"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside
us while we live."
~ Norman Cousins
...♛...
Summer White
...♛...
To every one thing, there is an exact opposite. There's hot and then there's cold. There's up and there's down. There's good and then there's bad. There's black and then there's white, but some people argue that there can be a blend of both, a grey area.
Is that true? Is there a grey area or is it just a place people like to be when they can't make a decision? I've never liked in-between stages. I like things well-defined: hot or cold, up or down, good or bad, black or white. When I choose, it's clear what I've picked. I mean, it's all up in the air during the process because I like being unpredictable, but in the end, it'll always be clear what I picked.
...♛...
I hold the phone to my ear and I anxiously wait as it rings for Alice to pick up the phone. It's nearly midnight and she still isn't home. She's usually home by eleven-thirty even when she stays an extra few minutes to help clean up. I wouldn't even be worried if she had replied to my messages like she always does, but since she hasn't, I can't help but worry. This isn't like her not answering her phone or her messages especially if it's me.
"Come on, Alice," I word anxiously as I tap my foot against the ground. When it goes to voicemail for the twelfth time, I let out a frustrated groan staring at the screen. "Fuck it," I huff grabbing my jacket on the way out and heading in the direction of her workplace.
Alice is my step-sister and we live together in a small apartment located in Englewood, Chicago which is one of the most dangerous cities in the state right now. We've been living here for years and we haven't run into any problems, mostly because we keep our heads down and mind our own business.
The restaurant Alice works at, as a server, is located in the middle of the city where many of the gangbangers hang around so I'm always worried that she's going to get caught up in some stupid shit if she ever takes the wrong route there or back home.
I always tell her to take the car, but she refuses since it's only a twenty-minute walk away. The walk is even shorter when she decides to take an alleyway that I tell her never to take because it's where most of the drug deals happen, but she doesn't listen to me and she takes that route sometimes anyway. She thinks I can't tell when she does, but I can. I understand I'm not her mother so I don't say anything, but if something ever happens, she is gonna hear a very loud and clear "I told you so" from me. From the feeling I have right now, I feel like that day has come.
The fall air of Chicago feels sharp and I breathe heavily as I walk through the dimly lit streets. My leather jacket keeps some of the cold air out, but some seeps through the open sleeves letting goosebumps rise all over my body. Clouds of smoke release from my mouth. I increase my pace with each step to reach Alice as soon as possible. I stuff my hands in my jacket's pocket and keep my head low avoiding the few people and cars that pass by.
I sniff as the cold air makes me congested, but remind myself that the temporary discomfort will be worth it once I know Alice is okay. It's kind of windy so I'm glad my long blonde hair is tied back tightly in a low ponytail with only a few loose strands framing my face.
"Look, just let me go. I won't tell anyone," I hear Alice speak just as I approach the alleyway.
Fucking Alice White, what have you gotten yourself into? I think to myself as I fasten my pace and enter the alley getting a clear picture of what exactly is going on. I spot three large figures blocking my view of Alice as they tower over her with their backs facing toward me.
The alley itself is about ten feet wide and probably fifty feet long with a few flickering lights on each side hung high up on the buildings. It's quite dark and most of the light is only coming from the hue of the full moon. The stench of what smells like garbage and animal piss makes my nose wrinkle. I hold back the urge to vomit.
I know I've smelled things much worse than this, but it's been years and I didn't remember it ever being this bad.
Oh, God.
"We'll make this quick. You won't feel a thing," one of the guys says as he reaches behind him and takes out the gun that was tucked under his belt. They're standing near the middle of the long alley so there's no way Alice can run away. The second she turns her back she knows they'll pull the trigger so the only thing we can do, and have to do, is fight.
By we, I mean me. Alice knows some self-defence, but she's not as strong as me and she never will be only because I've been training since birth and she only recently started.
"Whoa, there buddy," I speak up catching their attention. They all turn around and point their guns at me. I innocently put my hands up in surrender as I close the distance between us standing only a few feet away. There's hardly any light here so I can't see their faces, but their bodies are twice my size and since there are three of them and only one of me, it's quite an unfair disadvantage.
It's practically six against one, but I'm glad I've been keeping up with some of my combat training because I don't think I could have taken all of them at once if I hadn't.
"Two bodies in one night?" one of them cockily speaks.
