Everything around Pierre became blurry; it felt like his life was rolling in slow motion. His shoulders were hanging low, he was looking down at the floor, at his feet what moved. This somehow was expected, this was the worst-case scenario, but it wouldn't happen, it wouldn't happen. Yet it did.
Pierre was moving through the hallways, towards the lobby. Nothing around him made sense anymore. What is the point of this decision? What are they trying to do? His eyes welled up with tears. How could they do this? I lost Juliette. Again. He swallowed hard, trying to keep it all together. He didn't want to have a breakdown in front of everyone.
When he entered the lobby, making his way to the lift, Pierre's eyes fell on a woman who was pacing across the area. The woman was panicking, somewhat losing her shit.
Sara looked up, finding Pierre in the lobby. "Pierre!" Her lips parted, what else did she have to say? Sara had been playing the words that she wanted to say over and over again in her head, but it didn't make sense anymore.
"Sara," Pierre said when he was standing in front of her. The blur slowly disappeared, he came back to reality. He was standing in front of her, trying to smile, but everything in his body stopped him from doing that. The tone in his voice was emotionless.
"I... erm..." Sara took a deep breath while looking at Pierre, but looked around her once she realised she had to speak up now. "How did the meeting go?" Her voice was soft, fragile.
It made him realise how bad it actually went. He took a deep breath, his breath was shaky. Pierre felt the pressure on his eyes, it wasn't a pleasant feeling when he was fighting against it. "Terrible," he managed to say and placed his hands on his hips.
All the air got sucked out of Sara's lungs, it also broke her heart to see him hurt. Her face straightened, and she placed her hand on his arm. Sara didn't like Juliette, but this was the last thing she wanted to happen for Pierre. "Do you wanna talk about it?" Did I cause this because of our fight?
Pierre shrugged. "How are you feeling..." he scratched his neck. "...after the fight with Jules?" He didn't want to talk about this as well, but that meeting hurt him more. He noticed a glossy layer on Sara's eyes. "Hey..." His voice was soft, it was almost supportive. "It is that bad, huh?"
Sara shrugged, pressing her lips on each other - avoiding an escape of an ugly sob. She covered her mouth with her hand, exposing the photo she was holding. "I just..." Fresh air entered her airways when she breathed in. "I found this photo and I..." The first tear rolled over her cheek, it was a thick, warm tear. "I can't look at while thinking of the past." Sara gave Pierre the photo.
The muscles in Pierre's chin started to tremble, it was one of the best memories he had from high school. He grabbed the photo and looked at it; they all were so happy - or seemed so happy. The photo was taken during a badminton afternoon. Sara was teaching everyone badminton, but it turned into a disaster. Juliette was a complete disaster at playing badminton, but that turned out into the best laughter.
"Did you know that...that year was the best year at high school? Juliette completed us, she was the missing person we needed. We were best friends, inseparable and the best fans. There was always a bit of unbalance with both of you being boys and drivers, I was a girl and a badminton player. Besides, three is always one too many."
"We look so happy," Pierre whispered and loudly sighed, he had to relieve the emotions.
"We did..." Sara took a moment to find the right words. "Until Juliette left us. I watched us fall apart. We never really lost touch, but we weren't the trio we were before Juliette, because she completed us in the right and bad ways." She dried her cheeks. "I watched her break your heart, I saw how Anthoine got hurt because he loved her so much too. Not in the way you did, but we all loved her. I felt my heart break. The constant hurt of not hearing anything from her. Day in and day out, I checked my phone, but there was nothing. For over a year, I kept hoping for a sign of life, but there was nothing."
Pierre felt the pain, he knew exactly about what she was talking about. He recognised everything she said, if it was not in himself, it was in the others.
"I understand everything, Sara, because I did the same..." He parted his lips while looking back at Sara.
"I never understood her, and I never really forgave her for what she did."
"But do you understand why she acted and reacted like that?" Pierre asked. Sara nodded. "She is hurt too, Sara. Jules has been through a lot, and I..." He swallowed hard. "I'm not trying to talk the bad out of her, but she hasn't had it easy. I called her dad when she 'accidentally' fell on the stairs, and he picked her up, literally dragging her out of her house. Jules left because she couldn't do anything else. It was this or..." New tears filled his eyes. "...or she wouldn't be here anymore."
