Cassie was filled with nerves the last weekend of January. She hadn't slept all night, not even after she had gone over to Neville and cuddled up in his arms. He had had the best sleep in a while but she had still been wide awake all night long
Of course, it calmed her to be in his arms. It had been much better than laying awake in her bed alone. Being with him in general always seemed to relax her. But still, she couldn't close an eye that Friday night.
She stared at the ceiling when she felt Neville stir slightly in his sleep. This was the first time they had woken up together since they spent Christmas together. She could get used to it but there was no way she would let herself get used to it. His eyes slowly opened up and he rubbed them. Merlin, that looked adorable.
"Good morning," he whispered, snuggling his face in the crook of her neck. She smiled and pressed a kiss on the side of his head, wrapping her arms around him. He placed a soft kiss on her skin, making goosebumps appear on her skin.
"Good morning," she whispered back. His arms wrapped tightly around her waist and his breathing slowed down again. She giggled softly and brushed some of his hair out of his face. "Nev, I'm going to need to leave soon."
"Hm, no," he hummed, holding her even tighter so that she couldn't leave. She giggled again and shook her head.
"I'm meeting my sister, remember? I gotta get up now," she told him. "I'll come by after I get back, eh?"
"You better," he mumbled, letting go of her again. He looked at her and within a split second, she saw the sleepiness in his eyes make way for worry. "Haven't you slept at all?" he asked softly.
"No, but that's okay. I'm fine, Neville," she told him and pushed the blanket off. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her in for a kiss. She smiled against his lips and then shook her head. "Can't go one morning without a kiss?"
"No. Your kisses are too good," he whispered, kissing her once more. She giggled softly against his lips and wrapped her arms around him once more. Everything about Neville was so nice. His patience with her, his gentleness, his newfound confidence, his kindness, his caring, his jokes, his lips, Merlin, his lips.
"I will see you later, okay?" she said, standing up from the bed. He laid back down again and nodded.
"Good luck. It's going to be fine, I know so," he told her. She nodded and smiled at him before putting her robe back on.
"I can only hope so," she mumbled. She leaned down to kiss him one more time before sneaking back to her own office. The corridors were still empty so she didn't have to worry about running into any students.
She took a long shower, trying to let every single worry she had created in her mind about today wash away. She washed her hair and her body, tracing every single scar she had created on the full moons before she had the Wolfsbane Potion.
She was so nervous about meeting with her sister. They had been writing for a few months now and it was really nice, but still, meeting someone in person was different. It made it more real, more genuine. Scarier too.
What if her sister said something about her lycanthropy? What if Cassie said something about her lycanthropy? What if they got into an awful fit about it and her sister would leave again and she would once again have to get used to not having a sister just when she was getting used to having one again?
Stop thinking like that, Cassie, she told herself. She dried herself with a towel and used a quick charm to dry her hair. She put on a long skirt that fell right over her knees along with a turtleneck shirt. She let her hair down and put on a slight bit of make-up before pulling her navy blue robes over her outfit.
They were going for breakfast at the Three Broomsticks and then just see from there. Cassie hated that part. She would have preferred to plan something out but now, Amanda wanted to just wait and see. It only made Cassie more nervous.
She left her office, her heart already beating in her throat. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt this nervous. A few students who were on their way to the Great Hall for breakfast greeted her and she greeted them back. Sometimes she forgot to appreciate how great her job really was.
She made her way over to Hogsmeade and entered the Three Broomsticks. It was almost empty except for one woman. Amanda. She waved at Cassie and Cassie waved back, forcing an awkward smile. She walked over to the table and Amanda stood up.
What now? Shake hands? Hug? Wave again? Awkwardly say hello before sitting down?
Amanda hugged her tightly. Cassie was startled for a second but then hugged her back. It was nice to be hugging Amanda again. She had missed her more than she thought. They hugged tightly for a full five minutes before Amanda spoke up.
"Hi, Cassie," she said softly, pulling back from the hug. She had the same dark brown hair, the same brown eyes and the exact same smile. It had only been three years but still, she hadn't changed one bit.
"Hi, Amanda," she smiled. They sat down in the booth and just looked at each other for a moment. They were just there with each other and it felt unreal to Cassie. She had always thought that she would never see her family again but Amanda was right there. She was with her sister again.
"I'm sorry," Cassie chuckled. "This just feels so unreal. I mean I know we have been writing to each other for a while now but this is just so different." Amanda nodded and laughed too.
"I know, right? I'm not going to lie, I haven't slept all night because I was so nervous," she confessed. Cassie's eyes widened and her lips parted slightly.
"No way! I haven't either!" They laughed again. It felt so good to laugh with her sister again.
