he'd always wanted her happy, her smile and her contagious laugh were two things that were extremely important in his world, just like she always endeavoured to care for him too.
Then last year, when she became and Animagus with the boys for him, he'd never felt more grateful to have her in his life. He was sure that he didn't deserve someone like her, someone so understanding and accepting of his condition, someone that never shied away from him. There hadn't been once where she'd flinched when he'd lost his temper around a full moon, and there hadn't been once that she'd never wanted to get as close to him as possible. Ellie was so special to him, she always had been, and she always would be.
The beautiful girl who adored all magical creatures took the eleven-year-old Werewolf in without realising she'd done so, and to this day, Remus was sure they got on so well because she was so good with all things that sprouted scales, feathers or fur.
He knew for a fact that she'd never do anything intentionally to hurt him, she'd never betray his trust - just her keeping his secret all these years (even after he had spilled some of hers) proved that. And so, that's why this crush couldn't have developed at a worse time.
Remus Lupin fancied Sirius Black, and he knew it would break Ellie Gryffin's heart.
All the handsome boy had done was show him the tattoo he'd gotten in his honour, and Remus had swooned. If it wasn't enough that Sirius had changed a lot over summer, he'd just had to go and do something that meant so much to him, something that showed just how much he cared.
Of course, Sirius had always been gorgeous, anyone who could see would tell you that. Dark hair that always looked perfect; completely unique grey eyes that sparkled silver when the light hit them just right; a shit-eating grin that could charm the socks off of anything; and enough confidence to sink a ship. Not one person he came across could deny it, the boy had just won the beauty lottery. Not even Lily Evans could say he was ugly, despite thinking his personality was. And it really didn't help that he'd grown to be a leather jacket wearing, cigarette smoking, rebel that didn't care about what anyone thought of him.
Remus had always thought he was just jealous of the handsome boy, but oh, how he'd been wrong.
Though this wasn't the time for catching feelings for Sirius, as things were messy enough between him and Ellie without someone else coming to cause more drama - Remus had seen what had happened with Regulus, he'd seen what had happened with Darren Wayne. He couldn't believe how such poor timing this was, for the group really didn't need to go through another major fall out like they did last year.
The guilt was overwhelming. Feeling as if he was betraying everyone all at once was something he couldn't cope with - falling for Sirius when they were best friends and only best friends; seeming as if he was competing with Ellie when the last thing that he wanted was to hurt her; threatening the stability of the whole group's friendship. Remus felt like a fool and he cursed himself for doing this.
But what could he do?
It felt like nothing since he already fancied the handsome boy, and being so close to him didn't make it easy to shut down his feelings like normal. This wasn't a random girl he spied with a book at breakfast in the Great Hall, someone that didn't know him, someone that probably never would know him. Instead, this was Sirius Black who he spent nearly all his time with, and was actually privy to a lot of Remus' secrets. Including his biggest of all. Yet, he knew that this needed to go away, and he needed to find a way of getting over this crush like he did with every other one he'd had. It was perhaps extremely important that he got passed this as quick as possible, because the longer Sirius sent his stomach swarming with butterflies, the more obvious to everyone else it was going to get. The last thing he wanted was anyone knowing.
However, at least one person had to know, for he needed advice. And so as soon as he abandoned Sirius by the chessboard in the living room, he went straight in search for Marlene, who ended up being back in the Library.
Which was where he stood right now, in front of the blonde, waiting for her reply after he'd hastily explained everything.
"You know, I always got gay vibes off you Lupin, I just didn't want to say anything."
"I'm not gay." He replied too quickly, and Marlene just raised an eyebrow. "Okay, maybe I am a little gay... But I know I like girls too. I had a crush on Cubby in first year before I actually got to know her and found out how bloody chaotic she could be."
"Everyone's fancied Ellie at some point, the girl's an angel fallen from the heavens." It seemed as if Marlene was being dramatic, but Remus couldn't argue with her either, "But it's alright, you know. Lots of people like guys and girls, even if they don't like to admit it to themselves."
Hearing this was somewhat comforting, and surprisingly, Remus wasn't really fazed at all about the way his sexuality had made itself known. Liking boys wasn't an issue, but liking the particular boy that he did was. He cursed himself for this all being to do with Sirius, if it was anyone else, he definitely wouldn't be as panicked. Marlene's such casual response was throwing him off when he felt as if the world was ending.
"Yeah, but what am I gonna do? He's in love with Cubby, I don't care how much he protests against it, he always has been and he always will be. I just feel awkward now and whenever I look at him I can feel myself getting all hot and it's just a-" Remus started to ramble as he got himself more and more worked up, and Marlene held her hands up.
