Over and over,
I fall for you.
____________________
Livius wasn't in his office when I went to go find him. Instead, the pack wolf who'd entered to tidy up the room had bowed her head and explained to me that he had a board meeting at Artemis Enterprises. The sun had already set, and when I asked when he'd return, she'd shook her head.
"It seemed a bit important. It may go well into the night, my Queen."
I prayed she didn't hear my frustrated snarl as I strode back into the hall. I suppose not finding him was a good thing. I needed time to rearrange my thoughts, to come to terms with this new awareness, and what it meant.
Alexius was alive. There were thousands of Fae out there under his command. He wanted revenge. Livius knew. And never told me.
I spent hours pacing in our bedroom, and of all the times for Livius to choose to pull an all-nighter, he chose the one day I was waiting for him. When he arrived the next day, I was already in his office, his exhausted features be damned.
"Well, good morning, moon," was the first thing he said, a steaming cup of coffee in hand while he strode in, ever the workaholic. He'd spent the whole night busying himself with his company and was coming back home to cover pack business.
He'd clearly already freshened up, and wasn't even planning on sleeping. Good.
I said nothing while he shrugged off his coat and draped it over the couch. He was dressed in a snug turtleneck, the fabric clinging to his taut muscles as he ran a hand through his hair. "What are you doing up so early?"
"Waiting for you."
Only after unwrapping his scarf, removing his gloves, and discarding them both on the same couch did Livius finally glance up at me. When he came over to wrap an arm around my waist and pull me into his chest, I didn't protest.
"Should I be concerned?" He asked, and my fingers fisted his turtleneck as I inhaled his scent of lilac and snow.
"Maybe."
Was I angry? Yes, a bit.
Okay, perhaps more than a bit. Was I confused? Very. Was I uncertain? Definitely.
Livius towered over me, his eyes searching my own as I offered him a smile, my eyes closing for a brief moment.
He sighed in obvious concern when I brought my hand up to his chest, my fingers moving to trail over his broad shoulders while I followed the movement with my eyes. "I had an interesting conversation with Gabriel yesterday."
His gaze immediately darkened, his entire demeanor changing at the mention of that bastard. His own calloused hand came up to cup my jaw, those eyes glittering with warning. "Hm? And what did you two discuss while I was gone?"
There was a rising reprimand in his gaze. I knew he wanted me to stay away from Gabriel. It's why I never told him where I was going. Still, I played along even when his hand trailed down to my throat.
"Oh, yknow, just the things you deem too insignificant to share with me," I mused, my voice dropping as I wrapped my fingers around the soft fabric of his tie and tugged sharply so that I could lean forward and whisper into his ear. "Take my brother's survival for example."
Livius visibly stiffened, and I pulled back to stare into his eyes, this time allowing my anger to seep into my gaze. We remained like that for what felt like hours until he spoke.
"So he told you, then?"
My fingers tightened around his tie. "Well of course he fucking told me, Livius. Especially when it was clear that you lied."
His eyes narrowed. "I never lied."
"A lie of omission is still a lie, Livius, you don't need me to tell you that," I bit out in response. "I can't believe you. All this time, you never thought it was a good idea to tell me that my older brother was alive? Even with all those visions of my family I've been having, even with everything I've been feeling."
It was only after I'd said the words that I realized I'd never told Livius about those memories. He'd caught me waking up from them a few times, but I'd never explained what they entailed.
"Visions?" I closed my eyes at his question, and both his hands came up to my face, his eyes seeking out my own.
"It doesn't matter now," I muttered. "What matters is that you never told me."
Livius inhaled, as though he truly wanted to avoid this conversation. "I truly was going to, Alexandria. That letter I was planning on showing you was my trackers' report on his first sighting. But then it became clear that all Fae's look very similar when shifted."
My mind reeled to a halt as I recalled the document he'd intended to show me so early on. But he was cut off... and we never got back to it.
"The last thing I wanted to do was give you some sliver of false hope, which is why I let it go," he continued, those eyes never leaving my own. "But I'll be honest, moon, I received the official confirmation of his survival a few weeks ago, when you were upset with me."
"But you still withheld that? We promised, Livius. We said no more lies. I don't understand why you wouldn't tell me." I had so many questions for him, so many doubts.
"You would've left. Don't even try to say otherwise, love. Even now you're itching to go see him on your own terms." He sighed, rubbing at his jaw. "But back then, when you and Victoria were going at it, I had no doubt in the world that you'd up and leave, especially with all that I'd put you through. And even after, you were still tiptoeing around me.
"When I finally had enough and planned to lay it all out, Alaric and Aria were murdered. And then my concern shifted from you leaving out of anger with me, to you leaving out of anger with him. They already tried to kill you once. Risking it again was out of the question." His eyes were so dim, and there was clear worry there.
But it was still so upsetting. "That wasn't your choice to make," I murmured, pulling away from him.
Instead of responding, his gaze fell away from my own. "You're really holding back from strangling me, aren't you?" He asked, both our eyes drifting down to where my fingers were still curled around his stupidly expensive tie.