"It can be zero," I retort licking my lips. My lips form a thin line as I wait for their response in anticipation. My palms become sweaty as the beat of my heart rings through my ears and time slows down. A feeling I didn't think I'd ever have to feel again, the adrenaline of fight or flight pumps through my veins. I take a deep breath in through my nose and my chest rises as I close my eyes feeling each particle make its way through my lungs. Then, my eyes slowly open as I release the breath through my mouth and my eyes zone in on the target.
"Sorry, princess," the one on the far left says. I watch as his finger presses down on the trigger and just before he can pull it, I kick his arm. The gun goes flying. Bewildered, he hesitates to react in time and I grab his arm, throwing his body against his friends. They all topple over and I watch as Alice goes to grab the gun off the ground. The others end up losing their guns too. The men recover quickly and one of them grabs my foot as the other gets up and throws a right hook to my head.
"Fuck," I wince. Luckily, my left leg helps me keep my balance and I don't fall on my ass, but it takes me a few seconds to get my vision back after the blow. I thrash around freeing myself from the grip on my leg after kicking the man in the face and hearing a loud crack. Luckily, I free myself just in time to block a punch to my stomach using my forearm from the other guy.
"Shit," I grunt knowing that it's going to leave a bruise on my arm. I throw a left hook to the guy's jaw and kick him in the balls as hard as I can making him fall onto his knees.
"Summer!" Alice yells throwing the gun at me. I catch it with ease and without hesitation, I point the gun at the man standing a few feet away from me with a bleeding nose. The look in his eyes is clear: mercy. His ego won't let him speak the words out loud, but the fear in his eyes has betrayed him. It won't be an honourable death, but that will stay between the two of us.
The loud pop echoes through the air just before the gasp releases through the man's mouth as the bullet pierces his heart. The right side of my body flinches back from the kickback, but I'm able to keep my stance fairly sturdy. Splatters of blood end up covering my body, but even then I watch as the man slowly falls on one knee, then the other before landing as dead weight on his back.
The second guy is still on his knees holding his bruised dïck so I look for the third guy instead and I find him running away already near the end of the alley. I try to aim and shoot, but miss about five to six shots letting him slip out of my hands.
"Fucking hell," I groan knowing I don't have a lot of time. I can't be shooting too many rounds because I'm sure someone has already heard them and has called the pigs.
I walk over to the guy still hunched over on his knees and grab him by his collar making him meet my eyes as I press the gun to his temple. Veins on his forehead pop as he grits his teeth. The moonlight makes his dark eyes sparkle as his eyes are stained red and glossy. His face also glistening with sweat.
"Who do you work for?" I question knowing that letting one man escape might just cost me a lot more than I'm willing to pay.
"Fuck you," he spits. I grit my teeth angrily and decide that patience is not a virtue I value as I smack him in the head using the gun. He grunts as he falls back on the ground. I stand up and take a few steps closer, towards his upper body and point the gun at his forehead. His eyes open wide as I tower over him.
"I won't ask again," I tell him.
"K-Kai Black," he gulps and I watch his Adam's apple bob. Without a second thought, I pull the trigger letting the bullet penetrate his forehead instantly killing him. His eyes still open, dilate and I stare at them feeling the rage pumping through my veins and his voice echoing over and over again in my head.
Kai Black.
Kai Black.
Kai Black.
"Summer," Alice puts her hand on my shoulder and I turn around finally taking a breath I didn't know I was holding back. Her crystal blue eyes look at me sympathetically as she holds out her jacket. I take it thankfully and wipe the blood off my face. I take off my own jacket and put it on inside out to hide the blood.
"Let's go before the pigs or someone else gets here," I say tucking the gun under my belt.
"What about the bodies?" Alice asks.
"They can't trace it back to us," I tell her.
"Who do they work for?"
"Not sure," I lie to her. "Let's talk about it at home. I need to shower."
"Okay, she nods," her blue eyes glisten as the moonlight shines through the dark clouds now consuming the night sky. Alice takes my hand and pulls me in the direction of our home, but as we exit the alleyway, I look back at the murder scene I left behind and the words from the stranger echo through my mind again.
Kai Black.
Kai Black.
Kai Black.
"Stop, Summer," Alice tugs my arm to gain my attention.
"Sorry," I state, sniffing. I start walking next to her and she lets my hand go as we walk together, pacing quickly.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," I clear my throat nervously. I don't want to think about what just happened because I don't think I'll be okay if I do. We remain quiet the rest of the way and luckily, we don't run into anyone else making it home unseen.
