I walk around the supermarket, filling my shopping cart with groceries. As I check each item off the list, I'm growing nearer to picking up Roger's essentials from the medicine aisle. I'm saving that one until last because I plan to bury the incriminating item beneath my other purchases. It's a small town that we live in, and people love to gossip.
"Hey, Tanya," a voice I recognize calls out to me and I turn to see an old friend of mine.
Her name is Erica, and she was on the school track team the same as I was. Aside from the red hair dye and the tattoos, she still looks the same as she did when we left high school. Her tan skin gives her a healthy glow, and either she's had botox or she has magic tonic added to her skincare regime. She beams a smile at me, and I stop walking to have a catch-up chat.
"Hi, how are you?" I say to her, "I haven't seen you since we went our separate ways after college. Where have you been?"
Erica bounces her shoulders in an airy shrug. "Oh, you know ... here and there. I'm divorced now," she goes on to say, and the smile grows heavy on my face. It turns into an apologetic cringe.
"I'm so sorry to hear that," I say.
Erica swats the air. "Don't be, I'm not. He was an asshole."
I force a chuckle, to lighten the mood.
"So, tell me. How's life been treating you?" she asks, diverting the subject onto me.
I blow out a breath as I think of what to tell her. I don't want to rub my stable marriage in her face. Well, it's as stable as can be, given the circumstances. I'm too proud to admit I could be joining the divorcee club if things between Dave and me head south.
Just because we don't have sex anymore, it doesn't mean he's fallen out of love with me.
"I'm married, and I have two sons called Levi, and Leo," I tell her. "Levi just turned seven two days ago."
"Aww," Erica coos. "How sweet. Two little boys." Then her tone changes and she firmly states, "I don't have kids. Nope. Didn't want them."
And that leaves me feeling like 'meh' because that's fine and all, but I love my little angels. I couldn't envision my life without them. It stops me from mentioning that I would love one more. I've always wanted to try for a girl, but Dave thinks we should stick with the two kids we have. The chances of me getting him to change his mind all depend on his attitude towards sex. There's zero chance of him fertilizing my vegetable patch while he's swamped down with work.
I could always get him drunk.
Erica points at me, wagging her finger as if something has just occurred to her. "Hey ... didn't you marry David Miller?" she mentions.
I nod. "Yeah, that's right. I dumped Nick the prick, and then Dave asked me out to Prom. We've been together ever since."
Erica shakes with excitement. "O.M.G," she squeals loudly like some goddamned high schooler, and I cast nervous glances around the store. "What a coincidence. It's such a small world we live in."
I'm about to ask her to elaborate, but then she fills me in on the gossip. "You'll never guess who I have a date with tonight?"
Right now, I'm thinking, 'It better not be Dave' but then I remember that he rarely leaves the house. My brain screams the answer at me before she finishes her sentence, and then suddenly my heart stops dead.
"His father, Roger. He's such a babe. I couldn't believe it when he asked me in the club Saturday night. He's so hot." She fake swoons and fans her face with her hand.
No way! She's Roger's hot date.
I can't believe it. Here I am at the store, buying fucking Trojans for her and my father-in-law to use tonight.
Un-be-fucking-lievable.
My exaggerated blink lets her in on my astonishment.
"I know, right?" she seems to agree with my response. "He's old enough to be my father."
"Uh-hu," I agree, nodding my head. I don't trust myself to speak on the off-chance I say something out of line.
"Well, don't let me keep you," she says. "I have to get ready for my hot date with Roger."
Then her eyes flare wide. "Imagine this ... I could end up becoming your new stepmother-in-law. How about that?"
I force myself to grin, but damn it's painful to maintain it. I want to say something damaging that will make her rethink her choices, but I don't because I have no idea where these feelings came from. It's like my body has been taken over by aliens and I'm feeling so jealous, I want to say something spiteful. Who is this person that I'm becoming? I have no right to dictate who Pops can or can't have dates with. Maybe I'm just feeling protective because he's family, or maybe it's something else. I don't know. I have no control over my emotions, and it baffles me. I don't want to pick up the condoms he plans to use with Erica, but if I don't, he'll fuck her regardless and she might end up pregnant with his child. And she hates kids. History could repeat itself, just like when Roger hooked up with Dave's mom, Carla. There was no epic romance. No romantic love story. She dumped him on Roger's doorstep when he was just three days old. His parents had to take care of him while Roger served in the army. No ... I have to be responsible. Pops asked me to buy some condoms, so that's just what I'll do.