"It's an ugly tie."
"No it's not."
"It's atrocious."
"Moon, don't misplace your anger. This isn't about the tie."
I growled and turned away from him, running a frustrated hand through my silver locks. "I just don't get how you could keep that from me, Livius. I know I would've acted recklessly, but you had no right."
My mate dropped his gaze to his desk, those ocean blue eyes filled with so many unreadable emotions. "I know and I'm sorry, moon. But I don't regret it. It's always been my instinct to protect you, and I'll never stop acting on it."
"I do not need protecting," I hissed, glaring at him as he spoke.
"You almost drowned in a lake, Alexandria. I don't think you realize that I could've lost you that day. You can't expect me to believe that your brother didn't know about that? Didn't order it? The sudden death of his only competition for the throne, who also happens to be my Luna and the Queen of every werewolf alive, would very much work in his favor." He but out incredulously, those pale eyes filled with fear, doubt, and disbelief.
"They were sent to bring me home. It was Gabriel's plan to kill me," I retorted, ignoring the way he looked at me, the way he crossed his arms and stepped away, the way we weren't connecting like we usually did.
Livius waved a frustrated hand. "And now you take Gabriel at his word?"
I snapped. "My brother wouldn't try to kill me, Livius. Don't you dare accuse him of that!"
He narrowed his eyes at my response. "Your brother also hasn't seen you in twelve years. And you him. So who's to say he hasn't changed from the child you remember? Especially with someone like Gabriel as his guiding hand."
I fiercely shook my head, my hands balling into fists. "You know nothing."
"I know enough," was his swift retort, and at that response we both instantly winced, both our marks burning at our argument. The bond was stronger now, almost relentless. It demanded more attention and condemned us when we argued, and it hurt.
I stumbled at the sudden pain, my back hitting the wall as Livius gripped the edge of his desk at the feeling. But our ire only grew, and the sting only sharpened.
He suddenly slammed his hand on the table in frustration, his eyes churning when he met my gaze, our bond lashed out once again, but he didn't stop this time.
"That's it," he growled, his voice practically reverberating off the walls as he came to a conclusion. "That's enough of you speaking to that bastard."
I pushed off the wall when he suddenly began making his way to the door. "Where are you going?" I questioned, my voice almost panicked.
"To kill him once and for all. It's long overdue, no? Especially with all the things he's been putting into your head." His eyes were so bright when he met my gaze and I'm ashamed to admit that I had to hold back the urge to shrink back.
Still, I was in front of the door in an instant, blocking his path. "Don't you lay a finger on him," I bit out. "He's a fae. He's my charge. I caught him, and you will not end his life before I'm done with him."
Ironically enough, I had just been threatening Gabriel with Livius' wrath. Too bad he couldn't die just yet. I still had to go back and figure out where the hell the remaining fae were hiding.
Livius glowered at me, his eyes darkening. "Get out of the way, Alexandria." There was an order in his voice.
"I will not," I bit back in response, remaining where I stood.
"Alexandria," he warned.
I didn't blink. "Livius."
"Move."
This time my body did instinctively jerk away, and it felt as though I was warring with my own skin as a bead of sweat ran down my forehead. He must've subconsciously used that stupid perfect command art on me.
Bastard.
The mark sweltered once again at the word. It practically yelled at us to stop fighting, but we were both so fucking stubborn.
I brought my gaze up once again, our eyes meeting while he paused, his anger simmering as he fully looked at me. I didn't miss the way his eyes slightly widened as I remained standing before him, still refusing to relinquish even an inch.
But my entire body shook, and denying that command clearly took its toll. I couldn't breathe, and my body strained against the order to move out of his way. It felt as though my entire being was being crushed by its weight.... but I couldn't let him kill Gabriel, not yet.
"I am your Luna," I managed to say, my voice escaping in a strained snarl. "You do not get to order me around."
He blinked at me for a moment, and then he turned away, his posture relaxing, his fingers disappearing into his hair.
The minute he moved, the command broke and the air came rushing in. I fell to my knees, my hands coming around my neck as I breathed deeply, my entire being shaking with relief.
Fighting that perfect command felt eerily similar to drowning.
It made sense why no one else had done it before. What would've happened if he'd done it intentionally? If I'd been struck with its full force? I practically shuddered at the thought.
Even after a minute, I still found myself coughing out air, but I still forced myself to speak. "Congratu-fucking-lations, Livius. You now have a load of other shit to apologize for."
I heard him groan from where he stood before coming to squat in front of me, his eyes searching my own. There was remorse in his gaze, and I didn't flinch away when he brought his fingers up to press against my mark. I closed my eyes in relief.
His fingertips were cool against the fresh bite like a cold tidal wave washing over burning sand. And he was so gentle as he eased the pain away, my breaths finally coming out normally.
"For the record, I didn't mean to command you."
I brought my gaze up to his. "I could kill you right now, Livius."
He sighed in response and came to sit beside me, his back leaning against the office wall. I said nothing while he tipped his head to the ceiling, his eyes landing on the ornate chandelier at the center.
