1. Pressing a toy that says 'TRY ME' at the store and it won't stop, so you walk away like nothing happened.
2. "I can't eat anymore, I'm full!"
"Want dessert?"
"YEEEESSSSS!!!"
3. What it says: "DO NOT TOUCH"
What I see: "TOUCH WHEN NOBODY'S LOOKING"
4. Doctor: "Ok, so what's wrong how are you feeling?"
Me: *Looks at mom waiting for her to explain*
5. Mom: *gets into car*
Me: *violently shakes door handle until mom unlocks the door*
6. "Never mind" really means" you should have listened the first time"
7. Instead of LOL, try LSIMHBIWFEFMTALOL
Laughing Silently In My Head Because It Wasn't Funny Enough For Me To Actually Laugh Out Loud
8.Mom: "why is everything on the floor?"
Me: "gravity mom."
9. I wonder if Chinese tourists get angry when they get a souvenir from America just to find out it was made in China.
10. Alarm Clock: because every morning should begin with a heart attack
11. If someone calls you 'ugly', have a good comeback and say "excuse me I'm not a mirror."
12. Normal Friend: "wow, you are too pretty!"
Best Friend: "Shrek called, he wants his face back."
13. That awkward moment when I spell a word so wrong even auto-correct can't figure out what I meant.
14. That feeling of EPICNESS when you draw a wicked straight line without a ruler.
15. I hate when it's dark, and my mind is like "you know what we haven't thought about in a while? Monsters."
16. That awkward moment when you can't read your own handwriting.
17. A baby's laughter is the most beautiful sound you hear. Unless it's 3am. And your home alone. And you don't have a baby
18. Teacher: "Can you please tell the class why your late?"
Me: "Someone told me to go to hell.
I couldn't find it at first.
But now I'm here."
19. 3am phone call: "Hello. Are you sleep?"
Me: ".....Nooooooo. I'm skydiving....."
20. "Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything."