"Okay…. so what gives?” Technic asked his brother after he sat down on their lunch table.
“What gives, what?” Techno was peacefully eating his lunch when his brother comes marching in with a scowl on his face.
“Don’t give me that. I went to meet with Kengkla earlier because he wasn’t answering any of my calls or messages. And guess what? My guy didn’t want to talk to me and simply walked away” Techno exhaled and inhaled, dramatically at that if you asked Techno, before adding, “What did you do this time?”
“How is that even my problem? Didn’t it occur to you that maybe he just really didn’t want to talk with your annoying ass?” Techno would have been sympathetic if only he had any clue of what his brother was talking about.
“Listen here P’, the only times Kengkla doesn’t talk to me is when I double dip my nuggets in his sauce or when you somehow manage to piss him off. Remember when you broke up? Yeah”
Technic just knows where to hit Techno doesn’t he?
“Now the last time we met we were cool and I didn’t remember double dipping in his sauce then, then the problem must be you”
Techno doesn’t know if he should be impressed with his brother’s deduction skills. But he wouldn’t. He honestly isn’t involved in this. This time at least.
“Calm down. I really haven’t done anything. I haven’t even met him today yet. When I came back to our room this morning, he was already gone”
And it is true. Techno spent the rest of his weekend at home. He messaged Kengla about this, but he didn’t get any reply. Not that he was expecting any anyway when they’ve just started taking again. He wasn’t just imagining it right? Kengkla was nice to him again. He was talking to him again. He ate with him. They talked like the previous years didn’t happen.
Techno thought that when he comes back to the dorm everything would be fine. They can talk about it or not, whatever it is. But they were really okay, last Techno checked. Right?
Wrong!
When Kengkla came back later that evening, he hadn’t uttered a word towards the older. Not even a glance. It’s as if Techno wasn’t even in the room.
What happened? How did we come back to this again? Why isn’t he talking to me.
Look at me! Look at me! Please.
“Have you had dinner?” Techno tried asking. Because they’re not going back to not talking again. Come on! He’s the older one he’s got to make the first move. This time.
He hadn’t really noticed it at first. How could he? This was his little brother’s best friend. An innocent little kid that seems to handle his annoying ass of a brother just fine. This little guy must have a patience of a saint.
Kengkla, his little brother’s best friend that always wears an innocent smile. His hair a little messy. But his uniform and shoes have never been untidy. He was the total opposite of Technic. How the two became best of friends was a mystery to him.
He really hadn’t notice it. When Kengkla became a consistent presence, not just in school but even at home. Well of course it makes sense since he’s best friends with Technic. But when he started to hang around Techno even without Technic. When he started asking Techno to go with him to help him buy gifts - for his mom, dad, a cousin, a classmate. Techno even wondered how many people does Kengkla know? Why are their birthdays very close to each other? Coincidence perhaps.
Techno should have been suspicious then. But how could he? When he enjoyed every moments with the younger. He should have really seen it coming.
It’s been months then when he started noticing things. How Kengkla’s eyes shine when he talks about the things he’s passionate about. How his mouth quirks up with every terrible jokes Technic makes. Kengkla was handsome. He’s nice too. One of the top students at their school. To sum it up, Kengkla was perfect.
No! He shouldn’t be thinking like this. That was his little brother’s best friend. What is he even doing?
So Techno did what he had to do. What he thought was the right thing to do.
He ignored Kengkla.
Which for the record, was an impossible feat considering that his brother is Technic and the guys have been inseparable. But Techno tried his best. When he as much sees Kengkla’s shadows, he turns around his heels and go to the opposite direction.
When he knows Kengkla would be at home, he would stay out until Kengkla leaves. And when Kengkla visits unexpectedly, he has to pretend to study the whole time inside his room.
So when Kengkla went to Techno’s classroom after a week of running around, Techno was at a loss. The window wasn’t even big enough for him to jump out for god’s sake.
And when Kengkla dragged him outside and onto a deserted area of the school, he was expecting anger and confusion for sure. But he wasn’t expecting this – desperation.
“P’ I don’t know what happened. But whatever I did, I’m really sorry. Can you stop ignoring me? I don’t really know what to do anymore.”
Hurt was evident in his voice and this did a lot of things to Techno’s heart. Had he really managed to hurt Kengkla because he can’t handle his own feelings?
“No ‘Kla. You didn’t do anything wrong. I wasn’t ignoring you. I was simply busy you see. I’m going to graduate soon of course it will get busy.”
Of course that was a lie. And Kengkla saw through it.
“Yeah P’. Thought I wouldn’t notice how you run away every time you catch sight of me? You even miss dinners at your own house so as not to see me. What did I do? I thought we were at least friends?”
Techno doesn’t know what to say anymore. He’s the worst liar, Earth tells him every time he tries.
“’Kla really you haven’t done anything. I’m really sorry for ignoring you. I just had some things to deal with.”
“What is it then?” Techno knows that Kengkla wouldn’t stop until he gets his answers. From the short time they’ve known each other, he’s already known how stubborn the younger can be.
“I think we should stop hanging out.” Techno has never been good with words he’d been told.