Goosebumps spread over her arms. "No... Oh, my goodness." She closed her eyes, Sara had to escape from this feeling. "She left because of her mum, but I don't understand why she left us. She never looked back. We all wanted the best for her, we all loved her... If she told us what was going on, we would visit her in England and give her all the support she needed - the same she did with us during that year. She didn't give us the chance to prove how much she actually meant to us. If I could turn back time..."
"Go live her life," Pierre sneered. "Jules had a shit life, do you really think she would be reminded of that?"
Sara opened her eyes and lowered her eyebrows. "Apparently enough to stay somewhat in touch with Thoine and to fall in love with you all over again." Pierre looked at Sara, her jaw clenched together as she spoke the words. "You act like she never hurt you, she hurt you badly, Pierre. Just a small reminder." She sighed. "I'm just scared," she mumbled under her breath.
There was silence between the two best friends. Pierre stared in front of him and lowered his eyebrows. There was so much going on, he couldn't keep track of it anymore. However, his heart was slowly breaking into more pieces.
The silence got broken when a famous accent filled the lobby. It made both the young adults look up. Toto was leaving the meeting area, talking to the person who was walking behind him. Once they were crossing the lobby, it became clear it was Juliette. The first thought that came to Sara's mind was: she looks so powerful in that outfit. It was just the basic Mercedes outfit, but it showed that Juliette had made it. But behind that powerful outfit, a fragile girl appeared. Juliette looked broken, she was lost. Her eyes were puffy and red, it didn't look good.
"Are you able to work tomorrow?" Sara and Pierre heard Toto ask, they only picked up a small part of their conversation.
"Of course. I'm not letting my team down," Juliette replied and sniffed. "I'm not crazy Henky."
Toto stopped walking and looked at his engineer. He was shaking his head. "You won't let your team down."
"I'm letting my team down when I don't show up," she returned. "I've let too many people down in my life, and I don't want to let more people down, Toto. I will be there tomorrow, one hundred per cent focus. We will win tomorrow, I promise." They walked away.
Sara looked at Pierre, only to see they were sharing the same look; broken.
☐
The next day was a day full of emotions. Juliette had a bad night, but she had to push herself through it. She barely closed an eye, only when she cried and had to clear her sight. All the trauma's she had from the past, made an appearance again. Every time Juliette tried to close her eyes, it came back. She was scared to sleep, scared for a panic attack right before an important day.
And talking about emotions... The race was a rollercoaster of it. Luckily, Juliette could shut down her own feelings and entirely give in to her work. The team needed complete focus; they had a lot to prove right at this race. It wasn't a great weekend for Mercedes, Mexico wasn't just it this year.
During the first lap, Lewis dropped back to P5, and he was stressing. Juliette received the whole stress package from her driver, who was rather annoyed by it than stressed. There were some good fights, some bad strategy of Ferrari, and both of the Mercedes' made their way to the top.
"The last one," Juliette mentioned on the radio when the last lap began.
"Leave me to it, pal," Lewis replied straightaway.
It was a last lap fight between Lewis Hamilton and Sebastian Vettel, and it happened the Ferrari got a better pace. Juliette mentioned a change and kept looking focused at the computer screen while her colleagues exchanged information over the radio. It wasn't a faultless race, but there was a win.
We prefer a win with a mistake, over a faultless race without a win. The thought was going through Juliette's mind for a split second, she could hear Pierre saying this. She snapped her thumb and shook the thought away.
"That is P1, pal," Juliette mentioned Lewis over the board radio when he crossed the finish line. "Brilliant job, well done," she continued and clapped along with everyone in the garage. A smile curved on her lips. "Great drive." Her eyes were looking at the onboard footage, Lewis was happy with the win.
"Pfew! What a race, guys. Thank you very much. It was a tough race, but we did it. A fantastic outcome. Thank you all for your support, as always," Lewis thanked everyone.
Juliette shared some changes Lewis had to make on his steering wheel. A few other engineers were congratulation Lewis on the radio.
"That one was for Bono!" Lewis was prizing his race engineer, who couldn't be at the race, but definitely was watching it from home.
"The final order: yourself, Vettel, Valtteri, Lerclerc, Albon and Verstappen," Juliette read from her screen. "And just to let you know, this is the one-hundredth F1 win for Mercedes." Throughout her saying, she made some orders.
