Soundtrack
Clint Eastwood—Gorillaz
When You Were Young—The Killers
Numb—Linkin Park
6
Mia
It was sunny, warm—but not humid. That was good. That meant Jack would be able to breathe easily. Well, sort of, Mia thought.
Mia drove herself and Andy to the location of the 5k, and as they stretched beside her parked car, she had a flash of panic, trying to think of how she would be able to justify it to Andy should Jack bail. He wouldn't bail. He couldn't.
Mia had folded herself in half, arms wrapped around the backs of her legs, cheek pressed against knees, really trying to loosen up her back and her hamstrings, when the crunch of gravel in the distance made her ears perk, so she glanced over, hoping to see Jack's car pulling in. False alarm.
She kept herself pressed in half, focusing on her breathing, willing the oxygen to reach her muscles. The next time she heard the gravel give way to tires, she didn't bother to look. She was focused and ready to meet her goal. Sub 8 minute mile. You can do it. When she felt the warmth of a hand spread across the small of her back, she let all of the air in her lungs exhale.
As Mia began to unfold herself, she noticed the shoes she put on her nearly maxed out credit card pointed directly at her. Jack had an easy smile on his face, as if this run were going to be the simplest part of his week.
"Hey, beautiful."
With two simple words, Mia was putty. "Hey." She popped up onto her toes to kiss him. Andy rolled his eyes behind Jack; regardless, he made his way around the car and held out his hand.
"Morning." Andy's face was tight, but he was being civil, and that was the best Mia could ask for; she prayed Jack would reciprocate.
"Morning. Good to see you."
They exchanged strained nods, and Mia took that as her cue. "Alright, boys. Shall we go to the registration booth?" She didn't wait for an answer and instead let them trot along with her, one on each side.
As they mingled near the start, Andy eyed Mia competitively. "Good luck, sis. I'd say given the last few runs I've had, I've just about caught up to your pace."
He was crafty; she'd give him that. He was testing her, seeing if she were going to sacrifice her goal by hanging back with Jack. Not today, brother dearest.
"We'll see." Mia turned to Jack, speaking lowly so Andy wouldn't hear. "You'll be okay without me?"
"Who says I haven't gotten quicker? I may beat you." He winked, and Mia felt her legs shudder. It'd been a long time.
"And who am I to crush your dreams? See you at the finish line."
An announcer came over the sound system and instructed everyone to take their places near the starting line. With the artificial sound of a gunshot, the race began.
Mia weaved in and out of the people near her; she paced herself over the first mile, and then picked up speed as she came around the curve of the trail they were on. She hadn't seen Andy or Jack since she left the start, and she let a scenario play in her head of the two of them disregarding the race for a trip to the nearest bar and becoming best friends. A girl could dream.
Mia wasn't first, or second, or even twentieth. But Mia did get there before Andy, and that was all she really cared about. She made it seem as though she'd been waiting for him for a while when she saw his face in the crowd; one hand resting on her hip, the other angled towards her face as if staring at a watch. His eyes narrowed at her into slits, but he accepted his defeat, as well as the water bottle she'd snagged for him while she was waiting.
"Good show, Mia."
"Thanks."
"I assume you beat your time?"
"Yep." She beamed up at him. "23:52. In just under the mark."
"Nicely done. Jack?"
"Haven't seen him yet." They both craned their necks to see over the hoards of people. After a few seconds, Andy nudged her shoulder.
"On the left up there. I'm shocked he's moving as quickly as he is."
Mia punched him in the arm. "Be nice." She jogged back to the water station and grabbed a fresh bottle for Jack.
Once he was near enough, the level of exhaustion he was feeling was evident, but he did it. He kept his word, and he finished the race, and he did it. For the first time in so long, Mia wasn't left feeling disappointed.
***
Back at his apartment, Andy helped Mia load the last of her bags into the back of her car. When she pulled down the trunk door, she couldn't help but hear him sigh; he'd done it loudly enough for the entire neighborhood to hear.
"Go on and say what you want to say before I leave."
"You're making a mistake."