As much as it pains me, I steer the shopping cart down the medicine aisle and get a pack of three. I don't pick up the bumper box of twelve, even though they're on offer. Three fucks will be all she gets if she's lucky. I shouldn't give any fucks, but there you have it. I'm fucked. She's bound to get fucked. We're all getting fucked one way or another.
I pay at the checkout and forget to use the coupons I had in my purse. I'm not thinking clearly. Pops is stuck in my head, and I want to give him a piece of my mind. I swing by the garage, just like we arranged, and I'm greeted by the devil himself.
"Dang it, Tanya. This isn't a racetrack," Pops admonishes me for pulling in too fast.
I cut the engine and exit the car, slamming the door abruptly.
"I have a bone to pick with you," I tell him, shoving the box of Trojans into his hand.
Pops cocks his head with amusement. "That depends on the kind of bone you're talking about," he jokes.
I force out an exasperated huff. "Why are you taking an old friend of mine out on a date?" I question him in a disdainful tone.
"How am I supposed to know who your friends are, Tanya?" He retorts.
I shouldn't have to point out the obvious, that she's my age, and everybody in this country hick town knows one another.
Damn it, Pops.
Then his nostrils flare as he sucks in a breath. "Look, we're both consenting adults," he tries to justify his sleazy actions. "And what's wrong with us fucking on the first date? She knows the score. I would have fucked her at the club on Saturday, but I had promised to go home with another chic."
"Oh my god, you're disgusting," I tell him, scrunching my face with disapproval. "You keep going through these women, Roger. One of these days, you're bound to catch something nasty."
He ponders that for a moment then shrugs. "You get one life. You might as well live it," he replies.
"Or go out with a bang," one of his mechanic colleagues chirps up from beneath the hood of a car.
I roll my eyes and shoot him down with a deadpan stare. I'm not playing around. Pops could pass up the opportunity of meeting someone good with all this fooling around. Someone who actually likes having kids around. I don't want someone like Erica to come along and push my children's noses out of joint. They love spending time with Pops. He's not getting any younger, and this is a small-ass town. Soon, he'll run out of eligible candidates, and then he'll have to cast his net further afield.
"I know what your problem is," Roger says as if he has me all figured out.
His words make me bristle. I don't want him to call me out for acting like a jealous ex.
"You and Dave need a break from the kids," he says, and I exhale with relief. "I'll tell you what, why don't I take the kids next Saturday, so that you and Dave can go out and have some fun?" he eyes me expectantly as if he's waiting for an answer right now.
I don't know what to say because I haven't cleared this with Dave. He might not be up for it. But as any parent knows, you don't pass up free childcare.
"Alright, that's mighty sweet of you, Pops," I reply, softening my tone.
Roger swings his arm around me and leans in as we walk. "I appreciate you looking out for me, Tanya. But I'm a grown man. And a man has needs."
I swat his arm away and scowl back at him. "Don't patronize me, asshole. I only want what's best for you."
"I know you do, sweetheart," he says in that deep husky tone I love so much. "You take good care of me, but as I said ... a guy has needs and there are some things that are beyond the limitations of a daughter-in-law if you know what I'm saying."
I know exactly what he's getting at and I choke on thin air. "I understand that, Pops. But what if you get with a gold-digging whore who wants you for your money? I'm not going to let some skanky hoe come along and take advantage of your generosity. I ought to vet her first ... to make sure she's good enough for you."
Pops flashes a megawatt smile and I swear my heart almost detonates.
"Now we both know that's not gonna happen. I'm a hit and quit sort of guy," he reassures me. "You're the only lady in my life, and it's gonna stay that way, do you hear me?"
I nod, feeling touched that he called me his lady. Then he has to go and ruin the moment by slapping my ass so hard that it leaves a five-fingered branding on the left side of my butt cheek. I can't check for marks in front of the guys, but I can feel the fire burning.
"Now go and brew me some coffee, woman. I'm fucking parched," he rasps.
Yeah, Pops ... I know the fucking feeling.