ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴛᴡᴇɴᴛʏ-ғɪᴠᴇ
To Be So Lonely
Adjusting to life without Elora Rayne proved to be a more formidable feat than Louis had let himself imagine. Obviously, the loss of her radiant presence in his daily life was expected to be a shock but the true emptiness he experienced in her absence ached within his being. The day that she left he was still swimming in the river of denial, aloof to all reality that he may never see her again - because they had promised. They promised to see each other again, even if it could only be in a few months. Louis had the money to fly out whenever he liked but everyone agreed that she should be allowed some to readjust herself.
Keeping himself from chasing after her was the difficult part. He didn't understand why he couldn't have just flown down with her. Except he did, his heart broken mind was just stubborn and idiotically illogical - which is why he had three singers surrounding him at all hours. It felt a little bit like house arrest except they were forcing him outside the confines of his home into the wild streets that were perceivably duller without Elora's child-like entrancement at every sight.
The boys had reasoned that he needed to keep busy until he felt ready to address what was happening in his life. He wasn't sure how he'd be able to recognise his readiness if he was so busy avoiding his issues but he wasn't about to refute their logic. It was better that way, he told himself, if he just allowed them to drag him along and made sure he didn't fall into a spiral.
The issue was just that they all had their own lives and obligations, most of them had promised their families that they'd return home for a bit at the start of the hiatus. If they didn't have familial obligations, they were planning backpacking expeditions (Niall) or running from their problems just as much as Louis was (Liam).
Whilst they were all sad about the loss of Elora, she had managed to impact each of them in her own odd way, no one truly felt throbbing pain of her empty space like Louis. Harry was close but that was because he was instinctively an emotional personal and had the niggling problem of being slightly, adorably infatuated with her. Theoretically, that awkward mishap should have caused a rift to form between them but they were best friends - Louis was even his legal guardian for a while - and understood each other on an intimate level.
Harry saw how much his older companion was struggling when Elora left and took it upon himself to temporarily move in for a bit. Louis had argued petulantly but eventually Harry's copious tiredly raised eyebrows and unimpressed expressions got him to resignly agree and accept his company. The curly-haired man cooked for him because, despite his age and years of independence, he was still a disaster in the kitchen. He also watched a confusing mixture of football, reruns of old TV shows he was pretty certain Louis hated and crime documentaries that made him flinch. When they weren't living in adorable domesticity, Harry was dragging the sombre idiot along with him to gatherings and shopping trips or getting him absolutely wasted.
The issue with a sad Louis around people was that his normal magnetic energy that iconically excited everyone else also worked with his negativity and he dragged down everyone's mood. Taking him shopping also proved futile because he remained a true chav and held no interest in fashion so grew speedily bored and snappy. Harry held out hope for clubbing and alcohol, despite how unhealthy it was as a solution to problems, and thought for a moment that it would work. That was until every night they went out, he'd get obliteratingly drunk and dance on tables with rambunctious moves until the hour where the switch flicked and he'd be sobbing into his taller friend's shoulder. The words were always garbled with snot and shots but Harry didn't have to try very hard to figure out who he was mourning.
Some nights he'd sit and listen as Louis cried out 'should've told her I love her' and 'she's so fooking perfect' and 'why can't I have her'. Other nights, normally when Harry himself was feeling particularly sensitive and alone, he couldn't bear to listen and ushered the inebriated lad into a cab. When they'd get home, Louis would be trying to call Elora and Harry would consider letting him just so he could hear her voice again. He'd inevitably gather his wits and steal the phone from Louis' smaller hands.
Sometimes she would call Harry and he'd run into a separate room so that Louis wouldn't hear. The sting of guilt would penetrate his heart every time but he'd try to reason his way out of his betrayal as he waited for the call to connect. They were friends as well and Harry dreadfully missed her. Each time he allowed himself a moment to stop worrying about Louis, the pain of losing Elora would tidal wave over him and he'd be smacked breathless for a while. He couldn't talk to Louis about it, not really, because he knew that it was so much worse for him - but sometimes he just wanted to mourn the loss of his friend as well.
She'd ask him about his life and what he was doing, whether he'd gone home yet and how it felt to not be stuck to a schedule. He'd respond amicably and their genial conversation would comfort him enough that when she finally asked that question, he only had to sigh instead of break down into tears.