"Woah woah woah! First of all, you're going to breathe." She gestured for him to take deep breaths as he did, Remus closing his eyes as he tried to find a place that was as close to calm as he could get, "And then you're going to tell me if a relationship with Sirius is something that you'd want, or if you just like his pretty face."
Remus surprised himself again as he formulated his answer. Maybe he had just dived straight into panic without actually thinking this through?
"Him and Cubby are meant to be, and they're gonna end up together in the end I know it, even if it takes them forever. I like Padfoot, yes, but it'll never be the way that they are."
"And are you okay with that?" Marlene asked cautiously, watching him sigh.
"Everything else aside, I love them both and their happiness is so important to me. I want them to end up together, they're made for each other in more ways than you know McKinnon, but I'm just worried that my feelings are going to fuck it up. What if I let something slip and suddenly throw us into some unconventional love triangle? Or worse, they find out and think it's some form of betrayal?"
"I doubt either of them would think that. Potter might create some drama out of it, but I think that's all you've got to worry about. It sounds like you're just crushing on him, it'll probably pass when you remember how difficult the boy is about everything." Remus nodded in agreement, sticking his hands in his pockets. Everyone has probably crushed on Sirius Black at some point, "He seems to have tripled his already sky-high score on the difficult scale this summer too. Probably sooner rather than later he'll be driving you up the wall and you'll wonder what the hell you were thinking. Ellie Gryffin is the only one that can tolerate him."
"You're right..."
A wave of peace washed over Remus. He knew that he'd probably still be contending with feelings for Sirius a little while longer yet, but he could tolerate them until they eventually went away. And they would, he kept telling himself. Marlene was right, sooner or later the handsome boy would do something beyond the recklessness he was revelling in now, something that only Ellie would be able to forgive him for.
The pair had to end up together, because if they didn't, there wouldn't be anyone else on the planet that could deal with Sirius Black. Ellie was the only one that knew how to get through to him properly, she was the only one that had patience enough to let him be himself, whilst also not letting him tip over the edge. And in return, only Sirius had the stamina to keep up with her 'catch me if you can' grin. Even with how narcissistic he was, he was the one person that truly knew how brightly the beautiful girl had to shine, anyone else would just tarnish her gold and crack her marble. The pair were the only ones that knew just how precious each other were.
Remus would be able to find himself someone else, for despite being a Werewolf, he was ordinary. There were plenty of other ordinary people in the world for him to have ordinary crushes on, and maybe even live an ordinary life with, where they had an ordinary house and ordinary jobs. If somehow things got better for people like him and some of the stigma around Lycanthropy was lifted, Remus knew that potentially there was someone out there just as ordinary as him that he might be able to spend the rest of his life with.
But Ellie and Sirius didn't have that.
They were both far too other-worldly in Remus' eyes and they only deserved people just as spectacular as themselves, for no one could compete with the boy named after the stars and the girl descended from them.
"You'll be fine, Remus, I promise. I know it all feels scary and daunting right now, but that's because it's new and you've never liked a guy before." Marlene set a comforting hand on his shoulder, "But I will warn you that you might want to prepare yourself for the future. Ellie and now Sirius... Clearly you've got a type."
Remus couldn't help but let out a chuckle, but it was quickly followed by a groan of realisation.
"Yes, stubborn arses who are overly confident and pretty emotionally immature. I do spoil myself... Good job they're bloody beautiful."
Just as Marlene went to reply, they were interrupted by what sounded like something howling in the hallway just the other side of the door. Remus froze momentarily, knowing that noise anywhere, and he prayed that the beautiful girl who they were talking about hadn't been lingering around for long enough to hear any of their conversation. Thoroughly bemused, Marlene just looked at Remus' paled face, but all was made clear when Ellie stuck her head round the door.
She looked surprised to see them, which was a good sign that she'd not heard their voices and so Remus relaxed when she came into the room. Smiling brightly, Ellie seemed in a better mood and she strode over to them both swiftly.
"Secret rendezvous?" She teased playfully and Remus retaliated by shoving her in the side of the head, not being able to hide the grin she formed on his face, "I need you for Marauders business Moons, Prongs is rounding up the other troops."
"I'm gonna take that as my leave then." Marlene grinned, patting Remus on the shoulder and stepping forward to pull Ellie into a tight hug, "I'll no doubt see you around when I'm here for Order stuff, but stay in touch, and when I'm settled in my place in London, you and Lils can come and visit."
"I'd like that." Ellie sighed, "I'm really gonna miss you this year, Marls."
"Don't get all emotional on me, you'll set the waterworks going. Besides, we said our goodbyes for now on the last day of school." Marlene just smiled even brighter, "Knock 'em dead this year."
