She almost thinks how she's never listened to someones words so close.
So vividly trying to make sense of the jumbled sentences they were throwing out.
Of course till it was someone who never showed even an ounce of feeling--vulnerability.
But this time she listened to him. Listened to every heavy weighted sentence.
All of his chaotic words, she even analyzed his tense veins that shot with his loud voice that almost cancelled everything else out.
And she has no clue on how to make sense of any of it.
Not even the others had seen Malfoy spit out such words, yet a day after his confession with Granger, as he entered the Manors dining room, his hands ravishing through his scalp, his face so red it looked as if he could burst, Theo knew he might have done something he had regret.
"Malfoy the hell is up with you?" Theo speaks in concern, as Malfoy bursts in, disheveled in every sense.
"Come on--give me one." Malfoy spits out, as he paces along the room, biting his lip so hard he could bleed.
Theo can see the crazy in his eyes, and he knows Malfoy is never stable enough for his own good.
He figures Malfoy would be dead without him.
"You're speaking crazy-" Theo says, as Malfoy does nothing but curse himself out beneath his breath.
"Hit me--stab me--curse me, fucking hex me for all I care, but make sure I never see her fucking face again--" He spoke, his face almost reading regret.
"The hell did you do this time?" Theo urgently speaks, trying with all he can to get something out of Malfoy, anything to explain his behavior.
"I told her--merlin--the shit I told her..." He speaks, his voice almost shaking.
And at this point Theo knows it's about Granger.
Of course it was.
"I told her I wanted her so fucking bad--how could I say such a thing?" Malfoy almost spirals, his regret eating him from the inside out.
It's all because what he said was too true for even him to handle.
That she would regret ever letting him touch her.
That a man like Weasley would be better fit for her. All his good morals--his heroic persona, everything he wasn't.
Everything Granger matched with was Weasley. And everything she loathed was him, a Malfoy, a death eater.
Or so he thought.
He didn't know how wrong he really was.
Because Hermione didn't match with whom everyone expected. No, she actually loathed the idea everyone made out for her. She had a different drive in her that people would have judged, but at the end of it all, people had the idea of her and Ron all wrong.
"Grab your wand and hex the living shit out of me--anything to make me stop fucking thinking about what I told her--"
As the effects of war came after the damage, Theo promised himself he'd lean off the drugs--the alcohol, all of it, and with that he made sure his best mate would do the same.
With time it became all that kept Malfoy sane. Without it he didn't have a coping outlet, he didn't have anything to keep him composed, and Theo saw how it effected him. Made him have outbursts. But he swore to keep it all away from the both of them.
"Listen--mate she's probably have forgotten what you told her by tomorrow." Theo tries to convince, but he dosen't know how sure he is himself.
"I hope she fucking does--I shouldn't have fucking told her any of it--how she regrets even looking my fucking way--she should--that bullshit on her arm, I watched her fucking get it--me--I didn't stop it--I heard her fucking screams and just fucking stood there--"
He practically snaps, this image, Hermione's arm, it's almost ingrained in his brain, it's in his nightmares, it's constantly swarming his conscious, he wonders why, how?
How can it possibly eat him from the inside out?
"I'm going fucking insane." He blurts, his breath rapid and heavy, as Theo has seen him like this too many times before.
And he curses at himself, screams, paces, he does it all, anything to get his anger out.
And Theo just watches him, and makes sure he stays stable enough to not pass out from anger.
"Let it out mate." Theo speaks, as he can see Malfoy ravish in his wilderness.
And he thinks how badly Malfoy needs to down a bottle of fire whiskey, every last drop till he forgets the name Granger.
Even then, that won't be enough.
Hermione notices It's the same as usual, after an unexpected conversation such as the one they had, its at least a week before he even looks her way. She's almost used to it. She still deems it pathetic on his end.
She does as she knows fit--stays clear of him till he puts his pride aside.
She thinks he never will.
During her usual bored-out stroll in the manor, she usually picks up a hand me down daily prophet to know what's happening outside the manors grounds. Never any good.
