My alarm clock went off at 5:30 am.
I blinked my eyes awake to the concluding nightlife over New York City. Just over the horizon, I could see vibrant watercolors of orange and light blue beginning to peek through. Sunrise was only moments away, and I would be leaving this city probably before that. Even though it had been months, I was still readjusting to the view from my window. The view with freedom. The view without them.
Mornings were quiet. You could hear the distant drone of traffic and occasional car horns or ambulances. Sometimes, there'd be people in the halls or neighboring apartments. Couples. Families. Friends. People from all walks of life passed through and left their mark. But no matter how many people were around me, it was still lonely. It still felt empty.
I got out of bed slowly and tossed on the first set of clothes I saw. My bag was ready and packed from yesterday evening, sat on the dresser. I took it in one hand and my jacket in the other. I took one final look at the sunrise before crossing through the threshold and out of my apartment.
It was a nice morning.
****
The elevator dinged as it opened onto the dark, desolate first floor. I kept forgetting how early it was. The sun was still just barely rising, ever so slightly showing through the windows. I carried my bag toward the front doors, my feet grazing the rug.
"Going somewhere?" A voice called from behind me. I froze in place. My heart jumped a bit, but the voice didn't seem threatening. More just...curious.
"...How'd you guess?" I replied, not moving from my position.
"I've seen all manner and types of people, it's not hard," The voice responded. "But you're also carrying a backpack on your shoulders, so I could make an inference."
"Oh."
I turned around to see an old man seated in a chair. I had never seen him here before. He had kind eyes and wore simple clothing. His expression was friendly.
"So, where are you headed to?" The old man asked.
I shifted my gaze to the floor. "...I lost something. Something really important to me. I don't even know if it still..." I hesitated for a moment, trying to find the right words. "If it's still out there. But I'm not gonna stop looking until I find out, one way or the other."
It was a simplified version of the truth. It would have to work.
The old man nodded, thinking to himself. "It sounds like you have quite the journey ahead of you, friend. And just based on the little time that I've known you, quite a few internal journeys to take, as well."
"Is that so?" I said tonelessly.
"I was once in...not the exact same place as you, but something similar," He began. "I promise I'll make it a quick story so you can get on your way:
When I was young, maybe a bit older than you, I was a man of business. I did my work and rose in ranks rather quickly and soon, I had a company of my own. One day, one of my higher-ups suggested a new product. I didn't know any better then, and I sent it through for testing.
That was the worst decision of my entire life. People got very hurt by it, they...they lost their lives. I tried to stop it, but no one would listen to me. My own colleagues tried to get me thrown out...and I couldn't prevent it. And there's still nothing I can do to this day."
I simply sat in awe.
"Friend...don't make the mistakes I have," The man continued. "Make beneficial decisions, weigh your pros and cons, and don't let the past influence who you are. You are more than that."
This was hitting far too close to home. I wasn't sure how to react. I gave the man a nod before I continued on my way. He gave me one last closing line as I pushed the door open and stepped out onto the New York streets.
"I hope you find what you are looking for."
****
Before I could really grasp everything that was happening to me, I'd found my way downtown.
I hadn't been down here in eons. Not since long before the party. It had changed a little since the last time I'd visited. Local businesses had come and gone, and now some of the city had a new feel. It was obvious, too, that some of the people had come and gone from here, too.
Maybe. Or maybe they never left.
I knew Ryan and Adam hadn't been staying at my apartment. That much was clear. But if they really were out there somewhere, where were they? I went to the only other safe place I could think to check.
I watched my step on the sidewalk. It had rained the night before, and puddles were scattered across the way. The last thing I needed was to break my bones again. The smell of freshly fallen rain filled the air as I delicately stepped over rain puddles and met up with the towering apartment complex.
It had been a long time since I was here last, I had almost forgotten what it was like. I hesitated slightly before continuing through the doors.
It was about the same as I remembered it. The pale blue wallpaper was accented with intricate artwork and maps of New York City. Cute green houseplants sat on modern-looking end tables next to some chairs. It was eerily silent. I made my way to the elevator on the opposite wall. The quiet creaking of the cables was the only sound in the room. After a few seconds, the doors opened with a ding.
