Chapter Thirty-Four
"It has come to our attention that the killer who has been terrorizing the Dallas area was apprehended earlier this afternoon. The FBI has no official statements at this time, but the community can rest assured."
Lexi tucked her knees closer to her chest and watched as Cal reached for the remote. He started to change the channel, but she stopped him, her fingers on his wrist.
"Wait," she whispered.
He obliged, dropping his hands back into his lap. "Lexi, are you sure you want to see this?"
She nodded. "Please keep it on. Just a little longer."
Lexi waited for them to say Delaney's name. She knew the media would get a hold of it eventually, even if they didn't have access now. It was only a matter of time before her aunt's mugshot circulated and the limited privacy her family had become exploitable. When they didn't reveal the suspect's identity, Lex was met with a sense of fleeting comfort. She knew it wouldn't last.
"We can watch something else now," she said, glancing away from the glowing screen.
After she dropped the evidence off at the Field Office, she came back to his apartment with a bag packed for an indefinite stay. Her mother and father didn't question it, probably too preoccupied with Delaney's arrest. She didn't know how long she would be staying with Cal, but he'd offered her a place as long as she needed it.
He probably knew why she'd been parked on the couch, watching the news obsessively. Lexi didn't need to spell it out, and he didn't ask her to. He gave her full control over the remote control, letting her flip between channels as she waited for the story to break.
Delaney killed her brother.
Every time she thought about it, it sent a shudder rolling through her. She couldn't believe her aunt was capable of murder, let alone multiple counts of it. If she fell too far into her thoughts, she could see Delaney stabbing him over and over, the image of Q's corpse burning into her brain.
Christ, she thought. Stop it, Lex. Stop it.
Her lips were chapped, indented from her front teeth. The skin inside her cheek was ragged and torn after she gnawed on it enough times to draw blood. Her nervous habits were becoming destructive, and she was searching for a new outlet, something to alleviate the stress as it weighed down on her.
She began to pick at her cuticles, pulling at the skin until it peeled. Cal stopped her immediately, completely in tune with her. It was a wonder he could catch on so quickly.
"Careful," he warned. "I don't want you to hurt yourself."
He pressed a gentle kiss to her palm, and she felt her eyes burn at the intimacy. Cal could say so much in a touch, a kiss. Lexi didn't know anyone could be like that.
He switched on a baseball game, but faced her instead of watching. He framed her face and forced her gaze to meet his. There was a tenderness to his touch, one that she'd gotten used to. He was reading her. She let him. Lexi liked to keep her walls up for most everyone, but she made an exception for Cal.
"You're gonna be okay," he told her. "I know it doesn't feel that way now, but you will. Quinton wouldn't..."
Cal's words remained unsaid, hanging in the purgatory of being left unfinished. There were plenty of things Quinton wouldn't have wanted, plenty of dreams he had but couldn't go after. Lexi had no ambition of her own to speak of, nothing like Q. He was the one who was supposed to change the world.
She needed him with her. She had that doctor's appointment he'd scheduled for her coming up and wasn't ready to deal with it solo. She hated all things medical. The idea of facing a physician alone scared her. It was silly, but she'd never handled check-ups by herself before.
She could ask her mother, but Q died keeping that secret. So much was going on with her parents, and Lex wasn't ready to add more weight. Between the lies and sneaking around and withholding information that could've changed everything, the Robinsons were falling apart.
"Hey, Cal," Lexi began. She cut herself off when she realized the gravity of the words. If she told him about her condition, she could change their dynamic. It was a heavy decision, one that she wasn't sure she was equipped to make under these circumstances.
Cal was all she had. She didn't have friends, and her support system was crumbling.
Her therapist always said she couldn't hold it in. It was true. The more Lexi internalized pain and trauma, the more her mental health suffered. It triggered the blackouts, the unruly behavior, everything that took away her control.
She could feel Delaney's arrest corrupting her from the inside out. It was only a matter of time before it coupled with her grief and wrecked her.
She needed to be open.
"You remember how I bailed on you guys a while ago?" she asked softly.
Lines indented his forehead. "Uh, yeah. What about it?"
"I had a reason. Granted, it was a stupid one in hindsight but I thought what I was doing was for the best."
"Lexi, we were a bunch of asshole guys—"
"I liked you though," she interjected. "The only problem was that I had some special doctor's appointments. Whenever I had to miss something, you started to wonder what was going on."
It took Cal a second to remember what she was referring to. Recognition flashed in his features, even though he didn't quite know where she was going with it.
"Q said it was school stuff," he said, at a loss.
"Q lied," she said, a lump forming as she thought about her brother. Of course, he would lie to protect her. Of course, he would.
"What kinds of appointments were they?" Cal questioned.
Lexi pushed back a few strands of her hair, tracing the spot along her head where it had cracked open against the floor over a decade ago. "When I was little, I had an accident. It was a head injury."
"Oh God," Cal said. He drew her closer, searching her for any marks that might have been left behind. "How did it happen?"
"Delaney's boyfriend," she admitted. "He pushed me down the stairs."
A muscle ticked in Cal's face. "I should punch that son of a bitch. I'd knock him out."
"You don't have to," said Lex. "I went to see him recently. He's not like that anymore—"
"You went to see him?" Cal sputtered.
"I know you think it was a bad idea but it helped a lot. I needed to face him. It helped me get through all the stuff he did to me and knowing he's not that man anymore makes a world of a difference," she said, glancing away.
"He did stuff to you?" Cal whispered. "Lexi, did he... did he touch you?"
She couldn't answer that. Disgust was welling up. She was a child at the time it all happened, but there was still an urge to blame herself for the events. It made no sense, and it wasn't her fault, but maybe if she'd fought back, she wouldn't be in the mess she found herself.
Cal knew without her confirmation.
"And then he tried to kill you to cover it up," Cal realized, figuring it out on his own.
"Yes, he did. When he got out of jail, no one told me. I visited him for answers and figured out that he had a change of heart or something. It's not important."
"Like hell it isn't!" Cal exclaimed. "Lexi, he tried to kill you and you went to see him anyway? Were you alone? What if he tried to hurt you again?"
"He didn't. He knew better," Lexi told him. "This isn't about Dennis. Not really, anyway."
Cal sat back, flinching like she'd slapped him. She regretted ever saying anything as she watched him struggle to process what she was saying. The story of her past was complicated, and even scratching the surface of it came with a lot of strings attached.
"I have these blackouts sometimes. Because of the head trauma, my brain has issues with memory and behavior. It's complicated, Cal. I'm only telling you this because Q knew about it. I've been getting bad again, losing hours at a time. Before he died, we planned to see a doctor together to try and get it under control."
"When?" Cal asked. "When were you planning to get checked out?"
"Tomorrow."
Cal's head bobbed, a short nodding motion. "Okay. I'll take you."
"I didn't ask you yet," she said softly.
"You don't have to. I'm here. I'm gonna be here every step of the way," he promised her. His lips met her forehead, and Lexi fell into his arms. She felt him stroking her hair gently. There was safety in him, and he was ready to remind her of that every minute he could.
"I'm scared," she confessed. "My head's fucked, and I never know when I'm gonna blackout and lose it."
"When was the last time?" Cal prodded.
"I think it was when Q died. That whole night is a wreck. I've been okay since then but I keep worrying that I'll have another incident. I never know when they're gonna happen, they just do."
Cal sighed. "I can't take time off for much longer, honey."
"I know," she said.
"I can ask my sister to come and stay with you during the day. That way we can make sure it won't happen again."
"No," Lexi rushed out. "No, I'm fine. I don't need a babysitter. The doctor will probably get me on some medication and I'll—"
She was grasping at straws, but she needed that thinly veiled sense of security. Telling Cal was huge, especially because her mother didn't even know about her latest health issues. He didn't see what was wrong about letting another person in, and it made her pulse spike involuntarily.
She didn't know his sister. She probably would if this, whatever it was, continued. At that time, she wasn't comfortable with her yet and would do whatever was necessary to keep her condition limited to a few people.
"Okay. That sounds good," Cal said, trying to get her to calm down. "I didn't mean to upset you."
"You didn't," she replied. "I'm sorry. It's been a long week."
