Blaze Beckett, is kissing me. He's actually kissing me. Like his lips... on... mine... holy-
The cold metal from the black mustang seeps through the thin jacket draped on my shoulders onto my skin as he pushes me further against the car, nudging my knees apart so he can stand in between my legs. His hands move up and down my neck, tantalisingly before getting one tangled deep in my hair... pulling slightly on the strands of blonde eliciting the build of pressure deep inside of me.
This... is is..... wow.
My whole body tingles as his soft plump lips move against mine. My lips on fire, burning under the intensity.
I've never done this before? Am I doing it right?? Oh god! What if I'm horrifically awful at this kind of thing!
And... I'm still stood here like a carrot... should I move? Do something?
My heart thrashes wildly as I move my hands up and down his chest, feeling the firmness beneath... this feels good... it feels nice... A tug on my hair makes me gasp slightly allowing his tough to slip through my lips, tangling with my own.
The mixture of pain from the pull and pleasure courses through me making me feel weak yet electrified. Heady and buzzing.
This feels... incredible. I move my tongue with his, the protruding fear of being awful and scared at the front of my mind but this flurry of butterfly's feeling is pushing through.
Blaze lets out a low grunt which makes me giggle against his lips... I must be doing something right then? His hands move to my face, cupping my flushed cheeks.
I can feel him pulling away millimetres at a time, not wanting to end the contact between us but needing to come up and see this is real. He finally pulls away, leaving me flushed, panting for air...and more. My body whines at the distance between our faces, desperate to be close again. I look up to see his eyes dark and lustrous making me whine even more. His lips are red and swollen making me subconsciously touch mine. They're tender under my fingers and a gasp slip pasts my lips.
Blaze chuckles at my innocence making me blush even more, I drop my gaze to my feet studying my suddenly interesting laces letting hair curtains in front of my eyes.
I just kissed Blaze.
Oh god is he laughing because it was so awkwardly bad... I mean I... liked it...
His fingers tip my chin up, the unfamiliar hum for more contact runs through my skin. His thumb grazes across my lips, a satisfied smirk on his own.
The pad of his thumb is rough, the coarseness sends shivers across me. We stay like this for a while, just staring at each other under the rays of the moon, the silver highlighting the tranquil blue in his eyes- He's so gorgeous and I don't know what to say. I don't want to ruin a moment so perfect.
Blaze finally breaks the silence, taking a deep breath in his stupid grin never leaving his face. "Come on." He nods towards the car, walking me around to the passenger's side and helping me get in before slotting himself into the driver's seat.
"A-are we... are we going to the party?" My voice comes out more breathless than anticipated, tripping over my words. Blazes smirk widens, even more, a disgruntled noise coming from the back of his throat.
"Nope."
"So-uh... where are we going?" Is he taking me home? Does he regret it? But he's smiling? Oh god... is this what everyone talks about... Am I supposed to have s-sex with him now? Holy- oh no.
"Relax Butterfly, I can practically hear the clogs in your brain working overtime," His hand covers my knee and squeezes, applying just enough pressure to calm me, I'm being ridiculous. Blaze may have been one to enjoy... a lot of... sexual things but he wouldn't force me into anything- how could I even think that. "I'm just taking you somewhere else." He smiles, almost like he can read my thoughts... I fricking hope not.
We drive out of the parking lot and through the town in silence, Blaze's hand never leaving my knee.
I have so many questions running around my head, it annoys me how calm he is... yano like he didn't just kiss the living daylight out of me, making every single fibre in my body feel all tingly and hot and then just sits there in silence... grinning like a Cheshire cat. Oh lord, It makes my heart race just thinking about it.
I watch out of the window as we roar down the highway getting further and further from town, away from any party that's being held tonight. We drive farther out to the country ridden parts of Atlanta which only adds more questions to the flurry in my mind but soon enough Blaze pulls down a dirt track, no light or tarmacked road for miles.
