"Herman gave me the instructions for if she dies," Arizona muttered, handing Erin a cup of coffee as she read over the charts before her next surgery.
"Well, she only has a few weeks left before the tumour screws her over, baby," Erin said, wrapping her arm around Arizona's waist.
"I know, but still. I don't want to know," Arizona sighed, putting her head on Erin's shoulder.
"You're the closest thing she has to family right now. You're her person. We're her family. I mean, she lives with us. She eats breakfast with our kids. Archie calls her Coley and Rueben only likes sleeping if he has the giraffe teddy she bought him," Erin said.
"I know," Arizona groaned. "She doesn't have long left," she said quietly.
"I know," Erin said, stroking her hair out of her face. "You guys have surgeries today?" she asked.
"Herman wants to take Bailey's friend in today but the baby is only twenty four weeks so she said she'd give her an extra week because I called her out and said that her ignoring Amelia's advice is the same as the patient is doing to her and that it's very annoying so she needs to listen to Amelia," Arizona said.
Erin laughed and kissed her forehead.
"Well, I have surgery in an hour but I will find you after and we can have lunch with the boys. Okay?" Erin said.
"Okay," Arizona kissed her and watched her walk down the hallway.
"Like this, Rue," Archie said, getting on his hands and knees and crawling across the living room.
Rueben, currently on his hands and knees but not moving, stared blankly at his big brother.
"Rue, c'mon!" Archie whined.
"He'll do it when he's ready, Arch. You know babies have to learn things and they'll do it in their own time," Erin said, looking over at the boys from her position on the couch. Amelia looked up from beside her, the two of them going over her surgical plan for Herman's tumour.
"I want him to crawl," Archie pouted.
"I know, but he needs you to be really patient with him while he's learning. Remember what mommy said? He'll take a long time to learn and he's gonna need you to show him how to do it," Erin said.
"I know," Archie sighed. He crawled back over to Rueben. "Like this," he said, demonstrating very slowly how to do it.
Rueben laughed at him, rocking backwards and forwards.
"Come on," Archie smiled at his brother.
Rueben, now seven months old, had the same blonde hair as Erin, but the same blue eyes as Arizona. He was smaller than Archie had been, but was crawling before Archie had been, so they weren't worried at all.
"Rue, come on," Archie pouted, crawling to the other end of the room.
"Give him time, baby," Erin said, looking back at the plan with Amelia.
They had been reading it for a few minutes before they looked back up at the kids. Erin blinked.
Rueben was on the other side of the room with Archie.
"Did you carry him?" Amelia asked.
"No," Archie shrugged. "He did it," he said.
"He crawled?" Erin said.
"Yeah," Archie nodded. "Look," he said. "Rue, c'mon," he said, crawling across the room.
Erin grabbed her phone, barely managing to start recording before Rueben had crawled across the living room floor.
"I teached him, mama," Archie grinned.
Erin laughed and turned the video off, standing up and scooping both of her boys up.
"You two are so, so smart," Erin said, kissing their cheeks. Rueben laughed, grabbing her hair with one of his chubby hands.
"Mmma," he sounded.
"Mama, Rue," Archie laughed. "Auntie Mi, did you see?" he said.
"I saw," Amelia smiled, tears in her eyes. "I think you two might be faster than me," she said.
"Really?" Archie gasped, wriggling down from Erin's grip. "Race?" he said.
"Oh, you're on," Amelia stood up, the two of them taking off around the house.
"Watch out for-" Erin was cut off as she heard a bang and Amelia groan in pain, "Never mind," she said.
"I'm okay!" Amelia called back over Archie's giggles.
"They're crazy, baby," Erin kissed Rueben's cheek, sending the video to Arizona, Meredith and Alex before going to check on Amelia and Archie.
Arizona:
CT lab
Erin tucked her phone into her scrubs pocket and hurried down the hallway to the CT lab, finding Amelia and Arizona talking as they looked at Nicole's scans.
"What's happening?" she asked.