"Shall we order some tea and some breakfast then? I think we could both use something to fuel our energy levels," Amanda suggested. Cassie nodded. They ordered tea and breakfast and soon eased into a conversation.
"...it's not very busy at the moment but it's a great job. We have a nice small team of people working at the office. We all get along well," Amanda explained. "A few weeks ago we got alerted that someone had been illegally making Portkeys but with the help of the Aurors that got solved in a jiffy."
"Sounds like you've got it all figured out pretty well," Cassie smiled. It was going well so far. There was a slight bit of tension but perhaps Cassie had just created that in her mind. "And Mattheo? He works as a- what was it again?"
"He's an electrician," Amanda said. "It's a Muggle job, obviously, he is a Muggle after all. You know how Muggle's have light and electricity in general and all those kinds of things? Yeah, he installs the systems for that."
"Oh, so he's really smart then? I have always wondered how it works without magic," Cassie said. Amanda nodded.
"He's tried to explain it but I still think he's secretly a wizard too," she chuckled. "What about you? What's teaching at Hogwarts like? Isn't it weird with all the students who were already there when you were still a student?"
"It's not that weird anymore. I mean, it's an amazing job. The students seem to be enjoying my classes, I'm enjoying teaching them, they're used to me being such a young professor. But I'm not the only young professor anymore, I told you that Neville Longbottom is the new Herbology professor right?"
"Yes, you did! It must be nice to have someone of your age teaching with you," Amanda noted. Cassie nodded, trying her hardest not to start blushing. Sadly, the blood in her veins had a different idea and rushed to her cheeks. "No way, Cassie!"
"Shh," Cassie shushed her, looking at her empty plate. "It's nothing serious."
"Well, I best hope not! I mean, we both know it would be wrong for you to date again," Amanda said, leaning back. There it was. There was the one subject, the one thing, Cassie knew would rip them apart again.
She looked up and frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?" she asked.
"Come on, Cassie. You and I both know that people like you don't exactly make good partners, yeah?" Amanda asked, her face turning red. Cassie's heart started beating fast and she balled her hands into fists underneath the table.
"I know that, that's why it's nothing serious," she whispered.
"It can't be anything at all, Cassie. The poor lad... He deserves someone better, someone- someone normal," Amanda added. Cassie felt tears burn in her eyes.
"Excuse me?" she asked in a high pitched voice. Neville had been reminding her almost daily that she did deserve love and that she did deserve all things nice. That she was still Cassie, still a person with feelings who deserved to explore those feelings. Most times, she finally listened to the more positive voice that repeated Neville's words instead of the one that called her a monster.
"Cassie, don't be like this," Amanda sighed and played with her sleeve. "You know what I mean..."
"I don't actually so you best just say it," her voice was harsh. Amanda looked at her and shook her head. "What do you think of me? What do you see when you look at me? Go on then, tell me."
"Cassie-"
"Just be honest with me, yeah?"
"Fine. I love you. You're my sister, but you're still- you know," she sighed.
"Just say it. Just say the fucking word," Cassie hissed.
"Cassie come on!" Cassie looked at her angrily.
"I know I don't deserve him but he wants me. He knows me. He's not giving up on me. I'm the one holding us back because I think about myself the same way that you do but you know what? I don't deserve that. I'm still a person, Amanda," she said firmly. "Neville's convinced that I do deserve all those things."
"Neville's stupid then! Werewolves don't deserve that, Cassie! They're monsters. They murder people, eat them whole on full moons. I love you because you're my sister but that's the one part of you I will never learn to love. To accept. I'd rather just not talk about it," Amanda said. Cassie nodded.
"It's still part of me. You can't just ignore it. It brings complications, I know that better than anyone. I'm sick at least three days a month, that's only if I'm lucky, usually it's more. I transform against my will one night each month." Amanda looked away. "But I'm not a monster. I don't harm or kill anyone. I have a potion that helps the wolf sleep through the full moon. Prior to that the only person it harmed was me,"
"But you know what, Amanda? Now I know how you really feel. You can't ignore it. It's too big a part of me. It's me. It doesn't define me as a monster, not at all. I'm still a person. I'm still Cassie. If you'd rather not talk about it, then I'd rather not talk to you."
Amanda stood up and left without saying another word. Cassie slummed down in her seat, trying to blink away the tears that hard formed in her eyes. She didn't believe half the things she had said, but they needed to be said because what Amanda was implying wasn't fair either.
Neville had convinced her that she was indeed still a person. That she still had feelings, that she still deserved nice things in life. Just because she transformed once a month didn't mean she had to hide away on the good nights.
