"all of those kids are alive right now - because of him"
I've grown tired of the smell of this place. It smelled like death. But what was I expecting, that's just the way hospitals smell. I've been spending almost all of my hours here keeping an eye on him. Before and after school, during my lunch break, after I get off work, basically any time I wasn't occupied with school or work I was right by his side.
Me and Johnny had always been close, us and Ponyboy were together all the time. That was until of course, the fire. I wasn't there, but if I was, none of this would've happened. I blame myself everyday for not trying to go and find them. Dallas wouldn't let me, he said they were doing good on their own. I have to stop thinking this way, there's no going back. Pony was burned pretty bad, Dallas was alright, and Johnny's all that but a thousand times worse.
I was quickly snapped out of my thoughts by the nurse coming in. "alright, you know the drill, we have to give him his meds now, say your goodbyes" I check the clock, 9:50pm. I nod my head and turn back to where Johnny laid. "night, Johnnycakes, see you tomorrow" I ruffle his hair softly and leave the room, giving the nurse a glare while I'm at it. I knew they were just doing what they had to do to help him recover, but I hated how I had to leave him.
I enter the Curtis house and am welcomed by the whole gang. "hey y/n, how's Johnny?" I look over to Pony, who gave me a sad smile. "good, they were just about to give him some meds when I left, so he should be getting better" I take a seat on the couch next to two-bit, who was completely sober. Ever since the fire and Johnny being in the hospital, he hasn't touched a drop of alcohol. "mind if I crash here tonight, Dar?" Darry just nodded his head as I got comfortable on the couch, exhausted and in desperate need for sleep, wishing this was all just a terrible nightmare.
I wake up to Ponyboy shaking me awake. "y/n, cmon, we gotta go" I quickly jolt up, seeing concern on Pony's face. "wait wha- is it Johnny? is he okay? what happened?" I get up and come face to face with Pony. Then I hear a voice from behind me. "we'll explain on the way, just cmon" Darry said, walking past me and to his truck. Without hesitation I follow him and hop in the truck, worried about what might've happened.
I find myself back at the familiar sanctuary, rushing to Johnny's room. I hear some commotion at the end of the hall, where Johnny's room is. I was no longer walking, but running down the hall to see what was going on. I rush into the room and see there's a small crowd of nurses and doctors surrounding Johnny's bed.
Oh no.
The boys had just caught up to me as the staff were leaving the room, leaving us alone with Johnny. "talk to him now, we don't know how much longer he has" one of the doctors said. The room was silent except for the occasional beep of the monitor. He was alive but he sure didn't look it. He looked helpless. He looked.. dead. It hurt to see him like this. Not just me, but everyone. Dallas was kneeling down talking to him, while Pony was holding back tears, standing by his side.
I slowly walked over to him. To his bruised, burned, body that lay there motionless. Dallas got up and walked right past me and into the lobby. Pony was being comforted by his brothers, giving me my chance to talk to him. "oh, Johnny.." I started, "you don't deserve this, you deserve so much more I'm so sorry I wasn't there, I'm so sorry this is happening" we held eye contact the whole time, his breathing becoming more and more shallow by the second.
"I'm not ready to let you go, I won't ever be able to let you go" A few tears slip down my cheeks, but I don't dare let go of his hand to wipe them. "I love you, Johnny, I'll never stop loving you" I give his hand a slight squeeze as I see him try to speak, but he fails. Instead I see him mouth the words;
"I love you y/n"
His eyes slowly flutter shut as his breathing shortens and turns faint. The gang was now surrounding us, as I let out stifled sobs. The monitor soon went flat and we were all escorted out as they took care of Johnny. I was now bawling my eyes out. The love of my life just died right in front of me.
"I loved him."
"We all did."
——————-
a/n
SORRY this was so sad, our smol bean 🥺💛
Stay Gold!
-Lexi