Panic travels down my spine as my fingers brush the cool glass of the window... this sure does seem like the start of some horror movie.
"I'm not going to murder you butterfly don't worry." Blaze lets out a deep chuckle making me jump. His lips curl with a satisfied smirk- at the fact he read my mind before I could even say anything. He eventually pulls off the dirt track into a man-made, dusty, uneven parking lot with a single street lamp illuminating all of about ten bays. The entrance of a forest at the far end. No other cars lay under the dim light, the trees surrounding it shielding any moon from touching us and I shiver at the loss of natural light. Blaze parks in the middle of the bays and gets out, scurrying around to my side.
He takes my hand helping me out of the car, I hesitantly follow him as he leads me towards a small opening in the vast forest of trees. I slow my walk to a halt, tugging on our intertwined fingers. Blaze looks back at me, the remainder of a smirk still on his lips.
No way in hell am I walking into a frigging forest where there are no other people nor any light! The dark shadows from the branches don't even show a clear path ahead. I'm going to die.
"Come on, it's not that scary I promise." His smile is illuminated under the single street lamp. My feet stay planted still fifty-fifty on whether I am actually about to be murdered or not, "Trust me." He squeezes my hand and a rush of warmth settles through me.
"I do! But what about axe murdering bears..." I look past his shoulders into the dark trees.
"Axe murdering bears?" He struggles to hide his amusement, "I think that highly unlikely Blondie... I'd actually pay to see that." He chuckles and I slap him lightly on the arm, "I promise there are no axe murdering bears. This is somewhere that's.... special to me...Please." The sincerity and desperation in his words move my feet forward a few steps, getting dangerously close to his large bicep.
"Fine... but don't let go of my hand." I peer up from his side, met with a cheeky wink as he starts to pull me into the obscuring forest.
Twiggs and leaves crunch under my feet as I take baby steps through the debris, we all know being clumsy is a well-practised attribute of mine. Fearing for my feet wishing they were in the safety of my pointe shoes- ironic I know. Bursts of moonlight break through the branches and leaves highlighting Blazes taunt back through his tight black shirt, I just want to reach out and run my fingers along the contours of his arms. Memories from my hands running over him earlier play in my mind, heat rushing up my neck.
His hand is warm in mine as we weave through even denser territory, the bursts of moonlight becoming even fewer and more sparse, no longer making it easy to see Blaze in front of me let alone my own feet.
The sound of crickets chirping in the damp foliage is getting louder, the sounds of nature snaking around us making me shiver. The added breeze flows through my hairs like whispers. The woody and damp sents attacking my nose.
Suddenly my foot hits something hard and my body weight topples forward, the ground becoming clearer in my obtrusive sightline. My head whirs, strong arms catch me before I can faceplant. A deep chuckle vibrates through his arms making me tingle as he pulls me upright, keeping hold of my forearms. I catch the breath that plummeted out of me.
"Alright?" The whites of his eyes shine, the blue in them burning bright. I nod, "Miss clumsy's back." He mumbles earning him another slap on the arm, "We're nearly there." He grins pulling me through the tress again until the light starts to become more prominent.
Finally, my feet still intact, Blaze leads me out into a clearing, a large area of lush green grass. The forest behind us and the city in front of us. Gleaming in all its glory. We're on the edge of a cliff, rock faces surrounding the edges leading back to the forested area, but you wouldn't be able to tell from the wide area of green that surrounds us, the blades of grass tickle my bare ankles. The sky seems clearer from here, more stars have come out to shine and the moon casts its rays protectively over them. The air is pure and crisp, coldly refreshing and the smell of winter lingers comfortingly.
"Wow." I breathe barely audible but loud enough to hear over the sweeping current of crickets in the distance. Blaze drops my hand and settles into the grass, leaning his elbows on his legs as he gazes out at the sea of lights. It reminds me of the time we went to the carnival, being able to see for miles. It shocks me Blaze comes up here because of his heights phobia but it doesn't feel like you're up high... it just feels comfortable.
