― Theo ―
"JULES GET YOUR ass moving! The trash bag isn't going to move itself," I yelled.
The only response I received was an aggravated groan coming from upstairs. I rolled my eyes as I continued hauling boxes from the attic into the living room. I was panting by the time I got all of them down and dumped them next to the couch.
"Damn when was the last time you hit the gym Theo," Elias smirks.
He was sprawled on the carpet, a duster in his hands as he waved the damn thing around the room like it was a fucking wand, getting dust everywhere. He was supposed to be wiping the dust off the picture frames and shelves but his attention was more focused on the basketball game playing on the TV.
"Shut the fuck up Eli. I can still knock you on your ass anytime," I say out of breath.
"Yeah, when we were seven Theo. If you haven't forgotten, I tackle people for a living dear brother."
Elias makes his way over next to me, reaching up to dust the higher shelves. They were a pearly white that rested against the wall on either side of the TV.
Picture frames were scattered over the shelves, capturing photos of our family ― my first basketball games, Rey's elementary graduation, Elias opening his gifts on Christmas, and even a picture of the day the twins were brought home from the hospital.
I make my way past Elias, subtly bumping into his shoulder, the force sending him sprawling onto his ass.
"Wow, would you look at that? Sixteen years later and you're still the one rolling on the floor dear brother," I internally smirk.
His fall causes some of the books to fall off the shelf, falling quite perfectly onto his head. The impact on his head so loud that it echoed throughout the house.
"What the hell did you do now Eli?" Riley yawns as she walks down the stairs. From her tangled locks of hair and the dried trail of drool on her chin she probably only woke from Elias's fall.
I guess Eli getting hurt is her wake-up call.
"What the hell did I do? Why don't you ask Theo?" Elias exclaims as he rubbed his ass.
Riley doesn't even bother asking. She shrugs before walking towards the kitchen to rummage through the fridge for her chocolate milk.
Julian lazily walks out of the kitchen, dragging his sock-clad feet across the hardwood floor as he held the trash bag in his hand. He probably only woke up because of Riley ― who was the only one who was capable of getting him up.
It was cleaning day today. A day where I forced everyone to get up at eight in the morning ― but more like nine considering it took the twins an hour to get up ― to clean up the house because we were all too lazy to spread the chores out into a week so it just got crammed into one day.
Rey walked in through the back door, another trash bag in his hand. His raven-black hair still wet from the shower glistened in the sun's hot rays. He dragged the bag full of garbage from our backyard towards Julian, who was taking it outside for the garbage truck to pick up.
"Alright I'm ready now Theo," he says while he goes to the sink to wash his hands.
Despite it being cleaning day, I was taking Rey out for the whole day. It was a tradition that I continued from Ma, who took a day off with each of her children to bond and to just have the time to talk without being interrupted by the rest of the family.
Since the twins and Elias had busy schedules because of their sports, their out-days were during the summer. Today, Rey and I would go out and to ensure the twins and Elias couldn't think of any disastrous schemes, they would continue with their chores until the house sparkled like damn fairy dust.
"Yeah, I'll meet you in the car Rey. I just have to make sure the children in this house behave," I raise my voice loud enough for everyone to hear.
Elias just grunts, still lying dramatically on the ground as if he were suffering from a gunshot wound and not a hit to his head and pride.
With that, I head into the kitchen where of course the twins are located. They're both settled against the kitchen island. Julian devouring a peanut butter and jelly sandwich while Riley chugged her chocolate milk down like it was a lifeline.
"Vacuum's next to you guys and the lawnmower is in the garage. Take your pick you too," I instruct, ruffling their heads as I walked past them to the front door.
"I call the vacuum!"
"Too bad I already have it moron."
"And I have your phone. Trade or I'll throw it in the pool."
I ignored the tumbling of a chair and a series of protests later as I quickly shut the door, effectively avoiding another headache.
Rey stuck his head out of the car window. His tousled hair flopping back onto his forehead, almost reaching his eyes. "Everything alright? I heard glass breaking."
I open the car door and start the engine, reversing out of the driveway. "Let's just hope we don't have to stop by the emergency room on the way back."
Rey just shrugs leaving us in a comfortable silence as I maneuver onto the highway. Out of the corner of my eye, I see him fiddle with the dog tag around his neck ― copies of the original one Dad carried with him when he was alive.
His fiddling was a nervous tick as he moved on from his necklace to play with the rings on his fingers. "So where are we going?"
He didn't like not knowing where we were going, especially if it was a long drive in a car. His anxiousness with cars only started after Mom's car accident but I had a feeling it ran deeper than that.