After regaining some composure quickly from the blonde leaving, Ellie grabbed a hold of Remus' hand tightly to drag him off upstairs. She had a small present to give each of the boys, and now that she thought about it, she'd been rather rude in not getting Lily and Marlene anything - she hoped they didn't mind. Whilst they walked through the house and towards her room, Ellie desperately wanted to ask why she'd found her two friends (who weren't usually super close) talking together in the Library, but she also didn't want to pry, so she held her tongue. Instead, she just squeezed Remus' hand once to let him know that she was there for him, for whatever was going on.
At this, he felt a wave of guilt wash over him again, but he quickly pushed it away as he reminded himself that what he was feeling was just a crush, and what Ellie and Sirius had was love. Remus stared at the side of the beautiful girl's head as she dragged him along, almost as if he was silently trying to apologise for feeling the way he did about Sirius, but he just drew her attention instead.
Shifting her gaze to lock eyes with him, Ellie asked Remus silently if he was okay.
"I'm fine, Cubs." He told her with a kind smile, "But are you?"
"I just expected to come home to everything being the same, and it's not... I'll just have to adjust is all."
Remus squeezed her hand comfortingly.
"Moony missed his scruffy brown dog."
"Not too much I don't think though." A playful smile found its way back to Ellie's lips, "You look good, you know. Really good."
Nothing she said was a lie, Remus really had changed the most over the summer, and Ellie was glad to see him generally looking healthy now. The confidence that radiated off of him from the way he openly showed off the scars on his arms hit you in the face as soon as you looked at him, and she was sure his hair had somehow gotten curlier. No longer stick thin and gangly, Remus was now proportionate to his well over six-foot stance, and Ellie was sure that if he'd let her poke at his stomach, she'd come across abs too.
"Even the stash?" Remus knew that she wouldn't like it and so he didn't mind when she shook her head cringing.
"Confidence is a good look on you though." Ellie made a point to shake their clasped hands together so that he knew that she was talking about the lack of thick knitted jumper. Remus just flushed pink a little.
"It's your doing... If you can strut around with scars, so can I."
Ellie stopped in her tracks, and they happened to be near the top of the staircase. Her heart had swelled at his words, almost honoured that she had been the one that had finally made him see that he wasn't ugly for the marks on his skin, but so strong instead.
Remus's eyebrows furrowed as he watched her rise on to her tiptoes and then set her feet back down on the floor again. She looked ridiculous, but he wondered if maybe her sock was on wrong in her boot or something. He waited for her patiently, but then Ellie let go of his hand, climbing up two steps. Turning around to stand directly in front of him, she grabbed his shoulders before leaning forward to press a chaste kiss to his cheek.
"You need to stop getting taller." She exclaimed, "It's becoming an issue."
"Thanks, Cubs." There was a sarcastic edge to Remus' voice as he rolled his eyes, but really, he was saying thank you for always being so perfect.
And I can't even just let her have Sirius to herself, he thought bitterly as Ellie rounded to dash up the remainder of the stairs. How could his feelings be so cruel in doing this to her, when she was never anything but supportive and understanding. Ellie Gryffin didn't deserve such an awful friend, and Remus continued to curse himself silently in his head as he followed her to her room.
The Marauders all crashed on the beautiful girl's bed as she wiggled excitedly with their presents tucked behind her back. She had no idea whether they'd like what she'd brought, but they meant something, and so she hoped they could understand that side even if they weren't happy. Though, really, it didn't matter, for they'd been brought with that flashy Frenchman's money and so it was no loss to her if they turned their noses up. Ellie asked them all to close their eyes and hold out their hands, none of them complaining, but she did have to scold James for trying to catch a sneak peek. Once she knew they all weren't looking, she took each item and placed it in their hands carefully.
All four boys had definitely not expected what they were given. Instead of some fancy French chocolates, they were each cupping identical solid gold signet rings, all engraved with a crescent moon.
"I've got one too, it goes on your pinkie finger." Ellie explained eagerly, now flashing not only her golden lion ring, but also the one she wore that was the same as theirs, "I thought it was like a cool Marauders thing, in sort of celebration of us finally being able to spend full moons together."
"They're amazing." Peter whispered in awe.
"We can't accept these, they must've cost a fortune." Remus was sure he'd never held something so expensive, and it felt wrong to just take it, "We could've made leather bracelets or something."
"Just shut up and put it on. I won't take any complaining." Ellie flapped a dismissive hand at him, but got suddenly balled over into a bear hug.
It was James of course, having launched himself from the other side of the bed at her. He was grinning like the Cheshire Cat, so wide it almost looked painful, and Ellie fell into giggles immediately.
"They're absolutely bloody brilliant!" The messy haired boy shouted, "We've got to all promise to never take them off. Ever." He was deathly serious, and they all nodded in agreement.
There was a chorus of 'thank you's, but one boy had been significantly quieter than he normally was, propped up by his elbow on his side as he studied the ring now on his little finger.
Sirius didn't really know what to do. He wanted to scoop her into a tight hug like James had done, he wanted to start laughing wildly with her, but he also knew she was probably upset about him not being so friendly earlier. It was all in the name of showing that he'd gotten over her, but Ellie had barely looked at him since - when she did, it was only to catch a glimpse of the tattoo on his neck, and the one poking out under the rolled-up sleeve of his leather jacket too.
He was playing a delicate game, Sirius knew that, for he had to make sure where he stood was clear without keeping loads of distance. That would likely push her away for good, but if he let things be how they used to, they'd inevitably fall back into that flirty back and forth. Something he couldn't cope with anymore.
All of it was infuriating to Sirius, but he didn't know what else to do, and frustratingly already it seemed like he was losing her a little as he made his stance clear. She kept eyeing Remus across from her on the bed, he didn't miss the way her eyes darted back and forth, and he didn't like it one bit. The two had gotten a little closer towards the end of last year, he remembered that Potions lesson where it felt like Ellie had slipped from flirting with him, to flirting with Remus straight after, and already he was feeling jealous. He didn't want to be, but he couldn't help it.
He didn't need to of course, the beautiful girl only had eyes for him. But Sirius didn't know this, and in his ever-rash mind, it was completely plausible that the pair might have something going on. They'd always been a good fit, and the handsome boy had been jealous of their relationship before. However, the rational side of his brain was able to tell him that he was being stupid. If there was something going on, they'd know, James would know. And so he let his mind ease. Though that didn't mean he didn't need to make sure that things between him and Ellie were still okay, despite the perhaps rocky reunion earlier.
Tapping her on the shoulder gently, Sirius had the beautiful girl's attention straight away, and he gestured with his head for her to follow him. Climbing off the bed slowly, he didn't even check to make sure she was following, instead he just made his way to her bedroom door - he was playing the mysterious card that James had always said girls liked so much in the hopes of grabbing her attention. He may be adamant that he was done being stuck in that awkward are-we-aren't-we phase, but feelings didn't die easily.
Ellie couldn't lie and say that her heart hadn't skipped a beat when he'd tapped her; she couldn't lie and say that heat hadn't flushed her cheeks at the vagueness of his request as her thoughts swirled wildly. The others gave her questioning looks now that Sirius was already out of the door, but she just shrugged, wasting no time in following the handsome boy.
James, of course, had to follow too.
It ended up with Sirius striding off ahead and smoking a cigarette as he went, Ellie racing to keep up with him, and the other three trailing a little way behind. A first, the beautiful girl tried to call for him to wait for her, but Sirius didn't break a stride as he made his way through the woods and to the Potter's. She gave up eventually, just letting him be and walking at her own pace, lost wondering why he'd gotten so distant.
There was a vicious circle going on between them, for Ellie wouldn't look at him because she thought he didn't want to look at her, and Sirius couldn't meet her gaze because he thought she didn't want him to.
It appeared that may be the way the school year went.
Eventually, Ellie could see what she'd been being led to, Sirius stopping right in front of the Potter's. She grinned knowing how secretly excited he probably was to show her, but there was no way she was going to let him know that she was over the moon for him - not after he'd barely said two words to her.
Picking up her pace, the beautiful girl took in the motorbike that Sirius had started to lean against. It was impressive she could say that, and there was no denying that he looked even more drool-worthy stood with it. Of course, Ellie didn't really know anything about motorbikes and so had no idea how to describe it, but it was white, black and trimmed with silver. Sirius looked extremely proud, in his nonchalant, arms crossed sort of way, and it did manage to keep the smile on Ellie's face. Even if she wanted to be annoyed with him.
However, all she could really think about was the way he was actually looking her dead in the eyes for the first time, stormy grey sparkling liked she'd never seen before.
"Tell me I look gorgeous with my bike." Sirius' lips quirked into his signature smirk as Ellie came to stop right in front of him.
"You look like every other Muggle with a motorbike." She wouldn't play his games after his cold greeting, he was going to have to work harder than that if he wanted her attention now.
"Yeah, but a gorgeous one." Sirius' smirk faltered for a second as Ellie just shrugged dismissively, "Do you have a problem with it?"
"No problem, it's cool. I'm happy for you Pads."
But she really didn't sound enthusiastic, and now he didn't know what to do. This had been his attempt at making things light-hearted between them, getting things back to how they were before their feelings had made everything complicated, but now she wasn't teasing back, he was lost. Perhaps it had been too assuming of him to expect her to after he'd basically given her the cold shoulder earlier. In fact, it definitely was too expectant on his part. Sirius really didn't have this relationships thing down at all.
