"So," Benji drawled, standing behind me as I brushed my teeth in the bathroom. Ethan had rushed home after receiving a slew of texts and calls from a very anxious mother, because of course he didn't tell her where he was. I rolled my eyes and continued with my business, Benji leaning against the door frame with a shit eating grin on his face, ready to bombard me with questions. "Did you guys have sex?"
I choked, whipping around to fix him with a glare. After spitting in the sink, I stared at my younger brother in the mirror. "No, where did you learn that?"
"I'm in middle school, where do you think? Besides, I'm twelve, not two," he scoffed, crossing his arms.
"Well, I'm not sure why you would even think that." I started to get flustered as the imagery of Ethan and I having sex appeared in my mind, and I struggled to put away my toothbrush with trembling hands.
Benji gave me a deadpan look. "He looked like he was naked and on top of you," he stated without even missing a beat. I turned around and playfully shoved him out of the way, yelling at him over my shoulder to comb his hair.
When I returned to my room, Mrs. Clarissa was taking my comforter off the bed and folding it before she noticed me. With a mischievous glint in her eyes, she mused, "you know, I was going to wash your sheets, but thought that maybe you should be the one to put them in the wash."
I groaned, covering my face with my hands. "Oh my God why does the entire house think we had sex?" I exclaimed.
"I was once a teenager too," Mrs. Clarissa shrugged.
With a huff, I walked over and took the sheets off myself anyway. "We didn't, for the record."
"There's nothing wrong with it, Ivan. I just think we need to have a discussion about staying safe and being smart about it."
My cheeks went thermo-nuclear, and I thought stabbing myself in the eye with an icepick would be more desirable than to have that conversation with Mrs. Clarissa. "Well it's not like either of us can get pregnant, and I know to always use condoms. There, no conversation needed. I got it," I grunted, shoving my sheets into the laundry hamper.
"So, are you two together now?" She asked, watching me carefully as I shoved the sheets down into the overflowing basket.
I looked at Mrs. Clarissa, her teasing tone was now gone and replaced with something much more sincere. I shrugged, "I guess, it's a little complicated still, but I think now we know each other's feelings."
She hummed thoughtfully, before walking up to me and giving my shoulder a gentle squeeze. "Well I'm very glad, I know how much you like him, and I want this so badly for you."
Giving me one last smile, she grabbed the laundry hamper and left my room. I walked over to my bed and sat down, staring at the indent in the mattress where Ethan had slept. Running my fingers over the spot, I smiled and remembered how it felt when he kissed me, both of us high on adrenaline and finally satiating the need for each other as though we were both starving and were finally given a meal. I chuckled to myself at how dumb I was acting, touching my lips and staring at the bed with watery eyes, but I couldn't help it. It was all these feelings of joy and hope that I had never felt before bubbling up and spilling over, and I wanted to feel those emotions over and over again. Ethan was a drug that I quickly became helplessly addicted to, and I wanted nothing more than to be with him. I pleaded with whoever in the universe was listening, please, please, let me get what I want.
~
"So, um, Ethan and I are together," I say casually as I took my seat next to Vera. Her head whipped over to me, jaw practically on the floor in shock.
"No way. No fucking way," Vera beamed, her eyes gleaming with happiness. I bit my lip to try and hold back my grin, but at this rate, I've accepted the fact that I'll be smiling like a star-struck idiot the entire day. "That's so sweet. I'm so happy for you Ivan," she said softly, squeezing my shoulder as she opened her notebook.
"We. . . actually slept in my bed last night," I smirk.
Vera's eyes widened, a hand coming up to cover her mouth. "Ivan, you dog."
"Nothing happened! I swear!"
"Sheesh, that's almost a shame. That's alright, Emma and I did enough last night to compensate for the both of you."
"Oh my God," I muttered, holding my head in my hands as Vera made lewd gestures next to me, mainly involving holding two fingers up and licking in between them. She's going to take ten years off my life.
"Well, are you guys going to make your relationship known to the school?" She eventually questioned after deeming me sufficiently flustered.
"We decided this morning we weren't going to make a big deal about it, but not actively try to hide it at the same time. When people figure it out, they'll know."
"But you're like, both coming out at the same time? Aren't you?"
I bit my lip, feeling the stress that I was trying so desperately to ward off start to build. "I guess we are."