I gave him a reassuring look. "Don't worry, it won't be too long."
Out of the five of us, Rey never stuck with a sport ― sure Ma put him baseball, even basketball when he was younger but I guess he couldn't see it as an outlet like the rest of us could.
He was reserved and quiet ― spending his time reading books on the patio in the early morning. If you didn't tell him it was two in the morning, he probably would never put the book he was reading down until he finished it.
When he wasn't reading, he was out with his best friend Reid ― going to the skatepark or even biking on trails but never with anyone else. He avoided crowded areas like the plague ― even choosing the stairs over elevators.
He never said it out loud but I noticed. How he inched away from strangers, never getting too close. His hands would shake and before it could get any worse, he would be stumbling away ― staying close to the exits of a building.
With that knowledge, it was nerve-wracking picking a place to go to. I wanted him to be comfortable, I wanted to show him it was possible to enjoy life without feeling anxious. So when I pulled the car into a parking spot I nervously gaged his reaction.
He silently gets out of the car, treading onto the gravel roads straight towards the pens. I get out of the car, following him. But I didn't anticipate him to suddenly turn around, a huge smile graced across his face.
"It's an alpaca farm," he states cheerfully.
"Sure is. What do you think? I remember you had an obsession with farm animals when you were younger."
Rey looks at me wistfully, "You remembered?"
"Of course I did bud. I remember you even asked Ma for a cow named Daisy."
"Yeah, I know. I even stopped eating beef for like a year because of that."
I open the gate, leading him inside the pen where five alpacas were roaming around. "Only a year?"
"I love steak," he says sheepishly.
I chuckle. "Mphmm I know. You insist we have steak every time it's your turn to pick dinner."
A golden brown alpaca approached Rey, nuzzling her head against his knuckles. Rey softly brings his hand, running his fingers across her soft silky fur.
"We can walk them you know?"
His eyes widened. "You better not be shitting me, Theo."
"Nope, c'mon let's go. There are roads that lead all the way into fields and even a pond," I beckon him as I grab leashes off the nearby rack.
"Wait...aren't there you know supposed to be people supervising?"
"Yeah well, I booked the place for the next five hours so we have the whole land to ourselves," I say nonchalantly. "You wanna take this one out?"
"Uhm yeah sure. Wait you're allowed to just book the whole place?"
"Yup," I mumble as I gently take the leash and attach it to the alpaca's harness before doing the same thing to a creamy white alpaca. I handed Rey one leash as I guided us out towards the gravel path, making sure to secure the pen gate.
"Theo don't lie."
I huff. "Fine, it wasn't originally allowed. But in my defence, I brought Riley along and well she can be very convincing."
"C'mon admit it you brought her on purpose."
"Well I didn't necessarily tell her to go off on the farm keeper but whatever she said worked so let's leave it at that."
For a while we continue down the pathway in comfortable silence, the only sounds were the ruffling of leaves in the trees and the hums of the alpacas. It was peaceful and I could tell Rey was relishing it. His previous nervous exterior was gone, replaced with a content aura and an easy smile graced his lips ― something that didn't happen a lot after Ma's death.
He didn't fiddle his fingers or even looked cautious, he just seemed relaxed as we trudged across the road, admiring the rich colour of a field of flowers and the thousands of dandelion fluff that danced through the air every time a gentle breeze came.
"How's Reid?" I ask breaking the silence.
Rey just smirks. "He's fine. Just being hounded by his parents to help build the nursery."
After being an only child for eighteen years, Reid was going to be a big brother in a couple of weeks. And with his dad working long shifts and a very pregnant mother, he was tasked with building the crib and basically putting everything else up in the nursery.
"Oh did they find out the gender yet?"
Rey shakes his head, "No they want it to be a surprise. Though, Reid's having an aneurysm trying to pick a colour to paint the room now."
"Well, colours aren't defined by gender," I add.
"Oh, he knows. He just doesn't want to fuck it up and choose an ugly-ass colour. He wants everything to be perfect."
"Tell him to paint it a light green. That's what Ma chose for your room colour. She even made me paint it myself."
Rey gapes at me. "You're the one who painted my room?"
I snort. "Of course I did, although Da helped since it was getting kinda patchy. You can't blame my chubby five-year-old hands though."
The mention of Dad got Rey's eyes to dim in colour. My smile slowly wipes off as well. Nothing happy ever came out with reminiscing moments we knew could never be continued.
"So how's school," I clear my throat changing the subject.
"It's going. I can't wait for this semester to be over. I hate Functions."
I agree, shaking my head remembering the lack of sleep I got during that course. "You know...the school counsellor called me. She told me you weren't going to her sessions," I looked at him pointedly.