Death eaters, not only those convicted of taking a life or more during the war, and ones whom still stand by the lord himself are wanted in Azkaban, accompanied by a lifelong filled of uncanny, torturous curses. Andromeda Black is now sentenced to thirty years in Azkaban, an obliviation curse casted, and will not see the light of day.
Hermione is almost taken back. She wonders why she hadn't seen Andromeda for weeks too long, and now it made sense. Lord Voldemort might have won the war and had a ledge of power, yet even then people wouldn't give in to his ideologies.
There were still people who wanted everyone with that mark dead, And Hermione knew they were most likely looking for every surviver of the war. Her and whom ever else Voldemort had held captive.
She reads the prophet on.
Trials are being carried out, Lucius Malfoy is up for next stands, yet rumor has it the ministry will have no mercy based on his several accounts.
We will not be at peace till Voldemort falls, and with him all his loyal subjects locked up in chains for life, cursed to oblivion, poison inflicting their hatred.
Death eaters will not rule us much longer.
The ministry stands by that.
And the words are not warnings, they are threats. And all Hermione thinks of is the death eaters she knew. The ones she once sat behind in class.
"Death eaters will not rule much longer." Theo repeats coming form out the hall, as Hermione finished that exact line.
"Thats what it says, isn't it?" He speaks, so very potently trying to cover his fear. Hermione sees this.
"It says a lot worse than that--poison, obliviation, cursed--are you not scared?" Hermione asks, as Theo leans behind the wall.
"Why be scared, when you're used to it?" Theo speaks, a lifeless chuckle escaping his lips.
"Granger, if you think now they are just starting to hate our every step, then you my friend are wrong."
Hermione had an idea of what he insinuated, she picked up on it back at Hogwarts.
"Granger, people back at that wretched school used to have their suspicious on us, why'd you think the teachers treated us like scum?" He starts.
"Cormac--remember that absolute arse? Yeah he went running to the headmaster after he had his 'suspicions' on my so called alarming behavior--utter bullshit." Theo snickers, as him and Cormac always had their casualties.
"Is that why you two fought in the court yard?" Hermione asks, remembering why those two walked off so mad.
"Yeah, I gave that man a good reason to shut his snitching arse up." Theo scoffs.
Hermione looks back at the prophet, her eyes trailing back to specific, alarming words. The ministry wouldn't have an ounce of mercy. Yes, there were to be trials, but she knew that was simply another word for last words and pleads of mercy.
They wanted every death eater dead. Regardless of their rolls. Regardless of who they were.
Thats why Voldemort was desperate for the Horcruxes, no way for him to be killed, no way for him not to take rule. It all made sense.
If he had no way of being diminished, him and his loyal army would be ale to prosper without conflict. But the issue was he hadn't an idea of where the Horcruxes were, and now his death eater army was being caught, and chained one by one.
First Andromeda, next, most likely Lucius.
"These--threats, these so called warnings they are not empty nor light--they want you all dead." Hermione urges, as Theo has nothing but a questioning look.
"You care don't you?" Theo asks, arching a brow, as she's taken back.
"What do you mean?" She asks in defense.
"Malfoy, you--"
"No--stop, right there, do, not finish that sentence." Hermione warns, before Theo even gets a chance to speak.
"I see." Theo pokes around her stance. Identifying her state.
"Well, I don't need to finish it, I know what you think and feel, Granger, you are not very good at hiding emotion." The speaks, knowing everything he needs to know.
Theo notices Hermione scratching her arm with aggression, it's far too familiar to when he did the same to his dark mark.
"The ministry, they don't care about anyones story, the trials are utter rubbish, they want every death eater behind bars, and they won't stop till its true." Hermione speaks, doing her best to subdue any emotion, even though anger slightly lined her from within.
She thought the policy was quite rubbish. She knew the ministry didn't care about hearing any of them out, life in Azkaban was the fate for them all. That wasn't morally correct, And Hermione cared lots about morals.
"Glad you've caught on." Theo speaks, as Hermione wants so badly to understand his calm and ease. Then again it seems as if he's been taught to stay calm since the day he got that mark on his skin.
Same for Malfoy, Zabini, Parkinson, all of them.