He was half taking advice from James Potter though.
"Don't clap and cheer all at once." He grumbled, kicking at the floor restlessly.
"Did you want me to swoon?" Ellie was quick to reply, her voice sharp and catching him off guard. It was the same tone she'd used with James when he'd come to see her in the Orangery, defensive and frustrated. She ran a restless hand through her hair, flipping it all over the place, and Sirius just scowled. It was going to take him while to get used how short it was, "Oh Sirius, you just make my knees go weak. I can't control myself when you sit on your motorbike like-"
"Alright, piss off." The handsome boy cut her off with a slight glare, all the playfulness in him from moments ago fizzling away.
Everything between them was cold, and the silence that followed was deafening. They were both frustrated with each other for a number of different reasons, all of which neither of them were going to admit to. It seemed completely ridiculous that they'd fell into this disgruntled annoyance with each other, when really, they just wanted to be as close as possible. But here they were, locked in a staring competition and daring each other to crack first. Both too stubborn to give in, they stood there for a good while, not saying anything and not moving a muscle - until they snapped at the exact same time.
"I thought you wanted me to swoon."
"I thought you'd be excited by this."
More silence followed, for it was clear they were on completely different pages. James stepped in quickly, shouting from where him and Remus and Peter stood watching from a little way away.
"We got some new records Cubs, come listen!"
The rest of the afternoon stayed just as tense between Ellie and Sirius. It became awkward for the group as a whole very quickly and so they stuck to just listening to music most of the time, for that meant they didn't have to talk. The beautiful girl wanted to tell them all about France, everything she did and everything she saw, how amazing it was. But it felt like they didn't want to know. In some ways it felt like the boys united against her, as if she was some form of villain for going away. Clearly Sirius thought she was, and she could tell James was disappointed too. How was she the bad guy when all she'd done was go to see her Aunt?
Things then only got worse when it got to dinner time, for Cyrus, Euphemia and Fleamont wanted to hear everything. Ellie and Camille would tell stories in tandem, making the adults chuckle and Cyrus roll his eyes, but the boys hardly said anything. Peter was the only one that truly looked like he was listening, smiling along every now and then, but the two black haired boys were having a whispered conversation that no one else could hear, and Remus was just staring at Sirius the whole time. Ellie tied to ignore their coldness, but it wasn't easy. She really had no idea what she'd done, or how to make things better.
She was starting to regret going to France at all.
Whilst the isolation from the group as a whole was difficult, the worst part of it was not being on friendly terms with Sirius, and again, she had no idea how that happened. They'd not particularly argued, but there was obvious tension - on Ellie's part because he was acting so strange. He didn't hug her, he barely looked at her, but then all of a sudden he was trying to flirt and be all playful. It wasn't fair, she thought it was so unfair. As if the universe was actually saying 'you don't deserve to be happy'.
They were drifting, Ellie could feel it. In fact, she could see it. See it in the way that he was the complete opposite end of the dining table, avoiding her gaze. How she knew that things were different after just spending a few hours back home, she hadn't the faintest idea. But she knew.
And it hurt.
"Where are you going, Cubs? I thought we were all crashing at mine?" James asked after dinner when Ellie broke off from the boys to go upstairs to her room.
She wanted to scoff at his words. Oh, so now you're interested in me? Not fancying more hours of uncomfortable awkwardness, her steps didn't even falter as she wandered off, not casting a glance back at them.
"I've got shit to do." Ellie knew it was a poor excuse, the sentence falling out of her mouth lazily.
"What shit? You've only been back half a day."
"I didn't think you'd be fucking interested, James." The lack of his nickname said it all, "I should've stayed in France."
A part of Ellie wished she had, for at least then she could've pretended things were all still okay.
"Alright, what's got your bloody knickers in a twist? Are you werewolfing again?"
Ellie's blood boiled and she really wanted to hit James, smack them all around the face and shake them back to reality. After the rings, she thought things might've been okay, that it was just Sirius being cold, but then they'd all gotten distant. It felt like everything had to be on their terms, like they only wanted her around when it was convenient for them. In a rash burst of anger, Ellie pulled off one of her boots harshly and launched it right at where they all stood. Scattering immediately, they all looked at her as if she'd gone mad.
"Do you know how fucking rude it is to ask that?!" The beautiful girl yelled, "That's none of your business anyway."
Tugging her other boot off of her foot, she threw that one at them all too, a fair distance from where she was halfway up the stairs. This time though, they were prepared and it got nowhere near them. Ellie was more frustrated than she was angry - about absolutely everything that had changed whilst she'd been away, not just the boys. Though, the way none of them clearly could see how dismissive they were being towards her, just pushed her over the edge.
