He was definitely a man of his word. He called me the next day. We spent that entire day talking on the phone. I mean the entireday. We talked about a whole bunch of nothing and a whole lot of everything at the same time. No subject was off limits: politics, sports, music, art, religion, sex. Everything. Shawn was so great at keeping the conversation rolling, unlike me. I was always horrible when talking on the phone. Always have been. It was one of the reasons I had preferred texting when I was younger. I just got too nervous for some reason. I would find myself having nothing to say which would leave uncomfortable gaps and long awkward pauses on the line. Though I think of myself as a creative person, I was never the type to think quickly on my feet or to be spontaneous. None of this was the case with Shawn, because he always had something to say. Always knew where to lead the dialogue and so seamlessly too. The topics flowed into each other easily. Dull moments were not afforded when talking to him. He was my opposite in the best possible way. At the end of our first ‘convo-date’ (he liked to call them) we hung up at 3:34AM. I was surprised when I audio checked my clock. It didn’t feel like 9 hours had passed.
This became our routine for the next two weeks. He would call at the same time every day. 6PM sharp. We’d talk about how each other’s day went and whatever else randomly came up on his mind. I was lying on my couch giggling at the story Shawn was retelling about what happened at the club last night.
“What?!” I asked in disbelief, stifling another laugh.
“Bey, don’t make me repeat it.” He said, groaning.
“Okay, okay. I just can’t believe she vomited all over you.” I shuddered at that mental image.
“Tell me about it. Next time, I’m just gonna hide out in the office and lock my door. If shit goes down, I’ll act like I wasn’t even there.” He joked.
I shook my head and agreed. I would do the same thing.
“Okay, you ready for my questions?” He asked.
“Shoot.” I replied, sitting up in preparation.
It’s a little game we played. Shawn called it 21 questions. The premise was the person asked the other person 21 rapid fire questions. The respondent had to answer them all as quickly as possible. No hesitations. He explained that our first response tends to be our truest one and it gets diluted and lost in our conscious effort to think about our answers before we say them. It was my turn.
“What’s the craziest thing you ever done?”
“Went streaking in college.” I shot.
“What?!” He asked shocked and now laughing.
“Is that one of your 21 question just now?” I teased.
“No, that doesn’t count.” He rebutted. “You gotta tell me the story.” He was cracking up.
“There’s nothing to tell.” I said trying not to laugh.
“Come on Bey.” He begged.
“It was a dare, that’s it!” I exclaimed. “Next question.”
That damn Kelly.
“What’s the worse pick-up line you ever heard?”
I busted out laughing at the first thing that popped into my head. I didn’t even think I would remember that. It was during my high school days.
“Oh my god, the worse thing I heard was…” I cleared my throat and tried to put on my best male voice. “Aye baby, it gotta be ya birffday wit all dat cake back dere.” I replied putting on my thickest country twang.
“Stop it!” He laughed. “I gotta use that next time.” He mused.
“Oh god no, please don’t.” I pleaded.
I covered my face and shook my head. That boy was such a scrub. And not cute.
“Aight fine, but he wasn’t lying though.” He mumbled.
I still heard him. I blushed. “Next.”
His laughter seized. “When am I gonna see you?” He asked more seriously.
“Soon.” I quickly answered, staying true to the game.
“When is soon?”
“I don’t know.”
“What are you afraid of?”
I paused.
“No hesitation.” He reminded me.
I bit my lip and inhaled. “You.” I confessed.
“Of me?” He asked confused. “Why?”
I sighed not liking where this line of questioning was going. I knew I would have to reveal that I’ve lied to him before. A few days ago Shawn had asked about my accident which resulted in my blindness. I told him it was a car accident. Not wanting to bring up any of the past. I made it a point to never think of Boris again. That included speaking about him. I rubbed the back of my neck trying to figure out how I could get out of this question.
“I don’t know.” I pathetically offered.
“You know you say that a lot.” He pointed out. “Stop saying you don’t know something when you know the answer. Just be honest with me Beyoncé.” He softly replied, trying to coax it out of me.
I refrained, feeling the tears in my eyes build up. How did I know Shawn wouldn’t end up like Boris? I didn’t necessarily mean that I think he’d ever physically hurt me, but emotional pain was just as bad. Running my fingers throw my hair, I mustered up some courage to tell him the truth… no hesitation.
“Shawn I… I have to tell you something.” I began.
“I’m all ears.” He simply said.
I exhaled. “I lied to you about how I lost my vision.”
He didn’t respond. His silence spoke though. It told me to continue.