"When we first moved here, I used to take off in my car and see as far as I could get before I ran out of gas, just wanting to escape home and be alone. I ended up finding this place and it became a retreat for whenever I need to fuck off and calm down. I come here. It's secluded and peaceful. I'm able to piece together my fucked up thoughts without someone always on my case. Nobody else knows about it.... Which is why I wanted to bring you." I sit down next to him crossing my legs and looking at his side profile, he's yet to pull his eyes from the horizon. A pink flush coats my cheeks... I'm the only one who knows about this... he bought me here.
"W-why me?" I breathe resting my head sideways on my knees not wanting to take my eyes off him.
"Because you've been brave and honest with me and I want to do the same for you..." He takes a breath of air, eyes sinking, " But I'm scared that if you find out who I really am... you'll leave me." He drops his head between his knees and I reach out to take his warm hand, enclosing my fingers around his. He doesn't return the hold but doesn't pull away, "And selfishly I don't want you to leave because quite frankly you're... you're like fucking stars and I'm the moon... the undeserving moon. You surround me with your beautiful glow, lighting up the sky for me. The moon isn't good enough on its own... it needs the stars." He won't look at me, my heart tears wishing he could let go of whatever pain burdens him. All the bitterness that swirls inside him cages him from being truly happy. Those moments when he catches himself being happy and shuts down break me in two.
"I've told you. I'm not going to leave you just because you've made mistakes Blaze... I kind of see it the other way around. The moon lights the sky. Clearing the clouds so the stars can find their way into the nights' sky. On a bad night, you only see the moon... not the stars." I lean my head against his arm and look out at the stars again, twinkling and dancing about under the moons beam. Blaze's small chuckle vibrates through my head.
"They weren't just little, silly mistakes though Blondie..." He scoffs then pounds a fist against the grass shaking his head.
"Blaze. I'm here when you want to talk but only when you want to. We can just talk about how well you guys did in the game." I smile at him to try and ease the pain but then I notice a single teardrop running down his face, his jaw clenched trying to hold back more. A harsh cold sweeps through me and I scurry to my knees, moving in front of him in between his legs...
She wipes the single tear from my cheek, her thumb caressing my skin softy as she peers up at me with worried eyes.
I'm scared. Yeah, laugh it up. Blaze Beckett is scared.
For years I've suppressed everything, slowing closing off more and more of myself until it took over, bitterness stuck in the past.
But then Atlas Grove tore through me like a hurricane, confusing me with feelings and pulling me from the havoc inside my mind.
She bought a brightness I never thought I'd see again and after everything, she's survived she still carries that gorgeous smile. Her strength astounds me and it's time for me to let go. Start looking forward to the future instead of looking over my shoulder constantly.
"My... my dad... he isn't a good man. He's a nasty fucker actually." I scoff my hands occupying themselves in the blades of grass, tearing little pieces and rubbing them in the tips of my fingers. Atlas moves back to beside me, resting her head against my arm, her hair brushing softly against my skin creating that now familiar warmth inside of me. "He was in and out of my life during my childhood, I never really understood why and every time I asked my mom she just shrugged it off saying he had to work. For years I couldn't understand why he'd drop in for a few days then leave for months... sometimes I wouldn't see him for whole years. The only thing I could really be sure of was that we had the same temper... the same batshit fucking anger running through us."
My younger years were some of my best years, we lived in a normal four-bedroom house near my grandparents, I attended school, formed the best relationship with Brady, was determined on joining the NFL and lived in New York like a normal kid. Mom and I were comfortable... happy for the most part except when my dad would come in and bulldoze everything.
"He-He was the... 'organiser' of a shitty criminal gang in New York." I keep my eyes trained on the distance, a pang of pain zips through me when Atlas pulls her head off my arm. "It wasn't just a petty gang. He owned bars and restaurants... for the legal side of things but he was involved with drugs, weapons, fighting, racing... hurting people... yada yada." I pull on the grass a little harder, Atlas sits rigidly looking at me from the side but she deserves to know the truth.
