Sam tried to focus and use all of her senses but after the trying night she'd had and the state of fear the encounter with Matt had put her in - she wasn't doing so good.
About the only thing she could determine was that somehow her window had been opened.
"Are you okay?" Derek asked, emerging from the shadows.
She let out a huge sigh of relief and tears immediately burnt her eyes; she was safe.
"Sam?" He asked, concerned.
Not saying anything she ran over to her window and looked outside, her eyes frantically searching the street for any sign of Matt.
Slamming the window shut she locked it and then closed her curtains.
Closing her eyes she leaned against the wall next to her window and managed to catch her breath.
"Sam!" Derek repeated, causing her to jump.
"I'm okay... I stopped coughing a little while ago. I'm healing." She assured him, her words came out jumbled.
"What's going on?" He asked.
He could sense it and her wolf scent was strong in the air. She was ready for a battle, against what, he wasn't sure.
"It's nothing... it's just been a really rough day is all."
He gave her a disbelieving look as she went over to other window and closed the curtains on that one too.
"Is it even possible to be a werewolf, and an extremely bad judge of character at the same time?" She sighed, thinking how she'd thought Matt was her friend, not her stalker.
"Yeah, it is... especially when you're young." He admitted as his mind briefly flashed back to the times he'd been a bad judge of character.
She scoffed.
"What happened?" He asked her.
Shrugging she said, "Apparently this entire time that I thought Matt was being nice to me because we were friends, it turns out he was seeing us as something different..."
She watched his reaction, or lack thereof, he didn't seem the least bit surprised.
"You too, huh?" She asked, realizing he must have known that Matt was interested in her, even Erica had seen it.
"How am I always the last person to know?" She leaned against the wall by the window and hung her head.
"The full moon is tomorrow night, that always messes with your senses." He calmly said.
A part of her wanted to tell him what was going on, tell him about all of the pictures Matt had taken of her, and admit that it frightened her. But Derek had enough to worry about, the full moon was tomorrow and he hadn't time to teach any of his other betas to control their shifting.
Not to mention after biting Allison's mother in self-defense, the Argents would be out for revenge even more than before.
And of course, Jackson was still on the loose and they were no closer to stopping him or even finding out who was controlling him.
Right now, Matt being obsessed with her seemed like the least of their problems.
"I'm sorry." She apologized, her eyes met his in the dim lighting of her room. "I should have never tried to let you guys handle this without me. I complained because I felt like I wasn't part of the pack, and then I turn my back on you guys when you include me."
"It's okay-" Derek tried to say, but she didn't let him talk.
"It's really not. You were right this entire time. We can't save Jackson..." The corners of her mouth sunk with defeat.
"We can't seem to kill him either." Derek pointed out.
She nodded, and he watched her thinking about how far she'd come.
In the beginning, she couldn't hold eye contact for more than a few seconds before staring at the floor.
"I mean what I said before. About not wanting you to change. You're the conscience of our pack... I'm just not used to you standing up to me." He confessed, with a small smile.
Shrugging she responded, "Maybe I'm tired of always having to be the sensible one. Especially when everyone else fights me every step of the way."
He watched her intently as she crossed her room and leaned against her desk with her arms crossed over her chest.
"It's-it's just being the conscience for a pack of werewolves that would all rather kill first and ask questions later... it's a lot of responsibility... and I'm only a beta." She admitted letting out a heavy sigh as her eyes danced from the floor, up to his face.
"I know." He agreed, holding back a smile.
When he remained silent she continued, "It's not fair."
"I know." He repeated.
When her gaze fell back to the floor and remained there he walked closer as he said, "You've saved lives, you get that... right?"
Pausing he continued, "I mean Lydia's not exactly innocent, but she wasn't the kanima."
"I know." Sam tilted her to head to the side, "But I paid a price for it too. Erica and Isaac were so mad they wanted to kill me in place of her, she thinks I'm the crazy one now and then-"
She motioned between them and softly asked, "Where do we even stand now?"
His eyes traveled from her bathroom door across the carpet to her bed, as he thought of how she'd almost died when the kanima claw had been closed up inside of her wounds.
He closed his eyes for a few seconds and she fixed her gaze on him, waiting for some kind of tell to what he was thinking. But like always, his expression was close unreadable.
"Sam, do you have any idea what we're going to be up against now? I bit Argent's wife." He reminded her.
"Yeah, because she was going to kill Scott." Sam defended.
"It doesn't matter, not to them. All I managed to do was paint an even bigger target on all of us." He said watching as she dropped her arms to her side and walked up to him.
The expression on her face softened with a realization.