“Uh, my… my ex boyfriend he…” My voice began to tremble. “I came home one day to him and I don’t know what happened to him but, he went crazy and… he” I couldn’t quite find the words.
But I think Shawn understood where I was going with this. Immediately he apologized and tried to console me over the phone as I began to cry a little. Sniffing up my tears I nodded my head and wiped my eyes.
“I’m sorry what happened to you Bey, I really am. But what does he have to do with me?” He questioned. “You think I’d ever hurt you like that?”
I fixed my mouth to respond. “I don’t…” I avoided finishing my sentence. “I mean, how can I be so sure?” I weakly asked.
“I won’t.” He provided his simple answer.
“Shawn.” I sighed not happy with his always easy answers to everything.
He made life always seem so simple, but it wasn’t.
“Beyoncé, I won’t hurt you. Not like that, ever! You hear me?”
“I know that, but you gotta understand that I’m scared okay? He was such a nice guy too, just like you. Shawn I could see back then and still couldn’t recognize a monster right in front of my eyes. How am I supposed to tell what you are?”
I covered my mouth, not intending for it to sound like that. I apologized but he stopped me from doing so.
“Don’t apologize for saying what you mean. I understand Bey, you have a point. How can you trust me when you can’t even see me?” He asked.
I nodded my head. “I don’t know if this makes any sense but… I’ve dealt with this and for a while now I haven’t felt disadvantaged. But with you… I’ve never felt blinder.” I admitted. “I feel so vulnerable.” I whispered.
It was a weight lifted off my chest now that it left my lips. I was more at ease.
“Well you’re wrong.” He replied.
“Huh?”
“You do see me. You see my heart. You’re seeing my character… right now.”
I thought about what he said. The idea bounced around. He was right. In the two weeks we’ve talked he made me laugh. He made me smile. He made me hot. He knew how to make feel comfortable about talking about most topics. But that was all over the phone. In person is such a different thing. It’s scarier.
“I promise I’ll never intentionally hurt you baby.” He spoke confidently.
My body tingled at the word baby.
“You can’t promise something like that.” I contested.
“I just did.”
A weak smile spread across my lips. He’s kept them thus far.
“Okay then.” I breathed in. “Next question.”
“Can I see you tonight?” He asked.
“Tonight? What time is it?” I asked back caught off guard.
“It’s almost midnight.”
“You don’t think that’s a little late.” I chuckled.
“I know a place that’s still open.”
I was skeptical. “At this time?”
He snickered. “Yeah, I know a place. Get ready, I’m picking you up.”
My mouth hung open and my heart started pounding. He was coming?
“Sha-, Shawn I don’t…I don’t think that’s a…” I thought about how I would get ready. I really didn’t want to wake Kelly or Michelle up, even though I know they would do it in a heartbeat. Not because they loved me, but because they wanted to be nosy. “I don’t know what to wear.”
“No problem, I’ll pick something.” He offered.
I giggled. He was serious. “What? You’re gonna dress me?”
“Yes. Now I’ll be there in 20 minutes.” He informed.
All of me wanted to decline, but instead the words ‘see you soon’ escaped my mouth.
He hung up and I sat there with knots in my stomach. I was so nervous but excited. I hopped to my feet and practically ran to my room. I miscalculated and bumped into a wall, hitting my arm. I cursed while rubbing it and entered my bathroom. I took a quick ten minute shower and put on a robe that I kept in there. I had no idea what I was going to do with my hair. The steam from my shower curled it up. I decided to just leave it that way. I haven’t worn my curly hair in a while anyway. Being careful this time, I cautiously walked to my room. I pulled out some underwear and a bra, which I kept in the first drawer, and put them on underneath the robe. All I did was put on some lotion, deodorant, and perfume. And waited. I drummed my fingers on my thighs while chewing on my nails on the other hand. I need to calm down. I decided to return to the living room and turn on my radio. Some smooth R&B played and instantly I relaxed. I sang along, bobbing to the music. Before I knew it, the bell rang. Taking in a deep breath, I walked over to the door. I rested my forehead against it, coaching myself. I opened the door and smiled.
“This how you greet all your guests?” He kid
I rolled my eyes and laughed, tightening the tie on my robe. “All the time.” I sarcastically put. “Come in.” I turned around to head back inside the living room when I stopped dead in my tracks. “Wait… how did you know where I live?”
That was something that slipped me even when he sent that gift in the mail.
“You’d be surprised what you can do with a phone number and the internet.” He chuckled.
My eyes got wide. “Oh my god, that’s scary.”
“I know.” He agreed.
His voice was close to me. His breath on my neck. I felt him hug me from behind with one arm and kissed my temple.
