8 YEARS AGO
~ Library, Hanguk University, Daehak-dong, Gwanak-gu, Seoul
After waiting long enough, Minho blinked his eyes open in the library, the dull ghost of the tubelights and deep flushes of the greying sky danced across his vision. His neck had a crick, his back was stiff and his legs felt numb from being in the same position for too long. Get to class on time, angel... he heard Cha Wookyung's deep voice whisper gently before he left. His skin was still tingling as he slowly pushed himself off the desk.
Idiot
He had been writing before that fool came along, a confused flock of thoughts fleeting across pages that he tore from his personal journal. Unable to understand anything, he had put his head down on the books, resting his eyes and allowing his mind to wander and make sense of what he was thinking. Just then, he walked by, sitting next to him, staring, grazing against him and talking to himself. Minho had kept his breath steady.
Eyes shut
Body still
He kept his lashes from fluttering too much...
And tried not to flinch or...
Gasp no matter what he did...
If Cha Wookyung realised that he was awake the whole time... What would he do if he realised he was awake?? That guy was the one in the wrong for approaching him like this so why was he so nervous when he was here... if he did wake up, he should be mad at him and brush him off like he always did but... why did he want him to stay? Minho sighed as he dabbed his eyes, reaching for his glasses. He held them and stopped at the metallic end.
He had propped it against his books but it was lying flat against the desk... Cha Wookyung must've done it, he dragged his fingertip across the cold metal. He hmphed, ever since that boy has been around... there has been something stranger and stranger in the air. He fell asleep more... saw more dreams... his thoughts were more tumultuous than usual... the winters were... warmer. He shook his head and put his glasses on.
Even though his and Cha Wookyung's worlds were eons apart, he had somehow caught his eye and he didn't know how to feel about it. On one hand, his wealth felt like a slap in the face, his cars and sexual escapades like a huge wet, tongue sticking out at him and then, there were things like these... things that couldn't be seen as anything aside from... affection... because who else would waste an hour staring at him, coming close to touching him and then cowering... he had him acting like a fucking fool.
What did that say for either of them...?
His eyes caught upon the crushed piece of paper... It had now been straightened out, a corner missing off its end. He gingerly touched it, pulling it closer. Cha had made sure not to tear into anything he wrote... leaving behind all the things he started out with but just with... one missing piece... What did he use it for? Should he ask for it back? Minho gulped, picking the paper and pulling it close, taking a deep breath of a fading perfume... it was light and obscure, so simple yet so difficult to catch...
An unpinnable craving...
Something that forced you to beg...
For another whiff...
Minho slipped the paper between his old, black journal, shutting it back just as quickly.
If anyone were to run through the pages that flipped open as the book fell from being opened so much... they'd find small renders of the sky in various stages of lightening, spangled with windborne birds and of course, the new story that the new boy had inspired in some strange, bashful way. Minho picked the book up, putting it up to his forehead and hitting himself with it. He hated to admit it... but... Cha Wookyung was becoming... a muse he was unwilling to accept.
Even as his body was in classrooms, head facing the wall, eyes glued to the board, his thoughts were coloured with a new shade. Something he hadn't seen before and he was turning to despise him. Why was he making him feel this way, all because of his face, ember eyes, ashen hair, his undeniably beautiful body, the deep voice he contorted with care to let out mellow whispers... he had to stop following him around otherwise-
Some people from class walked by, shuffling to get to the next lecture and Minho shook himself out of the daze. He collected his books back up, and looked at the library clock, 10 minutes left before class... he gathered himself, suppressing that feeling... the one he shouldn't be feeling... especially for another... A shiver ran through his spine and his hand instinctively reached up, clutching the back of his neck... the same spot he had touched not too long ago. It couldn't be...
That bruise... that mark be had stared at in the mirror for too long...
The presence was unbearable...
So was the slight burn of it...
A small ring on his body... a gift...
From the one who was haunting him... What do you want from me?
Why would you mark a nobody like me?
