1st of march, 1985.
12:57am.
alex' house.
your pov.
"jesus, fuck- hard shit-!" i say as i laugh my arse off. fred talks about his work experience at a mall during christmas. we have been talking about stupid and funny shit for hours, we have been drinking for hours too. "-and than that old bitch said she would call the police on me if i didnt give her a damn discount on the ornaments! discount my ass! the only thing you can get a discount on is a casket! youll die in a month anyway! old lady! she said 'oh i dont have time for this!' and left! of course you dont have much time left, one leg is already in the grave!" we laugh, as fred continues his story.
i look over at alex, rolling up another joint, jesus have they been smoking. smoooking. i just watched and watched. rolled my eyes at it. this could seriously lead to problems, i thought. "aye alex, my guy, roll one up for me, would you?" fred asks. alex nods and smiles, i just sigh to myself. not my problem though. "and, uh- roll one up for the princess! shes been silent this whole time!" fred gestures to me, and i just deny with every part of my body. "fred, mate... i dont want to force y/n into smoking this. she strictly said she wont do it, man. so lets not, yeah?" alex says, handing a joint to fred. he sighs dramatically.
"oh love come on! i thought you were cooler, please. just one blow. nothing more. it wont hurt you, you already smoke those nasty malboros." fred says, trying to hand me his lit-up joint. i nod 'no' multiple times. alex looks worried. "let it go, man. let it go." alex tries pushing freds hands away, fred still trying to hand it to me. alex pushes, fred pushes back, alex pushes, fred pushes back... on and on. "STOP IT YOU TWATS!!!! fine... ill fucking do it." if that will end this childish shit, then i will gladly try weed, even though i was scared shitless.
"smart choice, princess." fred smiles, alex is mouthing "im sorry.", i just shrug it off and take a fair drag of the joint, followed by some coughs, some eye squinting, some head shaking, but a smile. it was nice. it wasnt bad, hell, it tasted better than cigarettes. "hm, quite nice." i say, shrugging it off. i didnt want more though. "alex roll a joint up for her, hm?" he suggests, alex nodding. "no, cheers mate. no, fred, i really dont want more... seriously. cheers though." i sigh, knowing he wont let me say no. "love, come on. damon has tried my shit, so has dave, and so can you. and hey- you say dames and you have got issues- one single joint can bring you to seven different planets. just for me?" fred wont stop, he just wont. "dont bring dames into this, i wont smoke this cause of him. nor will i smoke for you." i say in a serious tone. freds smile drops. alex stops making the joint. all eyes were on me.
"stubborn... i like that. youre really hot, you know, love?" fred smiles at me, no matter how angry i get, a compliment always gets me. i smile back. he comes closer and starts kissing my cheek. i dont know what i was feeling. alex just continues rolling the joint, like he knew this was going to happen. we start snogging eventually, i take the joint. take two, three, four... stop caring. damon has never given me this much attention. this much love. i felt like i was on cloud nine. everything fred and alex said was funny, everything felt great. life wasnt as scary, it felt easy. like everything was going amazing, like i didnt just ruin everything i had with damon. im in love again. i fell in love in one night. fred is just amazing.
but maybe its the weed. maybe its that he forced me to take it, maybe its that he kissed me without me wanting to kiss him. maybe im just high. maybe i just miss affection. maybe ill wake up and forget this, or even regret it. maybe i will never see fred again. but, i live while i can, and ill live my life the fullest. alex was right. i dont know what i want. but how will i know what i want if im not even experimenting with my chances?
-
i rub my eyes as i wake up, taking a deep breath. i knew a headache was coming, i just knew. i look around, alex sitting next to the window, fred still on the floor sleeping. alex sees me, flashes me a polite smile and waves, signalling me to go over to him. i somehow manage to stand up and get over to him, checking my casio, its 8:24am. "morning! alright?" alex greets me, in a whispering tone. "good morning! last night was something... fuck... im having a headache cos of it." i laugh, alex just smiles nervously. "look, im sorry- i really wasnt trying to force you into anything but- fred-... you cant say no to him, or he puts up huge fights, and i just f-" alex keeps apologising, "-no, no alex. i willingly did it. dont worry. its not your fault." i cut him off. "glad to hear that." he smiles.