So much for the warm goodbye she'd hoped to share with her brother. "Wow, and here I thought you'd maybe say something like, 'Gonna miss ya, sis.'"
But then he did the thing so uncharacteristically brotherly: he hugged her. "Love you, sis. I will miss you. I can't tell you what to do, and I know that. Just," he sighed again, less histrionics involved that time, "at the risk of sounding like every clichéd movie ever: be careful."
Mia hugged him back, hoping it would communicate a feeling of reassurance. "I'm a big girl, despite my not so tall stature. Thank you for opening your space to me."
"You're always welcome back." It came across more like, 'we both know you'll be back,' but Mia was determined for this time to be different.
It had to be different.
When she got to her old apartment, Jack was sitting out on the stoop, waiting, sans cigarette. He'd showered, and he was smiling, and Mia felt strangely proud of him, for a multitude of reasons. He was at her window before she'd even put the car in park. She rolled it down, and he stuck his head in, pecking his lips against hers; that sweet spearmint flavor was still a shock to her senses.
"Hey."
"Hi. Eager?"
He rested his elbows on the window sill. "I feel fucking amazing. I did it; I finished the run, and you're here, and you're moving back in. You are moving back in, right?"
Mia nodded her head in the direction of the trunk. "The mountain of bags back there would suggest so."
His smile grew even wider, and Mia felt...proud? She wasn't sure what it was, but it was a feeling she wasn't accustomed to with Jack.
He moved around to the back of her car and loaded as many of her bags into his arms as he could. She watched his muscles work underneath his white t-shirt, and the slightly transparent quality of the fabric allowed the vibrant colors of the ink on his ribcage peek through. That man was going to be her ultimate downfall.
Jack brought all of her things into their bedroom before giving her the space she needed to settle everything away.
"You sure you don't want help?" he asked, timidly standing in the doorway.
"Who are you, and what've you done with the Jack Moreno I've known for the past two years?"
His eyes focused in on hers, smirk completely absent from his features. "I'm trying, really."
Mia nodded at him. "I know. But it'll be faster if I do it myself. I know where I want everything. Also, is that a new alarm clock?" She pointed toward the dresser where an alarm clock much nicer than the one she used to have was stationed.
"Yeah. I know how much you value the assurance of a second alarm, and, well, the old one had been giving me some trouble, so I ordered that one."
Mia walked over to it. "It has speakers! I think I can set a song for it to play to wake up to. That's kinda cool. Thanks."
Jack smiled. "No problemo."
She fiddled with the buttons for a moment. "I have to connect it to my phone. What song do you want to wake up to?"
Jack grasped his chin in thought before a smirk played on his mouth. "How about 'Chop Suey!'?"
She actually laughed. "Absolutely not."
"The first words are literally 'wake up'."
"And the first thought I'll have should that be the first thing I hear in the morning is 'the world is ending'."
Jack playfully rolled his eyes. "Fine. Choose some happy pop song if you must. I'm sure you'd just love to wake up to 'Here in Your Arms' every morning."
"Oh my God. You're absolutely right."
Jack groaned before sauntering closer and leaving a kiss on the top of her head before making his exit. It made her nervous for a moment as she questioned his level of sincerity; she quickly realized that she couldn't do that to him, though. He needed the benefit of the doubt, and she needed to forget all of the times she'd given it to him previously.
***
As Mia and Jack sat down to dinner that evening, he had his phone out on the table, and whatever conversation they were having was suddenly interrupted by a persistent buzzing from his phone. His dad's smiling face lit up the screen, but Jack just pressed the lock button to stop the vibrations.
"You're not going to answer?"
He shook his head. "I'll call back later." The buzzing stopped, and he picked up his phone and set it face down on the table. "You excited to go out in a bit?"
Mia's heart beat cold for a moment. There was a recklessness to Jack that she loved, despite the consequences that it brought, but she was less excited to go out with him that evening. She simply nodded in response.
"Bullshit. What's wrong?"
Mia pushed around some of the potatoes still left on her plate. "We're going to Logan's?"
Jack had genuine confusion written across his features. "Yeah, so what? You and Logan are pals."