"Granger, that looks bad." Theo says signaling to the rapid irritation on her arm.
"Its fine." She say's, trying to stop itching it redundantly, but the irritation carries on.
This happened often for her, her scar would be irritated, red, itchy, scratchy, overall an enormous amount of pain. Yet she never wanted to make it obvious, she tried to ignore it as a whole.
It's now clear that slight blood is tricking threw her sleeve, staining her shirt as it seeps.
"Granger, it's bad, lift your sleeve." Theo urges, as Hermione bites back her tongue to hide any screams of pain.
"Hell, of course you won't listen to me." Theo says, jogging off into the hall, as Hermione sits and hopes he's not getting help, but deep down she knew he of course was.
Malfoy trails by Theo, as he sees her clutching her arm, blood trickling down.
"Granger--"
She pulls back her sleeve, her arm exposed to the open air, blood bleeding through the bandage, her forehead trickling sweat, her trying to look away to avoid looking at the blood, yet she still grips tight, her fingernails etching into her skin.
"No--I'm fine--I don't need help" She screams, not wanting Malfoy to inch closer to her, not wanting a hand in help.
She would be lying if she said she wasn't ashamed of it. The wording was placed so messily, yet at the same time so clear. A person a mile away could read it, and that made it all that much worse. She wished no one would be able to read it. Not even her.
"Granger, let me fucking help you." Malfoy almost begs, yet she covers it to the best of her ability.
She was trying to subdue her screams, yet they were inevitable.
"Why? This--this is what I am to you, right? This--word--this repulsive word, you agree with it don't you, why would you want to help me?" She exclaims, pushing him back.
"I'm the mudblood, aren't I? Thats what I am to you isn't it?" She shouts.
"Just the dirty mudblood, thats all you see me as right?"
She clamps her hand right over it, trying to stop the blood.
The rampaging tension between the two is thick and heavy, weighing the both of them down, they're words shooting like daggers, and every sentence of offense hits them In the chest like a sharp blade.
Thats how they're harsh and bitter words stung to each other.
"I don't need your help--I needed it when I first got this--now---now it doesn't mater anymore." She seethes through the pain, trying to get herself stable.
"I was fine before I got this--I was alright, I made it out of so much, but this, this she got away with." Hermione tries to stop her rambles but they flow like a stream.
"I'll live with it--for the rest of my life I have to look at it." She speaks, as Malfoy struggles to even look at her himself. He's not a good man, he knows he'll never be, but when he hears her screams he can't even look at her without wanting to beat the shit out of himself.
Hermione feels herself loosing blood rapidly, her eyes stuck to his, and him struggling to watch her crumble.
"Granger, come on let me help you." He tries over and over.
"Its your guilty conscious isn't it?" She gasps out.
"Granger you're loosing too much fucking blood, let me help you." He rushes next to her, grabbing her forearm, blood staining his fingers and palm.
"I don't want you to." She tries to break free from his grip.
"Why--why now? Why help now, why not when she put this on me?" She speaks, her voice trembling.
"You just fucking watched--thats it."
"I didn't do this, I'd never fucking do this, you fucking know that!" He shouts.
"Yeah but you watched her."
"Thats enough damage."
"I couldn't fucking do anything--she would have killed us all, call me a fucking coward if you must--"
"I will."
"A coward Malfoy, selfish, thats what you are."
"Good--call me it a million times Granger, because If I had the chance to fucking do something, I would have, I swear on my life I would have, till this day you're screams fucking haunt me, that rubbish on your arm follows me wherever I go, I...."
"And I swear It doesn't mean anything, that word on you're arm, it means nothing." He sighs out, taking a deep breath in.
He looked at her gasping for a breather as he ran his hand through his hair. He looked as if he had a million more words to say but didn't know how.
He didn't know what he could possibly say to make it better. He didn't know if that were even possible.
"I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry, nothing I say can change it, I should have done something, fucking anything--but I didn't, I should have helped, I messed up so fucking badly." He went on, and to her surprise she has now heard him say an apology. She never thought she would have.
"I should have done better, and If I could I would." He begs out.