"She's experiencing symptoms. It's infringing on the optic nerve. I have to take her in," Amelia said.
"And our last patient needs to go into surgery, too, and I can't do it alone," Arizona said.
"What surgery is it?" Erin asked.
"The teratoma on the baby's back that's retaining fluid. The baby's in distress and the mom is severely hypertensive, showing signs of heart failure," Arizona said.
"I read about this one. I can help you if you need it," Erin looked at Arizona.
"Yeah, that'd be great," Arizona sighed. "I need to tell Nicole. You check her platelet count and crossmatching, and make sure her blood pressure is stabilized. Don't let her count drop below one hundred. Prep her and I'll meet you in her room once Nicole's in," she said.
"You got it," Erin squeezed her hand and looked at Amelia. "Hey," she said.
"Yeah?" Amelia looked up at her.
"Life will out. You got this," Erin said. Amelia nodded and Erin hurried from the room to prep the patient for Arizona.
"Here's the plan," Arizona said, her and Bailey joining Erin in the scrub room. "We're gonna embolize the tumor to see if we can reverse the effects on mom's circulation. And if not, then I'm afraid-"
"Where's Herman?" Bailey said. Erin kept her eyes down, avoiding Bailey's gaze. "Why's Erin here?" she asked.
"Glenda's platelet count is critically low, so we need to give her six packs of platelets to avoid liver capsule bleeding. And then we'll perform the fetoscopy to reverse the cascade-" Arizona said.
"You keep saying we, but I only see you and Erin. Where the hell is Herman?" Bailey said.
"She's not coming," Arizona sighed.
"What do you mean she's not coming?" Bailey cried.
"She's in surgery," Erin said, looking at her.
"Well, this one is more important," Bailey said.
"No, she isn't the surgeon. She's the patient. Amelia's the surgeon. So, the best you've got is me and Arizona," Erin said.
"You aren't a fetal surgeon," Bailey said.
"No, but I have been living with Herman for the past two months and she's been drilling me over every single surgery in the book. I've got her notes in my head, I can see the method above your head as I'm talking to you and Arizona is taking the lead. I'm not gonna be doing much, same as you, but it's gonna be fine," Erin said.
"Okay," Bailey whispered.
"The baby's anemic," Erin looked at Arizona.
"Let's transfuse him. 40 milliliters of irradiated PRBC," Arizona said.
"Robbins, we need to get in and out. Glenda's pressure is through the roof," Bailey said.
"Well, if we don't stop this bleeding, the baby will die. And the idea is to save both of them, and I think that I can do it. I know I can," Arizona said.
"Robbins, I respect you and consider you a friend, so it is with kindness when I tell you that you're only half a fetal surgeon, not even. You're half a fellow. Erin isn't even a quarter of a fellow," Bailey said stressfully. Erin rolled her eyes.
"I know this method better than you, Bailey. Eidetic memory, remember?" Erin muttered.
"You brought this patient to me and I need Erin in here to keep me calm and make sure I'm not forgetting anything," Arizona said.
"No, I brought this patient to your boss," Bailey cried.
"I have spent the past 4 1/2 months getting everything that Dr. Herman knows pounded into my brain," Arizona said.
"Do you hear yourself? 4 1/2 months?" Bailey scoffed.
"You want her hands, you have them right here. 22-gauge needle," Arizona said.
"Here you go," the nurse said, handing it over.
"Bailey, I know this patient is personal, but we know this better than you. Please, just let us work," Erin muttered, taking the scope from Arizona and handing her the scissors.
Bailey just kept working and Erin shared a look with Arizona. This was not going to be easy.
"It's not working. I can't embolize all the vessels. I need to open her up," Arizona sighed.
"Oh, absolutely not. We'd have to increase Glenda's anesthesia, and-" Bailey said.
"He's got persistent decels," the anesthesiologist said.
"All right, I could open her up, exteriorize the uterus and then resect the entire tumor," Arizona said.
"The prolonged anaesthesia could be catastrophic to both mom and baby. If you're gonna open her up, then you should go ahead and deliver," Bailey said.