Sort of? Mia thought. He went to her high school, but she only had one or two classes with him across the whole four years; besides, he spent a lot of time at the lake. Logan wasn't who she was worried about, though. "Is Adam going?"
"Probably. He's one of Logan's best friends, so—" realization took over his features, and he ran a hand through his shock of thick, dark hair. "Fuck, Mia, no. Adam will likely be there, but not her. I promise. I'll make sure of it." Jack wasn't one for promises, but he was trying. He picked up his phone from the table and typed on it, fingers scurrying across the screen furiously.
"Okay." They'd been back living together for roughly three hours and Mia was already being reminded of all of the things he'd done, things that cut her to the core and back out again.
Jack slid his chair over towards hers and reached for her hand. "I'm sorry."
"I know." Mia let go of his hand, wanting, wishing, to forget. "Do we have to go tonight?"
Jack shook his head. "Of course not. We don't have to do anything you don't want to do."
Mia stared back into his eyes, feeling as if she were going to burst into frustrated tears at any given moment. Is this really happy? Is this what I want?
"We don't need to go," Jack reiterated. "We can stay here." He grabbed her hand again and squeezed it. "I won't even try to seduce you."
That forced a small laugh out of Mia. She wanted him to say that they weren't going. She wanted him to be the one to come to that conclusion.
His phone buzzed on the table. He glanced at it, then back at Mia. "Adam's flying solo tonight."
So Mia would settle for this. She squeezed Jack's hand on the table before letting it go.
"I'll go change and get ready then."
Before she could stand, Jack leaned in and kissed her. "Love you."
"I love you, too," which was exactly her problem.
***
Logan didn't live too far away, so Mia and Jack took a cab and arrived at his place to find the lights dimmed and the pumping sound of heavy bass meeting their ears before the door was even opened.
"He's lucky his mom is a retired cop. He wouldn't get away with half the shit he does if she weren't." Jack smiled at her, and she went along with it, pushing the ethical dilemma brewing in her mind as far away as possible.
Outside of the car, Jack took Mia's hand and led her into Logan's house. Her heart was racing and the palms of her hands were slick and she wondered if Jack could feel it. There was the plate of brownies on the counter in the kitchen that Mia knew she wouldn't touch, though with the number of eyes she felt on her, she considered it for the first time in her life. Mia felt her head shaking back and forth of its own volition as if to ask 'how could you have even considered such an option?'
People all around them greeted Jack as if he were their dearest friend, and they showered her in love too, but she knew what they were thinking in their heads; she knew that every single one of them knew he'd snuck off to an empty bedroom the last time he was there without her.
"You good?" Jack was staring down at her, eyes seemingly questioning her sanity.
"I need a drink."
"Alright, beautiful." Something in her fluttered for the first time in two months; how desperately eager she was for his displays of affection.
Mia followed him to the refrigerator, where he rifled around in it.
"Jesus. Someone brought a six pack of Smirnoff Ice. We're not fucking freshman." He rooted around some more. "Looks like he's also got a collection of beer and some spiked seltzers. Want one of those?"
Mia nodded, maybe a bit too quickly.
"Watermelon or lime?"
"Any lemon?"
He pushed a few more cans out of the way. "Seems like it's my lucky day and yours. One lemon left." He held it out to her after popping the top open.
"Thanks." Mia proceeded to follow Jack around the party. She felt out of place, alone in a crowd of people she actually knew, and she finished her drink quickly.
They'd yet to see Logan, and after entertaining a conversation Jack clearly had no interest in, he looked at her and nodded his head in the direction of the basement. "I'm sure we'll find Logan down there. Want to go say hi?"
"I just need another drink first."
"Okay." He walked over to the fridge, then turned back to Mia, studying her face. "Let me guess: lime?"
"It's the closest to lemon, so, good guess."
He popped the can and put it in her awaiting hand, but not before wrapping an arm around her waist, pulling her close, and kissing her in a way that would have made her feel embarrassed to be in public had she not already been well on her way to tipsy. Mia knew it was to silence the stares she'd been getting from his friends; Jack wasn't violent (usually), but Mia also knew he wouldn't hesitate to kick the living shit out of someone should her honor come into question. Mia knew, deep down, even if Jack didn't recognize it himself, it was why he could be so hateful towards himself at times.
