Chapter Forty Two:
(TINE)
Are we boyfriends now?
Are we? I mean we didn't talk about it yet. Yes we kissed but somehow I couldn't bring myself asking him. We kissed so is that enough as an answer? Damn. I'm confused. But the fact that we shared our first kiss and we both confessed our feelings will do, right?
After that night we both fell asleep talking via phone call when he got home. He sang me to sleep and because I was too damn tired yesterday I didn't had a hard time to fell asleep before he could even finish singing.
Is this what girls feels during courtship? I don't know since this is my first time. To add in to that, Sarawat is the very first person who got interested in me. I knew I called myself a chic guy but the truth is I'm just good at flirting but never been in a serious relationship. I didn't even courted anyone and Pear is my first ever crush. My first and last 'girl' crush that I didn't even had a courage to confessed to. I was clumsy and it is also because of my insecurities why I couldn't made a move to her. Why? Because Pear is too damn perfect. She's the woman that every guy would like to have and then there is me.....
But now, everything is different. I never knew that I'm actually Bi. But no matter the gender is, just like Wat said, it is just the same. My heart flutters because of him just the way I felt to Pear before. But my insecurities is still there. Wat is a guy and he's been in a relationship with Monica. A woman that everyone surely misinterpret as Sarawat's perfect partner if you didn't knew them.
Even though he assures me that I'm the one he likes I still feel uneasy. I want to put a label on us so at least I have the right to be jealous but it will made me look selfish. This is not the right time for us. Wat has a lot on his plate right now and I don't want to put pressure on him more.
When he opened up to me the night before. I couldn't feel anything but to feel pity. After all, Wat blame himself to everything happened to his family. I understand him and even though I want to do everything to made him realized that it is not his fault he already made up his mind. If saving Monica is the only way he would feel better then I'll be with him. I'll support him. The least thing I can do is to stay by his side.
I took a deep sigh as I started to continue what I was doing again. We only have a week before our Summer break. An exam
is on the corner and we're also flood with schoolworks that we have to submit before the break. I'm a little bit thankful because at least there is something that will keep my mind occupied rather than thinking about my love life.
It can wait, my studies won't.
So I focused on my studies these past few days. Sometimes Wat calls me during the night but he rarely do that actually. I know that he got it twice as hard compare to me since he had a handful of things to do aside from his school works. So I keep myself not to call him even though all I wanna do is call him and ask him how's his day. I don't want to show myself as a clingy one because I'm afraid that it will turn him off.
****
Tonight is no different. It is one of those night that my mind being anxious again.
Sometimes I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around him. I have to be careful or else I might crush what this thing between us. Do you know that feeling? I'm afraid that if I do something I will lose him. And by just thinking of that is enough to keep me all night when I couldn't bring myself to call him.
I feel like this thing between us is too fragile.
Too easy to be broken.
He's with Monica, he's taking care of her....
He used to love her so it is not imposible for him to fall inlove aga----
F*ck. Easy Tine, You're overthinking again.
You love him right? Then trust him.
But is he yours?
I gulped with that thought. Why do I feel like this? I felt hot tears begun to form on my eyes making my vision blurry. No I won't.
I'm not a cry baby. What if Wat doesn't like a weakling like me? He sees me as his anchor so I have to be strong. Wat needed someone to count on not a weak crybaby like me.
While dealing on my own mind my phone rang and I quickly sat up when I saw that it was Wat who's calling me. I cleared my throat before answering it.
"Hey...."
Hey Wat...
How are you?
I swallowed the lump on my throat. Should I tell him?
"I'm fine. What about you?"
Of course I lied. I don't want to add on the things he had to deal with.
"Well you don't seem fine to me. Tell me what's wrong"
I bit my lower lip as my heart thumped at what he said. I didn't know that Wat reading me like an open book can make my heart flutter.
"Don't worry about me. It's just that I got tired finishing some school works. You know the drill when break is coming"
I said.
"Yeah you're right. I just finished mine too actually"
"You must be tired too"
"Yes I am. But I have to recharge myself. I have to hear your voice"
I chuckled at that. Now I feel at peace, I laid on my back and stared at the ceiling all while keeping the phone on my ear.
"And where back on a cheesy Sarawat again"
He chuckled. I closed my eyes. Hearing his voice is enough for me to relaxed my anxious mind.
"Only for my boyfriend"
My eyes opened at that. Did he just....
I heard him gasped on the other line making me think that he just realized what he just said.
"Oh damn I'm sorry. D-id I... misinterpret agai---"
I quickly sat up and hold the phone tighter as I felt my heart beats rapidly on my chest.
"No Wat you didn't....It was a thing that bothers me too lately. I just don't wanna pressure you that's why I couldn't bring myself asking you"
"Tine you know that you can tell me everything right? Good thing I made it clear now. It must be hard for you, I'm sure you overthink again"
I smiled at that. He surely knew me.
"It's just that I don't wanna be one of your concern now. There's a lot of things you have to focus on and y---"
"You're my number one priority Tine"
He cut me off. My eyes begun to water again.
"But you have to deal with other things first"
I heard him sigh from the other line.
"I know but I don't want it to make you feel less important to me. I told you, you're my home"
That's when tears begun to tickle my cheeks.
Stupid of you Tine, thinking so little about Wat's love towards you.
"Monica is still declining the therapy as always. Saying that she still have a lot to focus on her work first. She's been busy lately but there this event that we have to attend. It will need a lot of attention so I'm going to be busy during the break. I know you have to know this or else you're going to overthink again on what I've been up to"
I didn't respond but I nodded my head.
"Tine..."
"Hmm?"
"I can use this opportunity to help Monica. If this event turned successful then she doesn't have a reason to decline me anymore after that I'm all yours"
Mine.
"Let's have a proper date when everything is alright, yeah?"
I stopped keeping my sobs for myself because I couldn't hold back anymore. On the other side I know that Sarawat knew it anyway.
I couldn't help but to feel eager and look forward on this 'date'. I couldn't wait for everything to be settled so that we can go back to each other's arms.
"Yes....yes I loved that"
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A/N: Sorry for the short update. I actually have a lot of ideas on my mind after settling to this chapter. It's just that I know I have to focus on the real thing instead of adding some unnecessary things to the plot. It is the reason why I didn't update lately. And yeah I made up my mind we're near to the finale🥺
Soooo what are your thoughts about the story so far?
Everything seems calm again and you know what comes after that right?🤪
BTW, I published a new book entitled "Perfect Duo" make sure you check it if you still didn't. I'm hoping that you will also support it just like you always do💕