As the teacher began her lesson, I tried my best to concentrate, I really did, but thoughts of Ethan and the whispers in my ear were incredibly distracting. Just as I had experienced when Chloe and I got into that argument, word traveled fast in this school, and people already seemed to know something was up when it was barely an hour into the school day. To an extent I understood the fascination; Ethan was attractive and garnered a lot of attention, and he was dating another boy; I was the weird kid that kept quiet, who suddenly found himself in the spotlight more often than not as of late- and I was also dating Ethan Matthews. Didn't make the glances and conversations I knew were about me any easier to deal with.
Chloe came up to me in second period the moment I walked into the room, her glossy blonde hair tucked behind her ear as she jumped up and down in excitement.
"I'm so happy for you guys! You two make such a cute couple," she sighed.
I chuckled awkwardly, glancing around the room as most of the class was turned around in their chairs, watching our conversation.
"I. . . kind've feel like a zoo exhibit right now," I say under my breath, glancing around at the prying eyes nervously.
Chloe frowned, spinning around to glare at everyone who was staring at us, making them turn around quickly and pretend to be minding their own business after being caught.
"You get used to it after a while," she rolled her eyes. "People love to gawk. Hey, you and Vera should sit with the rest of us at the lunch table. You two are part of the group and welcome."
"Um, thanks. I'll consider it," I mumble, shuffling away slightly to get to my desk. I couldn't wait for the novelty of Ethan and I's relationship to wear off, because this was a lot.
Once lunch came around and I approached the table, Ethan was already there and sitting by himself, causing me to frown. I couldn't do this to him, constantly keeping him away from his friends. He was far too social to be happy just sitting with Vera and I in a table shoved off to the side, and I already knew he wouldn't leave me to sit with his friends. Sighing, I went up to the table just as Vera got there, but didn't make a move to sit down.
"Hey you," Ethan smiled, resting his elbows on the table and looking up at me. Vera wiggled her eyebrows and sported an overly zealous grin, but I simply ignored her.
"Let's go sit with Chloe and her friends."
Ethan's eyebrows shot up, and Vera physically recoiled like she had been slapped.
"Who the hell are you? And what did you do with Ivan?" She demanded.
"Funny. I'm serious, isn't that where Emma sits too? We might as well sit over there, at least a few times a week."
Bringing up Emma turned out to be a smart tactic, as Vera faltered like she actually was considering it. After a moment, she furrowed her brows in determination and stood up.
"Fine. But only because she's hot as hell and I miss her."
I looked towards Ethan, "are you alright with this?"
He blinked a few times, before standing up and nodding. "Yeah, I'm down."
"Great! Let's go," Vera proclaimed before stalking off, suddenly very interested in sitting with Chloe's gang, probably only because of a particular redhead.
Ethan stepped closer and tilted his head down as he spoke in a low voice. "I know what you're doing. That's really sweet of you," he said, playfully bumping my shoulder. Looking down, I tried to hide the smile that had begun to take over my face as I followed Ethan to the louder, more populated area of the cafeteria, the part Vera and I used to lovingly call The Lion's Den.
"Ivan! You came! Sit, sit, please!" Chloe jumped up, squealing and running over like she was going to give me a hug. I must have had a pretty alarmed expression on my face, because she skidded to a stop and ended up just giving me a little pat on my shoulder. She was quickly learning the ins and outs of behaving around me, despite having a habit of hugging quite literally everyone she greets. The entire table was looking at us like we both had grown a second head. Wanting to get out of the spotlight, I quickly sat down next to Ethan as he did some weird handshake thing with Chase.
"I didn't know you two were friends?" One girl asked about three people down and across from Chloe.
"Well, yeah! Ivan's a super cool guy. So sweet too," she shrugged, stabbing at her salad.
"Hey, I never apologized for getting in your face, man. You were kinda goin' after my girl, but, no hard feelings?" Chase asked, reaching a hand across the table to shake.
"Oh my God, Chase, I wasn't your girl then," Chloe giggled.
I looked at it apprehensively, but decided that the turmoil I would cause by not humoring him was worse than just suffering for a few seconds. Grabbing his hand, he gave it a rough jerk down and let go, and I wanted to roll my eyes at how stereotypically masculine it was. Vera and I glanced at each other from across the table as she was forced to listen to one of Emma's friends go on and on about some new TV drama, and we both knew we had it bad for our partners.
~
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