****
PRESENT DAY
~ 107-2, Sunshine Residences, Jangwi 3(sam)-dong, Seongbuk-gu, Seoul
Minho stared at the blank screen and took off his glasses, covered his eyes with a hand and massaging his temples. Where were the thoughts... the colours and the countless ideas... only a few weeks back he was determined to write again, having some framework in his mind as to what he wanted to bring to life. The world was like sunlight he wished to soak up. Wherever he looked, he found inspiration.
That's why he left Hanguk University
To pursue this newfound streak...
A new will to write.
But it seemed to be fading out as he spent more and more time on his draft... The threat of the looming deadline was there but he just felt... numb. The kind of numb that didn't let him look around and observe and flick his wrist across pages as he scraped a bottomless part of his heart for a story. He was growing more... hopeless... more upset at himself. Every word was in the wrong place and every phrase felt weak. It's like he was losing his power to create...
He searched inside, only coming up with criticism... self-hatred, a dark pessimism that only awaited failure and... the need to hurt himself. Minho closed the draft, unthinkingly opening his mailbox instead. There was nothing much aside from spam... some updates from the newsletters he subscribed to ages ago. He scrolled down all the junk and stopped midway, finding the email Cha Wookyung had sent not too long ago from the company e-mail id.
He opened it and clutched the sofa cushion. It was early morning and Eunyeong was still asleep when he had slipped out of her bed, curling up on the pull-out couch to attempt writing albeit unsuccessfully. His mind in a knot, he had somehow circled back to that same, damned thought. He scrolled down their conversation over mail... eyes running over his words repeatedly. He thought he had locked them out...
All his little feelings for him... but it was starting to look like they never left in the first place...
He put his finger on the monitor, pressing those words, wanting them to come alive and clothe him in warmth and security. To tell him he can write... he can live... he can love... Minho jabbed the screen repeatedly, trying to hold it all in till his ribs hurt. Come and hold me! he screamed at Wookyung inside his head. You wanted to change my life so change it! Minho's face crumpled into. Just then Eunyeong emerged from the bedroom in her little shorts and camisole.
"Woke up early?" she asked.
Minho sat up, composing himself "Ah... yes..." he trailed and Eunyeong held up a finger "I'll just wash up and come" she said and made her way to the bathroom. Minho heard the tap run and he switched his laptop off, getting up to go make 2 cups of coffee how Eunyeong liked it. Black and bitter. By the time he was done, she stepped out, her long auburn hair brushed back into a bun and her face washed and pink. She walked up to the kitchen counter, next to Minho.
"Aaah! Fresh coffee!" she sighed and quickly grabbed her mug, holding it close "It's so warm" she nuzzled her face into it "You're the best Oppa!" she cried and Minho nodded at her. "Were you... up for long?" she asked, circling the lip of her cup with a finger as Minho took a careful sip of the coffee "Nah... I needed to catch up on my writing so I just got up a couple hours before" he said and Eunyeong tilted her head, reaching under his chin and stroking gently.
"Did you sleep well?" she asked and Minho nodded "Much better than before" he confessed and she looked pleased "That's good to hear..." she ruffled his hair lightly and pulled him back out into the drawing-room "Let's watch some TV" she tugged him down on the couch and turned to fetch the remote "Want to pick a channel?" she asked and Minho meekly shook his head. "Let's just check the news then" she skipped some channels, pulling Minho closer by the arm.
They waded through some channels, showcasing a ruckus of disputing politicians, policy debates, budget reports... Eunyeong paused on every single one, reading the headlines and absorbing the discussions and moving on. There was local news too. A report of rise in robberies, cheating scandal leading to murder, a high profile car crash coverage in Ihwa-dong. Eunyeong gasped and Minho looked up at the screen in horror at the sight of the absolutely decimated vehicle.
