After burying Tyler's body in the grounds behind the nannery, I gather my section of children for their dinner. I allowed the older ones to attend his burial, they marked it with freshly taken flowers that grow in our greenhouse. Many nannies also attended, not a word was said, we all just stood there, casting our silent heartache to the sky.
The children are not what I remember children being like. When I was a child, before all of this happened, I was such a happy and energetic life. I was always running, always playing, always chasing my friends around yards and through fields. The creatures want the children to be comfortable and as happy as possible so that their souls can stay pure for longer, but there are limits to what they can do.
We can go for walks, and play games to stimulate their minds. I can teach them how to read and write, how to cook and how to bake. We even have our very own kitchen. But the children are not stupid. They know they are prisoners. They question why they cannot leave the grounds of the nannery, why they cannot explore further than the steel gates that trap us, and once a child questioned the wrong creature about it. The creature smacked the child so forcefully that the child never spoke again. To anyone.
The twelve-year-olds put me on edge the most. I keep a diary of all their birthdays that the creatures took from their parents' minds before they were killed. Every day they become closer to being thirteen. At thirteen, they are either taken by a creature for feeding or they stay as a nanny or another figure of service, like Irene. I am always relieved when they are allowed to stay, but I have also had to witness dozens of them leave. They are all most likely dead now. And how Arabella confessed to treating her victims while she feeds on them makes the process even more difficult to think about.
She has taken at least sixteen in the eight years that I've known her. I knew those little lives. I talked to them, I comforted them, I made sure they always had someone that cared for them and loved them. To think of them being confined to cages and electrocuted, enduring immense suffering over and over again, slowly, just makes me want to kill all of these children in this very room. I could smother the darlings in their sleep, they wouldn't even wake up. Their souls would be out of reach, hopefully somewhere better and safer, by the time the creatures found them. That thought is so dark and terrifying, but I'd be sparing them so much pain. I can never do it. No matter how many times I think about it, I can never get past the sickness in my stomach.
"Is something wrong, Jackson?" I ask the boy across the table from me, who is pushing his food around his plate slowly.
"No," he says, keeping his gaze down.
"Why aren't you eating?"
"Not hungry."
As I glance around the table, I find the others to be doing the same thing. Tyler's death has come as a shock to them, he was their friend, their roommate, he was the funny one that told them jokes to brighten their day. I flick my eyes to the creature that stands against the far wall, he is watching us closely, becoming agitated with their reluctance to eat. His human form is very large and intimidating. More visitors are arriving tomorrow to find their chosen meals and so the children's energy levels must be high enough for satisfaction.
"Please," I say, to all of them. "You know the rules."
A few of them sigh and begin placing the food into their mouths. I glance back to the creature, he seems content enough and pushes himself back into the wall.
"Did they kill Tyler?" Jackson says.
I am startled by his question. They all stare at me for the answer, as if it's something that they've all been wondering all day. I can't lie to them. This isn't the kind of world where you can afford false hope. "Yes."
"Why?"
"Because he was sick?" Angelica asks.
"Yes, because he was sick," I say. "He was very sick. He wouldn't have survived the night."
"So they fed from him?" Jackson says quietly. "I thought that was illegal."
"There are exceptions," I whisper. "But he died peacefully." I choke on that lie, he did not die peacefully at all. I saw the pain in his eyes, the tears that welled them, the desperation to be released from whatever the creature was doing to him. I will never get that image out of my head.
"We didn't get to say goodbye," Jackson says. "He was all alone; we should have been there."
"He wasn't alone," I say. "I was with him; Irene was with him. I promise you that it wasn't something you would have wanted to see. But he's in a better place now."
"Is he?" Jackson mumbles. "They took his soul, didn't they? Like they're going to take ours."
"Jackson," I mutter, my eyes moving to the creature at the wall with caution. "Watch your tongue."
"Sorry," he says.
The rest of our dinner is eaten in silence. I leave the children sitting at the table as I place their plates onto a tray and I carry it back through the door into the kitchen. My eyes fall on him for a brief moment and I set the tray to the side as I walk towards him slowly. He feels me coming and stops his work at the sink, I wrap my arms around his shoulders and I dig my face into his chest. His arms squeeze around my back.
"I haven't seen you all day," Jase whispers. "I heard about Tyler. I'm so sorry."
I pull my head back, eyes full of tears as I smile at him gently. "They're releasing me."
Confusion flashes across his face for a moment, replaced by an agonizing realization. "What?"
"Apparently I'm popular," I say, backing away from him. "I haven't told the children yet; I don't know how to even word it. I'm scared they'll act out."
"They're releasing you?" he says numbly. "To who?"
I shrug. "I don't know. Arabella wants me."
"No," he says angrily, running a hand over his stubble in panic. "You can't go with her, she's insane. Even for one of them. She tortures them."
I stare at him sadly and he composes himself thoughtfully. "You already knew that," he says, mainly to himself. "Sorry. But there has to be another option."
"I don't know what will happen or who will take me," I say. "All I know is that it's soon." I walk back to him and I run my hand through his dark hair, finally settling on his warm brown eyes. "I know we've only known each other for a few months but I wanted to thank you. You kept me sane in here."