"My mom, she tried to keep me out of that life but one day my dad came back and he stayed for a while spending time with me. I actually felt like he was here to stay finally and grew attached to the attention he gave me. But that man always has a manipulative ulterior motive. I was petrified of him leaving again so when he offered to take me to 'work' with him I went willingly. Slowly but surely he integrated me into his little crime circle. I liked having my dads attention and being part of something that... fueled my temper. It felt good releasing the anger in what I was raised to think was a 'normal way. However as time passed my dad started to force me to do more, he expected a lot and would... would make me feel like a-a disappointment if I didn't." I let out a breath at the wobble of words in my throat, another warm tear slips from my eye. I drop my head trying to hide the vulnerability that comes with it but fail when Atlas's small thumb brushes it away. I still can't look her in the eye, pathetic.
"I wanted to impress him... I wanted him to love me. But instead of helping my anger it just got worse and worse until I realised he didn't care about me... only what I could give him. He didn't care about me... he didn't love me..." I grunt trying to clear the shakes in my voice, "Things got worse when I realised that. I didn't go to school, I was fighting all the time... hurting people, risking my life by illegally racing and doing 'jobs' for him. The more reckless things I did, the more my dad paid attention. And that was what I wanted, even though I knew deep down he didn't care, I thought one day he might just change his mind."
I craved the love from him.
"I mistreated my mom. So badly- So so badly. I can still see how petrified she was of me. Her tear-stained face is always there when I close my eyes. I dropped everything and everyone. Brady had already moved by then and stopped visiting me when I pushed him away. I didn't care about anything else, I was just this massive ball of anger. I burnt everything I touched as he fed me with manipulation and lie after lie." I clench my fists feeling the hatred at full force, spitting the words through clenched teeth. " Until one night... I-i- god you're going to hate me Atlas." I shake my head dropping it between my parted knees. Shame running through my veins, I still relive this night every time I fall asleep waking up in sweats and I deserve the torment.
Atlas moves so she's in front of me gripping onto my forearms with her tender fingers as they snake around my ink. She sits between my legs smiling wearily at me, not saying anything just placing herself closer to me to tell me she's not going anywhere. I can feel the heat coming off her, the vanilla from her hair flowing in a protective circle around me. She looks deep into my eyes,
"I'm not going to hate you, Blaze." She states calmly running her thumb across a section of my tattoos. The softness in her voice makes me crumble. Every last resolve I had comes crashing down, the ice from around my heart melting into a deep puddle.
'I nearly killed someone Atlas." I croak, a fresh set of tears falling from my eyes. Tears and hurt I've suppressed under my skin for years. Her finger stills from where it was rolling over my arm. Her hands tighten ever so slightly around my forearms as the pain trickles through my veins poisoning me with guilt. "My dad... he- he sent me out to go collect money from this kid who owed us for some drugs, overdue fucking payments. He was only a year older than me at the time and went to my school. When I went to confront him he started spewing all this shit about my mom and me and my sister, trying to act hard in front of his friends. All this hurtful crap... that pushed me over the edge. Something inside of me just snapped, it went off like a detonating time bomb." Everything about that night hits me at once. I clutch the top of Atlas hands praying she won't leave me. It- it never meant to happen. I just-
"It started as a simple fistfight but I was so much stronger and I knew that... I revelled in the power. He was screaming at me to stop but I kept going. This rage blinded me and I turned into an animal. I couldn't stop. I could see all the blood and hear the horrific screams just I couldn't stop hitting him. it felt like all the anger I thought I was getting through just came pouring out. Nothing could stop me. Not until a small army of cops pulled me off him... to let EMTs assess him. God. it was bad. So bad. There was- fuck. There was so much blood." My hands tremble, I can remember when I first got a full look at the kitchen floor, his body lying there in a pool of blood. I was used to... doing that... hurting people but that one. Something clicked... it was worse than the rest, it was driven by my anger- not an order.
