Beta: Cloudy
Here's the promised angst seasoning / punch to the gut depending on how attached you are to these characters. Mwah.
Warning: If you're already in a bad mind state, I would suggest holding off until the next couple chapters are posted so you can binge read straight to the ooey gooey warmth (epilogue coming soon and will be titled so you can easily spot it!). The story should be completed July 3rd, 2021. Please take care of your mental health. Love you.
(≖‿‿≖)ノ⌒●~*
The snow melted around the school as February arrived. It was replaced by cold, dreary wetness. Purplish-gray clouds hung low over the castle, and a constant fall of chilly rain made the lawns slippery and muddy. The upshot of this was that the sixth years' first Apparition lesson, which was scheduled for a Saturday morning and took place in the Great Hall.
I headed into the Great Hall with all of my snakes. The tables had disappeared. Rain lashed against the high windows and the enchanted ceiling swirled darkly above them as they assembled in front of Professors McGonagall, Snape, Flitwick, and Sprout and a small wizard that I guessed was meant to be the Apparition instructor from the Ministry. He was oddly colorless, with transparent eyelashes, wispy hair, and an insubstantial air, as though a single gust of wind might blow him away. I wondered whether constant disappearances and reappearances had somehow diminished his substance, or whether this frail build was ideal for anyone wishing to vanish.
"Good morning," said the Ministry wizard, when all the students had arrived and the Heads of Houses had called for quiet. "My name is Wilkie Twycross and I shall be your Ministry Apparition instructor for the next twelve weeks. I hope to be able to prepare you for your Apparition Tests in this time.
"As you may know, it is usually impossible to Apparate or Disapparate within Hogwarts. The headmaster has lifted this enchantment, purely within the Great Hall, for one hour, so as to enable you to practice. May I emphasize that you will not be able to Apparate outside the walls of this Hall, and that you would be unwise to try.
"I would like each of you to place yourselves now so that you have a clear five feet of space in front of you."
There was a great scrambling and jostling as people separated, banged into each other, and ordered others out of their space. The Heads of Houses moved among the students, marshaling them into position and breaking up arguments.
"Thank you," said Twycross. "Now then—"
He waved his wand. Old-fashioned wooden hoops instantly appeared on the floor in front of every student.
"The important things to remember when Apparating are the three D's!" said Twycross. "Destination, Determination, Deliberation!
And on the lesson went.
I wasn't a natural at Apparition. I spun around and lost my balance several times in the beginning.
One time I spun around too fast that when I landed I actually bruised my tailbone. After the lessons were over, I hobbled over to the hospital wing. I was pink-cheeked when I had to go to Pomfrey and ask for a bruising salve.
Unfortunately...
Super... duper unfortunately... as I was asking for the bruising salve, Cormac McLaggen came in with a swagger and broken arm.
I knew he was a kiddo. I was mentally well into my forties, so I really shouldn't react, but he—he—made a comment about my bum.
It was just a reflex. My accio popped out both of his shoulders so quickly that he didn't even register what happened for several seconds after the pops were heard in the infirmary.
Sigh.
Maybe Sirius had the right idea keeping me from dressing too provocatively. He was always so worried how I'd react if catcalled.
I'd have probably been more violent if an adult cat-called me while I was clearly underage, I allowed. Darn teenage hormones and my apparent violent nature.
(≖‿‿≖)ノ⌒●~*
The following evening I got to visit Tom. I hopped out of my chest, eager to spend another lovely night with him, but found that my dear was in a dark mood.
He sat in his recliner, leaning forward as he glared at the Necronomicon. All the curtains were drawn closed, and the only light in the entire house was the crackling fireplace in the den.
"Tom?" I asked uneasily, staring at the Dark book that for some reason made me think of squirming spike-covered tentacles. "Did you—did you figure out what to do for your next body? Is it—is it hard?"
"Oh. I found my answer all right," he chuckled bitterly, throwing the book across the room. "Not that it'll do me any good."
Unease prickled me as I felt his dark anger. His magic was heavy in the room, pressing upon me like a tide of cold bitter fury and regret. Slowly, quietly, I slunk to the floor beside him and placed my hands and chin on his knee. "What's wrong?"
Tom broodily stared into the fire, his jaw clenched tightly in anger.
"Incomplete," he muttered. "It doesn't matter what I place my soul in—because it has been torn apart it's begun a decaying process. No vessel for it will remain impervious to time. Evidently, even the original objects I had placed them inside would have eroded. Immortality is impossible for one with a fractured soul. Isn't that funny?"