“You’re beautiful.” He whispered before passing me.
I pursed my lips together, allowing the chills to run over me. “So uh, you gonna dress me or what?” I asked, ignoring the sensation.
“You’re perfectly dressed for the occasion.” He replied, his voice more distant.
I heard some shuffling and clattering noise. I furrowed my brows.
“What? You’re kiddin’ right?”
He wasn’t joking. The clattering noise continued. It sounded like it was coming from the kitchen.
“What are you doing?” I asked approaching the room.
“I’m cooking.” He said, his footsteps traveling around me.
“So wait, you made me shower and everything for me to stay in the house?” I pretended to be upset.
I crossed my arms and pouted. He laughed at me.
“Shouldn’t you shower anyway nasty?” He poked me in the side.
I swatted his hand away. “Whatever.”
I walked out the kitchen and sat on the loveseat that was facing away from the kitchen. I wasn’t actually upset, if anything I was amused. But I wanted him to think I was. I could hear him begging and apologizing but I ignored him, with a smile on my face.
“Oh so you gonna be like that while I’m cooking your dinner?” He asked in disbelief.
“Yep!” I called over my shoulder.
“Aight fine then.”
He continued on doing whatever he was doing in the kitchen. I rested my head back and listened to him. After about 15 minutes I could smell the aroma of the food in its process. I couldn’t quite make out what it was. It had a spicy smell to it. Whatever it was it smelled really good. I lifted my head, feeling like it’ll have a crick in it if I stayed like that any longer. I turned around in my seat, sinking my knees into the cushion and resting my chin on a pillow.
“You need any thyme?” I giggle.
He chuckled himself. “Nah, I’m good.”
I got up and walked back into the kitchen. “Is it almost done?”
“Come here.” He said.
I followed the direction of his voice and he took me by the hand. Pulling me in closer to him, and wrapped an arm around my waist.
“Open your mouth.” He directed.
“What?”
“I said open your mouth.” He repeated himself.
Slowly I opened my mouth, and he placed a fork in it. It was shrimp.
“Mmmm.” I moaned. “That is so good.”
I was truly impressed with his cooking skills already.
“I did not have this in my fridge.” I joked.
“You didn’t have anything in that fridge. How do you survive in here?” He teased.
“Well that’s what take out is for.”
“Horrible.” He mumbled. “Thankfully I picked up a few things.”
“Oh hush.”
This time I stayed in the kitchen with him, being his little helper to speed up the process. He directed me. Playfully, he made me stand on his feet, like a child would their parent, and walked me around while he was moving from station to station. I laughed because it felt so weird. The walking was clunky and heavy. I shook my head, giggling the entire time. But I enjoyed being so close to him. Our bodies were pressed firmly together with my arms wrapped around his torso. I was immersed in his cologne. God he smelt so damn good. It was way past just his cologne; it was like the scent oozed from his pores instead of simply masking his skin. I was enticed.
When he wouldn’t be busy preparing the food, he would hug me back and we would just stand like that. His chin rested on the top of my head, my feet on top of his. He rocked us while the radio played in the background.
“I’m glad you came.” I whispered into his chest.
He nuzzled into my hair. “I’m glad you let me. Listen Bey, we can take this as slow as you need. I’m prepared to earn your trust.”
I nodded and lifted my head up. He placed a kiss on my forehead. Though the initial doubts I had were diminishing, the fear was still there. It wasn’t the fear of him. I was afraid of me and my feelings. There was no question that I really liked Shawn. It was the pace frightened me. I needed to slow these feelings down and take it one step at a time. I’m just glad he was up to that.
“Let’s eat.” I said.
He chuckled. “Okay.”
We had an amazing Cajun chicken and shrimp dinner and picked up where we left on the phone. He remembered that I still had to answer 7 more questions to answer. He discovered my most embarrassing moment, my first kiss, the time I got in trouble with my mom for piecing my ears five times, my favorite color, the tattoo I got removed on my hip, my favorite sexual fantasy, and my future goals. The dinner was long gone after those stories, but we chatted for another 2 hours before we decided it was getting late and it was time for him to go. I followed him to the front door to say goodbye. Tonight was very easy going. I liked that.
“Well I had a wonderful time. The food was amazing.” I complimented.
“Thank you, and don’t worry we’ll go on real date… like outside next time.” He joked.
We laughed as I chided him again for that game he played. He hugged me and I held on longer. I already didn’t want him to leave. The hug lasted longer than intended.
“Uh, goodnight.” I said finally parting from him.
He stroked my chin. “Goodnight.”
He kissed my cheek and left. And that concluded our first date… of many.