Mia rubbed the coolness of the can against the back of her neck as she walked beside Jack to the basement; it was getting warm in there, and she wasn't sure if it was because summer was officially setting in or because Logan was too cheap to run the AC for very long or because she was still so incredibly uncomfortable. Maybe she was getting drunk.
The moment Jack opened the basement door, they were met with a haze and a scent she was too familiar with having been around Jack and his friends for two years. She'd never seen someone smoke—she'd never even known someone who did—before Jack. Mia's mind flashed back to her date with Carter and his comment about her brother partying harder than she'd known and soon more images of Carter were infiltrating, images of him at the barbeque and made-up images in her head of what she thought he might look like in a suit at work.
Mia gulped a third of her drink down so quickly that she coughed. Someone made a joke about the fact that she wasn't even smoking.
"Alright?" Jack had genuine concern in his eyes, and the look of them pushed every image of Carter from her mind.
"Yeah. Wrong tube. Look," she pointed across the room, "there he is."
They made their way over to Logan, his eyes just slightly red (she couldn't remember the last time she'd seen him and they weren't; maybe sophomore year chem class). Logan enveloped Jack in what Andy would call a bonafide "bro-hug" before leaning in and wrapping an arm around Mia.
"Good to see you, Mia."
"You too."
Adam was standing next to Logan, and for the first time since they'd arrived, Mia felt a twinge of nerves from Jack as well.
"Hey, man," Adam stuck his hand out to Jack, and they also bro-hugged, which went down a tad more awkwardly than the one with Logan.
Jack smiled at Adam, who then turned his attention to her and let a playful grin take over his face. "Mia."
"Hey." She knew it wasn't Adam's fault that Jack had messed around with his friend, but it almost didn't matter to her.
Mia was spared from any further interaction with him when someone from across the room called him over, and she looked back at Logan. There was a joint between his fingers, and he was holding it up to Jack, who shook his head, much to hers and Logan's surprise.
"Mia!" A popular voice broke over the din of the party, and she soon found herself being wrapped in the arms of Esme, her sole confidant in the group. "Come on, we've got lots to catch up on."
Mia let Esme whisk her away, wanting to be far from Jack's other friends. She liked to think that Esme was some type of an edgier version of herself. One who took her life into her own hands, who cared less about what other people thought of her and more about whatever it was she wanted out of her life; she took direction from no one. She was the one to tell her what Jack had done, the only one to have her back after two years. Mia didn't like to admit that Esme was her only real friend in the group.
They sank into the couch, despite her reservations of that couch, and Esme put both of her hands on Mia's shoulders. "Catch me up. You've been distant."
"I've been trying to figure things out."
"And yet you're here." Esme's lips turned into a grin.
"And yet I'm here." Mia turned to catch a peek at Jack before continuing. "He's hard to let go."
"They always are." She winked at Mia. "How're you on that drink?"
Mia rustled the dregs of what was left in her can. "Nearly empty. I'm good for now though. If I have one more, I'm going to tip the scales."
"Yes! That's the spirit. I'll be right back. Lemon?"
Mia quickly acquiesced. "Lime. No more lemons."
"You got it." She disappeared up the stairs.
While she was gone, Mia glanced back at Jack, who now had his phone in his hands, a frown on his lips, and she wanted to get up and kiss it away. He still hadn't seen her looking at him when he shoved his phone back in his pocket, shook his head to himself, and then held out his fingers to take the joint Logan was holding into his own hand.
Her vision was soon replaced with a glistening can of spiked seltzer, and Mia told herself that clearly something was up with Jack, and if a few puffs were going to allow him to relax, so be it.
The next few hours moved along as if someone had sped up time. Mia was fine and tipsy and not drunk and soon, with Esme laughing by her side, her brain was fuzzy and she felt a desirous need to be as close to Jack as possible. She kept looking for him in the crowd of people, and every other time she found him, his hands were occupied with the rolled, ignited paper.
