Blair POV.
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Hate. To feel intense or passionate dislike for someone. That someone happens to be, Grayson fucking Heart.
Why, you may ask? At the moment, there's a lot of reasons. It's been three weeks since the double date. Ashlyn and Grayson have already managed to break up. It has to do with something about Christmas break coming up.
Grayson told me they fought over his family. Ashlyn started off accusing them of hating her, and then I don't even know. At the end, they broke up.
But that's not why I hate Grayson. Because since Grayson is now single, he is back to using me as a distraction. He has me under his sick, twisted spell. So I can't help but to let him use me.
Our relationship is weird. It's as if we are dating, but he's in love with Ashlyn. I guess i'm just holding her place. Holy shit. I'm the mother fucking benchwarmer.
I hate Grayson fucking Heart. And I hate even more that, that statement is the farthest from the truth. I wish I hated him, instead I don't. For some reason I like the asshole. A lot. I've tried not to, I even went on a date a week ago. But I couldn't get away from him. On the date, I saw him everywhere. And his eyes, his stupid beautiful eyes.
It seemed as if nothing I'd do would let me escape the thought of him. He was everywhere. I saw a the grass, I though about the green flecks in his eyes. I looked at the sky, and I thought about the blue in his eyes. He was everywhere, and I couldn't escape him.
I hated that I didn't hate him. I hated even more that he has this hold over me. I wasn't great at hiding it either, and I think everyone knew, except for him.
I'm actually on my way to his house right now. Noah picked me up, and is taking me over to Grayson's. We were planning on drinking before we went to the party.
"I told Grayson you might like him." Those were the first words Noah chose to speak to me. They were traced with guilt and nerves. I knew something was up, he has been quiet to whole ride.
"Funny."
"No, I did."
"And why the fuck would you do that?" Anger, a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility. Right now, the hostility factor was very high.
"Because, I think you do Blair. I don't just think you do, I know you do."
"Ok, well. Congrats, do you want a reward. The biggest fucking dumbass." Me being mad was an understatement. I was livid.
"I just didn't want you to get hurt. I see the way he treats you and I see the way you respond. It's obvious you like him. But the dumbass doesn't believe it. He said, and I quote, 'Nah, Blair wouldn't like a guy like me,' end quote."
"I hate men." Noah laughed at that.
"I'm sorry Blair. I just thought maybe he could tone his whole act down."
"His whole act?" I ask
"He acts like he likes you Blair, I don't know if you've noticed that. But everyone notices, even Ashlyn and him got in a fight over how close you two are. You guys have such a weird relationship, but I also know he's still in love with Ashlyn. So I thought, maybe if I told him you like him, he'd stop leading you on."
"And what do you think now?"
"That he's a bigger dumbass than I thought."
"And why's that?"
"Because he didn't believe anything I said."
"You shouldn't have said anything dumbass."
"Such a pretty girl with such a vulgar mouth."
"You mother..."
"Oh look we're here" Noah cuts me off. He gives me an innocent smile before parking and running out the car. He runs up to the door and I follow. "Let me in!" He bangs on the door. "She's going to kill me!"
"Who's going to kill you?" Grayson opens the door with a curious look. Noah runs in and hides behind him. "I take it back, Blair looks like she's ready to chop off your dick."
"Don't give her any ideas," Noah whines.
"So why does Blair want to kill you?"
"Because..." I give Noah a sharp look. Thankfully he gets the hint and shuts up. "Ummm, I seem to have forgotten."
"Lair." He smirks at us. I give him a shrug and walk in side.
"Let's start drinking!" Noah shouts running into the kitchen. Zack, Carter, and Emma are all sitting down.
"Alcoholic" I snicker at him.
"Meanie"
"Dumbass"
"So vulgar Blair," Grayson smirks.
"That's what I told her!" Noah shouts. Sometimes I debate why I'm friends with a five year old. Other times I just accept it. I go straight to the alcohol. I can't stay sober now that I know there's a chance Grayson thinks I like him.
"Hey B, we should talk." Grayson whispers to me. Yea, no. Fuck that. He knows. Maybe it's about something else though.
"Ok, what's up?"
"Privately." Yea, no. Fuck that. I hate Noah.
"Later, I just got here. Let's drink." I muster up a smile. I make eye contact with Emma. She's currently giving me a confused look. I go over to her and sigh.
"Why is Grayson looking at you all serious?" She asks
"No idea."
An hour has gone by and we are all pretty wasted. All of us except for Zack, since he's driving us. And I was almost in the clear, almost.
We were about to head out to the party, and once I was there I could avoid Grayson for the rest of the night.
"You guys ready?" Zack asked.
"In a second, I need to talk to Blair before we go." Grayson looks at me and nods his head towards the stairs. He starts to walk up the stairs and I follow. On my way up, I made sure to turn and give Noah a a death stare. In return, he gives me a look of an apology.
Grayson leads me into his room. "What's up?" I ask. This could be about anything. Let's not assume the worse.
"Noah kinda said something to me, and I wanted to ask you about it." Always, always assume the worse, because that's what's always going to happen.
Speechless. Unable to speak, especially as the temporary result of shock or some strong emotion. That's what I was. I was standing, openly gaping, not knowing what to say.
"He said, that he thinks you might like me." Might as well go jump off a cliff now.
"Ok..." I drag on, still having no idea what to say. I am grateful that I'm at least drunk for this conversation. Sober Blair, wouldn't have been able to do this.
"Ok?"
"Ok."
"So is it true, do you like me?"
"Yes." What's the point of lying? I take that back. That was a stupid question. There's so many points to lying. I should of lied, I should of lied my ass off. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was just me being tired of hiding my feelings. But I told him, and now I feel stupid. Because he's looking at me like I just told him I was a fucking vampire or something.
His eyes are wide in shock. And he's not saying anything. So me, being the stupid drunk idiot, decided to go on.
"You know I used to think I couldn't fall in love, I guess I didn't think I deserved it. All the shit that's happened to me, I used to think it's because I was a bad person who deserved bad things." I mumble on, "And then I met you, I still haven't decided if you're a bad or good thing. But I do think I could fall in love with you, and it's sucks. I know I shouldn't, and I know you wouldn't love me back. But I can't help it, no matter how much I try. I really like you, and I could fall in love with you."
No words. It's been twenty seven seconds, and he still hasn't said anything. Just, now, twenty nine seconds of complete silence.
"I...fuck Blair." He starts, that's not a good way to start. "You do deserve to fall in love. But don't waste your first love on me, I'm not worth it. I used to think I deserved bad things, and I met you. You're my good thing, you're my person. So please don't fall in love with me. That will mess everything up. Promise me you won't."
"I promise." An empty promise I know I will break. Break, something I'm afraid my heart is about to do. "It's just a silly crush anyways," I fake a laugh, "I'll get over it."
"You're a special girl Blair..."
"I know" I smile at him. The boy in love with another. The one I know I'm falling for. "It's fine. Come on, everyone's waiting."
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