We lock the door to our apartment and close all the blinds before we head to our rooms to quickly strip out of our clothes and shower. The searing water runs down my body as I close my eyes. I drop my head brushing the hair in my face away and slowly open my eyes. I watch the water dilute the thick red blood before it slowly drains away leaving only the clear water behind.
I stare at the water as a memory flashes before my eyes.
...♛...
"No, get up! I-I didn't..." mean to kill you, were the words I was looking for, but my voice is stuck somewhere inside of me, not being able to speak. I didn't want to kill him, I warned him to stop. He didn't, he said he was going to kill me so I had to fight back.
"Please get up," I beg shaking his body. My hand covered in his thick red blood, I look at them cringing as I realize other bodily fluids are mixed with it.
I never knew this is what happens when you kill someone. How the body contains so many fluids with such different consistencies and they all just flow out of the punctured hole in the body. To make it worse, nothing in his body is working to heal him because he's dead. I killed him.
"Don't you understand you were made for this?" Nick comes in from the door. "He begged you to stop in the name of his children, he begged you to give him mercy, but it was like you couldn't hear him. Admit it, Summer, you were born to be a killer -"
"NO! Y-you made - you made me do this," I whimper sitting back and bringing my knees to my chest as I stare at the lifeless body through my blurry eyes.
"You are blood-thirsty Summer, just like me."
"No! I'm nothing like you!" Nick paces over to me and before I know it, the back of his hand makes contact with my cheek. I let out a cry as he pulls my hair lifting me to a stance. My legs shake uncontrollably underneath me and I breathe sporadically, unable to calm my body of the anxiety its riddled with. Nick's dark orbs show no mercy as he yanks my head back with the grip on my hair making me meet his eyes.
"The blood on your hands is there because of your actions. No one told you to fight for your life and once you did, no one told you to kill the man. You did that all by yourself. You might not realize it, but you were made a killer and I will make you realize that no matter how long it takes," he flares. He lets go of my hair and I instantly fall, shrieking as the electric pain from landing on my knees travels through my body.
I keep sobbing helplessly as I hear the door close behind him as he takes his leave. My eyes land on the body lying on the floor and I start to sob even louder.
I killed him.
His blood is on my hands.
I'm a killer.
What the fuck did I do?
...♛...
I gasp as I come back to reality realizing that I'm still in the shower. I don't know how much time has passed so I quickly rinse my body with soap and then quickly shampoo and condition my hair.
I head out of the shower and realize that the whole bathroom had steamed up. It's a good thing because the mirror is fogged up and looking at myself isn't something I wanted to do at the moment.
I change into some shorts and a big t-shirt then decide to let my hair air dry. I head out and turn on the fireplace to get the apartment warm then head to Alice grabbing her clothes from her. I quickly throw them in the washer and decide that I will wash them a couple of times before I go to burn them sometime tomorrow. I hid the gun under my mattress and plan on getting rid of that tomorrow as well.
When I come out to the combined kitchen and living room area, I find Alice making hot chocolate in the kitchen for us.
"What did you see?" I ask her.
Taken by surprise, she jumps as she turns around. Her hand on her heart, she releases a breath once she realizes it's just me.
"Please don't scare me like that," she speaks softly clearing her throat as she turns back around. She pours the drinks into the cups and turns around sliding one cup to me over the island. I take a seat on one of the bar stools and Alice decides to stand across from me. Her eyes remain away from mine, staring at the content in the mug as her fingers tap it slightly.
"They were doing a deal. I was waiting for them to finish and leave before I could take the route, but my phone started ringing."
"Fuck," I groan knowing it was me. I shake my head disappointed at myself and clench my jaw.
Fucking hell, Summer!
"I tried negotiating, but it clearly wasn't enough," she finishes.
"At least you bought yourself some time," I tell her. I stare at her for a reaction and she looks up at me for a split second and then flashes me a thin-lipped smile.
What's got her so nervous? Was it seeing me like that or is she hiding something?
"Forget about it. There were no cameras there and we didn't leave anything behind that they could use to track us down," I add trying to calm her anxiety.
"What about the guy that got away?" She questions. Alice is analytical and nothing gets by her.