At some point, during a particularly engrossing conversation Mia was having with Esme, she felt the couch depress beside her, an arm snake around her waist, and warm lips on her neck. She didn't need to worry that it was anyone other than Jack; his friends weren't like that, nor would they even dare it.
She relaxed back into him, missing him despite him being right next to her, and his voice was in her ear, and he was whispering the sweetest words, and her heart was beating and her brain was alive despite the alcohol; when the word "home" left his lips, her fingers eagerly tapped around for an Uber.
They made out in the back of the car the entire way home. Mia didn't even care that it was going to tank her rating; she needed Jack and she needed to feel him against her and she needed everything that he was.
But by the time they got home, there was no stripping off of clothes and ripping open of small packages and the like. Instead, Mia and Jack laid in bed, staring at each other, and she felt so many things for him: love and anger and passion and fear and everything in between. He reached forward, palm resting on her cheek. His eyes looked glassy in the moonlight. Both of them came down from their respective highs.
"Can I tell you something?" he asked.
"Sure. Who needs sleep?"
The corners of his lips curved up for just a moment before slipping into a sad smile, one that made Mia's heart twist and burn. "Mom's not doing well."
"Oh. Well, how so?"
"Dad's been finding alcohol, bottles she was clearly trying to hide."
Mia reached forward and put her hand on his chest. "It's been a long time since she's drank, hasn't it?"
"Not since before I met you. The other stuff has always been around, but she usually does that at home. He found a bottle in her car."
Mia felt his heart pounding in his chest, but she wasn't even sure what to say.
He cleared his throat. "It, er, I get worried sometimes, you know? Like, if she were to do something outside the house. She could get caught. Mom wouldn't do well in a jail cell."
Mia was very quickly reminded of how much living Jack had done in his years; it was why she often didn't hold his choices against him, why she always forgave him so easily. "You can't burden yourself with that; there's little to nothing you can do when it comes to the choices she makes. Is she open to any sort of rehab?"
His chest shuddered, but only briefly. "I never told you this. I've never told anyone this." He stopped, and Mia was almost certain he was on the edge of tears, but then he swallowed, and his face became relatively stoic once again.
"I remember, when I was a freshman in high school, my teacher made us write persuasive letters. We were allowed to write them to whoever we wanted, so I chose mom. In it, I tried to persuade her to get better. Mrs. Trancinni told us to appeal to our audience's emotions, so I did that. I asked mom what I was supposed to do if something ever happened to her. The day it was due, I sealed it in an envelope and put it on mom's bedside table before I left for school. I took a zero on that assignment because I knew I couldn't turn in what I'd written. CPS would have been at my door before I even made it off the bus. I told Mrs. Trancinni that I didn't do it, and she gave me that stern look of disappointment, and I nearly failed that marking period. Every day I went up into mom and dad's room to see if she'd read my letter, but it remained on her bedside table, unopened, for months. One day I went in there and ripped it up, furious about more than I could understand. That was the first night anyone ever offered me a hit from their joint. I was fucking stupid to think she'd care what I had to say."
He'd stopped letting himself feel things long ago, so his eyes remained dry while he slipped a thumb up to Mia's cheek to wipe away her tears.
"You're not stupid, Jack."
His shoulders shrugged.
"You're not stupid at all. Maybe, maybe I can come home with you and be there while you talk to her; would that help?"
He shook his head. "She's different from the last time you've seen her. I don't want it to upset you."
"If you wanted me there, I'd go. You know how hard it is for me to deny you, Jack." Mia gestured between them. "Case in point."
Rather than say anything, he closed the distance between them and set his mouth on hers. His hips ground into Mia's, and she matched the pressure right back to him. She was more than willing to give herself to him once again.
His rough hands were gentle; his words that could be so calloused were sweet. All Mia wanted was for him to feel loved. He deserved to feel loved, and she was prepared to do anything to make him feel it.
A/N: HI!
I'm finally home from vacation, and I'm so glad to be reunited with my kitten.
Please vote by tapping that star and comment your thoughts so we can chat. Those things help us as authors so much!
I hope you have the best week of your life ❤️
xx,
L