It was being recorded as it was carted off to the station, reporters swarming the front as they broke down the nitty gritties of Cha Wookyung's loss of control over his Range Rover causing the destruction of a public wall. Newsmakers weighed whether to blame the poor infrastructure or the rain while some insisted that Cha was the under influence, questioning his morals and whether he should be allowed to get away with endangering others, being a rich man's son.
Someone claimed he might have run into a sudden obstruction, causing him to swerve so sharply but there was no official account since he had refused to speak on the matter "He wasn't drunk" Minho muttered and Eunyeong looked at him "Have you heard of this case before...?" she asked and Minho looked at her blankly before realising "N-no... I mean... It's old news" he said and Eunyeong nodded "I actually know him... you might have heard of him too... pretty rich guy..." she toyed with the remote.
"...He just returned from Europe and now runs a publishing company... such a terrible accident..." she echoed "I hope he's okay" she bit her lip and Minho close his eyes "I hope so too" he couldn't bear to look at the screen, repeat montages of the car looking all crushed in the front. What happened on the street? he asked himself What did you see? "Can we change the channel?" he blurted suddenly and Eunyeong froze, then quickly nodding and pressing some buttons.
Another news portal was showing headlines of the monotonous kind. An endless drawl of content.
They both fell silent.
Minho drew distant, staring at the streaks of yellow early morning sunlight dancing through the curtains instead of looking at the TV screen. "Oppa..." Eunyeong called for him, lightly resting her head on his shoulder, rubbing his arm, their coffee mugs touching in the middle as the sound of the television blared like white noise. "Is something bothering you?" she asked and Minho blinked out of his reverie "Huh... no... nothing" he said, his face inches from hers.
"Why does it feel like..." she looked up at him, her expression strained "Like something is eating you away on the inside...?" she said and Minho lightly shook his head "It's nothing like that... I just have a lot of things on my mind right now..." he assured her, obviously lying because his mind was empty aside from those same ever-present, haunting thoughts. Eunyeong could tell "I just... want to see you happy" she gulped and Minho raised his hand to stroke her hair behind her ears.
"I know" he comforted her, pushing each little crimson lock across her forehead as she nuzzled into his shoulder, toying with the sleeve of his nightsuit. "Oppa..." Eunyeong hesitated to say it "I care a lot about you, you know... a lot" she confessed and Minho held her hand on his sleeve, stroking her fingers. That felt so good to hear, like blunting all the sharp corners in his mind "I know" he said again, putting his chin over the top of her head. "So if there is anything in your heart that is bothering you... please... tell me"
Minho pulled away, staring into her eyes and seeing her look dejected. He felt guilty for making her upset. "Eunyeong... I..." he struggled to put his words together "I don't mean to make you feel this way because... I care about you a lot too..." he explained as Eunyeong nodded into his shoulder, the shiny plastic of her butterfly clip glistening with a water droplet. "I wish I wasn't this stressed with the writing and... everything... I can't understand my own feelings at this point..." he reckoned.
"But as I figure them out..." Minho touched his forehead with hers "I would want you to know" he said and Eunyeong blinked slowly, her eyes softening. "Alright?" he asked and she smiled and grazed his cheek as Minho hesitated but leaned down, gently kissing her on the lips. Eunyeong inhaled sharply as she returned the favour, catching his lips between hers and kissing him back. The coffee cups jerked, splashing a little bit of the liquid on her knee and Eunyeong laughed, pushing them on the table.
She pulled back to kiss Minho, her hand trailing from his cheek down to his jaw and chest. Minho pulled her closer too, gently holding her waist. Her lips were soft and tasted like mint and coffee. Minho tried to lose himself in the feeling of it. It didn't matter who it was with... a kiss was a kiss and it was supposed to arouse... supposed to distract and heal and provide sensory distraction. Minho tried to revel in it, trying to feel more and to give her more too.
After some minutes, he pulled back and gasped, looking down into her eyes as she stared back, a smile on her face. "Oppa..." she gulped "Can we go somewhere today...?" she said "Just us...". Minho slowly pushed the hair out of her eyes, revealing her warm, brown eyes "Yes" he said.
