Chapter Fourteen
Lexi was avoiding her phone. She hadn't charged it in a while, and the battery finally died after the last few work-related texts had come in. She contacted her boss once, to let him know she was taking some sick days. Her coworkers were asking questions, but she wasn't ready to answer them. She kept to herself by nature, and considering she'd been off the map because she was arrested, there was a lot they probably wanted to know and even more that she wasn't ready to tell.
She spent most of her time roaming around her house, trying to find things to do. She didn't have much to keep busy with outside of work. It was a bit pathetic if she was being honest with herself.
Quinton left at one point. She figured it was probably school-related or something. He didn't explain himself, and she didn't ask. They'd been raised to be independent. It was largely how they functioned.
She'd been trying to find it in herself to bring Nolan his book. She didn't want to face him again, even if it was under different circumstances.
Eventually, she was sitting in front of her closet, flicking through old diaries. She was skimming her eyes over the words, reminding herself of her progress. After she woke up from the coma, she had taken quite some time to go back to normal. She taught herself to take steps again, speak coherently. She was young, which made her resilient.
The therapists had encouraged her to write things down. It was a part of cognitive therapy and served as documentation. When Lex felt herself getting worse, she poured herself over the journals. It was her way of comforting herself when she didn't know how else to do it.
She heard a knock at her door as she closed one of the notebooks. She put it away quickly, shoving the box out of view.
"Hey, sweetie," her mother said, popping her head in. "What are you up to?"
"Organizing," she responded. "Gotta clean my room out at some point."
"You're not going into the office?" Mom asked.
"I'm not feeling well," Lexi explained.
"Do you need medicine? We probably have a bottle of cough syrup if that's what it is. Maybe something for the flu?"
"I'm okay," Lexi interrupted before she could go on. "It's only a headache. I took some Advil."
Her mom nodded. "Alright. That's good. I'm making grilled cheese if you'd like some."
"I'd love that," Lexi said. "Be right down."
Since her mother shifted between working in her graphic design space and working from home, she was around when she needed to be. Even though Lexi and Quinton were keeping the worst aspects of her condition between them, her mom had a sense of when something was wrong. It was probably why she'd been hovering all afternoon.
Lexi let her mother make the sandwiches since she was better at burning the cheese to the pan than anything else. They ate together, enjoying the company before Mom needed to get back to her job.
Lex did the dishes to occupy herself. As she scrubbed one of the knives, she caught a glimpse of her own reflection. Sometimes, her own looks felt foreign when she spent too much time away from the mirror. It was jarring to face herself when she spent so much time inside her own head.
She plunged the blade back under the surface and put it away before too many minutes went by.
The rest of her day was a lot like the previous hours had been. Uneventful. Forgettable. Dreary.
She pointedly did her best to ignore all thoughts of the investigation, hoping to get the case out of her mind before it drove her mad. Unfortunately, it was everywhere, and she couldn't escape it.
Every person in the Robinson household was watching the press conference from the moment it aired to the moment the station started to roll commercials. Quinton even popped some popcorn in the microwave, munching on it as Kaytee took the stage at City Hall and spoke.
Lexi recognized her instantly, even before she introduced herself. Kaytee had made an impression, and it was probably her soothing demeanor that gave her the position to communicate. She was authoritative but tactful. Lexi knew she personally could never be so brave.
An advertisement for a local beer company encouraged Lex's dad to break the silence. He was frowning, almost in disbelief.
"A woman is killing?" Dad said, baffled. "Christ, what has this country come to?"
"People are messed up, Dad," Quinton chimed in, knocking back another handful.
"Well, I think that's quite enough of that," their mother chimed in. "Let's watch something else."
Delaney stopped her from reaching for the remote, snatching it away. "Hold on for a moment. I want to see if they address the latest murder."
"Haven't they already done that enough?" Q asked.
"Maybe there's something new," Delaney countered.
"I doubt that," Dad said. "If there was, we would have heard about it already."
Quinton changed the channel to ESPN. "Overruled, Aunt D."
Delaney forced a smile, her lips stiff. "Seems so. I'm going to make some tea, would anyone like some?"
"Sounds good," Lex said, eager to distance herself from the breaking story. She knew it was only natural to wonder, but she would prefer to keep it away as long as possible. It was easier to cope when it wasn't being thrown in her face.
Delaney put the kettle on the stove, turning the gas on and setting the burner alight. Within minutes, the pot was steaming, screeching out as it started to boil.
"You seem edgy, Lexi," Delaney told her. "Is something wrong?"
"Nah," Lex lied. "I'm just tired."
"It happens to all of us." Delaney stood on her tip-toes to reach the box of black tea. She stashed it on the top shelf for special occasions, and Lexi wondered what made that evening a valid one.
"I'm thinking of taking some time off," Lex went on.
"Oh yeah? What for?"
She took the mug Delaney offered her and poured in some milk to cool it down. "I need some personal days. I've been having some problems with... well, some stuff."
She stopped herself because she knew Delaney was sensitive about Dennis. Her aunt had always carried some guilt with her regarding the incidents. Lexi knew there was nothing Delaney could have done to stop him, but that didn't mean damage had been done. She had to be careful about how she phrased things.
A phantom pain, a fragment of what once happened, sent an ache through Lexi's temple at the thought of it.
"Don't worry about it, though. It's nothing I can't handle," Lexi finished.
"I don't doubt it. You've always been tough," said Delaney. She took a sip of her own tea. "You haven't been in contact with those FBI agents, have you?"
"Not since they released me," Lexi answered. "Why?"
"We don't need them in our business," Delaney replied. "I'd rather not deal with that again. It's best left alone."
"Yeah," Lexi agreed. "I guess I can see that."
Delaney patted her gently on the arm. "I'm going to bed now. See you in the morning."
"Goodnight," Lex said.
She leaned against the counter, taking tentative gulps of her drink and hoping to calm herself a bit. She wanted to feel sleepy enough to go to bed, even if it scared her to close her eyes. Lexi knew it was necessary, and that was why she did something she generally avoided.
She opened the drawer they stored medicines in and took out her sleeping pills. Hesitantly, she placed one under her tongue and let it dissolve. The capsule almost immediately made her feel heavier. It was an early hour to head up to her bedroom, but she needed to retire.
She rewatched Kaytee's speech once more on her phone, committing it to memory. She wasn't sure why she did it. Maybe it was to get some peace of mind, knowing the FBI was making headway. Maybe it was because the agents gave her a sense of security. She didn't care what the reason was. At the end of the day, it helped her unwind.
She fell asleep holding The Bell Jar, clutching it to her chest.
When Lexi stirred, she found herself on the floor in Q's room. She had no recollection of moving, but she was tucked comfortably on the spare bed like she'd been there for a long time. He was asleep, seemingly undisturbed by her presence.
The lull of medication pulled her under again before she could freak out or overthink.