"You're trying to scare me off... again?" She asked, with a half-smile.
He glanced back around the room, for a brief second it was almost as if he could see all the black blood from her life threatening injuries.
"When I got here that day you called me... once I opened the bathroom door and I saw you. I thought I'd lost you... for good. You were in an overflowing bathtub of black water, ice cold water... your lips were blue, and you barely had a pulse." He recalled a slightly pained look visible on his face.
Her eyes were wide as she stared at him. He was actually starting to open up and talk to her.
"Once I got the kanima claw out of you... the wound wasn't healing and you'd lost so much blood..."
She shook her head at him. The scent of guilt was strong in the air.
"That wasn't your fault... and I'm alive right now, because of you. You saved my life that day." She reminded him.
"You were literally dying in my arms."
She swallowed hard and waited for him to continue.
"All I could think was that you deserved so much better than any of this. That none of this was even your battle, you were only in that mess because of me."
Even though they were in the room alone, his voice was quiet as if he was putting emphasis that what he was saying was for her ears only.
This was the Derek the rest of the world didn't get to see.
"I understand what the dangers are..." She said, a tinge of anger in her voice.
With every apologetic word from him, it felt like the floor was steadily dropping out from beneath her socked feet. This was starting to sound too much like a break-up speech.
She listened as he spilled several more excuses, still trying to get her to change her mind about them, until she couldn't take it anymore.
"You think that you've put my life in danger... but honestly, you gave me something to fight for. When we met that night and you pointed out how miserable I was in my day-to-day life. You were right, I had given up on the idea that I'd ever be anything more than the shy, quiet... freak who didn't have a friend in the world. I would rather die tomorrow in some fight with the hunters, than to have another ten years of my boring, miserable human life back." She told him, her tone honest as her eyes pleaded with him to not give up on them.
"You're serious." He looked at her in disbelief.
"I am." She agreed.
Second guessing everything was in her nature, even the smallest decisions she made weighted heavily on her.
But not this; not him.
She'd never been more sure of anything in her entire life.
Her eyes met his and they stared at each other in silence, like he was waiting for her to take it back.
But she wasn't going to.
She knew without a doubt that she'd follow him anywhere; even straight to hell.
She moved closer, raising up to press a kiss to his awaiting mouth.
His arms curled around her, held her close to him.
Her stomach was immediately in flutters; instantly responding to his touch.
She didn't think she'd ever get enough of him; the now familiar taste of his mouth, the feeling of his lips against hers, his warm hands on her body.
Not that she had much to compare it too, but she was positive that no one else could ever make her feel that way.
His fingers tangled in her long dark, golden blonde hair and she let out a small gasp when his lips trailed from the corner of her mouth over her jaw line and down to her neck.
Tilting her head back she swallowed hard and fought for her breath as she felt the rough caress of his facial hair against her soft skin.
Her finger tips dug into his upper arms as she tried to keep her balance despite her weak knees.
Moving her hands up his torso towards his shoulders, she paused with her hand over his beating heart, her lips curved up at the feeling.
With her free arm she gently raked her fingernails over his scalp, before holding onto the back of his neck and pushing her body even tighter against his. In that moment she felt like she couldn't get close enough to him.
Erica had been right at school earlier that day when she'd talked about stupid werewolf anger. Everything they felt was heightened and that included desire.
Her body involuntarily trembled under his strong hands when they slid under the edge of her shirt. Completely focused on the way his touch was making her feel, she almost missed the quickening of his heartbeat under her own hand.
She pulled back from the kiss smiling as she looked at him, it was nice to finally feel the effect she had on him.
"What?" He asked as they stood in her almost dark room.
The huskiness in his voice made the room feel warmer.
"N-nothing... it's nothing." She smiled again before raising up to resume the heated kiss.
Swept up in the moment, she sat down on her bed slowly laid back and looked up at him as he leaned over her.
There was a gleam of uncertainty in her eyes as she stared back at him, not sure how far things were going or if she was even ready for things to go any further.
But even with as nervous as she felt in that moment, she was happy he was there with her, happy that they'd actually talked things out.
He was hers and she was his, finally something was starting to go right in her life.
He was about to ask her if she was okay, but before he could she pulled his face down to hers, trying to not overthink the situation.
She was determined to just enjoy her time with him, which wasn't hard to do.
With his every touch; with every kiss pushing her problems from her mind wasn't hard to do.
She could completely focus on him, not worry about Matt stalking her, or if there was a way to save Jackson.
The way he touched her made her feel like they were the only two people left on earth.