Jase was transferred here from the breeding centre. He was forced to impregnate ten young girls. The babies will all be scattered around the nunneries when they're born, never knowing each other, never knowing their parents. Jase is lucky that he was transferred to be a slave here and not bid on for ownership. Unfortunately for him, there are no laws against feeding on slaves, and I can tell that he's been losing his strength over the last few weeks after being fed on by the guards. When he arrived here he was twice the size that he is now, his body fat has dropped rapidly and he is skinnier, his skin paler, his hands veiny and spotty. They are draining the life from his skin.
"I can't imagine this place without you in it," he says, leaning his forehead into mine. "You kept me sane too."
"Take care of the children when I'm gone," I say softly. "I know it isn't your job but please protect them from getting into trouble."
"I'll protect them as best I can," he promises. "I am going to miss you." He lingers his hand on my face and our lips draw nearer until they are grazing shyly.
I am the first that applies the pressure. His hard hardens around my face as I throw myself into the very first kiss of my life. I've wanted to kiss him for so long, but I was always too afraid to go through with it. I pull back and rub my lips, maintaining his eye contact as I back away towards the door.
"Don't let them break you," he says. "Find something of yours that they cannot have."
"I'll try," I say. "Goodbye."
"Goodbye."
I spin around and head back into the dining room, calling for the children to follow me. All nine of them rise in silence, pushing their chairs carefully under the table. I lead them to the bedroom quarters, I help the younger ones get dressed and I tuck them into their beds, placing kisses on the side of their cheeks.
"Jackson," I sigh, hovering over his bed. He turns away from me, his head buried underneath his hand. "Goodnight then." I bend down and kiss his cheek, whether he likes it or not. "Be brave," I whisper. "They'll need you."
I have never said that to him, and it makes him stir slightly to look up at me. I turn the light off and I lock the door. I'll hopefully be back to collect them in the morning, but I don't know anything for sure anymore. I could be taken in the night.
All down the hallway, the other nannies are emerging from doors as they say goodnight to their groups. One girl, not much older than fifteen, approaches me suddenly and just bursts out in tears as she runs past me. The night before a visit is always emotional. The visit today was unannounced and to my knowledge they didn't touch any of the children. Sirus was merely here for Tyler.
Our quarters are around the corner, I share a room with five other nannies. I am the oldest of all of them. Along with them, I never understood why I was kept here for so long, but after my encounter with Sirus today it has been made clear. There is something about my soul that is rare, something that they don't come across often when they search a human's essence. Raven, the head of the nannery, has made it his absolute priority to not release me. I've never even spoken to him but the first time he touched me, I thought he was going to faint.
"I am bidding twenty-five souls on her," one guard says to another as I approach them down the hallway.
"You will lose," the other creature sneers, igniting an angry look from his partner. "You'll need a million souls to be even close to getting that one."
"None of our species is willing to bid a million souls for one human," the creature dismisses. "They'll be weakened for years."
"I've heard she's worth it. Let's test it. You." I pause as I pass them, turning my head softly to look at them. I can't refuse a command from a creature, it's infuriatingly annoying. "Give us your hand."
I don't want to but I have to. I lift my hand slowly and they both clasp theirs around my wrist, their red eyes going wide with euphoria. I paralyze for several seconds, which turns into minutes as they refuse to let me go. Many of the other nannies pass me in that time, I can hear them slowly walking by, probably staring at the sight with discomfort.
Eventually they release me. They stare at me so hard that I feel violated.
"Incredible," one creature says. "If it wasn't against the law then I'd feed from her right now."
"It really is incredible," the other echoes.
"What is?" a voice says down the hall behind me.
The creatures both straighten at the voice, their heads lifting with a look of both fear and honour. Harsh footsteps cover the hallway and I back away into the wall, turning to see a dazzling creature with blonde hair and light red eyes. He keeps his attention on the guards, coming to a halt before them. I have never seen him before, he's also new, and I wonder if he is a visitor like Sirus was. Maybe he's come to meet with Raven to discuss essential matters of the land.
"Well?" he demands. "Speak."
"The girl," the creature says, pointing to me.
He flicks his eyes to me and then back to them. "What about her?"
"Touch her."
I place my hand out instinctively, almost rolling my eyes. I am so used to this now from visitors that it doesn't phase me anymore. The creature takes my hand, at first it is soft, but then he grips it and pulls me closer. His nose sniffs at my aura, becoming enchanted by the smell of my emotions. He only holds me for a few seconds before he releases me, which is quicker than they usually do. He stares at me like they all do, shakes his head like they all do, licks his damn lips like they all do.
"What is your name?" he asks me.
"Aurora," I say, clearing my throat. "Sir."
"Excuse me," he says.
I watch in confusion as he carries on down the hallway, not even looking back. I take that as a sign to leave and I rush down the hallway and into the bedroom quarters. The other girls are already in bed, their backs pressed up the headboard as they stare at me.
"Are you okay?" Fiona asks.
"Yeah," I say, pulling back the sheets of my bed. "Just tired."
I turn my head away from them, watching the door in paranoia that it's going to burst open any moment. No one can fight being taken, when it happens we all have to pretend like we're not watching it. The girls will be silent, they will wait until the creatures leave with me until they react. My tears dampen the pillow as I close my eyes. I'd like to think there's hope, I'd like to believe in such childish things, but this is it for us.