"How is he?" her gentle voice would murmur into his ear and he'd lean against the wall, a deep weariness settling in his shoulders.
"I don't want to lie to you, E."
Her exhale would crackle in the speaker and he'd delude himself into feeling the sensation against his neck, "Why won't he tell me the truth? I want to be there for him even if I can't properly hold his hand."
He'd clench his eyes shut against the sting and swallow before reminding her, "He doesn't want to seem weak. Wants to pretend that he can cope just fine."
They'd rest in silence for a moment, both unwilling to acknowledge how dependent he'd been on her to get through the breakup of the band and how her departure really screwed him over. She'd blame herself and he'd emphatically assure her that there is no way she could do anything different.
They'd be quiet once more and then she'd say words that would ring in his head every moment of the day, especially when he felt exhausted, scared and oh so lonely.
"I miss you - all of you, I really do - but I miss you specifically, I hope you know that. I know I ask about him but I genuinely care about how you're coping and whether you're allowing yourself to be young for once. Are you drinking enough water, getting enough sleep, doing your yoga and eating your obscenely healthy meals? Are you living your life and enjoying it? Please tell me you are, Haz."
He'd allow a tear or two to fall from his eyes whilst fighting the enamoured smile from his face and the adoration shining in his heart. No one really called him 'Haz' anymore and he kind of liked that she had taken to.
"I'll do my best," he'd promise her, "Just because you asked so nicely."
She'd chuckle and thank him jokingly before repeating it, a sincerity in her tone that clenched around his heart. He'd stay like that even when they shared their farewells and promises for future calls. His phone would vibrate with a message a minute later with her begging him to allow himself to relax without worrying about Louis, instructing him to ship the lad off to Doncaster and Harry would smile at her compassion before shutting off his phone and seeking out the aforementioned singer.
Elora Rayne liked to think she was doing well. The timing had worked out that she had a month of relaxing before graduation but, upon settling in, she realised how much she yearned to busy herself. At first everyone gave her some time to sleep and readjust, allowing her introverted nature to calm down. Eventually though, people wanted stories and details, photos and momentos. She very quickly grew tired of explaining how amazing London was and that, yes, she saw more of England and that, yes, she met some interesting people but no, she didn't have a summer romance.
It got old very quickly.
What remained with her, however, was her longing for those she had left behind. As a notoriously sentimental person, Elora liked keeping those she loved in her life. Obviously, that meant she was ecstatic to see some of her friends and family again for she had missed them dearly. It just so happened that six months, or rather three, was enough time for her heart to latch onto her new friends. Her time away, frolicking with independence and waltzing with anonymity had caused her to change. Yes, she remained true to herself but there was no denying that she had felt at home in London in a way that she had never felt in South Africa.
It may have been the weather and tea, or it could have been the people with angelic voices.
She had discovered a few gifts upon unpacking her bag and had chuckled through the welling of her tears. Louis had laid upon her belongings a box of Yorkshire tea with the assurance that she needed a stock of the best tea out there. Alongside it was an envelope and an oversized sweater of the softest fabric she had ever touched. It was clear that the sweater belonged to the British lad, especially considering it was her favourite of his and one she had joked she would steal. The envelope contained a scrawled out letter informing her that she better appreciate the clothing because he was going to miss it - but not as much as he'd miss her.
She speedily slipped the sweater on despite the heat and cuddled up in his scent as her eyes repeatedly scanned his words. The idea that clothing could carry the smell of someone so poignantly had always been a thought she'd left to teen fiction novels but as she curled in on herself, the expensive cologne wafted steadily into her nose. Despite Louis' awe-inspiring songwriting skills, he was not the most loquacious or eloquent person alive but he was honest and the words before her were proof of that. He promised their reunion and that he would think of her every day, especially at night when he'd be going to sleep and see the books she had recommended to him. Each time he'd write a lyric, he'd recall her giddy excitement and genuine interest as he'd caress the leather binding of his notebook.
Attempting to retain her tears appeared to be a futile feat and soon she was left with cascading waters and a sniffling nose. That letter quickly became her nighttime read before she went to sleep and while she may not have cried every time she absorbed the words, they still clenched around her heart and warmed her soul.