"No. It's not an option," Erin answered for Arizona.
"This is mirror syndrome, Grey. You know that. The sicker the baby gets, the sicker Glenda gets. We deliver, Glenda will get better," Bailey said.
"She said it's not an option. He's not far enough along. He won't survive," Arizona sighed.
"Page Alex Karev," Bailey told a nurse.
"I'm peds! I'm here!" Erin scoffed.
"Wait, stop. What are you doing?" Arizona scowled.
"We're delivering this baby. It's not gonna be easy, but Karev may be able to keep him alive once he's out," Bailey said.
"Once again, I am peds," Erin rolled her eyes.
"No. Put that phone down. Bailey, I can do this," Arizona said.
"Arizona, your mentor is on an OR table right now with her skull open and you think you have something to prove. Well, I'm not gonna let you do that with this patient. You want to open her up? Well, do it, but we are delivering this child. Page Dr. Karev," Bailey said.
"I'm right here," Erin looked at Bailey.
"You're on her side. I need someone on mine," Bailey scoffed.
"Her side is the right side," Erin rolled her eyes.
"Her sats are dropping. She's hypoxic. Robbins, it's not going to get better," Bailey said.
"Okay, okay. There we go. Oh, crap. It's stuck. The tumor's too big," Arizona cursed.
"Hey, sorry. I would have been here sooner. But I was already at home," Alex said, stepping into the OR.
"Well, you should have stayed at home," Arizona and Erin glared at him.
"What?" Alex frowned.
"Nothing. They're pouting," Bailey rolled her eyes.
"I can't get it from this the angle. If I force it, it ruptures. I need..." Arizona trailed off.
"You need to widen the incision," Erin said softly. Arizona nodded.
"You have to widen it anyway. Karev's here. We're delivering," Bailey said.
"We're not delivering. He's not viable," Erin shook her head.
"I can do this. It'll be just like last time," Alex said.
"What do you mean last time?" Bailey said.
"We did one of these before. Herman wasn't available, so we decided to deliver and remove the mass after," Alex shrugged.
"Alex!" Erin snapped.
"I knew it. I knew it," Bailey scoffed.
"That was entirely different," Arizona defended.
"Sounds the same to me. You're trying to prove that you're Herman," Bailey said.
"Just do the C, Robbins. Erin and I will keep him alive," Alex said. Arizona looked at Erin with wide eyes. Erin shook her head discreetly and Arizona nodded.
"Excising the tumor. Gonna need lots of kellies," she said.
"Robbins, listen to me. Do the right thing. Deliver this child. If you do this, both of them are going to get sick and we risk losing both of them. We can't lose both of them. Please, Robbins, see sense-" Bailey started.
"Stop it. Stop talking. Stop it right now!" Arizona shouted. Bailey looked at her with wide eyes. "You're right, Dr. Bailey. I am not Dr. Herman. I am Dr. Robbins, and I am the fetal surgeon here. And I have chosen to do this procedure, and there was a point at which you could no longer be on board, but that point is long gone. I am in the middle of a woman's uterus. And any slip I might make could result in catastrophic blood loss. And... and if I slip, it will be because you were screaming in my ear and not because I don't know what I'm doing. You either need to get on board and shut up or you need to get the hell out," Arizona said angrily
"I mean, she sounds like Dr. Herman," Alex whispered to Bailey.
"Scalpel?" Erin said.
"Scalpel," Arizona nodded, taking it from the nurse.
"This is taking way too long. Uh, mom needs increased ventilatory support," Bailey said.
"Robbins, come on. That baby's right there. I've got this. Let me have him," Alex said.
"Ligating the last artery," Arizona said. The monitor started beeping rapidly and Erin looked up.
"We've lost the fetal pulse," she said.
"Is the cord compressed?" Bailey asked.
"No. He's in cardiac arrest. Put your hands under him just like this," Arizona said, moving Bailey's hands under the baby. "Good. Now apply pressure on the wound. Harder. He won't break, okay? Just hold him there and keep his chest up. Good, good, good. Just like that. All right, push five micrograms of epi while I start compressions," Arizona said, looking at Erin. She took the epi and pushed it in carefully.
