I stared at the small white piece of paper that seemed to cover Sara’s door. I had read the four simple lines, over and over again. She was out of town for the week and probably the next week depending on how her meetings went. I don’t even know what she does for a living, but apparently it involves meetings of some sort. A hefty sigh built up in my lungs, I was wanting to exhale this weird feeling of abandonment. Like why didn’t she tell me she was leaving?
Why didn’t she tell me what she did for a living? Was she keeping secrets? Was it the whole ‘if I tell you, I’ll have to kill you.’ Type of thing?
Stepping forward, I jiggled the door handle and knocked lightly. Pressing an ear to the wood, I listened carefully for sounds from within. I’m acting as if she only put that sign up to be left alone. Did she want me to leave her alone?
Shoving off the door, I wrinkled my nose at my behavior. Of course she left, why would she go through all this trouble when she could easily tell me to leave alone?
But am I really the reason why she left or is my ego too big for me to see beyond?
Scoffing at myself, I turned away and started for the stairs. I was excited to tell her that I was hired full-time at the pharmacy and made head Technician. I basically came straight up to her apartment right after work, still in my scrubs.
The excitement that had bubbled in me when I thought about telling her had fizzled out and now made me want a drink or two. Or maybe four. Four sounds great.
Running a tired hand through my hair I slowly made my down the stairs, the elevator was out of order. I couldn’t get this embarrassment out of my system, I was so excited to share this news with Sara rather than my own girlfriend. Sara, this woman who I just barely met yet had the deepest conversation I had ever had with another person, I felt like I knew who she was before a friend recommended her place.
Digging in my pockets for my keys, I slithered my way through the few people in the hallway, and quickly opened my door and accidentally slammed it shut. “Fuck!” I slapped the wood and rested my head on it. I was buzzing with embarrassment, the heat in my face seemed to grow hotter, and I was alone.
A loud chirp sounded from my pocket, making me jump. Patting myself, I felt my phone vibrating. It was a call, “Hello?” the number was unknown but I felt I should answer it anyways.
“I’m sorry if I’m interrupting you, but I just wanted to apologize for leaving so suddenly. It’s Sara...by the way.” A burst of energy lit through my blood at the mention of her name and a wide grin spread across my face.
“Hey! Is this a new number? And no need for apologies, I didn’t even know you were gone! I just got home actually…” biting my lip, I listened to her airy laugh. Something was bubbling up inside me that caused a whirlwind of feelings to fly about in my stomach.
Sighing, she took a breath that stole mine, “Of course, you did. So that would mean you didn’t know that I left for business and that I won’t be back for a couple of weeks.” There was no question, but the simple statement and the tone of her voice could have brought me to my knees if I wasn’t leaning against the door for support. “But yes, this is a landline extension for me. I’m currently out of Montreal so this is the best way to get a hold of me.” I heard shuffling of paper in the background. She seemed distracted.
“Oh um hey, the elevator is out of order? And I think more than half the building is upset about that.”
“Yes, I received several calls before I lost service on my cell. There should be the maintenance man and a service crew there either this evening or early tomorrow. How was your day, Tegan?” a small sigh echoed in my ears when she asked. I tried to take a breath but my lungs worked against me.
I felt so anxious and jumpy when I thought of her, and when I wasn’t near her. My mind raced and everything blurred into a streak, I wasn’t sure what was going on around me unless I paid close attention. Which was rare in itself because I was naturally all over the place. But something about being in her presence seemed to calm me. And that scared me. I was never so comfortable around people I just met, and especially around my landlords. I was always afraid that they judged me for something.
“My day…my day was interesting. I got elected head technician, so like basically I’m a replacement pharmacist if both pharmacists have emergencies. Which never happens but I like to think I’m the boss when need be. Also I got hired full-time! So it was kind of great.” feeling myself relax to the sound of her breathing was kind of new, but also great. I was kind of starting to like the way she made me feel.
A soft chuckle danced through my ears, my nerves not as fried now. “That’s fantastic! How do you feel?” I smiled as I walked further into my apartment.
-
After the call with Sara, I felt this this buzz of energy run in me. She sounded tired and stressed out but made a huge effort to talk to me. I also felt like she was keeping more from me than she was leading on, I knew she had secrets, everyone does, but it’s like her secrets lurked just beneath the surface and threatened to burst out each time so spoke to me.
I didn’t like it, all this secret business shit she was supposedly doing. What kind of job made her leave unexpectedly from her other one? Not that her other job is less important than this one, but this one had a building that needed attending. And people to keep happy.
Scrolling through my phone, I added her new number to her contact name. I had secretly taken a picture of her and put it as her contact picture. She was looking off to her right, her strong jaw extremely prominent and extremely sexy. I had no idea jaws could be sexy until Ihad met her. Everything that I had found attractive, was nothing compared to what I find attractive on Sara.
I felt like I had this type that I usually went after. But as soon as I saw Sara, it was like ‘what fucking girlfriend?’ She carried herself in a way that I noticed made a lot of people uneasy. She knew how to work everyone around her, and in a way sort of manipulated them without them knowing. An example would be at the grocery store before my house warming, the cashier woman was flirting heavily with her. But Sara brushed her off at first, ignored it secondly, then got her to skip items and bag them without scanning them. All without making eye contact. The woman was tranced and Sara just spoke softly, to soft for me to hear and I was standing right beside her. But the woman heard her, and what would have been a transaction over my budget, was mere pocket change.