"Yes please..."
Eunyeong leaned back in for a kiss
****
3 HOURS LATER
~ Seoul Plaza, Shopping Mall, 81 Namdaemun-ro, Jung-gu, Seoul
"Look at these glittery and vapid chambers of capitalist propaganda... promising you ambience, change and well-being but leaving you with an ugly shirt and a hole in your pocket" Minho squinted at the nice-smelling, clear-windowed stores, making Eunyeong laugh and roll her eyes "What about a nice shirt that makes you look amazing and feel bomb??" she asked, her arm around Minho's as they playfully romped around the shopping centre.
"Too bad you'll be paying Mister Levi Strauss or whoever for that shirt more than those people in China who manufactured it" Minho griped and Eunyeong gasped at a store, pushing him towards it from the side. "What..." Minho teetered, steadying himself in front of a branded store. Eunyeong let go of his arm and stood before it, eyes widening as she pointed to a mannequin wearing a tight, black dress with no back. Colour rose to Minho's face the more he stared at it.
"It's... PERFECT" Eunyeong gazed at it, pasting herself against the viewing glass "Haaa..." she sighed "Imagine me in this, walking through a crowd and everyone staring and whispering among each other, asking Who's that bitch?" she breathed, fogging up the glass. Minho shrugged "If I see a woman in that, I'll assume she's a cyborg because clearly she has no care for temperature" he said and Eunyeong waved a hand towards him, waving him away "Hush now, Oppa!"
"Why would I feel cold when all the desperate sighs of men and women will warm my body?" she dreamt out loud and Minho chuckled, "Nobody really cares about others' dresses as much as chick flicks show them to be. This isn't Cinderella, no grand stairs, or jealous relatives and certainly no Prince Charmings waiting to get awed by-" he shook his head, his breath getting caught mid-laugh as Eunyeong seized him, pulling him to the store's entrance gate "Oppa, shut up"
*
Minho twiddled his thumb in front of the trial room as Eunyeong made small wheezing and groaning noises as she struggled to get into the dress "Just... fucking... work with me... bitch" she told the dress as she presumably pulled it up. "I've never made those noises while putting my clothes on" Minho joked and Eunyeong fell silent "Do you make those noises while getting them off?" she asked and Minho paused for effect "Well... not when I'm doing it alone" he laughed.
There was another long pause, even longer than before and Minho wondered if he had said something wrong. "I... I mean... that was a joke... I didn't mean to offe-" suddenly the door opened and Eunyeong stepped out with heels on and her hair dishevelled, the dress finally on and Minho slowly looked up her body. It was indeed... tight. It wore like skin over her curves, draping across her leg where the slit began. The straps of her heels were undone as she loosely clutched her bust.
"Can you help me?" she slowly turned around, exposing her bare back to him, the fabric falling over her shoulders and scooping down to her tailbone, showing where the loose strings were that needed to be tied across her back to hold the dress together. "Uh... sure" he nervously got up, hands open on her sides as he figured out how the dress worked. Eunyeong carefully watched in the mirror as he reached behind, holding the strings apart before tying them in a knot, slowly tightening them.
"Don't look too closely... I took my bra off to put this on..." she said cheekily and Minho burned "Is this enough?" he asked and Eunyeong licked her teeth "Tighter" she said and Minho pulled them harder and she closed her eyes "Tighter" she asked and Minho gulped, seeing her skin turn red with the string as he pulled more, causing her chest to stick out "I think it's too tight" he said, seeing Eunyeong looking lost as she turned her head to stare into his eyes "Is it?" she asked and Minho breathed deeply
"What do you want me to do?" he asked and Eunyeong pointed to her heels, not saying a word. Minho kneeled down as she kicked her leg out, letting him tie the straps around her ankle and up her calves. Though he tried to avoid it, his fingers occasionally brushed her skin and she smiled down at him, mouthing a soft Thankyou as he got more flustered the more he moved up her leg. "Tie it well enough so it wouldn't fall off..." she clicked the sharp heel on the tiled floor "... no matter what I'm doing..."