Elora felt bad for the confusion she had left her friends and family in, considering she had barely told any of them about Louis and her adventurous adventures with One Direction. They could see that she was struggling with leaving her new friends behind but Vera and Richard were the only ones who really knew what it meant. Of course, Vera pried at her, trying to get an admittance of love but Elora clung to her claims of platonic endearment.
Eventually Richard gleaned that there may have been more going on behind the scenes - especially considering every time he questioned possibly romantic endeavours she could have undergone, the girl would blush and draw away. Her usual snarky comments were replaced by vague retellings of her time in England and those around her grew steadily concerned that maybe something had happened. Keira was still in London and Thomas hadn't returned to his home country in approximately two years, so at least Elora could depend upon the absence of their enquiries.
The regular calls with her boys further north kept her going though. Niall was updating her on his plans for the backtracking trip and how he intended to enjoy some time being a lad doing laddy things because lads are cool. Liam would pop in with a message every now and then but he was busy sorting out his own stuff. Harry called every few days, updating her on his ongoings and interrogating her on life back home but also never failing to assure her that he was looking after Louis.
Louis was always a bittersweet interaction. They called every day and she would grin minutely throughout the entire exchange, her heart settled upon hearing his voice and the lighter lilts of his laughter that warmed each syllable. She wasn't oblivious to the pain he was experiencing but kept her promise despite their different situations and didn't force him to say anything - she thought he would appreciate that. At least Harry was with him and understood her need to be kept in the loop.
Once a month had passed, everything seemed to settle into a steady routine that consoled Elora into thinking everything would work out in the end. Niall had left for his trip with promises to send her regular photos despite a reduction in calling opportunities. Harry and Louis were still wrapped up with each other but Louis appeared to be adjusting to his new reality. Elora was immensely gleeful when he informed her that he'd be returning to Doncaster for a while after the BRITs so as to spend some time with his family and allow Harry to live his own life. Harry had joked that she'd never call him now that he wasn't Tomlinson's nurse but she quickly refuted it and his flicker of insecurity was quelled.
Elora's graduation drew close and despite jokes of them arriving to surprise her on the special day, they all knew it wouldn't happen. Louis would murmur regretfully in the dark of night how he sincerely he wished he could be there to support her during such a monumental milestone in life. She would reassure him with a saddened heart that he didn't need to be there physically for him to support her. They wouldn't address how that's precisely what she had been doing for him over the past month and he'd swiftly jest about sending her edible arrangements every day of her celebration week.
Whilst the calls and texts continued to run in the background, Elora attempted to return to her 'normal' life. She hated separating the two as though Louis and the rest of the lads weren't intrinsic aspects of her as a person but the truth was, it did feel a bit like a fever dream if she thought about it for too long. No one else beyond her best friends knew about their relations and the articles had speedily faded away into the rumours that they were. Often Elora would have to physically clamp her mouth shut in order to prevent anything from being revealed - she didn't know why she kept it a secret, she wasn't ashamed and it hurt how much she wanted to gush over the four lovely British boys she had befriended. Within her heart, however, she knew that it was much too special a part of her life for her go about blurting it uselessly like all her other tales.
She spent time with old High School friends and worked on University friendships, attempting to remember her role as an average 'varsity student in her early twenties. She had her entire story ahead of her despite how often it felt like that life back in London was her endgame and there was nothing she could do better than that. When she had whispered that confession to Louis one evening, staring at the sky as she lounged in her front garden and hid from her sleeping family, he had admitted to understanding exactly what she meant. She would not say it then, but the relief she felt at their kinship would be the most at peace she'd felt since her return.
Eventually she got into the swing of things and allowed her introverted self to appreciate the vivacious socialising that came with nostalgia at the end of university. The arrival of her graduation was met with similar excitement across the board and she fell into the celebrations with minimal thought about how miniscule it felt in comparison. The ceremony itself was dreadfully boring and the copious photos afterwards left Elora feeling fake and drained but her family was intent on making the most of their last child's graduation (despite her telling them that she intended to study further and this wasn't the end of the road for her).
After dinners and speeches that left her far too emotional, her friends dragged her out to parties and clubs and alcohol and music that she didn't enjoy. At one point in the evening (read: many, many points) she thought about how Louis would have loved dancing between the bodies with overflowing alcohol and pounding beats vibrating in his ears - and then how he would cackle at the thought of her in that scene. Refusing to address the weight of her longing, she tipped back shots and allowed the high-pitched giggles and screams of her friends to shove out any adverse thoughts. Somewhere in the back of her mind was the memory that she had plans the next day and whilst most people would ignore it in favour of partying their age away - Elora was very aware of how much more she would hate socialising on a worse hangover than she had already guaranteed herself.