His breathing and heart rate was just as rapid as hers when she arched her body up against his, wanting to be as close as possible. She craved him.
The world could be burning down around them and she wouldn't even know it.
In response to the friction of her body against his, he let out a deep groan against her mouth that sent a tingle down her spine.
She started to slide his jacket off his shoulders.
With his help the fabric soon landed on the bed beside them and her stomach nervously fluttered even more than before, but she reasoned with herself that it was just a jacket, it wasn't like their pants were off.
Her thoughts were interrupted when he slid her shirt up over her stomach and above he bra.
Too far, too fast. She thought as she opened her mouth to say how she was feeling, but all that escaped her lips was a pleasured moan as he bowed his head and kissed from her collar bone to the top of the her green bra.
Her head helplessly fell back against the pillows, his touch almost seemed to render her paralyzed.
Somehow through the sounds of their labored breathing and sprinting heart rates she could the beeping from one of her brother's videos games and the sound of his footsteps in his room.
Sam squirmed out from under Derek.
She quickly sat up and stared at him.
"Are you okay?" Derek asked, as he took a deep breath and slowly released it.
Running her hands through her messy hair she tried to play it off, "Yeah... it's fine. I just uh."
Sitting down he silently watched her as she continued to smooth her shirt out and try to control her breathing.
"I'm sorry." She automatically spilled an apology as she closed her eyes for a few seconds.
"Sam?" He pushed, wanting her to be honest with him.
"I just- I just don't think –I'm ready for –this." She managed to stutter out.
Feeling the need to apologize again, she began, "I'm sor-"
But this time he didn't let her finish.
"It's okay, Sam."
She looked at him, her eyes still a little wide.
But she smiled in thanks at his understanding.
He smiled back at her, as he leaned in pressing a kiss to her lips as he whispered, "It's late. See you tomorrow."
"Goodnight." She smiled as they broke the kiss.
Derek stopped with his hand hovering just above the handle to her door.
Sam saw his shoulders slouch, he shrunk down a couple inches at the least before he turned back to look at her.
"Sam, I need you to know that it's not like I want to kill Jackson. I don't want to do it, but I have to."
Her brows lowered and she slowly scooted over to the edge of the mattress to stand up.
"I'm the one who bit him. I turned him into this... thing." This time it was Derek that seemed to have trouble maintaining eye contact, "He's my responsibility. The people he kills -that's on me."
"No." Sam shook her head, "Derek, no. You had no way of knowing what the bite would do to him."
"It's still on me-"
The end of his sentence came out with a huff of air that Sam knocked out of him when she quickly rushed forward and wrapped her arms around him.
She understood now why he'd been so quick to jump to the nuclear option.
All the blood, the pain, the death the kanima caused -Derek was taking the blame for.
~()~
"There you are." Erica said as Sam descended the stairs to the pack's hideout.
"Where's Derek?" She asked looking around.
Stepping out of one of the subway cars, Isaac said, "Getting things for tonight, I'm guessing."
"Right." Sam nodded, and tried to remain calm, but she was terrified.
When it was just her, she'd managed to break out of her restraints and injure Derek.
"I tried calling you last night after the rave." Erica said as she tucked her straitened blonde hair behind her ear and leaned against a cement support beam.
"Uh, yeah... I meant to call you back, but then Derek came over." She said without even thinking.
"Well, well, well..." Erica teased with raised eyebrows.
She walked closer with an expectant look on her face.
"Not like that...we just talked..." Sam said quietly, hoping Isaac and Boyd weren't eavesdropping on her.
"Right and this talking, did it require a horizontal position?" Erica whispered back, causing Sam to gasp and hit her arm.
"Hey!" Erica laughed as she held onto her now sore upper arm, "We're friends, you're supposed to be telling me this stuff!"
"There's nothing to tell... we talked, sorted things out." Sam said, smiling.
"And..."
"What makes you think there's an 'and'?" She sighed as she rubbed her forehead.
"Because I highly doubt that million dollar smile of yours is a result of sorting things out between the two of you." She quietly pushed.
"Fine... we may have kissed." Sam whispered.
"I knew it!" Erica exclaimed, excitedly.
But whispering in a room of werewolves proved utterly useless when Isaac looked from where he was now sitting and asked, "You kissed Derek?"
Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped.
"Or Derek kissed her." Boyd added in, causing Erica to laugh when Sam's shocked expression grew.
The two male betas laughed at her expense as they looked at each other.
The lightheartedness vibe of the room was broken by a loud thud as Derek dropped a trunk full of heavy metal chains and restraints to the floor, alerting them of his presences.