"A long month by the looks of it," he observed. "You don't have to worry about the blackouts. The doctors can help."
"Q said the same thing." It seemed so far away, the memory of sitting together in the living room, trading stories and watching him sweet-talk his way into getting her a slot to see a physician. Q believed she would be okay with the right care, and for a second, she believed him.
It was hard for her to imagine that now. Her whole world was impacted by her problems, and it seemed impossible to ever experience life without them.
"Thank you for telling me," Cal murmured. "I know it wasn't easy. You're stronger than you think."
Her cheeks pinkened. "How come I don't feel strong?"
"Because you don't trust yourself," he answered simply. "We'll work on that."
The channel switched from a fast-food commercial to the bottom of the fourth inning. A batter was at the plate, getting ready to take the first swing. If Q were sitting with her, he would be biting his lip in anticipation, leaning all the way forward so he wouldn't miss a thing.
This one's for you, Q, she thought. He better hit a home-run.
Cal laid down beside her, his arms around her waist as he folded his body around hers. She curled into him, breathing in the smell of his deodorant and body wash from the shower he took that morning. His skin was warm, and the muscles under his shirt were strong as he held her.
She always had an attraction to Cal, but she didn't think they would find themselves here. Even after their first night together, she expected it to be a one-time fling.
Cal was proving that he wanted more, and she did too. She didn't know what that meant, not in its full implications. Relationships were complex things for her, and Lex doesn't know much about being someone's girlfriend. All of her experiences had been so brief, but Cal didn't seem like the type of person to run at the first sign of trouble.
She'd told him something few people knew. She was letting him in, like she'd let the agents in, or her family, or her old friends. He was close to her, and that gave him more power than he probably realized.
Lexi hated that she was already planning to get hurt. It was a protective instinct, one that had taken years to perfect. It kept her from being catastrophically damaged by anyone. When girls she thought she could trust talked behind her back, she could shake it off. When she broke it off with her high school boyfriend, she didn't cry once.
She had a feeling she wouldn't be able to do that with Cal. He was already weaseling his way into her heart, and she could feel herself falling. The old crush she had was back, more than back.
He wasn't going anywhere. He knew her history, and he was still there, supporting her, reminding her what it's like to be loved. She needed that. She wouldn't be able to put her life back together on her own.
It would start with meds. Then she would get back to her job. The rest was indefinite.
Her phone buzzed with a text from her mother. She reached for it, but stopped reading when she saw that the message started with Delaney's name.
Mom: Delaney needs us to...
Lexi didn't care what Delaney needed. She couldn't care less what her aunt needed because she was the woman who murdered the person Lexi loved most in the world.
"What is it?" Cal asked.
"My mom," Lexi said before skimming the rest of the message.
Delaney needs us to testify as character witnesses on her behalf. The attorney hopes it will get the jury on her side for a lighter sentence.
Lexi had to read it over more than once, just in case she'd misinterpreted something. Even though Delaney had refused to plead guilty, she had a case stacked against her. Between the clothes that could be tied to the crime scenes and other situational evidence, Nolan told Lexi the odds of her walking free were close to none.
Lexi liked the sound of that. She wanted Delaney to go away for a long time. Murderers who tore apart families didn't deserve to be let out. In an ideal world, that would always be the case.
And yet, her mom was on Delaney's side.
Delaney had killed Quinton, and her mother still wanted to keep her from getting the fullest extent of the consequences. Something didn't add up. The dots didn't connect.
Why? Lex wondered.
She'd always read that a mother's love could do anything. Women who lost children were, in theory, supposed to be angry, inconsolable. She couldn't fathom why her mom would ever want to help Delaney.
Stunned, her fingers hovered as she waited to type a response. A number of ideas raced through Lex, but none of them stuck.
No, Lexi finally sent back. Then she turned her phone off completely.
It seemed premature to be considering this when the trial was so far out. The courts were impacted, stuffed full of people awaiting their due process. Delaney was smack at the bottom of the list, hardly a priority. It would be a long time before anyone would have to see the inside of a courtroom.
But Lexi was sure of one thing; her opinion wouldn't change, no matter how many days went by. She wasn't going to defend Delaney. Not now, not ever.