"I really am sorry, moon. For lying to you."
"Well, no shit," I responded, bringing my legs up to my chest and wrapping my arms around my knees. "I can practically feel your guilt down the bond. It's why I can't even properly be angry with you. That and this shitty mark."
Fuck the bond.
We both winced again when our marks throbbed and he flicked his eyes to me. "Was that thought necessary?"
"Was that command necessary?" I flung back.
He closed his eyes. "I really didn't mean to use it."
I couldn't even be upset or angry or frustrated for too long. The mark would sting and lash out at us until we both sat down, until we conceded. I hated it.
Disregarding his words, I stood up on shaky legs and made my way over to the cabinet behind his desk. I ditched the champagne and instead grabbed the nearest bottle of wine and two glasses before returning to my place on the floor against the wall beside him.
"I feel like even more of a badass for resisting it," I responded while pouring him a glass.
He smirked at my words, and I clinked my drink against his. "Here's to me being the best mate in the fuckin world for dealing with your bullshit," I bit out, my eyes narrowing on his before downing the glass.
Livius and I fought often, but it was different after the consummation. It was like his mark always told me how he was feeling, and if he ever lied, I'd know. It wasn't as easy to be angry with him as it was before, because his emotions were on full display. The secrets he kept were always tucked into the darkest parts of his being, and the reason why he kept them were never for his own interests.
A part of me still simmered in silence. I mean this was my brother for fucks sake. But I didn't know how to feel. On one hand, he was right. I would've ran off and risked everything if I knew, but it was also... unfair of him to hide that, even if it was just for a few weeks. And he knew that. He knew it and he condemned himself better than I ever could.
With a sigh, I leaned my head against his shoulder. I'd already given up on pouring another glass and instead brought the bottle to my lips. "Any other secrets you'd like to share? Because so help me God, Livius, if there's anything else you're keeping from me, I'll reject you, kill you, and steal your fortune. In that order."
He dropped his head against mine. "It's a good thing I'm not keeping anything else, then. I worked very hard for that fortune you plan on stealing."
I rolled my eyes, and offered him the bottle, watching silently as he gripped it and took several swigs. "Why do we never drink together like this?" I asked, and he gave a shrug.
"Probably because you can't hold your alcohol."
My eyes narrowed again, a pale gold meeting a calm blue. "You are not allowed to bully me for the next three weeks after everything that's come to light today."
"I suppose you do have a point there." He extended the bottle back to me, I shook my head.
Instead, I shifted so that my body leaned against him, my eyes closing in exhaustion. We both said nothing for a long while, before I cracked an eye open and spoke up, my voice an inaudible murmur. "Do you really think he's changed?"
"He wants revenge, Alexandria. Do you remember your brother to be the type who hates so fiercely?" There was no rage in his voice, just calm. I couldn't even tell if his question was rhetorical.
"No, he wasn't," I answered anyway, moving my gaze away from that overwhelming cerulean. "He was... kind. And patient. And very protective. But never hateful. I'm scared to imagine what he's become." Yet another reason why I had to go home.
Livius' fingers disappeared into the silvery strands of my hair, his touch both intoxicating and relaxing. I suddenly had a strong urge to sit up and bring my lips to his.
So, I did.
As always, his touch was electric. He tasted of red wine and everything wonderful as his scent curled around me in a cloud of warmth. In a matter of seconds I was straddling his waist, and his hand was at my hip, while the other trailed up and down my spine. I was very keenly aware of the way he hesitated, as though he was uncertain as to whether he deserved this or not.
It was slow and innocent and sweet, nothing like all we'd already done, but I loved it. I loved him. And when we pulled away with my arms still wrapped around his neck, our lips aligned just inches from one another as I brought my eyes up to his.
I doubt I'd ever get enough of those crystalline blue irises. They were like nothing I'd ever seen, and everytime I gazed into them, it was like seeing them for the first time, like meeting him in that hotel room all over again. "I waited for you last night."
His eyes visibly softened at my words. God, I loved how expressive they were, how I could read him through the tiny shifts in his gaze. "I'll send you a heads up next time."
My lips met his once again, my fingers getting lost in the ever so silky strands of his hair, and he groaned when I teased his bottom lip. "There won't be a next time, will there?"
This time he smirked, and I could've sworn he became a thousand times more beautiful. Fuck, I was so smitten, it was horrifying. "Probably not," was his husky response as his hand came to cradle the back of my head an instant before he flipped us so that my back met his office floor, my hair pouring out beneath me in a pool of silver.
He loomed over me, still so uncertain, and I brought my hands up to his cheek, my eyes speaking for me, before my fingers drifted down to his tie and I gave a sharp tug.
"I truly don't understand what you have against this one, moon," he said to me, before dropping his head into the curve of my neck and laying a kiss on my mark.
He'd never hear me say this, but it really was an ugly tie. I just hated how good it looked on him and no one else.
*********************
I graduated yesterday..... lol.
This is sad.
-Aida