Zachary
The cab wasn't going fast enough, it never would because no matter how fast it went I can never be satisfied. I ran inside the theater. My heart is racing too much, my brain is definitely not normal and my hands are sweating. The moment I heard his voice in that gruff tone he uses with me all the time, It felt like I could breathe, but I couldn't feel the air. All the way till here, I couldn't think because my head was filled with him. I am confused and scared, but I want to see him.
I want to see him so bad.
He is sitting there, on the stage, with just the stage lights on and turns when he sees me coming. The theater is so huge and silent when no one else is here. I walk up to the stage, he gets up and my feet freezes. If he breaks my heart again, I might just stop living. Please don't break me again. I know that's unfair when I am the one who left. God, how will I hold myself up if I have to go through that again?
"Why didn't you tell me about why you went to meet your father?" He asks, coming closer to me.
I open my mouth to talk, but he cuts me off. "And don't give me some half-assed bullshit. I want the truth."
The truth. He wants the truth. I bite my lip; if not now, then when?
"I am scared of getting hurt. I am scared because you can hurt me, and I am just giving you that power, and that scares me. I have never fucking trusted anyone, and then you were there, and I basically threw myself at you hoping you'd catch, and you did. When you said that I couldn't tell you my feelings, I thought it's true, and you deserve better. I still think you deserve better -" I am blabbering, and I know it.
"I do, but well, I'll work with what I get." Everett slips in with a smirk forming on his lips.
I ignore him and continue. "I was one foot in and the other out, and I thought there wasn't a point in being in a relationship like that. You'd finally see that I can never be in a relationship, and then we'd have to have a messy break up. I can't do that. I would be completely destroyed. I am so broken, Everett. Hurt and in damn pieces. And I am scared of losing you, so when I got the chance I left because if I fall more in love with you, I won't survive."
Everett stares at me for a moment and I think I am going to cry, but then he catches my wrist and yanks me to him. His arm warping around my waist and his face nuzzling the side of my neck. I melt a little in his warmth and find myself breathing. This is so much more than I'll ever be able to understand, but I want to die trying.
"That must have been hard to say, but that won't be the last time you say it to me."
I snort as my hands wrap around him and I close my eyes, inhaling his scent. God, I missed this. The way he could wrap himself around me and I felt like I finally belonged. "The part where I am scared of not being the one to mess everything up?"
"No. The part where you love me. But that works too."
Oh, yeah. I did say that. Never did I think that those words would come from me. Definitely not like this. It slipped out of my mouth because of my nervousness. I always thought I'd regret saying those words, but all I can feel is complete.
Those words are probably what I'll think about every morning I wake up and every night I fall asleep.
"I didn't think I'd fall in love." I say. I think I am shaking in his arms. He holds me tighter.
"Me neither." He whispers and my throat goes dry. "I didn't think so, either. So when I got angry and blurted out that I can't wait for you to sort your shit that was protecting myself because I thought you were pulling away from me. I thought I couldn't be enough. And you might be broken into pieces, but I love you even in pieces. And also you blabbering on is something new. Really adorable."
I push my face into the curve of his shoulder and groan. "I am never going to live that down, am I?"
"I love that I can get you all wound up like that, and that I can make you all relaxed and liquid in my hands. Being with you is everything to me, Zachary."
I swallow air. I force myself to look at him because I am feeling too much and I want to hide but if I don't feel him now living the rest of my life would be worth nothing. Falling for Everett makes me lose myself. Being in love with him makes me more.
"I am in love with you and that makes me terrified." I say.
He nods. "That's okay. I love you either way. You can mess up, but I want you back in my arms. You can take your time, but I want you to know I'll still be waiting. You can get angry and terrified and defensive, but I want you to know that I know the real you and no matter what you do, it won't be enough for me to stop loving you. You'll have to leave me and break me for me to stop loving you, and maybe even then."
He kisses the side of my neck and continues, "Because I am gonna mess up too. I am not perfect. I am also scared. But you make it all worth it."
Looking into those beautiful eyes that seemed to see past all my insecurities and directly into my heart, I have never felt more in the open, I might even be squirming, but I am absolutely fine with it because it's Everett. The one person who I'd let see me anyway. Whom I had let hold me when I broke down.
"If you hurt me, I think I'll cry." I murmur. "Actually, I'll have a whole breakdown and probably shave my head and take a solo trip across the country."
Everett laughs. "If you hurt me, I don't think I'll even have the strength to do any of that."
I let everything I have been wanting to say just come out. The way he looks at me says that he'll accept me either way.
So I give myself to him.
I give my trust to him.
"I don't want to hurt you. I want to be with you. And be in love. I want to try, and I don't want to be half in and half out this time. I want to be completely in"
"Good. I want it too. I want all of it with you." He grins. "How did you get here in ten minutes anyway?"
"I might have threatened the cab driver bodily harm." I smirk at him.
He smirks back, placing a hand on my jaw, he tilts my head and kisses me. I open up to him and hold on as I kiss him back. He kisses down my neck and I press myself closer to him. My shirt moves up a little and his hands feel my skin with his fingers and then trace the waistband of my boxers. Then his hands slip under and grips my ass. I grunt into his mouth as my hands go under his shirt and trace his skin.
He pulls back. "Yeah.... No... I mean, fucking wait. Hotel. Or room, but definitely a bed. C'mon."
I laugh as he drags me to his car. But before either of us gets in, I kiss him again. This time, slower and more sensual. Tasting each other. Grounding each other.
"I love you." I whisper.
"I love you too." He whispers back, smiling.
Then I hold up my hands, showing him the keys I took from his pocket. "I'm driving."
He grumbles. "I need to stop falling for that."
I smirk at him again.
We do get a hotel room. But after cleaning each other up in the shower and just touching, we fall into the bed and Everett nuzzles into my neck. This is enough, more than enough. I will never be more happy than I am with Everett, and it's because I let myself be. I slide myself into his arms, and we fall asleep without doing anything else. All we want is to feel each other, and we did.
I wake up in the morning with Everett hovering over me with a smirk. Spreading my legs, I smile up at him. He kisses me, my eyes, my nose, my forehead, my fingers, my neck, and we fall into a rhythm. We get tangled in sweat and groans. I let myself go and just feel. He whispers that he loves me in my ears, and I whisper it back.
Deep down, I know that no matter what happens now. Everett and I are it.
My it. Our everything.
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