Alwyn
All it took was leaving the harbor for Alwyn to be reminded how her mother ran a ship versus how Alwyn and Cyrus had tried to run theirs. The crew acted with focused efficiency. Though individuals with specific jobs they seemed to be one creature moving together.
Two days at sea and Alwyn was fully aware of how inadequate she'd been as a captain. She hated that she couldn't blame her mother's command on the fact that the crew had been Alwyn's grandfather's. That crew had eventually retired, one by one, all going to live with their families. Isla had to build her crew up from the bottom. And still, they ran flawlessly.
Never did Isla yell at her crew, but they followed her orders without hesitation. Alwyn had felt like her throat would go raw in the first four weeks for trying to reign in her and Cyrus's crew members. And still, they hadn't listened. Not like this crew listened. Even with the few members of Alwyn's crew shadowing her mother's crew, none of them faltered.
It didn't matter that her mother had years of experience on her, all Alwyn felt was everything she lacked to be a good captain.
She didn't feel she could turn to Cyrus since he hadn't wanted to captain. Besides, he spent so much time with Yasmine it was a wonder he would notice if his twin threw herself over the side of the ship.
Alwyn let out a breath and leaned against the railing of the forecastle. The ship sliced through the water riding the hidden Current, racing away from the setting sun. The last rays turning the wave tops gold.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Isla asked, from her spot at the helm.
Talk about how she'd failed so completely as a captain with the mother who thrived as one? No, she'd rather not. She felt she'd faced enough embarrassment in the past few weeks.
"Your father and I aren't as blind as you might think," Isla said, a gentle note in her voice. "We saw how you and Zavier looked at each other."
The betrothal. One more thing that made Alwyn feel stupid. How had she ever thought that he would stop being what he'd been born as? She'd fallen in love with a Prince. Great seas she was an idiot.
"How did Da's father take it when he told him he planned to marry you?" Alwyn asked.
Her father was a Duke...well used to be. She looked to where he stood on the lower deck instructing Dempsey on knots. He didn't have the appearance of a duke, never had. He roamed the ship barefoot most of the time, his shirt sleeves always rolled, his face tanned and scruffy. He'd left his title behind...
"Your father was never on the best of terms with his father," Isla said, drawing Alwyn's focus. "Raif didn't want to manage the responsibility of running a port, instead wanted to make his own way. Which he did by acquiring rare items for those searching for them."
"You mean what we do," Alwyn said.
"Yes, but he didn't use a sword to do it." A soft smile slipped onto Isla's lips. "To be with me, he relinquished all claim he had on his inheritance. In doing so, he renounced his title as a duke. If not for his connection to Gigi and Thayer...the Queen and King, he never would have been accepted into Court again."
Alwyn watched as her father laughed with Dempsey, so at home on a ship, it felt strange to imagine him dressed up and mingling with nobles.
"He's never said, but I know he doesn't regret giving up his title," Isla said. She paused, glancing at Alwyn. "But there are some titles that aren't so easily given up."
Alwyn didn't meet her mother's gaze, it would be far too telling.
"Did you ever speak of how you felt for each other?"
Alwyn almost laughed. Speak? They went far beyond simple words.
The ship was a whirlwind of movement as cargo was carried off and orders for new supplies were called out. As with docking, the crew seems to double in size, people hurrying from one place to the next. In the chaos, Zavier snagged Alwyn's hand, leading her below decks and into a secluded corner where they wouldn't be discovered.
Before Alwyn could say anything about her parents being annoyed she wasn't helping, Zavier kissed her. All thoughts about her parents vanished. She kissed him back, burying her fingers in his hair. It had grown over their three-week voyage and Alwyn loved it.
When he pulled away, Alwyn let out a low growl, bringing his mouth back to hers. He laughed.
"Wyn," he said. "I have something I must say."
"I don't know what could be better communicated than you kissing me?"
He cupped her face, stopping her from kissing him again.
"Wyn," he said, softly. "Do you love me?"
"I find that to be an idiotic question," she said, gripping his shirt, to bring him back.
He kissed her again but broke away too soon for her taste. He stared down at her, his eyes dark with so much affection she wanted to drown in them.