Sam avoided his gaze as she wondered exactly how long he'd been listening to their conversation.
Kneeling down and undoing the latches he flipped the trunk open, to reveal a symbol painted on the cloth interior of the lid.
Sam immediately recognized the symbol matched Derek's tattoo.
"What is that?" Isaac questioned walking over and running his fingers over the painted symbol.
"It's a triskele." Sam said out loud.
Derek looked over his shoulder to where she was standing next to Erica and Boyd and nodded, "That's right."
"I know." She said, "I looked it up after I saw your tattoo."
Her eyes widened and Erica stifled a laugh.
"No... I mean... I..." She shook her head back and forth and looked between Erica and Boyd for someone to save her from her own tongue.
"What does it mean?" Isaac finally broke the silence.
"I'm not saying anything else." Sam breathed out when all eyes fell on her.
"Spirals mean different things... past, present future. Mother, father child." Boyd answered.
"Know what it means to me?" Derek asked him.
"Alpha, beta, omega?" Boyd guessed.
Nodding, Derek approved "Yeah, that's exactly right."
Raising the top of the box so that everyone could see it he said, "It reminds us that we can all rise to one or fall to another. Beta's can become alphas, but alphas can also fall to betas or even omegas."
"Like Scott?" Isaac asked.
"Scott's with us." Derek argued.
"Really?" Isaac asked as he dramatically looked around the room, "Where is he now?"
"He's looking for Jackson. Don't worry he's not gonna have it easy tonight, either." Derek assured his beta.
"None of us will." Sam agreed as she looked around to her pack.
Picking up a set of chains, along with an iron head band with screws in it, Derek explained to everyone, "There's a price you pay for this kind of power. You get the ability to heal, but tonight you're gonna wanna kill anything you can find."
"Good thing I had my period last week, then." Erica joked.
Holding up the head piece Derek pointed out, "Well, this one's for you."
She smiled nervously and Sam swallowed hard, she'd been incredibly lucky her first full moon. Derek hadn't used the head piece on her because she was his only beta at the time.
"Are we all just staying here? It's going to be dark in a few hours." Erica questioned.
"Yeah, even if the hunters are still after Jackson... they're going to be trying to catch us too. No one leaves until tomorrow." He instructed.
But out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sam's facial expression change.
"What?" Derek asked her.
"It's Lydia's birthday... I've got her present in my car... I just need to leave for an hour or so." She said, her eyes pleaded with him to let her go.
But she could tell by the look on his face that he wasn't caving.
"Forget Lydia Martin, we need you here." Isaac interrupted.
"Just tell her you can't see her until tomorrow." Derek said, but his expression had softened from a few moments before.
Sam nodded as she pulled her phone from her jacket pocket to let Lydia know she probably wouldn't be able to make the party that night.
Once it got closer to the moon's apex, they all moved into the subway car, as Sam and Derek began to chain their pack mates up.
"What if we break free?" Boyd asked as he watched Sam kneel down and pick up a chain.
"Then you'll do anything you can to break out of here. You'll probably try to kill me, then each other... anything else with a heartbeat." Derek responded, as he loosened the screws in the head piece.
"I need you to hold her." Derek instructed to Isaac who was standing behind Erica.
"So how come she gets to wear the headband thing?" Isaac questioned, as he slid his arms under Erica's to hold her still.
"She'll be able to withstand more pain than the two of you." He replied as he glanced between Isaac and Boyd.
"We have an extra one... if you really want it." Sam joked as she looked to where the trunk of restraints was sitting on one of the seats.
"Nah, I'll pass." Isaac responded as he tightened his hold on Erica.
"Ready?" Derek asked as he sat the headband on her head.
"Yeah." Erica nodded as she took a deep breath.
Sam's stomach turned as Derek tightened the screws and Erica started screaming out in agony as blood ran down her face.
Boyd swallowed hard and looked away, unable to watch what was happening to his friend.
While Derek was chaining Boyd up, Sam had Isaac sit down in a seat and started to chain him up there.
"How do you guys not feel this?" He asked through gritted teeth, fighting against the moons power.
"We feel it, every second of it." Derek called from the back of the subway car as Boyd and Erica started growling.
"Then how are you able to control it?" He asked them.
"You have to find an anchor, something to keep you human." Sam answered quietly as she secured the wrist restraints on him.
Looking over his shoulder to where Derek was finishing up with Boyd he asked, "What's your anchor?"
"Anger." He answered, "But it doesn't have to be that for everybody."
Seeing Isaac was now looking at her expectantly, she explained, "On my first full moon, I broke free from the chains and managed to hurt Derek..."