"It was too dark for him to see who we were and there are a hundred other girls out there that have blonde hair and blue eyes," I tell her.
"And are around five-seven and five-eight?" she says listing her and my height. She finally looks at me.
"Yes," I tell her looking into her eyes. "Why don't you dye your hair brown now since you've been wanting to do that for a while? It'll make you feel safer too even though there is no reason to be scared."
"I should, shouldn't I? I'm gonna book an appointment right now," she smiles grabbing her phone off the counter and heading to her room.
I sigh heavily and drop the act once she leaves. I turn my chair to face the counter and fiddle with the cup of hot chocolate thinking.
I wish I could go back to being brunette. My natural hair is jet black. It made people think it wasn't natural, but that was just in my family's genetics. See, Alice is family, but not the one I was born with. Like I said, Alice is my step-sister, but we don't tell anyone else that. Everyone else believes we're blood sisters because I keep my hair dyed blonde to match hers and I wear blue contacts too. We have similar body shapes: slightly curvy with fat in just the right places (not too much though). We both have C-cup titties, but her ass is fatter than mine mostly because she doesn't run as much as I do.
"They were obviously closed, but I left them a voicemail," Alice says coming out of her room.
I turn around on the chair and smile at her, "Great!"
"Are you working tomorrow?" she questions.
"Yeah, I am. You can take the car though, I'll walk," I tell her. "It's better if you don't walk for a while."
"Okay, sounds good," she says averting her gaze quickly. The longest she can hold eye contact is like two seconds. What is up with that? "I'm gonna head to bed then."
"Alice," I call her name and she stops in her tracks. She turns around displaying a small smile but unable to meet my eyes. She's definitely hiding something.
"Yeah?"
"Did you change before you got off? You weren't wearing your work clothes," I say. I didn't think I needed to mention that, but since she's acting so weird maybe it'll explain why. She usually only changes clothes if she's going to hang out with friends so who was she going to meet through the alleyway? Her friends usually just pick her up from the restaurant. Only one person comes to mind and I really hope that it's not who I think it is for both our sakes.
"Um- yeah, I did."
"Alice, are you still talking to Callum?" I ask and her shoulders drop slightly as she sighs giving me the answer before her voice does. "Fucking hell, Alice!" I exasperate. I turn around on the chair and slam the side of my fist onto the counter as I clench my jaw angrily. Then I get up off the chair and approach Alice. "Did he make you do a run for him?"
"N-no," she hesitates, but is unable to look me in the eyes. Her pale skin flushes red as she becomes more and more nervous.
"Then what the fuck were you doing down that alley when I told you to never use it?" I raise my voice slightly. I stare at her waiting for an answer, but her figure becomes timid under my intense gaze. "You're my responsibility, Alice. If anything happens to you, how am I supposed to face dad? We already lost mom; we can't lose you too."
"I-I won't see him again, I promise," she states as her eyes water.
"Was it my call that they heard or Callum's?"
"Callum's," Alice replies without hesitation looking me in the eyes. My lips part as I let out a small breath and shake my head disappointed.
"And you weren't gonna tell me? You were just gonna let me believe that it was me who got you into this?"
"I was scared, Summer," she admits. "I-I'm sorry. I know I-I fucked up."
"Fuck," I sigh heavily realizing how angry I had gotten. Tears stain her small face as she cries. "I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too. I was gonna go see him before I came home that's why I took the alley," she explains. "He said he was gonna be there."
"Whatever, at least we're okay," I say engulfing her in a hug. "He's not good for you. He was never good for you especially after he started dealing drugs."
"I know," she sighs and I feel her tears drip onto my shirt. I rub her back trying to calm her. I pull out of the hug and place my hands on her shoulder.
"Get some sleep and forget about whatever happened," I tell her.
"I'm sorry I put you in the position to be that person again," she says.
"I'll be whatever I need to be to save the ones I love," I tell her. "You don't need to apologize. It wasn't your fault."
"Are you okay?"
"I'm good," I smile. Even though I can see in her eyes, she doesn't believe me, she doesn't push it. Instead, she nods in response accepting my answer. "Good night."
"Good night," she says before turning around to go back to her room.
I don't know what tomorrow holds, but whatever gut feeling made me keep the truth from Alice about who those members belonged to is the same gut feeling that tells me that tomorrow might just be worse than today.
A/N:
Intense right from the beginning. Whoa.
What do you guys think?