"Do you?" he asked again. "Do you love me?"
She stopped trying to kiss him, sensing the seriousness of his question.
"Like I love the ocean," she said.
He smiled and her desire to kiss him redoubled. But she held herself back, feeling the shift.
Zavier swallowed and for the first time, she got the feeling he was nervous. But she didn't understand what he had to be nervous about.
"Wyn..." He swallowed again. "Will you marry me?"
She blinked, opened her mouth but nothing came out.
Zavier rushed to fill the silence. "I am the fifth son, they do not need me. I don't want to be a Prince. We could get a ship, a crew, and sail away."
"You know Cyrus would never let us go alone," Alwyn said.
Zavier laughed and kissed her mouth, cheek, nose, forehead. "Is that a yes?"
"Of course it's a yes." He continued to pepper her with kisses. "You know I could convince my parents to get Cyrus and me a ship." She grinned. "After all if you're not a Prince anymore you won't have any money."
"Well, you have four weeks to convince them on your next job while I find some way to tell my parents."
He laid his forehead against hers. "I do not think they will take it well, but I do not care. All I want is you, a ship, and the sea."
Alwyn closed her eyes. That was all she wanted too.
That was all she'd wanted. She lost him but got the ship. All the hurt, anger, and betrayal she felt had been fueled into trying to make that endeavor successful. Trying to prove in some way she was worth staying with. The end result a failure.
"No," Alwyn said. "We never said what we should have."
That he was a Prince, she was a pirate and they were stupid to think otherwise.
"I'm sorry, Little Duchess," Isla said.
She was too. She'd gotten herself into such a mess. The only positive she could find was knowing that she'd never told her parents.
But even then, if she had she didn't know if they'd approve or tried to break them apart. Approval would have hurt when it fell apart. Trying to break them apart would mean resenting her parents. Maybe there wasn't a positive.
Only Cyrus knew. But even then he didn't know the ship had been meant for all three of them. Alwyn shook her head. A complete mess.
"I can take over," she said, moving towards the helm, not wanting her mother's sympathy when she didn't know the whole story. "You've been here all day, I can do the night. I don't think I can make too much of a disaster of this."
As Alwyn claimed her mother's spot, Isla tucked an unruly strand of Alwyn's hair behind her ear.
"You don't make a disaster of things," Isla said. "Everything in life takes time."
She brushed her lips over Alwyn's forehead before descending to the main deck. She called out to Raif where he now stood leaning against the railing alone. She reached a hand out to him and he quickly strode over to her and took it. Heads bent together, they went below decks.
Gradually, the deck emptied as night took over and sailors found sleep. The only companion Alwyn had was the one in the crow's nest, but even then she didn't feel his presence.
Alwyn liked the quiet. She liked the smooth wood beneath her hands. She liked the lapping of the waves as they slapped against the hull. She liked the moonlight, the way it wavered on the sea.
This was home.
Hours later, a dark shadow emerged from below. Wilder. Instead of moving towards the front of the ship, he climbed the steps to the aft deck. He nodded to Alwyn but didn't stay, walking to the railing and leaning against it, staring out. Alwyn thought it strange but realized what he didn't want to look to was the West Isles but to Loria. Lydia. He stayed there, silent.
Silence was fine with her, she remembered all too clearly his anger at her for her mistake. Even the past two days he hadn't spoken to her.
"How much longer to the West Isles?" Wilder asked, his deep voice drifting on the wind.
"If we don't hit any storms, three days, possibly four."
They lapsed into silence again. Alwyn shifted her hold on the wheel, something about his presence and his calm nettled her but she didn't know why.
"Zavier made me give my word that I wouldn't hold your mistake against you," Wilder said.
Alwyn squeezed the spokes, shame heating her cheeks. "Yes, well you're not the only one who regrets that mistake."
Ever since her mother had pointed out the mistake, Alwyn had tried to remember why she hadn't taken that route. But all she could think about was how angry she was seeing Zavier again. How much it hurt because he wasn't dead and she still stupidly felt something for him. Felt something when she didn't want to feel anything at all. Wanted to forget it.