She often still felt like a monster. But slowly she was learning to accept that she really wasn't. She had never hurt anyone but herself. She never would. She had the potion and even if she didn't have it, she could lock herself away.
She wasn't the monster that Amanda thought that she was. And if she couldn't accept that part of Cassie, then she did not deserve Cassie at all. She paid Madam Rosmerta before walking back to Hogwarts with a heavy heart.
She had hoped that Amanda had been honest in her letters, that she genuinely loved Cassie enough to deal with the lycanthropy part. But she didn't and she would have to once again learn to accept that she did not have any family in her life apart from her aunt Lydia - who didn't even know about the lycanthropy.
Tears streamed down her face in silence as she walked back to her office. But she never got there. She didn't want to be alone. She wanted to be with the one person she knew who accepted her for the way she was, all the implications included.
She knocked on Neville's door and it swung open almost right away. "Cass! I was just about to go and grab some lunch- oh no," he said. His smile faltered the second he saw the tears on her cheeks. He stepped aside to let her in and hugged her tightly the second the door closed.
She clutched onto his jumper and cried into his chest. He stroked her hair gently and pressed a soft kiss on the top of her head. "Oh, Cass," he whispered, closing his eyes for a moment. They sat down on the sofa and Cassie cuddled into him, still crying.
She just felt so tired. So tired of the constant fear of people leaving her, of people not being able to love her because of her lycanthropy, of people being afraid of her. She was so tired of not feeling like herself because of this stupid wolf that resided in her.
He held her tightly and kept mumbling sweet words to her until she calmed down again. "She still thinks I'm a monster," she whispered. "I am. I know but-"
"You're not," Neville said sternly.
"She doesn't think I should be anything with you. She thinks you deserve someone normal. She's right but it still hurt," she whispered. Neville shook his head.
"Cass-"
"I told her. I'm not a monster, Amanda. It doesn't define me as a monster, not at all. I'm still a person. I'm still Cassie. You always say that, eh?" He nodded. "I told her that. She left. She didn't say anything else. She just left. I can't even fucking blame her."
"You can. That was wrong and-"
"It wasn't. I'm a monster, Neville. I'm not normal. I- Fuck!" She sat up and looked at him, her heart racing. "I'm so sorry, Neville. She's right. I shouldn't be doing this," she gestured between them, "I shouldn't be. You deserve someone normal-"
"Fine! If you don't think you're normal then fine! I don't want normal! I don't want a normal person then because I want you! I've told you that it doesn't change anything for me. Your sister's just a right git! If she can't see you're still Cassie, then she doesn't deserve to see you at all," he said.
"You're a beautiful person, inside and out, and it doesn't matter that for twelve nights a year you have to transform into a wolf. It doesn't matter, that a few days a month you get sick and irritated. It doesn't matter because it doesn't overpower the beautiful soul that you have. You're not a monster, you're not a bad person, Cass."
She looked at him, a few tears slipping down her cheeks again. He's right, Cassie. You're not a monster- You are a monster, Cassie. He deserves better and- No, he wants you. He deserves you, you deserve him. You deserve love- No you don't! You're a werewolf, a monster-
"Cass, stop that," he said, grabbing her hands. "Tell me what they're saying if you're going to listen to them but don't go through that all alone."
"How do you even know they're talking?" she whispered.
"I can see it in your eyes. You're fighting a battle that you shouldn't fight alone. I'm right here with you to fight with you, to support you, okay?" She hugged him tightly again.
"I can almost ignore the bad one, I promise. Almost," she whispered. He sighed and stroked her hair gently again. "I'm sorry."
"Hey, don't be sorry," he whispered. "I'll make sure you can ignore it, okay? I'll help you realise that you're a good person deserving of all things nice. That your lycanthropy doesn't define you. It's a part of you that people can love too, Cassie. You need to learn to love yourself, every part of you."
"People can learn to look past it," she repeated, but it wasn't what he had said.
"People don't need to look past it. Why should they look past it? Why should I look past it? I admire every part of you, including that part. I don't have to look past it. I'm taking that too. I want to take all of you." She looked at him for a moment with loving eyes and then kissed him softly.
"I need a drink now," she whispered after their kiss.
"Lucky for you, I just bought a new bottle of Firewhiskey last week," he grinned. They spent the rest of the afternoon, drinking, talking about other things, nicer things, and of course, making out. She had to remind herself to be careful because it would not take much longer before she would be falling. She could feel it happen already.
Cassie was falling in love with Neville.
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I know I uploaded only two days ago but I couldn't resist!! Also, I start working again tomorrow and I haven't worked since November so I'm very nervous!! I hope it doesn't completely drain me...
Have a lovely day!