“Why?”
Oh yeah, they’re both eloquent at least.
How is he even going to say it? It’s his little brother’s best friend. How does confessions even go? Well he’s going to just wing it then….
“The truth is, I can’t handle being around you.” And when Techno saw the hurt that flashed the boy’s faced, he quickly had to add, “No it’s not like that nothing like that. It’s just that …. I … kind of …”
Come on he can do this.
“You’re kind and really nice. Not only to my brother but also to me. You make—”
Before Techno could finished winging it, Kengkla cut him off.
“NO!” Kengkla’s said loudly.
“Huh?”
“No! You are not doing this. Not today. You can’t!”
Kengkla was coming close to him almost walking into his space, almost.
“What are you talking about ‘Kla?” Because Techno doesn’t really know what even was happening at that point.
“No, you are not going to confess to me first P’. That is not how we are going to start. I’m going to confess to you first and you can’t do anything about it.”
Techno stood there frozen, staring dumbly at Kengkla. He heard that right, right? So that means ….
“You like me?”
“Oh? When Technic told me you could be dense, I didn’t know you would be this dense P’”. I’ve been hinting at you for months. What is this?”
No it can’t be. Surely Techno would notice. He’s not that dumb.
“I’m at your house almost everyday P’. Even when Technic wasn’t around. I asked you out all the time. Do you really think I know enough people to have to attend birthdays every week?”
“Wait so you really like me?”
“No!”
Oh? Oh.
“No, P’ we are not talking about this today. This isn’t how I plan on confessing. You are not going to ruin the surprise I already planned. You’re cute and I love you but no! You are not having your confession from me today.”
Stubborn but cute, Techno thinks.
So that’s how Techno ended up confessing, but not really. Since then, Techno has been used to Kengkla making all the first moves and Techno just follows suit.
But not this time. Because this is not the move that Techno wants them to take. No way are they going back to not talking.
“Kengkla what happened? Did something happen at school? Something happened with your parents?”
Nothing. Techno gets no answer from the younger before he went inside the bathroom.
Yeah? Try me.
Half an hour passed before Kengkla came out and Techno was sitting at their shared table clearly waiting for him.
When Kengkla made no notice of him and was going to retire to bed, Techno had it enough.
“Are you going to tell me, or do we have to shout and hit at each other again?” Seems like a little force is always needed between them.
“What do you want?” Kengkla replied curtly not moving from his bed where he was seated.
“I want you to be honest with me. Tell me what is going on. Because the last time we were together, we were clearly on speaking terms again. What is it this time?”
Techno had time to think everything through while he was at home. If they’re doing this again, they have to be more honest with each other. Just as Kengkla said before.
“Nothing is going on P’. Let it go. I’m tired.”
“No!”
“We are not doing this again. We are not going to pretend like the weekend didn’t happen and go back to ignoring each other.” Techno really had had enough.
“Why don’t we? Let’s just forget it happened because clearly it didn’t mean anything to you.”
“What do you mean?” Techno can feel the intensity of Kengkla’s anger. If only he knows where that is coming from.
“Third.”
Oh. Him. What about him?
“We were just hanging out. And it was Technic’s idea. He’s still close with Third you know.” Techno was also surprised. He thought Technic just want someone to drink with. He didn’t know Third would be there too. They just had a fun little drive outside the city.
But maybe he should have thought of it more. Because of course, Third was there before. He was the reason in the first place. Techno can’t believe he is going to be the reason again.
Kengkla wasn’t saying anything. What is he supposed to say anyway? That he was jealous? How could he? Techno isn’t his to begin with.
“’Kla, nothing is going on between me and Third. Nothing then, definitely nothing now.”
“You’re still on that ‘P?”
“Because it is the truth ‘Kla. I don’t know what I can say that I haven’t said yet for you to believe me.”
Kengkla wants to believe him so much. He just wants to forget everything that happened. He wants to believe the guy in front of him, the guy he dearly loved and still does.
But he’d been hurt too much by this same guy. He’s afraid he wouldn’t be able to take it the second time.
“I don’t know.” And that’s the truth. Kengkla doesn’t know what is going on and what he should do. He doesn’t know.
“I don’t know what’s going on P’. I don’t know anymore.” And Kengkla felt like crying again. But he can’t do that. Not in front of him. Never again.
“Then let me.” Techno’s voice cut through the tension like a knife.
“Let me do it for us. If you don’t know what’s going on, let me make it sense for us. I’m not asking you for anything right now. But I can’t have you cut me off again. I can’t have you so near me but too far for me to reach.”
Kengkla remained quiet. He wasn’t sure what his P’ was asking.
“Okay let’s start with this. Do you want me to let this go?”
Kengkla wasn’t sure what the older meant with ‘this’. This fight now or this whole thing? So, he went for the safest answer.
“No.” He says with all honestly and vulnerability than he would want to show.
Techno’s expression lightened at that and Kengkla knew he answered it right, this time.
“Thank you. Let’s sleep. Good night ‘Kla.”
And if Kengkla ever regrets his decision, then that’s future Kengkla’s problem.