She can feel the loud booming of her pulse, and the smell of her blood filling the room, as her breathing slowed.
She felt different after what he said. What he needed to say, words that had to be spoken the second she got that wretched engraving.
He's almost out of breath as he speaks.
"Nothing I can do or say will make up for the disgusting shit I have said and done, nothing, I'm a foul man and an apology won't change that, but listen here, I swear on everything I am, everything I live for, that I can't say I'm sorry enough, but I swear I mean it, I fucking do."
It seemed as if he almost struggled through thick mud to get the words off his tongue. Words he has practiced and recited, words he had to put away his pride for.
Hermione took in deep slow breaths, trying to push through the pain, as her arm almost felt numbly painful.
"It burns." She slowly speaks.
"Please Granger, let me help." he urgently spoke.
She takes a deep breath.
"Fine." She softly says.
She felt her body go weak, as she laid against the wall, Malfoy accompanying right by her, keeping her conscious, making sure she stayed awake.
"Theo, mate, my wand, it's in the other room, give it to me fast." He speaks as Theo rushes to get his wand.
Malfoy picked her up and brought her over to the rooms couch as her head rested against his hand, keeping her leveled.
"You're awful Malfoy..." She subtly whispers.
"I know, I'm terrible, you hate my guts, as you should, but I need to keep you conscious."
"Ron...he--he'd never help me... never." She whispers, as her eyes struggle to stay open.
"I know Granger, you can tell me all about that shit hole when you're not passing out, alright?" He spoke, using his thumb to dry her slightly falling tear.
He held her as the blood fell from her arm, staining his entire sleeve, and hand till it was almost entirely crimson red.
"Come on Granger, stay with me." he urges, looking as if his life is on the line.
Theo came rushing in, handing him his wand.
And as he sat right there with her, she questioned it all. How did her hate for this man carry so deep when he's in shambles to keep her alive?
He used his wand to recite blood restoring spells, a weaker charm, yet he was trying all he can. Her blood in comparison to the spells strength wasn't quite matchable.
He struggled to stare at it as he tried to restore her. The mark it was painfully rattling, it lived in his head and toyed with his mind. And he has no one but himself to blame.
"You look good trying to save me Malfoy." She whispered out dully, feeling the spells from within her arm.
"And you look good accepting my help Granger." He sighs out, almost wishing he could make it stop. Make this painful, dull, lifeless look in her eyes vanish without a trail of it coming back.
"Theo, mate, bandages in the bathrooms cabinet." He told Theo, as he jogged back again, bringing him bandages, and a warm wet towel to dry the blood down.
Hermione slowly felt the tolls of the spells taking place, and her eyes almost fully being awaken, as her body grew less and less weak. She felt Malfoy's cold hands grip her wrist, her scar facing up to the cold daft in the room, as he gently used the warm sunken rag on her forearm, in gentle, tapping motions. He used the blood restoring spell more than once, till he felt she was able to regain a decent amount of strength.
Theo checked to see the two of them handling her wound, and quietly made his exit.
"Thank yo--"
"No Granger, I don't need a thanks." he cuts her off mid way.
"Not for saving your life, never thank me for that." He leans in, subtly whispering in her ear, as he listened to her necks pulse, assuring it was normal and steady.
He used the clean side of the wet rag to make sure it was cleaned and placed a bandage right on top making sure it was sealed.
"I hate looking at it..." She subtly whispered, Malfoy sitting right by her holding her arm up.
"You don't have to, just...keep it bandaged." He spoke softly, as she started at him with slight gloss in her eyes.
"Alright." She replies, as he dosen't leave.
And as she lies there, he questions what he could have done.
He watches the dried tears stick to her skin and recites the words 'I'm sorry' in his head.
Hermione clamps her hand over the bandage and tries with all her might to forget the word embedded on her skin.
And theres a thought in the back of her head, one that remembers the mistreatment of the death eaters back at Hogwarts, and now they're attainable fate behind bars or even worse.
And it simply doesn't sit right with her.
Hello everyone, I know it took me a while to update, but here it is.
Let me know how you are liking it so far, and all your thoughts in the comments.