Still fighting the effects of the moon, he managed a small laugh as he said, "And that's all it took for you to turn human again?"
Shaking her head back and forth she said, "It's a lot deeper than that. If I let go of my humanity and hurt some innocent person, than that makes me just like my dad..."
Isaac opened his mouth to ask her a question, but let out a pained growl instead as his fangs started to extend.
"Get back." Derek instructed her, as he himself backed away, just out of reach from where Erica and Boyd were chained up.
He kept an eye on them, and Samantha watched as Isaac struggled against his own restraints.
"I thought you reinforced the bolts holding the seats to the floor." She exclaimed as her eyes traveled to where Isaac's entire seat was starting to come up from the metal flooring of the subway car.
"I did." Derek responded, but didn't turn around until Sam said, "Apparently not well enough."
He looked just in time to see Isaac completely break free and knock Sam down on his way through a window.
"Isaac!" He yelled after his beta wolf, as Sam quickly jumped back on her feet.
"Keep an eye on them." He said as he raced out of the subway car after Isaac.
Sam stayed alert and ready to fight if she needed to as she watched them fight to break free with every ounce of strength they had.
Every time their chains scraped against the metal poles she cringed, and it was impossible to hear if Derek yelled for her, over their vicious growling.
She thought about going to check on him and see if he'd been able to stop Isaac from escaping, but before she could. There was a loud, heavy metal thud as Erica threw the iron headband to the floor that she'd managed to pry off her head.
Sam dodged the blow as Erica lunged forward, she was easily able to knock the other beta off her feet and hold her down, planning to subdue her until Derek returned so they could find a better spot to chain her.
But Sam was so focused on keeping Erica down, that she didn't notice Boyd had also gotten free, he'd managed to break the chains holding him.
He grabbed her and threw her on the floor, she tried to get up but couldn't as he hovered over her, raising his hand and slashing deeply into her side.
Throwing her head against the floor in pain, she screamed out as she tried to fight him off but Erica joined in with a hand on Sam's throat, cutting off her air supply.
She was no match for Boyd's strength, and in the cramped quarters there was also no way to use her speed to her advantage.
Trying to desperately pry Erica's hand off her throat, she fearfully looked up to see Boyd raising his arm again.
Before he could wound her any worse, Derek pulled him off of her, throwing him into a seat and punching him to keep the beta down, and give him time to drag Erica back to re-secure her wrist restraints to one of the poles.
"Isaac?" Sam questioned as she slowly stood up, keeping pressure on her wounded side.
Derek shrugged.
He'd been fighting to get Isaac back inside, but ran to Sam's aide when he'd heard her screaming in pain.
As Erica used her claws to slice into Derek's back as he was watching Sam, he brought his elbow back, colliding with her head she was knocked unconscious.
Just as Boyd started to flee, Isaac emerged from the entryway and growled, pushing him down into a seat and holding him still.
When Sam and Derek both looked at him shocked, he nodded to let them know he'd managed to gain control.
She sat down in a seat and watched as they got Boyd back in his restraints.
Once she was sure they were under control, she stepped off the subway car and took a deep breath of the cool night air, wafting in from the open stairwell.
"Are you okay?" Derek asked concerned.
She jumped, caught off guard by his voice, she hadn't realized he'd followed her.
"I'm okay." She assured him, seeing he was eyeing her side she nodded, "I'm pretty much healed."
Her eyes traced over his blood spattered face before she could even say anything he confirmed, "I'm fine."
Breathing out a small sigh of relief she nodded.
"I'm really proud of Isaac." She offered a tired smile.
It was only his second full moon and he'd gotten control back on his own.
She felt like if there had been better circumstances for the first one, he'd probably have managed to get it back then.
Derek opened his mouth to agree but then heard another noise from inside the car and went back in to check on everyone.
When he came out, he found Sam sitting on the stairs.
"I think we've got this covered, if you want to go."
She raised her head and looked at him surprised, "Really?"
"Yeah." He responded.
She smiled widely, thinking she'd have enough time to get to Lydia's party before everyone started headed home for the night.
Jumping to her feet she said, "Thanks."
She started to turn around and head up the stairs, then stopped as she slowly turned back around to face him as she took a few steps closer and leaned up, pressing a kiss to his lips.
As she felt his arms slide around her, she shivered slightly against his warm body, but she wasn't sure if it wa a reaction to the cold night air or in response to his touch.
She smiled against his lips as she started to pull back, thankful that for the moment at least, they were both okay.
~()~
A/N- I hope you all liked the chapter. ^_^
Thank you all so much the continued support and your kind words, it means more than you know!