"Awesome, guys," Lewis mentioned and followed the orders.
"That was some big shoes to fill, but I think I've done half a job as Bono." She had to give the credits to her colleague. More directions were given. Juliette underestimated the number of directions she had to give after a race.
Lewis chuckled. "You did a fantastic job, Juliette," he complimented her. "Who will be joining me on the podium?" It was silent, the decision wasn't made yet. "Juliette, make yourself ready, pal."
She froze, and her eyes widened, her heart skipped a beat. Juliette always joked about getting on the podium with a win, but she probably was the last one to make that happen of the team. Her eyes found Toto's eyes, who nodded and smiled. He padded her shoulder, she deserved it. The team handled the last things, and the podium ceremony was about to begin.
Juliette was awkwardly standing in the cooling down room, waiting for the ceremony. Her arms were crossed in front of her chest, and she chewed on the inside of her cheek. She took a deep breath.
"Is it your first podium?" Lewis curiously asked when he saw the nerves on Juliette's nerves. She barely showed nerves, or he never saw them before.
A smile curved on her lips. "No, it isn't," she honestly shared. "But this podium, yes."
"It will be fine," he assured her. "Been there before, done that before."
Her eyebrows raised, but shared a playful look. Lewis was teasing her, just to make her feel comfortable. "Me too, mate. Just not in F1."
Sebastian Vettel stepped towards Juliette. "Good race, congratulations," he said and padded her shoulder.
Juliette forced a smile on her face, she was freaking out on the inside. Sebastian Vettel. Sebastian freaking Vettel. They've met before, but this is something different. "Thank you," she managed to say. "You had a good race too. You were strong," she complimented him back.
"Thank you."
"You did good too, Valtteri," Juliette mentioned to the other driver of her team.
This podium celebration was different. Instead of walking onto the podium, F1 decided to add a little bit of spice. Sebastian and Valtteri walked to the podium and waited for Lewis. Lewis and his winning car got lifted onto the podium, the man was literally rising.
Juliette got called to the podium. She stretched her shoulders and look a deep breath. Do not fall. Juliette walked around the corner, facing the audience of the Mexican GP. So many people. She waved and walked to her spot. A satisfied smile grew on her face, she made it. But there were some many people. What, and I can not stress this enough, the fuck.
Living your dreams and being on your best comes with peaks and lows. People fight to get what they want, they face obstacles, fail, and make mistakes, but they will come back stronger. Only if you fight harder for it, show people everything you can and prove them wrong. Every peak comes with a low, in every situation.
Juliette got to be on the podium, representing her whole team. As a rookie in the team, she proved what hard work can do. She showed how hard she worked and fought for her dream. As a result, replacing the race engineer of a five-time - almost six-time - world champion and ending up on the podium. But behind that success story, hides a low. She couldn't be with the man she loved, it was a restricted relationship. Juliette couldn't love Pierre, she couldn't celebrate this milestone with him, she couldn't be with him and listen to his opinion of the race.
The trophy was given to Juliette. She proudly showed everyone what she got, what her team got. She pointed her wise finger in the air and looked at the blue sky. This one is for you, Anthoine. Lewis, Sebastian and Valtteri got their trophies as well. It was time for champagne now. Juliette grabbed the bottle and was shaking it like crazy, she had to defend herself. She sprayed the champagne on Lewis, who wasn't expecting it. Juliette always enjoyed this moment on the podium, even in the time she hated it to be on the podium. Lewis sprayed champagne back while turning his head away. A laugh escaped Juliette's lips, a laugh that got captured by millions of people.
After the ceremony, Juliette walked back to the engineering truck. Adrenaline was flowing through her body; it gave her a kick to be on the podium. The smile on her face was priceless.
"Julie!" Edward walked towards Juliette.
She looked up and spotted her dad, who was proudly smiling. Juliette jumped around and wrapped her arms around her dad. "I was on the fucking podium," she blurted enthusiastically.
"You were on the fucking podium," her dad joined her enthusiasm. "The fucking podium. You did so good." He scanned her face, and a smile was growing on her lips. She was like a kid in a sweets store. "I'm so proud of you."
"I can't believe it," she smiled.
Behind a smile, pain is hidden.