So after bidding the few stranglers she could spot goodbye, she stumbled home and collapsed in a heap without obsessively checking her phone for any messages. Character Growth.
That next day the sun was gleaming and the park was littered with groups in various states of enjoyment. Many of them were relaxing, sunglasses shielding their eyes and arms folded to support their heads. Others were laughing jovially and shoving their companions lightly. Some even had children sprinting around, screaming gleefully (Elora muffled her annoyance at their pitch).
She had agreed to have a picnic with Richard since their time together had been limited despite her return. Upon spotting him resting on a blanket, she waved enthusiastically and raced towards him. After hugging each other, she made sure to sit so that there'd be enough space for him - jesting about his grass allergy and how their plans weren't his smartest idea.
They had both graduated at the same time but his future was split into various routes for him to take so he had been spending his off time trying to navigate the situation. As they discussed his options, she playfully mourned that she had only just gotten home and he was already jetting off away from her.
"Actually, since you mentioned it, I wanted to ask-" his words were cut off by the ringing of her cellphone. Despite both of them being confused, considering most people knew her aversion to phone calls, she checked the screen. Her surprise was furthered when she recognised Louis' caller ID, especially because she had mentioned her plans to him so it must have been an emergency.
"I'm so sorry, Kinnie, I think I need to take this," she bashfully told him and he nodded understandably. Tilting her body away from her curious friend, she pressed the phone to her ear and called out a cautious greeting.
"Elora!" a squeaky voice shouted and she started at the unexpected volume. It took her a moment to register that it must have been one of the Tomlinson girls.
"Oh, this is a surprise," she smiled, "You're gonna have to tell me which one of you I'm speaking to."
Giggles filtered through the speaker and the girl teased her, causing Elora's smile to widen as she bargained for the child's identity.
"I'll tell you who I am when you come visit again!" she laughed proudly and Elora's heart sank.
"Dangit, darling," she weakly joked, "That's going to be a bit tough."
Before she could ask whether Louis had told them about her going back home, the girl's giggles increased and the sound of shouting could be heard in the background. Elora could pick up on the twangy 'anyone seen me phone?' and couldn't help but chuckle at the idea. The Tomlinson theaf giggled again and shushed the older girl but her laughter quickly burst as she attempted to run away from the tickling hands of her brother.
"What are you doing, munchkin?" the raspy voice interrogated once he got hold of his sister, "Who are you calling? Is it Harry, huh?"
Elora laughed again as she heard girl's protests. Richard looked at her with a slightly raised eyebrow and she grimaced lightly. Unaware that Louis had managed to wrestled the device from his sibling, Elora spoke up to her friend, "I'm sorry, there was a bit of chaos but I promise I'll get back to you now."
"Is that you, Laura?" he questioned when she had pressed her phone to her ear again.
"I'm afraid so, Lewis," she teased, "How did your sister manage to steal your phone, then?"
"I've always said that Pheebs is going to be a fellon."
"Taking after you after all?" his protests caused her to laugh harder before he recalled the ending dialogue he had caught.
"Are you with someone? She didn't disrupt you, did she?"
Waving her hand as though he could see, she responded, "No, it's alright. Richard is staring at me a bit weirdly but that's normal."
The aforementioned person rolled his eyes as he laughed while Louis joked, "Are you on a date?"
She scoffed and Louis pretended not to be relieved, "No, I'm just spending some quality time with my friends because not all of us have six siblings for entertainment."
He laughed and told her he'd leave her be then so they said goodbye with promises to speak later. She packed her phone away and turned to her friend guiltily.
"I'm so sorry about that," she smiled awkwardly, "It was Louis and he knew I had plans so I thought it must have been urgent. Turns out his sister is just turning to a life of crime."
"Should I even try to understand that?" Richard laughed lightly and she shook her head with a wide grin.
"No, I never understand anyway," shifting to face him properly, she recalled, "Sorry, what was it you were going to say?"
"Oh, well," he cleared his throat, "I was actually going to ask if you wanted to go on a date?"