"Oh, dear lord," Bailey breathed.
Arizona continued compressions on the baby but the monitor was showing no signs of a heartrate returning.
"Robbins, he's not coming back," Alex said.
"Karev, shut your damn mouth," Arizona snapped, continuing compressions.
"It's okay. It's okay. Come on, baby. Oh, come on," Bailey said to the baby.
"Come on," Erin muttered.
The monitor picked back up with a heartbeat and Erin sighed in relief.
"Oh, thank fuck," she whispered.
"You can let go now, Bailey. It's time to put him back in," Arizona laughed. Bailey let go of the baby and Arizona tucked him back in.
"Uh, uh... He's not even... I held him in my hands. He's not even born, and I held him in my hands," Bailey whispered, staring at her hands in shock.
"I know that feeling. It's privilege, great privilege," Arizona smiled. She looked at the clock and then back at Erin. "Go," she said.
"Go where?" Erin asked.
"Go and pump. I know you're in pain. I'll finish here with Bailey and Karev," she said.
"I would kiss you right now if I could," Erin sighed, leaving the OR quickly to go and pump.
"Why hasn't she woken up yet?" Arizona muttered as she and Erin started at Herman in the ICU three days after her surgery.
"She had massive brain surgery, Arizona. She wasn't gonna be awake immediately anyway," Erin said, rubbing Arizona's back reassuringly.
"She said that she wanted everything turned off after two weeks. We have eleven days and then we have to let her die. She put us as her power of attorney because we are all she has, Erin, and I don't want her to die," Arizona whispered.
"Give her time. We have eleven days. I'll talk to Amelia, get her to run more scans and see if we're missing anything. We're gonna figure this out," Erin said.
"What if we don't?" Arizona said, looking at Erin with tears in her eyes.
"Then we make sure that she gets what she wants," Erin squeezed her hand. "I'm going to talk to Amelia," Erin said.
"Okay," Arizona mumbled. She headed into Herman's room and sat by her bedside, while Erin headed to find Amelia.
She couldn't find her after half an hour so she grabbed her phone to text her.
Erin:
can u take herman for scans or something please? need to know why she isn't awake yet before arizona goes insane
Amelia:
Believe me, I'm gonna figure this out. I'll take her first thing tomorrow x
Erin:
i owe u x
"She had a stroke," Erin told Meredith as they got coffee a few days later. "She had a stroke and she might not wake up and I think Arizona might go a bit crazy if she doesn't. Herman made us her power of attorney. So, you know, if she never comes off the machines, we have to turn her off," Erin said.
"That's a bit depressing," Meredith sighed.
"Yeah, you don't say," Erin rolled her eyes. Her phone beeped and she pulled it out.
Arizona:
She's awake but lost her sight... she's asking if you'll bring the boys to visit her because she said she needs some snuggles. I can't say no, obviously xx
Erin:
i'll get them and be right up x
Erin smiled at Meredith, tucking her phone back in her pocket.
"She's awake, but she's blind. She wants the boys to visit her, so off we go," Erin said.
"That's amazing! I mean, considering everything we thought that would happen," Meredith said, following Erin to the daycare to get the boys.
"Mama!" Archie cheered, running over from the toys. Rueben perked up where he was crawling with the other under one kids.
"Hey, boys. Coley wants to see you," Erin smiled, scooping Rueben up onto her hip.
"Really?" Archie said. "She's awake?" he asked.
"Yeah, so let's go and see her," Erin laughed. He followed her, Rueben and Meredith out of the room to go and see Herman.
"Coley!" Archie shouted as they stood in the doorway of Herman's ICU room.
"Short stuff!" Nicole laughed. Archie raced in and Arizona scooped him up.
"You have to be gentle, okay? 'Cause she's still resting from surgery," Arizona said.