She teetered closer to him and he looked up her thigh, catching a glimpse of something and quickly looked back down at the floor "Al-alright" he finally secured both straps and Eunyeong made a small "Ha!" of success "Thank god, I'm finally in this dress!!" she gave a small, elegant twirl, stepping back and posing for Minho and then looking at her reflection "How does it fit me, huh??" she asked and Minho raised his brows.
"I must admit, I was fooled into thinking it's not worth it because of that stiff mannequin..." he looked at it and Eunyeong smiled, clutching her waist like a model "And now? Does capitalism look a little more worth it?" she asked, pointing to herself and Minho smiled "... it's infinitely more desirable after being worn by you" he complimented and Eunyeong's jaw fell for a moment and she clutched her heart "That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me" she cried dramatically and Minho laughed.
"Now please buy it and free me from this nightmare of retail hell!" Minho got down on his knees and Eunyeong burst out in giggles, "Alright alright, let me change and I'll be right out!". She hurried back into the trial room, and took another couple of minutes to pull the dress off and putting all her clothes back on. In the meantime, Minho checked his phone, finding missed calls from Minhyuk. Just then, Eunyeong burst out. She was beaming from ear to ear with her new find and she excitedly took Minho's arm again.
Distracted, he dismissed the calls and shut his phone "Ma'am, cashier's that way" he pointed in the opposite direction as she hauled him but she had a wicked grin on her face "But the men's section isn't" she said gleefully and Minho began protesting "I won't succumb to this dystopia!" he cried but Eunyeong tried to cajole him "Trying a few shirts won't burn your pristine, proletariat skin, Oppa" she insisted, guiding him to the sprawling men's section, lined with branded garments, shoes and accessories.
"Actually, you don't need to look. I spotted a darling shirt when I first entered the store... look" she twittered on as she shuffled through the lineup, pushing many to the side and feeling the material, then settling on the one she had her eye on. "Ah, this one!" she showed him, gripping the hanger. It was a sleek, denim shirt with a faded wash. Minho felt empty as he looked at it. He could only imagine how great it would look on... someone else.
"So what do you think?" Eunyeong chirped, touching the shirt again "You look so handsome, you can definitely pull off many looks but I rarely see you in anything other than booring office wear" she noted and Minho gulped as he nodded "It's nice... but I don't think it's for me..." he said and Eunyeong held the shirt back "How can you said that without even trying it?" she insisted and Minho sighed "Why are you always doing so much for me" he said and Eunyeong smiled
"I just like to..." she said and handed him the shirt. Minho looked down at it and tried to tell himself that this was what he wanted. A future as a successful writer and a good woman by his side. That he'll lose against Wookyung if he did all that shouting and parting ways only to despise his own decisions, wanting only him in the end. He can do it... he just needed to overhaul and produce one chapter for Wang Hangyeol all the while Eunyeong was being everything he needed, this shouldn't be hard.
This was enough.
"Alright" he finally said and Eunyeong cheered up, clapping her hands "If it doesn't look good, I promise I won't bug you anymore... Oppa, trust me" she folded her arms and Minho faked a look of annoyance "I'm trusting you this once but never again, wench" he yelled as he walked to the men's trial area. He looked down at the shirt, his face drooping and again felt that hole in his heart... or like a slit... like everything was slipping through it... like blood. He clutched the shirt.
I want this
I want this
I want this...
Minho's eyes widened as he realised there was a new fragrance in the air. Something deeply familiar and elementary to him. Something he had inhaled so deeply, on his shirt and chest and robe and sheets... it was a part of him as any other limb. Lilting citrus and seaside fruits and a minty cooler in a cabana. Luxurious and naughty. He whipped his head around and looked around the store. Oh, how he wished to bump into him of all people just then. Cha Wookyung...
He was here... somewhere very close.
****
To be continued