He scowled hatefully into the fire, his fingers drumming on the armrest.
He went on, "There is no salvaging the damage done. Even if all the pieces stopped degrading at this instant, the ritual to put it back together would likely shatter the smaller fragments."
I was silent as I digested that information, a pang of sympathy stirring the pit of my stomach.
Unlike me, Tom had a strong fear of death. He had gone to extreme lengths to avoid it, absolutely determined to live as long as he possibly could. He was already greatly perturbed by seeing what Voldemort had become, but now knowing the measures he had taken to avoid death would ultimately condemn him to it...
It was no shock that Tom was upset. Furious, even.
If healing his soul was no longer an option, then that meant there was only one path to take.
I murmured, "Then... the only solution would be to undo what happened."
"Right," he scoffed. "And pray tell, Rosie, how do you suggest such a thing?"
"Time travel."
He gave me a look of utter disbelief, as if I had grown three heads mid-conversation.
I held up my hands. "Not in a linear sense. Rather, I would suggest crossing dimensions and traveling back in time."
Again, he kept staring at me.
"This world carries on, and you send your soul back in time. You fuse with your past self so you've got a complete soul, and I—I don't know."
"You're insane."
"It's not impossible. I can start creating mass amounts of magic stones to use to power it," I pointed out. "We know time travel is possible with magic, and I know with absolute certainty other dimensions of reality exist."
At that, Tom's jaw dropped. He abruptly shut it closed as his eyes widened. In an instant his anger was gone, replaced by a thousand racing ideas that sparked new life in his eyes.
We sat in silence as Tom's brilliant mind worked through the probability of success and I patiently waited.
Time travel...
If it was possible...
I thought back to Lily. Closing my eyes, I could perfectly envision her terrified face as her scream tore through the air. The guilt and shame of that night reared its cold claws as they dug into me.
If I could do it over again—save her—
Time travel.
Once it was in my head, I couldn't stop thinking about it. The prospect of being able to provide my family with an even better life—oh the temptation was strong.
Not to mention time travel!
There were so many things I could do—so many schemes I could put together.
I could—I could potentially stop World War II! I could—I could invest heavily in big companies and when they were in power I could make them go green. I could switch the entire planet's focus from non renewable energy sources to something else.
Maybe.
Er.
I mean—it was certainly going to be a lot easier to do so with future knowledge than it would be in the present.
And wouldn't it count as an epilogue to my prophecy? Therefore—Fate shouldn't intervene?
If what was done was already done and instead we were moving on to an alternate universe...
The potential.
Oh, the tantalizing potential.
Of course it'd be after I saw Harry have his grandkids. I had to make sure everyone was taken care of, finish setting up the necessary bills, have an epic showdown between Robin Hood and Gentleman Rose. It'd give us plenty of time to prepare, and—
"I'll need to set a date," he said in a soft voice. "The longer I work on the equation, the more power it will require, and the more complicated it will become. The sooner I complete it, the better."
A date.
Wait sooner?
Which meant—
"How long?" I asked him, a small tremor in voice as I realized what Tom meant.
Tom considered it. "I—I can wait until after you graduate."
Ah.
Oh.
Oh, my. Oh, my, my.
Crucio hurt. Crucio hurt a lot. But the fact that Tom and I had an expiration date made me breathless. The entire world tilted as my mouth dried out. I could hear my heart pounding harshly in my head, but I could only feel the pinpricks of icicles digging into my chest.
No.
I didn't—I didn't want that.
My world tilted sideways and I suddenly found it difficult to catch my breath, like a strangling claw stole it away from me. I couldn't even feel the ground underneath me, everything giving away in a rush of agony.
I don't want to lose him.
And the alternative—
A life without my family.
To say goodbye to Tom, or say goodbye to everyone else.
Both hurt. Hurt a lot.
Hurt so much that my eyes immediately started to burn. I quickly looked away, ashamed of the burst of raw emotions that shot through me. I quivered, pulling away from Tom even as he reached for me.
But, two lifetimes of learning to compartmentalize and distance myself from intense trauma had me mentally shoving that hysteria aside.
Pain was a lot easier to control than anger.
Pain was something I was intimately familiar with from my first life, after all.
With that dissociation, my logical side went to work.
It wasn't only a question of Tom v Family.
It was also a chance to undo my greatest regret—Lily's death. To save a woman who so dearly deserved a chance at motherhood.
To save the woman who taught me how to love again, despite how horrible my life prior was.
