C
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Loving you was the worst thing I could've done for myself.
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"I'm sorry."
They were two words that held no meaning to me anymore, but I stared at him—my best friend with empathy because I felt bad for him.
"What are you sorry for?"
My feet tapped impatiently on the ground, waiting for him to explain himself to me.
"For being a douche, for... saying stuff about Hemera, for my actions. I'm just, fuck, I don't know. I want to blame someone but I can't blame anyone but myself for acting like that."
He's apologized about this before, it's a routine, a cycle. He does stuff, says sorry, I forgive him, we're friends, and then it repeats.
I allowed myself to forgive him because I have no friends and he's good company when he's not a dick.
"Sorin..." The tapping got faster. I wanted my drink.
"Please, Crius. Man, we're dudes. We don't get emotional about stuff." He sniffled like he was about to cry any second.
That got my attention. Sorin has said sorry but he's never been on the verge to cry. "You good?" I asked.
"A lot of stuff has happened in the past week. You already know shit about my family and the problems we have, so I won't go into that. But it had me realizing a lot. So I'm sorry. I really am."
I shouldn't care that stuff is going on with his family, it's been going on since we were kids. They're always in need of financial help. Don't get me wrong, my Dad helped them a couple of times. I helped them a couple of times, I still do. But there's only so much I can give.
Sorin takes his family seriously. He is a family guy, I'll give him that. But outside of his family, he takes being an asshole seriously. It made no sense to me but it's the way he always was.
But now I feel bad because I've known him for so long and I know how shitty life can be.
"Look," I gestured with my hands. I don't know how to say this to him. "I forgive you on my end, but you need to talk to Hemera about this and apologize."
He slowly covered the drink with a cap and hands it to me. "I did talk to her."
He did? "And she said it was okay?"
He nodded. "She said it's so normalized that she doesn't care."
That's the saddest thing I've ever heard.
Normalized.
Fuck, we live in a shitty world.
"She forgave you?"
"Yeah."
I wonder if she was actually okay with it.
"So we still... friends? Or have you decided you don't want anything to do with me?"
I smiled. "We're still friends Sorin, I'm sorry for saying we weren't." It'll happen again, and again.
And like a fool, I'll always forgive him.
He's gonna make a mistake again but the best I can do is try to tell him what's wrong and right, and vice versa. "Are you busy today?" He asked me.
I shake my head, "Nope. Why?"
"No reason, just thought we could hangout."
"Sounds good by me."
"I'm done work in like," he checks his watch. "Fifteen minutes, you think you can wait?"
"I'll be over there," I point to the same booth I saw Alida at a week ago.
I pulled my phone out to scroll through Instagram. A couple of people, okay more than a couple of people had me tagged in a video of me walking the Dior fashion show.
I bit down on my lip from laughing at some of the captions.
I want him to step on me.
His jawline can cut me in half.
I think he's my soulmate.
The door chimed and I saw her.
My soulmate.
The butterflies in my stomach were fluttering like crazy. The wind blew flew through her hair once more before the door shuts behind her. Her rosy cheeks, her rosy lips, her smile, which now that I'm looking is... at me.
My heart thumps, the world is spinning, I'm spinning, my heart is out of control.
She stared at me with those brown eyes of hers and smiled, I don't think she's ever smiled at me before. At least not willingly.
She raised her hand and waved at me, but I'm frozen. The only thing melting is my heart.
"I didn't you'd be here," she walked up to me. She looked adorable with her hair tied up with a ribbon. On cue, my eyes wander down her outfit. A dress, a really pretty denim one. She usually wears dresses, but this is out of ordinary for her.
"You're dressed fancy, going somewhere?"
She nodded, "Hemera texted me to hangout, said something about surprising me. I think this has something to do with the plan you guys came up with. I didn't know how to dress but considering it's Hemera, I thought I should dress extra, you know."
"Ooh, your first conquest." I wonder what Hemera has planned for her. I, for one, still have no fucking clue.
"I'm scared, I mean... this is Hemera we're talking about."
Yeah, I'd be scared too.
"Why are you here then?" I asked her, curious.
"Oh, I wanted to grab coffee before heading out."
"I knew I heard a familiar voice," Sorin walked our from the back of the counter, holding a cup of something in his hand. "Alida," he extends the cup to her which she takes. "It's the usual."
She blushes, and I wish I could say it was blush but... it was her blushing.
"Thank you," she looks at him briefly before turning her attention back to me. "I'll be off now, see you later."
See you later? Do we have plans I don't know about?
She smiles at Sorin.
A pang of jealousy hits me deeply in the chest. I don't want her to smile at anyone but me.
I grip the hem of my shirt, stay calm.
"Is it just me or did she get—"
The look on my face shuts him up. "Prettier?"
She's always been pretty. But I'll give him points for using nice words. "She's always been pretty."
"Do you like her?" He asks me.
"What?" My brows raise but I act cool by taking a sip of the coffee.
"Not saying you do, but the way you defend her... it just, I don't know seems like you do?"
I shrugged, "She's pretty. That's all I'm saying."
Sorin untied his apron, "Do you think she has a boyfriend?"
My muscles stiffened at the thought of him being interested her in any way other than a friend.
I shouldn't care. Her dating would mean she's taken and I would be able to get over her. "Dunno, you can ask though."
"Man, I don't even know if she'd like me like that."
It's confusing, really. He mentioned a week ago that she was... well, he said things that weren't nice about Alida and now he's wanting to ask her out?
"Why the sudden interest?" I asked him.
"She's lively, I need someone like her in my life."
"You can't just use her for your own sake, Sorin. That's not how relationships work."
"It's not like we have one," he grabs the coffee from my hand and takes a sip. "Yet."
I clenched my jaw.
Let it go, Crius. Let it go.
"She's not your type," I said.
He looked at me with his brows raised, "And how would you know what my type is and isn't?"
"Maybe because you've mentioned it once. Hemera's more your type."
"Yeah but she's too snobby for me. I like Alida more. Calm, collected, sweet. I'm the opposite of all that, so naturally we'd be perfect together."
Opposites don't always attract. Sometimes they're destructive together.
That's what Sorin and Alida would be—chaos.
I smiled despite the urge to scowl.
Friends.
Friends.
Friends.
Fuck being friends.