Rey shrugs blankly. "I didn't think I needed them. What's there to talk about?"
I sigh pinching the bridge of my nose. "Rey look I know you know how to deal with your emotions. But you have to talk about what happened to someone at least. You can't bottle it inside."
"Yeah, I can. Dad died. Mom died. I've accepted that but we're still here and we just have to move on. Besides it's not like Jules or Riley attend either," he points out.
"Yeah well, Riley and Jules aren't good examples of healthy choices. I at least know that they've confided their feelings with each other."
He only shrugs again. I sigh bringing my hand onto his shoulder getting him to look at me. "Look Rey, I know I don't have the same guidance as Mom. I don't have the same reassurance. I can't be like her and be able to read you and know exactly what to say to make it better. But what I do know was that I was also a teenager once.
I know what it felt like ― between school, my social life, and even home. It felt like all you could do was just take a step forward ― to leap and hope that when you jump everything will fall into place. That you can get decide a career, pick a university, and hope that you haven't sealed your fate to a life you won't regret. So if you don't want to talk to guidance then you can talk to someone else. You can talk to me."
He only pursed his lips, his jaw tightening as he stared at a passing pond. There was a large willow tree standing on the edge of the pond and wildflowers were scattered around, it was almost like we stumbled across a grove. It smelled of wet earth and spruce and pine.
If I closed my eyes, I could remember the days when Dad would take our family camping. When Elias and I would sit on the bank, watching the motionless water and waited for a fish to skim the surface. Rey would skip rocks next to us while the twins would try climbing a tree that would get them scolded by Ma later.
It was silent for the next few minutes and I didn't push Rey. I threw him a rope, let him know that talking to someone is okay. It was only up to him now if he would catch the rope and be open to unravelling the layers of blank faces he could for himself.
Suddenly, the golden-brown alpaca that Rey was walking abruptly stopped. She inched closer towards him and before Rey could react she lifted her nose sniffing his hair gently. Rey looked bewildered a surprised look across his face.
"Uh-Theo what is she doing?"
"I don't know Rey. What'd you do? I think you broke her?"
The alpaca seemed satisfied with the way Rey smelled as she then kissed his nose, causing Rey to stumble back bringing a hand to his nose.
"D-Did she just...kiss me?"
"Why're you blushing Rey? First kiss?" I chuckle at his flabbergasted state.
He just flipped me off. "I think that means she likes me."
A smirk tugs on the corner of my lips. "Well, I hope so because we're technically in charge of Daisy now."
Rey stops pausing to process my world. "Wait what do you mean in charge? Daisy?"
Daisy hums in response to her name being called. "Remember when I said Riley and I came here earlier." He nodded. "Well, I left her for five minutes to sign some paperwork and of course she could do enough damage in five minutes."
"She didn't steal an alpaca did she?"
"God no but please don't give her ideas. I don't know how but after she booked this, she managed to adopt an alpaca."
"You mean we have a pet alpaca?"
"We have a pet alpaca named Daisy," I corrected pulling out the adoption certificate and showing him.
This is to certify that:
Ariya Riley Jackson
has adopted our newest alpaca:
Daisy
Rey laughs shaking his head. "Did she name her?"
"Well we remember that you wanted a cow named Daisy but we figured an alpaca was the closest we could get. So congrats."
"Thank you. I mean this would have made eleven-year-old me very happy ― like piss in my pants happy."
We turned right on the path and we were back on the gravel road, our alpaca's trailing behind us. "It's not that I don't want to talk to guidance-," Rey starts. "-I just...I can't- every time I walk into that room, my mouth gets dry o-or there's this tightening in my chest."
I listened to him attentively. Despite my comforting expression, inside I was astounded. That Rey felt this way. That everyone dismissed his lack of opening up because he didn't want to talk but overlooked how his anxiety was the reason. That despite how much his mind wanted him to talk, his body worked against him, acting as both his own defence mechanism and shackles.
How long has he been going through this? Did he ever tell anyone?
I open my mouth ready to get to the bottom of this, to help him see that he was internally suffering. But our moment was cut off when the shrill beeping of my phone broke the peaceful silence of the fields.
The beeping drowned out the buzzing of the bugs and rustling of leaves, shattering the tranquil reverie Rey and I were relishing and awakening our far-reaching reality.
I make a move to turn it on silent. Whoever was calling could wait, my brother was a priority. "Answer it Theo-," Rey cuts in. "-it could be Jules or Riley."