It was a chance to go back further and help even more people. I could, potentially, stop Fenrir from ever experiencing that horrid childhood of his. I could remove Sirius and Regulus from their abusive homes. I could save Snape from his father. I could—
I could do so much.
But I could also do a lot of damage.
I wasn't perfect, and making such a huge change that far back—
What if I made everything worse? What if in giving up this version of happiness, I was condemned to something far more tragic? What if Lily was never even born in the new timeline because of something I inadvertently did?
What if it was all for nothing?
It was a gamble, a huge, daunting unknown factor that terrified me in an indescribable way.
But Tom...
Did I take that gamble and keep Tom, or did I play it safe and lose him?
What would I regret more?
With a small voice, and burning eyes, I whispered, "I don't want to lose you."
Tom did not respond right away. His eyes met my own and for a moment I thought he could see straight through me—that he could feel exactly how hurt I was.
He reached for me as I reached for him, pulling me into his arms and embracing me tightly. He kissed the top of my head, gently running fingers through my hair.
"You have a life here," he whispered.
"I have a life with you, too," I said quietly, wishing my voice would stop trembling. "I love you."
"Rosie, this is very sudde and would be a lot to ask of you," he said gently. "But please... Please take the time to think about this—"
"—I—"
"Don't bring it up again for at least a week," he said. "If you choose me, choose me. If you don't, then let's enjoy our time together in peace."
"A week," I echoed weakly.
"One week," he said. "At least that long."
I closed my eyes. "Okay."
The rest was a blur. Our emotions were raw and powerful, and our need to be close was overwhelming.
But come morning I knew I had a lot of thinking to do.
And I couldn't do it alone.
(≖‿‿≖)ノ⌒●~*
"Harry?"
"Yes, Rosie?"
"We need to talk."
(≖‿‿≖)ノ⌒●~*
It was a blur. I didn't even remember leaving Tom, yet somehow I made it back to Hogwarts, found Harry, and dragged us to the Room of Requirement. In the Room of Requirement, Harry listened as I told him. I had to omit certain aspects of the time travel—the reason why, for example, as I didn't want to explain Tom's secret. He did not react right away, not until I started to cry, and only then did he reach out and pull me into a hug.
It was hard to get through. My voice kept cracking and faltering as I said everything in my head.
How I loved Tom.
How I loved my family.
How I could save everyone—or accidentally make it worse.
What was best? What was worse?
Would I lose everything if I tried? What did I do? What did I do?
I sobbed in my brother's arms, unable to see an easy answer. "I don't know what to do, Harry... I don't know... I don't want to lose him, but I don't want to lose you either... "
He comforted me, remaining firm and steady as he waited for me to collect myself.
Harry's arms tightened as he held me. He did not speak for a long time, only holding me as he sorted through his own thoughts.
After what felt like an eternity, his voice cracked as he said, "You have done so much for me. For others. You have worked hard for our family, and for complete strangers. I am so grateful for what you have done, and I am so proud to be your brother."
There was another long pause as he took a shaky breath.
"And as your brother, I think I know you pretty well. If you stay, you would be staying for others, but not for yourself. I want you to choose what you want—what's best for you. Even if that means saying goodbye."
"Oh, Harry..."
"I love you, Rosie," he said, squeezing me tightly. "More than I can say."
I sniffled as more tears fell from my eyes. We held each other tightly, both quietly crying as we realized what answer I would choose. I wasn't sure how much time had passed—long enough my eyes had dried up and my head pounded.
Rubbing at my eyes, I mumbled, "Harry?"
"Yes, Rosie?"
"Your mind palace... did you finish building it?"
"Enough, I suppose."
"Enough to keep your memories?"
"Yeah."
"Then..." I pressed my forehead against his. "I want to give you mine. I want you to keep these memories. Whenever you feel sad, whenever you feel angry, whenever you miss me, look through these. Feel how much I love you, and how often I think of you. Remember the best times we shared and the worst."
He smiled wryly, eyes puffy and red. "I wish I could make new ones with you."
"Every story comes to an end, my darling Harry."
"How much time do we have?"
"We still have a few years left. We need to prepare."
"Then... can you do me a favor? A promise."
"Yes."
"Take my memories too. And Paddy's, and Uncle Moony's, and everyone willing to share. I don't—I don't want you to forget how much we love you. Not even for a second."
The tears came back. I thought I didn't have any left to spare, but Harry's words spurned on a new wave. I hiccuped as I sobbed, leaning heavily into my brother.