Why couldn't she have forgotten it? Maybe then she wouldn't have been so rattled that she could have taken the right Current to Loria. Instead, her emotions got the better of her. Again.
Wilder left the railing and strode to the steps but paused, looking at Alwyn.
"Some people are born leaders and some aren't," he said.
Anger struck a match inside Alwyn.
"What are you implying?" she said, barely keeping the bite out of her tone.
"Since I gave my word to Zavier, I have watched you these past two days. You've been with your mother, learning. But what she has, you don't."
It was a simply said statement, but Alwyn wanted to stab him for it because it stabbed her.
"I know how to lead," Alwyn ground out, even as her past mocked her.
Wilder shook his head, her fury not touching him.
"No. A natural leader doesn't have to try, people sense it in them, are drawn to them."
Alwyn hated him. Hated how she knew this to be true because she'd seen it. He had stepped onto her ship and in a matter of days, the crew would have followed him to the darkest depths of the ocean. Men she'd worked with and never shown a sign of that towards her.
"I see and naturally your Princess was born a leader?" Alwyn said, wanting to hurt him, wanting to crack that calm exterior of his.
But it didn't work.
"A part of her is," Wilder said. "But a bigger part of Lydia wants someone else to lead. She wants to hide, go unnoticed. That's why being queen will be the biggest struggle, having to lead will take all the determination she has."
Wilder gazed back out at the sea, a troubled look flitting across his eyes.
"Then it's a good thing she will have Zavier since he knows how to lead."
The strike hit home but Alwyn didn't feel the satisfaction of it because it only reminded her of her own past pain. Wilder schooled his features before meeting Alwyn's eyes. In his eyes, she saw understanding and she wanted to hit him. Why couldn't he break like she was?
"It's okay not to be a leader," he said.
"I'm strong enough to be one," Alwyn said.
"It's not about strength. Anyone who has ever seen you fight would never doubt your strength." The compliment whittled away at Alwyn's hatred towards him. "Tell me Alwyn, do you ever think about Bates?"
Yes, but not in the way she should have. Not with the weight of having one of her crew members die. Guilt pricked Alwyn's chest and she deflated, the indignation and anger leaving her.
"I think about him every day," Wilder said. "I think about if he had a family who still waits for him to come home. I think about how I trained him and whether if I had done something more he could still be alive. That's what comes with being a leader, the burden of others relying on you. A burden that makes you always aware that their lives matter but there are times you still have to make the hard decisions."
He took a step down the stairs but paused, turning back.
"Not being a leader doesn't mean you're weak," he said, seeming to see straight into her heart. She couldn't speak. Didn't know how to respond. Wilder dipped his head. "Goodnight, Alwyn."
He walked away, leaving Alwyn with a single truth she never grew up knowing was true.
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"Captain, iceberg ahead!"
(Technically Sid the Sloth quotes this so I feel like I can get away with it. Also it embodies the chapter so it works!)
So ahead, tell me all that you feel about Wilder, Alwyn, the truth about how far Alwyn and Zavier went in their relationship! Spill the beans! (But only metaphorically, beans can be slippery and dangerous on the ground) 🧜🏽♀️⚔️🛡
As for my thoughts? Well, I think Zavier was a bit of an idiot. Yes, he was in love. But I mean COME ON MAN! You are a Prince! Don't you know this was a bad decision! Then leaving the girl with a ship she doesn't entirely want! Man! I could punch him in his perfect face!
Boy, what a disaster this turned out to be. Did you see that coming? That he asked her to marry him? That the ship was meant for them?
Well I would be surprised if you did because I had no idea! That was until I wrote it and was like 'oh shoot dang!!! That's why she asked for a ship! This be cray!'
Now on to important matters, a questions for you dear reader: What is your favorite trope? (Like enemies to lovers, bad boy with the good girl that type of trope)
Reader question: What did you always want to try but never found the courage to do?
Jawapan penulis (Malay): Fly. I mean I know it's a simple thing, all you have to do it fall and get distracted halfway down, but you know I've just never found the courage to take that leap of faith. Maybe one of these days. *sighs* Maybe.
Vote, comment, follow!