"he hasnt, uh, left yet? after that whole crazy night?" i point to fred, thats sleeping like an angel. "yeah i guess. you might think he has a lot of birds, but, he never fucking did this to a girl. you mustve really gotten him head over heels." alex says, taking a drag of his cigarette. "he is really fit though, funny too. charming as well, good kisser." i smile to myself. i like fred quite a bit. "even after, you know... this whole thing with damon, you chose to kiss him? kiss... fred?" alex asks in a confused tone, and i look at him angrily. "dont bring damon up. i dont want to think about it, and, what the fuck is that supposed to mean? am i not allowed to kiss him?" i snap back. "sorry- sorry, its just, he just kissed you out of nowhere, no build up, no nothing. he just did it. i kept asking myself if you were even comfortable with him." alex defends himself. "you should stop worrying about me that much... but cheers for looking out for me, i guess..." i reply. alex tries playing the protective type too much sometimes. im glad he was trying to help, but... god it sometimes makes me feel like hes in love with me or something.
we both slightly flinch, seeing fred getting up and waving at us. "we had a great night, mates, didnt we?" he asks, going over to the kitchen. we just nod and agree. fred gets a pen and paper, leaning onto the table, he opens the pen with his mouth and keeps the cap in his mouth as he starts writing. me and alex look at each other in confusion. he gets up straight, closes the pen and hands the paper over to me. "number and address, if you want to hang, love." he smiles at me, and i could my cheeks burning up, an uncontrollable smile pops up on my face. he picks his stuff up, says his goodbyes to me and alex and goes to the door, but quickly stops. "oh! -y/n! was the paul mccartney resemblance thing a compliment?" he asks. "i guess so." i smile. "good to know, good to know... see ya round." he waves once more and leaves.
"pfft, charmer. of course you like him." alex teases. i just nervously chuckle. "i really cant control it!" i facepalm, sighing to myself. how easy is it to catch feelings? "thats alright though, we all need love." alex smiles. i smile back. no matter how much alex annoys me or bullies me at times, he understands. and im glad he does. otherwise id snap his neck with a sodding cheese grater... somehow... if thats even possible... "so, uh, want to stay for a while? we can watch bbc, eat cheese or- i dont know- drink tea?" alex suggests. i nod 'no'. "thank you alex, really. thank you for taking me into your house despite having a friend coming over, thank you for looking for an ashtray for thirty minutes for me, thank you for adjusting your bed in your room for me, seriously... but, im having this hideous headache and i- i really have to get proper... and uh, sober sleep... but still, thank you so much, mate." i hug him quickly. "yeah, sure anytime. pop round soon! you make great company!" alex says as i grab my stuff and head out, waving at him.
its quite sunny out, very strange cause its still winter, i close alex' door, taking a deep breath of fresh air, and i start walking. i spy with my tiny eye, damon, walking back to his house, i suppose. fuck. fuck. fuck. "y/n... you were at alex' home? huh. strange." damon says in a passive aggressive tone. "yea. i just stayed at his, his friend came over... nothing much to worry about damon." i reply with the same tone he was using on me. "oh yeah? who came over? bet it must be some real knob, all knobs hang out with alex." damon rolls his eyes, making me angry. "you know, you hang out with him too. and it was fred. cool lad. hes great." i reply, getting bitter. i wanted every word to sting him.
"fred? fucking fred?! so you were out doing drugs then?" damon laughs to himself, out of anger and pure shock. shocked out of his mind, his eyes were wide and filled with confusion. "no i was fucking n-" he cuts me off, getting closer to me and reaching into my jacket pockets. "DONT FUCKING TOUCH M-" i try pushing him away, but he cuts me off once again, taking the small baggy of weed i took, and the paper fred wrote. "grass? fucking grass?! and his address?! what the fuck is wrong with you?! hanging out with an actual drug dealer?! i wanted the best for you, i tried helping you last night for fucks sake! did you forget we kissed last night?! did you forget we had something?! we were best friends?! eventually lovers?! did all of that grow wings and just flew out of your head?!" he yells at me, causing me to flinch every now and then when he raised his voice more and more. seemed like whole london could hear him.
i start tearing up. "oh, shut up, albarn! youre no fucking saint either! like you havent done any! and no, we are friends, but we will NEVER be a thing again! stop caring so much about me! we are not fucking together! youre not my father for fucks sake, stop controlling me! fuck off, you arse!! give me my shit back right now!" i yell back at him, more power this time. and louder than he could ever speak or yell. i could see him stand there speechless. his eyes were angry, disappointed and sad. filling with tears by the second. he drops the baggy and the paper onto the ground, walking away. i pick them up, pack them into my bag this time, and get going. my head is fucking killing me.
why does he care so bloody much, all of a sudden? its not like i admire fred cause i miss damon... its not...