"Oi! Don't throw those boots around!" Sirius roared, "I brought you those. They were expensive."
"Boo-fucking-hoo."
And with that, Ellie stormed off upstairs, her stomps heard all the way until her bedroom door slammed.
The boys were left utterly stunned by her behaviour, none of them moving a muscle for a good two minutes after she'd disappeared. Euphemia had come to see what all the ruckus was, but they hadn't been able to explain what the cause of Ellie's outburst had been. The loving woman had looked slightly worried, telling them to just head next door and leave her be. 'Teenage girls sometimes need their space', she'd told them, unknowingly giving them advice which was the exact opposite of what Ellie actually wanted. She didn't want them to give her space, she wanted to be squished amongst them all and laughing wildly like she used to be.
Sirius had made sure to collect both combat boots, clutching them tightly to his chest as the boys had trailed out.
Knowing she'd acted like a petulant child, the beautiful girl cringed at her own actions as she got settled for bed that night. Her temper had gotten the best of her, and she thought it somewhat humorous the way she'd acted just like the hot-headed boy she was so desperately in love with - though Ellie didn't chuckle to herself once. Getting showered and into pyjamas, she then trudged out into the garden toward the Orangery, wanting to sleep in there regardless of the fact all the plants had died. It was still a safe place, and if she was going to be lonely that night, she wanted at least some comfort.
Sleep hadn't come easy, and she woke very early in the morning to the sun already shining brightly. Stretching and fidgeting as she always did as she emerged from her dreams, Ellie found herself pinned to the mattress by something that was a lot heavier than just her duvet. It was making her hot, and she pushed and shoved at it, but it wouldn't budge. In fact, it only trapped her more firmly as a result. Rubbing her eyes in an attempt to try and wake up and find out what the thing was, Ellie's breath hitched in her throat.
The last thing she thought she would've been greeted with was a head of long black hair on her chest, hands grabbing her arms and legs intertwined with each of hers.
"Padfoot?" She mumbled, fighting against his hold to brush hair out of his face, "Hey, Pads... Are you okay?"
Whilst Ellie had woken just as grumpy with the boys as she was when she'd gone to sleep, she now couldn't help but let that wash away in the serenity she felt having woken up to find Sirius with her. When he'd snuck in, how he'd not woken or why he even bothered in the first place, were all questions she didn't know the answers too, but she didn't actually care. This gave her hope that yesterday may have just been a blip, that perhaps none of the boys were trying to push her away and things had just become awkward for no reason. This gave her hope that Sirius still felt exactly the same way for her that he had done at the end of the last school year.
However, she was still a little worried over why he'd needed to find her in the night.
Sirius stirred at her voice, tucking his face right into her neck so that his steady breathing fanned across her skin. One of his hands slipped up to lace his fingers with hers, subconsciously trying to get her even nearer as he stayed still half asleep.
"Nightmare..." His voice came out groggy and rough, "Sleep here... Safe."
There was no way Ellie could turn him away at that, nor even keep him talking longer, and so she just let him sleep. Selfishly, she was glad of this time to revel in his presence, knowing that her bubble of bliss would probably be popped soon. There was hope in her mind that yesterday had perhaps just been an off day, but the devil on her shoulder whispered cruel words about Sirius and the other boys not really wanting her around anymore. It was an irrational thought, but one she couldn't push away.
Shuffling and grumbling in his sleep, Sirius was definitely on the verge of waking up now that she'd disturbed him, but Ellie just squeezed his hand in hers tightly, running her fingers through his hair with her other. There wasn't any other time Sirius was as peaceful as when he slept, when he wasn't having nightmares that was. Ellie couldn't see his face, for it was tucked right into the crook of her neck, but she knew his sharp features would now be soft and his brow not crumpled for a change. Continuously brushing strands of hair out of his face soothingly, she sort to lull him back into a deeper sleep, wanting him to rest properly if he hadn't during the night.
She put up with the way he was making her hot as the sun spilled into the Orangery; she put up with the way one of her legs had gone numb from the odd angle it was curled round his. He was peaceful, and so she was too.
But their peace wasn't destined to last.
As Sirius stirred properly this time, there was a moment where he managed to squish himself impossibly closer to the beautiful girl before his mind caught up and he completely froze. His eyes shot open wide, and suddenly, he found himself sat at the end of the bed.
The speed at which Sirius had leaped away from her wasn't one that Ellie had been able to process. One minute he was cuddled up with her and the next he was about two metres away, looking utterly panicked. He'd thrown the duvet off in his haste and whilst the cool was welcomed, the beautiful girl rolled over to bury her face in her pillow with a groan. It wasn't as if they'd never woken up like that before, and so she couldn't understand the issue. But then, ever since she'd gotten home yesterday Sirius had only seemed to have issues with getting close to her.