I noticed all this, but I didn’t say anything to Sara, I didn’t want to be all pushy and shit like I can be. But I did watch her more carefully after that.
Her eyes also change colour a lot. They’re usually a dark hazel but when she gets mad or annoyed, they turn a light hazel. And it’s sort of freaky.
A loud ring sounded from my hand, it was another call, “Hello?” Holding the phone to my ear, I tried to wipe the smile off my face.
“Babe! I’m almost to your apartment, are you ready?” the high-pitched voice belonged to Lindsey. I had to jerk the phone away when she yelled.
“Ready for what? And no, I just got home like…”Glancing at the clock, it was 7:34. I was talking to Sara for almost three hours. “Um...I got home around-”
“Around 4, or so you told me you would try and get off early for tonight. Are you ready? Why is the elevator broken?” Well fucking shit. I am nowhere near ready and I totally forgot what tonight was.
I need to play it off like I know what’s going on tonight until she says something. “I can be ready in like 15 minutes.”
“Make it five minutes, our reservation is for 8.”
Fuck.
-
I rolled over to find a Lindsey curled underneath the blankets. Far away from me. Memories came tumbling back when I looked at her. Heat found its way onto my face and a groan rumbled out of my throat.
We came back to her place because it was closer to the restaurant and we were drunk after dinner and during our anniversary sex, I accidently called out Sara’s name. Like real loud. Nothing subtle like cumming and screaming out another woman’s name. Lindsey may still be pissed off. And that scared the shit out of me.
Crawling out of the bed, I kept an eye on her to make sure she didn’t notice my getaway. I know I’m going to have to deal with her sometime, but later rather than sooner. I at least wanted to make up a shit lie up to cover up the fact that it was my freaking landlord that I was fantasizing about while she was between my legs.
Picking up my clothes from the night before, I literally ran out of the room. I wanted away from this place and back in my own bed, I can’t handle confrontation. Especially when it comes to someone I care about. It’s ten times worse that way. If it’s true, it hurts and if it’s a lie, it still hurts.
“Fuck me dude. This is all kinds of fucked up.” Rubbing my eyes, I set about getting somewhat freshened up for the walk of shame home.
I need to get my license.
-
The week has passed and I was anxiously waiting for Sara to get back. She had texted me off her mobile and said she was hoping to return today. And seeing as it was her mobile, I knew she was.
I had ran down to the corner floral shop and asked the florist about a bouquet that said welcome home. She showed me the pre-made ones and they didn’t say anything I wanted. They had nothing that Sara would like so I asked about picking one up later that they made. She looked stunned that I had asked her to do her job, but otherwise said yes.
It was a small bouquet, a couple of roses and tulips. Then the decorating stuff. There was a flower that sounded like paper when you touched it. I think the florist said it was Statice. I’m not sure, but I couldn’t stop playing with it.
I was leaning on the wall in front of the building, impatiently waiting for her to return. The few cars that passed perked me up, thinking it was her. But my heart fell beneath my stomach when it wasn’t.
I guess that since she was texting me off her mobile, doesn’t exactly mean that she was coming back today. I had gotten my own hopes up. So I set myself up for this disappointment.
Glancing at my phone again, the time was glaring at me on my lock screen.
Wanting to snap it shut, I hit the top button and stuffed it into my back pocket. An angry huff left me as I turned to go into the building. I just want to see her! It’s been way too long since we last hung out.
Walking into the building I heard French being spoken. A woman and a man. They sounded angry, slowly getting louder. I slowed my stroll and tried to listen in. The woman’s voice sounded familiar, but I couldn’t place it.
Peeking around the corner, my eyes widened. It was Sara! She was gesturing wildly while the guy crossed and uncrossed his arms with a frown set in. I watched the ordeal until the guy grabbed Sara’s shoulder and pushed her into the wall.
A gasp left me as I quickly made my way toward them. Keeping my eyes on them, I got ready to yell. Until Sara twisted his arm somehow and pushed him backwards. My jaw dropped as he fell to the floor cradling his right arm. I stopped mid-step and watched Sara lean down to his level and just stare at him. If she was talking, I had no idea. But horror quickly replaced his pained expression.
“Now, leave.” Her voice sent chills down my spine. I was so fucking turned on by her demeanor right now. Was it wrong? I just saw Sara get mildly violent, with a guy twice her fucking size. And she turned him into her little bitch.
The guy stumbled out of view, I just had eyes for Sara. So fuck everything around me.
She turned around and didn’t seem surprised to see me at all. “Hello, Tegan. I’m sorry I didn’t notify you of my return, but I also had business here in Montreal that needed attending too. Flowers?” She looked everywhere but at me, her eyes seemed darker than usual and there was a red scar on her collarbone that disappeared under her shirt.
“Are you hurt?” I reached out for her, trying to make eye contact but she turned out of my reach and kept her eyes down.
“I’m fine, it’s nothing.” Her voice had a sharp bite to it, anger seemed to roll off her in small waves. Pulling my hand back, I watched her jaw muscles tighten and untighten. “Well, if that’s all. I need to get going. Have a good evening.” She straightened her back, looked me in the eye for a brief second, then made her way to the stairs.
The look in her eyes was terrifying, they looked empty and dark. Completely opposite of how she always looked at me, which was soft, excited, and happy. Now it’s like she’s a different person.
As soon as I saw her legs disappear going up the steps, I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. I was scared of her in that moment.