I stood in the back corner and looked out into the room I just came from. The elevator sat open for a few seconds at the empty lobby before the doors slowly slid shut and the car moved up toward the higher floors.
I wasn't sure what to do. What to think about. I was nervous. I wasn't sure what I'd find, if anything at all. I tried to tell myself that it was all going to work out okay, but in reality, I had no idea. There was no way to know. Realistically, I was probably about to make a giant fool of myself.
As if that was anything new.
There was another ding as the elevator reached the sixth floor. I was shaking. It was hard to breathe. I could hardly take a step. I felt out of it. But this felt like it was necessary. This felt like the first step in finding where my brothers were, alive or otherwise.
I apprehensively approached the door of apartment 624 and knocked three times.
I worried that there might not be anyone home. Or...anyone at all. Then, there was the sound of footsteps approaching the door. I felt every part of my body tense up. I was nervous...and excited. I braced for what I was about to see.
The door swung open slowly. Behind it stood a familiar face.
"Hi..."
I said nothing. Neither did they. They watched me with confusion as I stood in the doorway confounded.
"...You're not him," I muttered, pulling myself out of my trance.
"Uh...no shit?" They responded sourly. They squinted their eyes. "Do I...know you from someplace?"
I thought for a moment. I had seen them somewhere before. Then it hit me.
"You were my nurse, about three months ago," I recalled. "My name's Jack."
"Oh yeah, train guy! I remember you."
I was stuck on 'train guy', but I didn't ask any more about it.
"I'm sorry, I'm August," They introduced. "I just...wasn't expecting company, especially not this early."
I scoffed. "Well, no offense, but I wasn't really expecting to see you at this apartment."
They blinked at me with perplexity. "Care to elaborate?"
I wasn't sure how to move forward. I hadn't been able to tell them anything about me the last time I'd seen them. What do I do now?
"Uh...it kind of has to do with what put me in the hospital," I said slowly.
"It has to do with what now?"
"Okay, not important," I replied. "Can you at least answer one question for me?"
They seemed outright baffled now. "...Sure."
"Okay, um...does the name Adam Metzger ring a bell in any way?"
August's eyes went to the ceiling as they thought. I couldn't tell what they were thinking until they spoke again.
"Can't say I have or haven't heard it," They shrugged. "But...why?"
I sighed. "He's my brother. He owned this apartment before you did."
"Oh..." August looked to their shoes. "Can I ask...what happened?"
I froze up for a second. "It's...a long story. One I'm not really comfortable sharing yet," I reinforced. "But...he's missing. So's our middle brother. I'm not even sure if they're...y'know."
August's jaw dropped slightly before they gave an understanding nod. "It's okay, I'm connecting the dots now."
I stood awkwardly in the doorway, unsure of what else to say. My eyes went to my shoes.
"...They went missing that night, didn't they?"
"...What?"
"The night you came to the hospital. Whatever you were running from, it got them, didn't it?"
I didn't think they would be able to place what happened so accurately.
"I...yeah," I replied. "It got them. It almost got me, too."
"And...now you're trying to find them, aren't you?"
"How do you know this?"
"I watch a lot of movies and read a lot of books, man," August responded. "I can guess how things are gonna turn out."
I chuckled. "I know I should just...try and move on, but...I can't. I want answers."
"No, no, I think it's kinda cool," August assured. "Most people wouldn't do something like this. They let other people look in their place or they just...give up too early."
I half-smiled. "I guess I'm not most people, then."
August smiled right as their phone chimed.
"Shit," They sighed as they looked at the screen. "I'm late for work, I have to go."
"Oh, I'm sorry I held you up..."
"Don't worry about it," They started down the hall, but stopped halfway, turning back around to face me.
"I'm glad you got your casts off, by the way."
I gave them a nod as they continued down the hall toward the elevator. I stood in front of Adam's old apartment for a few silent minutes. Then, I, too, started toward the elevator.