Ellie was starting to think perhaps she'd gotten ugly over summer whilst all of her friends had gotten more good-looking.
However, that really wasn't the case. For Sirius, it was more the fact that she was too beautiful - keeping his distance wasn't easy when he still had the overwhelming urge to kiss her all the time. Something he needed to push away. But he also didn't want to never be around her, and so he sighed as he crawled back down the bed to lie next to her once more. Sirius knew he was going to have to be able to be with her like this without things going too far.
Debating as to whether to grab the duvet again or not, he spied a familiar face. Not a real face, the face of a stuffed animal, and it made him crack a smile. Sirius grabbed Snuffles, tucking the dog between him and Ellie as he rolled to lie on his side facing her. This strategically put a bit of space between them.
"I wasn't sleeping good so I snuck out here hoping to find you. I was gonna wake you when I came in, but it was like one and I figured you'd had a long day with the traveling and everything. I just wanted to be with you though..." Sirius spoke gently, for the beautiful girl still had her face buried in her pillow.
Part of him didn't want to admit that he'd needed to be by her side to sleep, as she still didn't know that he never got nightmares when they slept in the same bed, but he held that piece of information for another day.
"Don't worry about it, we share at school every night." Ellie sighed, turning her head to the side so that she could see Sirius - she hadn't expected him to be looking at her, let alone so close. Already her cheeks were going pink, "Besides, could I really ever turn Padfoot Potter away?"
"I like it when you call me that."
"Tis your name good sir." She teased.
As she'd spoken, Ellie had caught a glimpse of the tattoo on his right forearm from where it rested next to his head. After all of the moody ignoring of each other yesterday, he hadn't shown her yet, or even told her about them. She was curious of course, because it was to do with him, but also from an art point of view too. When Sirius had talked about getting tattoos before, they'd joked about her drawing the templates for them, and so she wanted to see what he'd decided on in her absence.
Grabbing his arm gently, Ellie shuffled to lie on her back so that she could see the ink on his skin. She had to press her side right against him to get a good angle to see, lifting his arm up in the air, her thumb rubbing over one of the many circles which represented each phase of the moon. It was simply done, but so perfect, and Ellie was rather jealous really.
"That's my favourite." Sirius told her, watching her study the ink closely, "There's also a line of paw prints right up my side here, for Padfoot... and Cubby." He ran the hand not in her grip up and down his left side where the tattoo was under his shirt. Ellie nearly asked to see, but then flushed furiously at the thought. I can't just ask him to take off his top, "And I got a little French phrase on my back, but you don't speak French so you won't understand."
"I could look it up." Ellie replied eagerly, and Sirius chuckled at her.
"Vous le découvrirez un jour."
"Is that what it says?"
"No, but don't worry about it now."
This didn't satisfy Ellie's curiosity, but James had said about a tattoo on Sirius' neck too, and so she was quick to roll back onto her side in hopes of finding that one instead. Luckily, it was on the right side of his neck, which meant all she needed to do was brush his hair out of the way. Just tucked right behind his ear was an exact copy of the Canis Major constellation, with the Sirius star drawn the biggest. Ellie craned her neck to get a better look, ending up a lot closer to his face than she'd expected.
If she just titled her head to the side slightly, her lips would've connected with his jaw they were that close, and somehow along the way, their legs had ended up tangled together once more. The beautiful girl took a deep breath, convinced that Sirius must be able to hear the way her heart was beating haphazardly in his chest, but in some rush of adrenaline, she didn't find herself pulling away. Instead, her head did tilt to the side, and her lips did connect with his jaw. It was very gentle, barely a brush, but it happened.
And in seconds, Sirius was the other end of the bed again.
"I'm sorry... I shouldn't-" Ellie bypassed a flush and went straight to beet red, absolutely mortified at herself, but the handsome boy cut the beginnings of her apologetic rambling off.
"No, it's fine, you didn't do anything wrong." But make me fall in love with you.
Sirius collapsed back on the bed, lying flat out at the bottom now, as far away from Ellie as possible. He ran his hands over his face, cursing internally over how swiftly the situation had escalated and suppressing frustrated screams.
Up the other end of the bed, Ellie had tucked her knees into her chest as she sat up, almost as if that was going to shield her from embarrassment somehow. But of course, it couldn't, and she was left still the same bright red shade as she waited for the ground to swallow her whole. And that's really all she wanted in that moment, for now she'd made herself look like a fool - Sirius had launched himself away as if she was some deadly disease.