"He knows," Nicole rolled her eyes. Arizona sighed but put Archie on the bed.
"You okay?" Archie asked.
"I'm okay, Archie. I can't see, though. Do you know what blind means?" Nicole said.
"No," Archie said.
"It means my eyes don't work," Nicole said.
"You can't see?" Archie said.
"No, but I can feel," Nicole said. She lifted her hands and poked him in his cheeks. "So I know that you're not smiling. Where's my smile?" she asked. Archie laughed and she smiled. "There it is," she said.
Archie hugged her carefully and then Arizona lifted him off the bed.
"Where's the baby?" Nicole asked.
"Here," Erin said, carrying Rueben over. She sat him on Nicole's bed, holding him carefully while Nicole took his hand in hers.
"Hi, Rue," she said. Rueben laughed and Nicole smiled. "Happy babies, what I like to hear," she said.
"How are you feeling?" Erin asked.
"Great, everything considered. I heard you jumped in with Robbins on the surgery," Nicole said.
"Yeah," Erin said.
"Good work, Grey. Impressive, really," Nicole said.
"Thank you," Erin smiled. Her pager beeped and she checked it with a sigh. "Okay, I have to go. Uh," Erin looked at Arizona.
"I'll take the boys. You go," Arizona said.
"I'm very glad you're okay, Nicole," Erin said, kissing Arizona's cheek and the boys' foreheads before hurrying off to go and see her patient.
Erin was folding laundry in the kitchen while the boys napped when the doorbell went. She put the shirt down and walked to the front door, opening it.
She blinked in surprise.
"April," she said, staring at April on the doorstep. "Uh, you wanna come in? It's just me and the kids. Everyone else is at work and Arizona is taking Nicole to that blind facility today," Erin said.
"Yeah, thanks," April nodded. Erin stepped aside and April stepped in. Erin closed the door and led April to the kitchen.
"Can I get you anything? Arizona was gonna grab groceries on the way back so all I have is like, a few weird teabags Arizona's mom sent over and instant coffee," Erin rolled her eyes slightly. "We've been so crazy since Herman's surgery. This is my first day off in weeks," Erin said.
"Coffee would be great, thanks. You need help with the laundry?" April said.
"That'd be great," Erin sighed. She put the coffee pot on and grabbed two cups, grabbing a plastic cup and filling it with juice for when Archie woke up. "Here we go," she put a cup of coffee in front of April and sat at the table with her, helping her finish the laundry.
"Where are the kids?" April asked. "This is the quietest I've ever heard this house," she smiled slightly.
"They're down for their naps and I know. They should be up soon, though. I put them down about an hour ago. Archie didn't want to go down and then Rue was so tired but he hears Archie awake and then he has to be awake. I swear, they're thick as thieves," Erin said, rubbing her face tiredly.
"It's sweet, though," April smiled. "I mean, they're always gonna look out for each other. They'll be best friends forever," April said.
Erin heard something over the monitor and grabbed it. She turned it so April could see the view of Rueben in his crib in her room.
A small hand appeared at the side and then Archie's head popped into the camera's view.
"Rue, wake up," Archie whispered, poking Rueben's stomach. "Rue, wake up," he whispered.
Rueben's eyes fluttered open and he turned his head, looking at Archie. A smile instantly spread across his face and he laughed. Archie laughed and put his face in front of the monitor.
"Mama, we awake," he said. Erin laughed and pressed the button on the monitor.
"I'm coming up. And stop climbing on Rue's crib," Erin said. "I'll just be a minute. Unless you want to come up. Your choice," Erin said, standing up and grabbing the laundry to take up, too.
"I'll come up," April said. She grabbed the laundry for Alex and Jo and carried it upstairs with Erin.
They put the laundry in the right rooms and then walked into Erin's room, where Archie was making Rueben's giraffe dance around to make him laugh.
"Hi, babies," Erin smiled.
"April!" Archie gasped, dropping the giraffe and hugging April's legs.
"Hi, little guy," April laughed, lifting him up and hugging him properly. "I missed you. Have you grown? You're so tall now," she said.