And suddenly I remembered that it wasn't just Rey who was my priority. My phone buzzed again, Jules name flashing on the screen. I glanced between Rey and my phone, my mind torn between finishing this conversation with Rey and worried about what Julian might be calling about.
How did Ma do this? How do you pick and choose who comes first?
"Hurry before it goes to voicemail."
There was an internal battle in my mind before I reluctantly picked up the phone, watching as the emotions Rey left unfastened on his face slowly smoothed out until his blank expression returned.
I put the phone on speaker. "Hello-"
"Theo, how do you turn off the vacuum?" Julian asks nervously.
"You turn off the power button Jules," I hesitate.
"Yeah I tried it's not turning off," he exclaims.
"Well just pull the cord."
"I tried!"
"Well just leave it there, for now, Jules, I'll figure it out when we get back," I huff ready to return to the conversation with Rey.
"Yeah, but a slight problem," Julian continues and I could already imagine him scratching the back of his head.
"What'd you do now?" I sigh.
"It's not my fault. Loki just came out of nowhere and then I tripped, vacuum fell, and well Loki..."
"Loki what Jules?"
"Well shit, Theo is so going to kick your ass, Jules. Aww my poor baby Loki," I heard Elias mutter.
"What the hell is going on?" I question again.
"Shut up Eli. It's not my fault! Riley should've been vacuuming instead. Everyone knows the last time I vacuumed I sucked the whole curtain off the rod."
"So it's my fault? You called the vacuum first and then freaking blackmailed me. I even told you that your vacuuming skills are shitty," Riley interjects.
I run a hand through my hair. "Can someone just tell me what happened?"
"Please don't kill me," Julian mumbles. "Well, I may have accidentally got Loki's tail stuck in the vacuum. And I can't turn it off and I don't know what to do Theo," he rambles.
"What?!"
"How the hell did you manage to do that?" Rey shakes his head.
"My hand slipped. That's not important, how do I get it off?"
"How's Loki?"
"He's been making whining noises for the past ten minutes. But Riley's been feeding him dog treats so he's a content little puppy now."
Great feed our overweight dog more treats.
I roll my eyes. "How stuck is it?"
"Stuck enough that I can't pull it out."
I sigh breathing heavily through my nose. "Okay just wait there. We're coming."
☆ ☆ ☆
I pulled the car into the driveway. The drive was longer going back than going there because it seemed that Rey got very attached to Daisy in the short time we were there. I had tried to coax out how he felt ― even tried picking up where we left off on our discussion but Rey was a closed book.
A part of me felt guilty. Like I had betrayed his trust because he had shown me a part of him that usually kept hidden and in turn, I had brushed him off. Choosing to go home rather than continue listening to him.
What if he thought I didn't care? I mean if I told someone my own inner battles only for them to come to my sibling's aid when I needed them most, I would've felt let down.
But I did care. I cared so much that the whole ride, his words rang inside my head. I wanted nothing more than to wrap him into a warm hug and hug the anxiety out of his body. It made my stomach churn and I felt as trapped as Rey felt in his mind.
We stepped towards the front door. I hastily shoved the keys into the lock, waiting for the familiar click before pushing the door open. Rey and I stepped into a surprisingly clean house but the continuous arguing of my three siblings brought our attention to the centre of the room.
They must have moved into the living room as they were all sprawled on the carpeted floor. Elias was lying on his back, his hands tucked behind his head as he reclined relaxingly, ignoring the stressful tension when my scolding gaze met Julian's terrified eyes.
Riley, also unbothered with the situation, sat cross-legged next to Julian. Her attention along with Loki's fixated on the TV, where a new episode of Criminal Minds was playing. She offhandedly tossed Loki a treat and despite the loud sounds of the vacuum, the two contently watched.
"Hey, I thought we were going to watch the new episode together?" Rey plops down next to Riley.
Julian was the only one resembling a stressed stature as he scratched the back of his head ― a trait both Riley and he do when they know they fucked up. He shot me a sheepish smile, holding up the vacuum.
I passed by them, making a beeline for the kitchen where I grabbed a pair of scissors. When I returned to the living room and Julian saw what was in my hands, he gasped terrifyingly.
"Your-Your not going to- to cut his tail off are you?" He exclaimed with wide eyes.
This got the attention of everyone else. Elias paused eating his popcorn and Riley trained her eyes off the TV. Loki even turned his head, his ears perking up like 'What did he just say?'.
"Yes I'm gonna perform surgery with a pair of scissors Jules," I reply sarcastically.
Julian paled and before he could pass out or cause any more bodily harm to anyone I clarified. "Sorry, Loki but you're tails going to be a little patchy after this," I mutter as I gently start cutting her fur.