"I can't believe you got tattooed without me." Ellie eventually managed to choke out, trying to ease some of the awkwardness.
It didn't work.
"Well, you weren't here." Sirius snapped in reply, still lost in his own frustration, and as soon as his brain processed what he'd said, he regretted his words immediately, "I shouldn't have said that..."
This managed to ease some of the awkwardness, but now it had been replaced by uncomfortable tension as Ellie got up off of the bed quickly. She crossed over to the workbench restlessly, not really with any purpose other than to not have to look at Sirius. Somehow, she was being made to feel even more like a fool as the moments passed.
"Why do I feel like everyone keeps throwing my trip back in my face?"
"Look, Cubs, I'm sorry-"
"Was it really such a shit idea going? I feel like it was such a shit idea now..." She barely gave Sirius a chance to speak, half annoyed and half still embarrassed from the kiss, "So much happened whilst I was away and if I hadn't been so selfish I could've been here for it. I mean this Order of the Pigeon thing is just making my head spin 'cause I don't understand, and it was your first summer of freedom... I should've been here."
The situation had quickly swirled into one resembling a hurricane, Ellie pacing around rapidly as words fell out of her mouth at such a pace, Sirius wasn't able to take them in quick enough. He rushed over to her as he fell into panic too, grabbing a hold of her shoulders to make her stop moving. The beautiful girl just gazed at him with glassy eyes.
"No, no, Cubs. You had a great time in France, nothing happened just because you were away. The world's just shit at the moment, please don't regret anything. I shouldn't have opened my mouth." Sirius apologised quickly and Ellie blinked at him a couple of times.
"Will you hug me now?"
He didn't have to be asked twice, pulling her as close to his chest as possible and letting her clutch on tightly to the back of his t-shirt. It was the first time they'd properly hugged for two months; the first time they'd both willingly fell into each other's arms for so long - neither of them had realised just how badly they needed it. Their hugs were always healing in some way, and this time they pieced back together what had crumbled yesterday.
"I wanted to come back... for you. I should've written." Ellie mumbled into his chest.
"I'm a big boy now. Padfoot can look after himself, don't you worry."
"Ah yes, the drinking, the smoking."
Ellie had noted the way he no longer smelt of bonfires, he was more smoky now, no doubt from cigarettes. She didn't mind it, it was just different. Though there was still the scent of old leather lingering which always had a way of clinging to his clothes. That heady concoction would always be comforting to her.
"Do you have a problem with it?" Sirius pulled back from the hug slightly to raise his eyebrows at her, trying to tease without dismissing her frantic state just previously.
"You wouldn't stop if I did." Ellie mirrored his expression in challenge.
"I would for you..."
"Camille only has to taste one drop of alcohol to start chain smoking, I'm used to it now, you're good." She patted his back twice.
Sirius sighed over-dramatically in relief and Ellie chuckled a little.
"I like your hair by the way, I didn't tell you yesterday. I think it's even shorter than mine now." Reaching one hand up, Sirius twirled a few of the short strands between his fingers, watching the way they fell round her face different now. He couldn't tell her that really he didn't care for her hair, but the way the curve of her neck was on full display instead, "D'you get inspiration from Camille?" Ellie nodded sheepishly. She hadn't wanted it to seem like she was trying to copy her Aunt, but that was exactly what she was doing. The cherry red lipstick in the same shade, and now her hair too, "Well, I think you're gonna blow everyone at school away."
"If they recognise me."
"Maybe we pass you off as some exchange student. Prongs would love the attention from it."
They both chuckled in agreement, but then the atmosphere seemed to turn serious again.
"Promise me something?" Ellie asked simply.
"The world is yours if I can get it for you."
"Promise you'll take me to get tattooed at Christmas." She smirked as his lips parted in slight shock, "On your bike..."
There was no way for Sirius to hide how his head about exploded in that moment, and there'd never been a time when he'd wanted to kiss her more. In fact, his head had dipped down slightly towards her, but he'd covered it up with a cough.
"You really want that?" He asked hopefully.
"More than anything."
"Then I promise, beautiful."
After finally talking, Ellie and Sirius fell back into a rhythm, and so there was no awkwardness that lingered in the group. The beautiful girl didn't feel like she was being pushed out, and the boys actually asked questions about her time in France. Of course, there were underlying tensions that not all of them were privy too - Remus' crush on a certain handsome boy that was still very much an issue for him, as an example. But all in all, things were back to normal in the realm of Marauders, all of them even more united now that they shared their matching rings.
The only issue was perhaps Sirius, for whilst him and Ellie got on as normal ninety percent of the time, the other ten percent he reverted back to acting as if she wasn't there whenever she became a little too friendly. There was no doubt that it would only make Ellie snap sooner or later.