"He... he was in a coma for four weeks. I'd broken his arm, three of his ribs, broke his jaw, nose, a few teeth, cracked his fucking skull!" I shout into the open space, the hatred building for myself. How much of a horrible person I am. My breathing becomes shallow, barking words into the open as the pain rips through me. Hot tears well in my eyes, leaking down my cheeks. Warm hands cup my face gently brushing my tears from my cheeks as more fall into her palms.
"I'm-I'm sorry." I sniff keeping my eyes on her blurry white converse. I can deal with seeing the disappointment in everyone else but not her. I can't see it. I can't face it. Not from her.
"Don't say sorry about crying." Her soft tone warms me as her thumbs caress my cheeks. Warmth I do not deserve.
"It went to court. Since I was still a minor I was looking at my last few teenage years in a juvenile detention centre before possible jail time. It-it was bad. It was the first time in my life I was actually scared. I was able to look in the mirror long enough to see the long line of destruction I had caused behind me. In that moment I had destroyed everything. My dad was nowhere to be seen whilst I was going through this. He had disappeared again without a trace leaving me to feel like an even bigger idiot. I was so fucking stupid!" I shout again ramming my fist into the earth. Atlas takes my grass squashing knuckles and wraps her hands around them before I can do it again.
"The parents of the kid I'd hurt... they decided to drop the charges...they dropped the fucking charges for what I'd done. I'd never felt more guilty in my life. I deserved everything I was going to get for what I did. But his parents were more the 'life lesson forgive' kind of people. I think my mom in floods of tears holding my baby sister put a different outlook on the whole situation. They were embarrassed their kid was doing drugs too which would have been made public if the trial went on. So I was free, the only condition I attended anger management counselling and we'd have a restraining order put against my dad so he couldn't contact any of us. They took pity on us, on me- the kid with a father so shit he let his son get arrested. After that, my mom packed everything up and moved us somewhere random so he couldn't find us. I think she wanted to move where I'd at least know someone and she wanted that for herself too hence how we ended up here in this shit heap." I attempt a weak laugh but it gets stuck in my raw throat. Atlas doesn't say anything, she just sits in front of my holding my fists. Bile rises up to my mouth, she's going to run. She hates me. She fucking hates me and she should.
"I destroyed my family's life, I destroyed everything and if I could take it back I would. You have to believe me Atlas! I really would take it back. Every single thing... every single thing except meeting you." I sigh. She's the one that bought me back from the dark void I was lost in.
"I believe you, Blaze." Her voice is soft as it flutters in my ears, "Look at me. Please." The desperate plea makes me raise my head, her cheeks are flushed from the night air and her eyes are glassy, tears pooling in the corners. " I don't hate you. I could never fricking hate you."
"But I'm- I'm just- I'm just like your dad! I-I-" My fear comes falling out of my lips, " After everything you've been through... I'm not what you deserve." The words strain out of my mouth, my heart wrenching as I say them. Tears fall down her cheeks, a sad smile gracing her face.
"Jesus Blaze. What are you talking about. You're nothing like my dad. Nothing! I swear to god if I ever hear those words come out of your mouth again... I'm... I'm going to hit you! How dare you say you're not what I deserve. You are more than I deserve" she lets out a shaky breath, I try to protest at her statement knowing no one will ever be what she deserves but she cuts me off. She deserves the fucking universe and more. "It kills me to see you so hurt, all this bottled up. You aren't a bad person. You were a boy who got mislead by someone who manipulated them. You were a boy who just wanted love from his dad." She's sobbing now, her chest moving in and out quickly, " Everyone makes mistakes. Granted some are bigger than others but the biggest ones have the most to learn from. Which you did. You may have done something bad but you made the decision to stop that rage. You were the one who went to counselling and moved here, threw all you could into your studies and worked so much harder than everyone else to play football again. You aren't your past and you need to stop comparing yourself to that version of you because of the guy that's sat here with me. The guy who saved me- he's not the one you've just described. I don't think I'd really like him if it was." She pulls my head into her chest holding me with her small arms in the tightest grip she can muster.
