It ends today.
I'm sitting at our table watching Penelope as she's happily chatting with her newly married friend. We're at that part of the wedding where everyone has finished their dinner and dessert, but the dancing hasn't started yet. I love watching her. I love watching her smile. Swallowing past the knot in my throat, I stand up and walk over to her. Kissing her temple, I let her know I'm going outside for some fresh air.
The wind outside is icy more than fresh, but while I can feel that it's cold, it doesn't really bother me. One advantage of being a Cupid. And being a Cupid is all I know. I struggle to imagine myself ever doing anything else. And yet... Going back to my old life is a lot less appealing than it was only a few weeks ago.
A part of me wishes I could stay. Just remain with Penelope, but it's not an option. She is only with me because of my irresistible Cupid aura, and not matching her with Trevor means I have to accept a demotion to Harbinger. Neither role allows you to live in the mortal realm. I'm backed into a corner with nowhere to go but forward.
Forward to a future without Penelope. A future in which she's with Trevor. Once I'm out of the picture, their match should trigger and they will have their happily ever after, and I—
I frown. I will— I will have nothing.
"Why so glum?"
I turn around to find that Penelope has followed me out onto the terrace of the old Italian Villa where her friend's wedding reception is being hosted. She's beautiful today in a rose-colored dress with bare shoulders and a long skirt.
Forcing a smile, I take her in my arms. "Nothing to worry about," I say. "Are you having a good time?"
"I am." She smiles back at me, her green eyes sparkling in the late afternoon light as she watches me. "I'm glad you're here with me."
"Me too." Trying to hide the anguish inside, threatening to spill out, I lower my head and kiss her. As always, she melts into my embrace, her arms sliding around my shoulders so her fingers can thread into the hair at the back of my neck. I could never get enough of this. Not in a lifetime. Not ever. I hug her a little tighter, kiss her a little more fervently. How can I let this go?
I don't even know how to break up with her. Literally. I don't think I could force the words out. I might have to resort to something desperate, like kissing someone else and have her catch us, so she breaks up with me. It's the coward's way out, but I don't think I'm capable of doing it any other way.
She pulls her head away and looks up at me again, her eyes searching mine. "Something is definitely up."
"Maybe I'm emotional because it's a wedding?" Her warm laughter meets my comment, making me smile.
"You barely know Amy, so I find that highly unlikely, but if you don't want to tell me, that's fine."
"I wish I could." It's true. I wish I could tell her everything. But even if I could, it changes nothing. I'm a Cupid. She's a human. Her equally human match is inside the building, just waiting for her to come to him and everything will fall into place. Allowing her to fall in love with Trevor will ensure her happiness. In the end, that's all that matters. Even if leaving her is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Looking inside, I notice everyone is disappearing into the lower room, where there's an open bar and music waiting. It'll be the perfect place for the next step of the plan. My stomach drops at the thought.
Amy pops her head through the terrace doors. "Sorry, Penelope! I need the bathroom!"
"One minute." Penelope smiles and gives me a kiss. "She needs someone to hold the dress up."
I chuckle. "Maid of honor to the rescue. I'll meet you downstairs in a few."
She disappears inside with her friend and I turn back to look out over the wintry garden. There's a fountain with a fat cherub on top, but no water spouting at this time of year. I need to do this. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath. I need to do this. Penelope deserves her happily ever after.
"How's it going?"
I sigh. "Andris."
Opening my eyes, I glare at my friend who's just materialized on the other side of the terrace, leaning his hips against the stone railing. He looks relaxed and a little too gleeful for my taste.
"I had to come and see how it's all progressing," he says. "It's all very exciting seeing our plans come to fruition."
Speak for yourself. "Did you ever find out anything else from Fate?" I ask. "About those other numbers."
"No." He frowns. "Was I meant to ask?"
"It would have been helpful."
He's watching me with a shrewd look on his face. I hate that look. "Why? What does it matter? After today they'll be matched."
I shrug. "I guess it doesn't."
"You don't seem happy about it."
I'm not ready to admit that I've fallen for a human. It's rather embarrassing, and nothing he can do anything about anyway, but I don't know what else I can say. Apparently, I don't need to, as his eyes widen.
"You love her!"
I look away and cross my arms over my chest. "I don't know what you're talking about."
He lets out a loud laugh. "You're in love with the human! Fate was right!"
That sentence brings my gaze back to him as I narrow my eyes. "What?"
Clearing his throat, he seems to realize he's said too much. "I mean..." He sweeps out with his hand in something that's probably meant to pass as an apologetic gesture. "We may have had a bet on this."
My eyes narrow. "And which side were you on?"
He makes a face. "The same as Fate."
"How many are in on this?" I can't help but stare, horrified by the implication that so many are taking bets on what I'm doing.
"Ah... All of us?"
"All of..." I take a breath to calm myself. "All the Cupids?"
He nods. "And maybe a few others."
Great. As if I wasn't the laughingstock already. Now they will all know I'm in love with a human. Will my humiliation never end?
"Everyone's rooting for you!" he quickly adds when he sees my thunderous expression. "I know you think everyone makes fun of you and has distanced themselves because of this failed match. But, man, you're the one who's been distancing yourself from everyone else! You couldn't handle failing and you just retreated into yourself and your misery."
I frown. "No, I didn't."
"You did."
Did I? Thinking back on the last ten years, I recognize he might be right. I couldn't handle my failure and pulled away from everyone and everything. Andris didn't stick by me as much as he simply didn't let me slip away completely.
"Fine," I mutter. "I still don't appreciate you placing bets on this."
"Fate and I both thought you'd fall in love with her," he admits with a grin, and when I glare at him he raises his hands in defense. "Honestly? We think you were halfway there before you even came down here. You've been paying way too much attention to her and very little to the other mark."
I open my mouth to argue. But he's right. Again. Through the years, I've definitely been watching Penelope more than Trevor. I've been there for most of the major events in her life, even if watching from a distance. It's creepy and stalkery, but it's my job. But maybe not quite to that extent. For Trevor, I only really paid enough attention to figure out if they'd be in the same place at the same time. Even now I struggle to remember what he does for a living.
"Well, there's nothing I can do about it. I hope you enjoy whatever you win," I grumble.
He groans. "Look, all I'm trying to say is that maybe—sometimes—it's okay to fail."
"So, what? I should just accept that Trevor and Penelope aren't a match and take my horns?" The thought has occurred to me. No matter what, I want Penelope to be happy, and I'm not entirely convinced Trevor could do that. I just can't tell whether I base this opinion on facts or my own desperate need to keep her for myself.
I sigh. "There's nothing to it. No matter what, there's only one way to go at this point. I have to break up with her."
"You what?"
My stomach plummets as I turn around to find Penelope in the doorway, her eyes wide and a look of confusion on her face, combined with a great deal of hurt.
Fuck. It's time.