"Yeah! I'm tall," Archie laughed. Erin lifted Rueben out of his crib and checked his diaper.
"Someone needs a change," Erin said, lying him on her bed. She grabbed a diaper and a packet of wipes and changed him, then lifted him back up. Archie grabbed his giraffe and handed it to Rueben. "Rue, you remember aunt April," Erin smiled, tickling his stomach. He laughed and April smiled.
"Can I hold him?" she asked.
"He's your godson, April. You don't have to ask," Erin rolled her eyes fondly, handing him over. "C'mon, troops. Rue will want feeding in a minute and I have juice waiting for you downstairs. Mom will be home soon with snacks and we can play in the garden until we wait," Erin said.
"We have swings, April," Archie said, leading them out of the room. He held onto the bannister and stepped down the stairs one at a time, the others following.
Erin gave him his juice and got his shoes and a jacket on, letting him free in the garden. She and April headed out with him, April putting Rueben in the baby swing while Archie got onto the other one.
"Help, mama?" Archie asked. Erin nodded and stepped behind him, pushing him gently while April pushed Rueben.
"I'm coming back to work next week," April said.
"Good. I've missed you running the ER. Owen's way is chaotic," Erin said. April smiled.
"Yeah, Jackson said," she said. "Thank you, by the way," April said. Erin looked at her curiously. "For letting me in today. I know you and Arizona have both text to let me know you're here if I needed anything and I stayed away because I didn't know how I'd feel if I saw you and Rueben," April said.
"I don't blame you for staying away," Erin shook her head. "I really don't. I would've done the same if the roles were reversed," Erin said.
"I remember when the shooting happened and you got cleared for surgery. You said something about using your daughter. What, um, what happened with her?" April asked quietly.
"I was twenty weeks pregnant with Quinn and my mom was admitted to the hospital because she'd collapsed in her care home. Uh, she saw me in the hallway and she went nuts. She had Alzheimer's, so she thought I was fifteen and had just come out to her again. She disowned me so you can guess what she said to me," Erin said.
"Yeah, I think I have an idea," April sighed.
"I had a panic attack and my placenta ruptured. They took me to surgery, they worked on her for an hour but she didn't make it. I woke up the next day and they had to tell me what had happened. I got to hold her and say goodbye, they took prints of her hands and feet and then Richard and Addison helped me arrange a funeral. She's buried at the hospital, you know?" Erin said.
"She is?" April said.
"Yeah, in the memorial garden. She has a headstone, a bench and she's right under a tree with a little fairy door. I thought she'd like it. I called her Quinn and I visit her from time to time," Erin said.
"How did you do it? Are you still a parent if you don't have a child? How do you function from day to day?" April asked, looking at Erin with tears in her eyes.
"Honestly? I would've fallen to pieces if I didn't have Meredith and Alex. Bailey, too. You are still a parent and I think that's the worst part of it. You have all of this extra love now and you don't know who to give it to anymore. But, if you surround yourself with the right people and you let yourself hurt the way you need to, you get used to it. It'll never go. You'll never stop thinking about what they'd look like when they grow up. Especially now I have the boys, I find myself thinking what Quinn would've been like. It never leaves, but it gets easier over time," Erin said.
"It does?" April said.
"Yeah. Eventually. It takes a lot of time and healing, but it gets easier. And, hey, you're gonna have the bad days before you have the good ones. I'm always here if you need someone on a bad day. I get it," Erin said.
April stopped Rueben's swing before stepping to Erin and hugging her tightly. Erin squeezed her back, kissing her temple as they stepped apart again.
"I'm home!" Arizona's voice came faintly from the kitchen.
"Oh, let's go and get snacks!" Erin gasped, lifting Archie out of the swing and putting him on his feet. April grabbed Rueben and the three of them following Archie inside.
"April!" Arizona smiled as they stepped inside.
"She stopped by for snacks," Erin said.
"Snacks, coming right up," Arizona grinned, starting to unpack the grocery bags with Archie.