It sinks in, I will never not hate myself for what happened in New York and the way I treated my mom, how I neglected football and how I hurt that kid but to move on and be the person she deserves to have as someone she can talk to and spend time with I need to let go of the past and work towards the future. I've stayed out of trouble, keeping my temper under wraps for the most part and it really does hit me. The boy back then is not who I am today.
I may feel like that sometimes and it's going to take a while to fully believe it but I need to, for her.
Then, I was a naive, violent kid who had his trust broken badly.
Now, I'm Blaze Beckett, a person who's respected, a person who has colleges offering him, personally, places on their teams, a person who's trying to make meaningful relationships and a person who's falling in love with their match. Admitted I still may be an ass but I'm trying, right?
"It may be so selfish of me to bring you into my fucked up life Blondie but I want you in it. Sue me because I don't want to live without you in it. You make me smile and you've shown me there is light after the dark. You've lit up my world and shown me there's more to live for. I really like you Atlas. More than just a fucking friend." I pull her into my lap, wiping her tear stains as I cup her cheeks which blush a bright pink. I do like her more than a fucking friend and I may regret it one day but right now I don't see how that's possible.
"We're all varying degrees of fucked up right?" She sucks on her top lip looking at me through thick lashes. I lean back in shock, the first time I've heard her say fuck and it sounds like the sweetest fucking thing on earth coming out of those lips, " Lucky for your soppy ass, I don't want to not have you in my life either. I like you more than a friend too. You became my moon a long time ago when you lit up my dark skies, giving me guidance home." Her hand caresses my cheek, a lazy grin sits upon her blush lips and the stars in the sky make her sapphire eyes twinkle like the ocean on a clear night. So. Fucking. Beautiful.
I quickly grab her wrists and turn her over, she squeals as her back hits the grass. I cage her body underneath me and gaze into her deep eyes. I plant my lips on hers again, this time feeling even better than the first when the wave of sparks hits me at full force. Fire heats under my skin and desire runs through my veins.
She reciprocates my movements for a second before she pushes on my chest. I open my eyes panic running down my spine.
"Wait." She sits up, his hand still resting on my shoulder," I... uh... I... well I haven't done... this before... none of it." Her cheeks flame and she looks everywhere but at me. I chuckle at her cute nature, I find it adorable she still manages to blush such a shade around me, "I've never... had a boyfriend before." She whispers biting on her lip which surges a desirable need in me... she has no idea what that kind of look is doing to me.
I place a kiss on her temple, "Atlas, it's okay. We can take it slow. No titles or any kind of pressure, just taking it slow. This is new for me too, I've never had a girlfriend before." I shrug but her worried expression only fills me with dread reminding me of the time she caught me coming out of the changing rooms with another cheerleader, I wince. "Only because I've never felt this way about someone before. It's always been my sole goal to focus on football but things change and people change. You mean more to me than football ever would. We won't do anything you're not comfortable with or not ready for." A smile tugs at her lips and this time she leans up to kiss me. Timid and shy but the feeling's still the same, I lay her back down on the grass and take another look at her flushed skin and spawn out blonde hair and smile.
The protruding fear of what the fuck will happen at the end of the year swims in my mind, we're both going to leave and pursue different dreams, it's on the tip of my tongue but I push it away.... Letting myself live the night in happiness for once.
Hey hey! I'm sorry this took so long, this is probably the longest chapter in the entire story! It's over 5000 words long 🥵 But i absolutely loved writing it, giving Blaze his story! I hope you enjoyed it though!
Also Balance is so fricking close too 100k reads.... Um what...??? This is so crazy, I never thought it would do this well and I just want to thank you all for reading! It means the world!!!
Please hit that ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ below!! ❤️❤️🔥