Together, we mourned what could have been.
(≖‿‿≖)ノ⌒●~*
I couldn't stop crying over the next few days. I skipped out on my classes, and my snakes fretted about me with great concern. It was cute, and any other time I would have been endeared, but I was too hurt to appreciate it.
No matter what I chose, I would lose something. There was no winning in this scenario, no ultimate happy ending I could achieve.
Everything comes to an end.
Why did this hurt so much worse than dying ever did?
Even though I had made my choice, I still had to process it—to accept it.
In a way, it was ironic.
I said goodbye to my first life, and now I would say goodbye to my second life.
The only difference was I had people I loved in my second life, and who in turn loved me.
How... silly.
Fate must be having quite the laugh. I worked so hard for one ending, and I wouldn't even see it through.
Then again—I always had that chance. Death could have come at any moment. I was already incredibly lucky to survive Death's Kiss, and I had narrowly escaped death several times over as Rosie Potter. I could have had an aneurysm at any point in my life and dropped dead without a second to react. Tom could have been pure evil from the start and killed me in my sleep the first time I gave him a chance.
I made it pretty far, and I did a lot in my short time.
I was proud of what I had done.
And I would be proud of what I would do.
I wouldn't be alone.
Never again.
(≖‿‿≖)ノ⌒●~*
When the tears dried up, and the headache abated, I returned to Tom with my decision. Our home was dark, and I had to search for Tom before I could find him. He had hidden himself in his office, everything scattered and messy as he frequently ran his fingers through his disheveled hair.
He was paler than normal, his clothes in disarray, and his dark eyes regarded with me caution until they met my gaze and—
Relief entered his features, and he sagged forward as if a heavy burden had been lifted.
He reached for me as I reached for him and we embraced tightly.
"I love you," I said.
"Thank you," he said.
"I'll go with you."
"I promise you'll never be alone," he whispered. "Rosie I—thank you."
I tiredly smiled into his chest. "You are welcome, my dear, dear Tom."
He held me tightly, kissing the top of my head.
(≖‿‿≖)ノ⌒●~*
Bonus to light up the mood - Canon Golden Trio meeting Bucket List!Harry
Someone a long time ago wanted to see an interaction between canon and this story. One scene immediately came to mind and I've been waiting for an opportunity to use it. :)
BL!Harry: -sighs heavily-
C!Harry: What's wrong with you?
BL!Harry: I'm struggling with coming to terms with the fact that Lord Voldemort has been inside of my sister.
C!Ron: Sorry to hear that, mate. I know how that feels.
BL!Harry: What? You do?
C!Ron: Yeah, he possessed my little sister her first year.
BL!Harry:
BL!Harry: ... Possessed? That's it?
C!Ron: Well, yeah. Why?
BL!Harry: I wish that was the case with mine.
C!Harry: What do you mean?
C!Ron: Yeah, how else can—
C!Hermione: -gasps and starts to look a little sick-
C!Harry: -realizes it and also starts to look a little sick-
C!Ron: ????? -then realizes it- OH. OH NO.
C!Harry: That's terrible!
C!Hermione: I am so sorry. Is she okay?
BL!Harry: -sighs- She's ecstatic. She rubs it in my face if I ever piss her off.
Canon Trio:
Canon Trio:
Canon Trio: ???????
BL!Harry: Well... I should probably head back. She threatened to send the werewolf army after me if I was late getting home. Was nice meeting you all.
C!Harry: What?
C!Hermione: Werewolf what?
C!Ron: Is she a Slytherin?
BL!Harry: Oh, the dementor's here to pick me up. Bye.
C!Harry: That world's mental.
ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ
I couldn't get the idea out of my head. Picturing their faces makes me cackle. No joke I'd pay for that scene to be drawn xD
Some of ya'll guessed he was staring at her booty last chapter. Ya'll wrong. That's way too tame and would only elicit an annoyed look from Harry. Tom actively provoked him. I'll explain how in one of the final chapters.
Also been foreshadowing this ending since like year one. Re-readers have fun finding all my little hints. :) You will never not see it now, hahaha.
Answer: Facing Valkyrie (ik she's technically the protagonist but she turns into such an abusive meanie butt to Skulduggery it feels more fitting to have her as a villain), Saruman, Grindelwald, and The Thing (from the book). Whoo boy.
Question: How do you defeat your enemy team? Deus Ex Machina allowed, even encouraged so go wild my lovelies.
See ya'll June 27th, 2021~
Reviews are love!