"Hey, little bro!"
"Don't yell, Natsu! We're in a hospital!" Fuyumi scolded, as she hit him with her purse.
He yelped in pain, rubbing his arm.
Shouto smiled at the display. He's happy that they're close, even though he never was.
'Your siblings don't care about you.'
He frowns. Fuyumi and Natsuo must have noticed the change in his demeanor because they were suddenly right by his side.
"Are you okay, Sho?"
'She doesn't care. You were a burden to her like you were a burden to your mother. Your classmates.'
"I'm fine." He says, looking away.
God, he thought he was done with that lie. And done with the voice...
"Sho. I know when you're lying. And you just tried to kill yourself! There's no way you're fine!" Fuyumi tried to get him to tell her something, anything.
"I am fine." Shouto wouldn't budge.
He had been telling this lie since he was 5 years old. Maybe sometimes people knew he wasn't, but they didn't care enough to do anything about it. He knew Fuyumi cared about him, but he didn't know how to say he's not fine.
"No, you're not! If you were fine you wouldn't have tried to kill yourself!"
Shouto looked away. He was fine. At least as fine as he could be, given the circumstances.
"Look at me, Sho."
He refused to look at his sister. He had lived in the same household as his siblings his entire life, and he has never felt more out of place. He knew nothing about them, and they knew nothing about him. He and Fuyumi had gotten to know each other a bit, after all, she is the one who bandages him up after training. Still, he had been close to death almost all those times and doesn't remember half of what she said.
Suddenly a hand grabbed his shoulder. He should've known better. But he didn't, and so all he felt when weight was suddenly placed on his shoulders, was his dad's hand. The hand that burned through his clothes, scarring his skin. Hands that had given him pain over and over again. And so, he flinched. It wasn't subtle either, so he couldn't play it off. He flinched violently, his body stiffening whilst he squeezed his eyes shut. He felt his mind, again, prepare for pain. Only when he felt the hand withdraw, did his eyes open slightly.
He was expecting his father's disapproving glare. A punch to the face for being unprepared.
Instead, he saw a teary-eyed Fuyumi and a guilty-looking Natsuo.
"I'm sorry, Sho. I wish I could've done more." She said, tears rolling down her face.
She put her hands up beside her body signaling that she was about to touch him. When he nodded his head in agreement, she wrapped her arms around him, squeezing tightly. Soon after, Natsuo joined in on the hug.
The hug was pulled apart, not wanting to overwhelm Shouto. Even though Shouto didn't want the hug to ever end. It had been the closest he had ever been to his siblings.
They had subtle small talk until Natuso brought up something that had been on his mind for a while.
"Shouto...How long have you wanted to..." Natsuo couldn't say it.
"To die?" Shouto bluntly finished.
Natsuo flinched back at the immediate answer but nodded nonetheless.
"Since I was..."
'Huh. That's strange; I can't remember...If I try to pinpoint it, I'd say when I was about...'
"10 years old, I think."
He looked up to Fuyumi and Natsuo's horror-struck expressions.
"What?" He asked, bewildered.
"Shouto..."
"Why didn't you say anything?" Fuyumi interrupted Natsuo.
"I don't know."
Shouto does know. 'I didn't deserve to say anything', but he knows if he says that, Fuyumi and Natsuo will feel guilty. He can't do that to them.
The number of times he looked up to shocked faces on Natsuo and Fuyumi was becoming increasingly overwhelming. He didn't know what to say, but he definitely wanted to change the topic.
"Can we please talk about something else?"
And so they did. They talked about Fuyumi's job, her new apartment, Natsuo's school, and...
"WHAT?! You have a girlfriend!? You didn't even tell me!" Fuyumi cried out, playfully hitting him.
"Yeah, well. What was I supposed to say?" Natsuo asked, rolling his eyes. "Hey Fuyumi, I have a girlfriend."
"Yes! That's exactly what you're supposed to say!"
Natsuo snored and Fuyumi burst out laughing.
'They don't need you.'
Shouto looked away, staring at the window. Trees were swaying, birds singing. He memorized the kids running outside while their friends ran after them. He silently wished he could've had that.
Friends and Family.
Then he looked back at Fuyumi and Natsuo. He's happy that they are enjoying their lives.
There was a knock and Shouto, Fuyumi, and Natsuo all look towards the door.
"Come in," Shouto says.
"Hello. I'm here for..." She looks down at her clipboard, "Shouto Todoroki. Is that you?"
He nodded his head.
"My name is Mio Kimura, I'm your counselor for the time being."
Fuyumi and Natsuo introduced themselves and quickly left.
Kimura-San sat down on the seat next to Shouto's cot.
"Good morning, Todoroki-San. Or would you prefer Shouto?" She asked, clipboard intact.
"Shouto's fine."
"Alright. We won't be getting into anything too descriptive yet, we're just gonna talk a bit about you."
Shouto nodded his head in understanding.
"How are you feeling right now?"
"Fine."
She did not believe him.
"Shouto-San," She started, "you do know that it's okay to not be okay. You can say how you really feel, no one will judge or punish you."
Shouto tried to ignore the lump in his throat. He doesn't know whether to trust her or not. She seems safe, then again, so has everyone he has ever told.
"I'll ask again. How are you feeling?"
He looked to her face for any doubt in her words. When he didn't find any, he responded honestly.
"I don't know."
"That's okay. It's quite understandable actually."
More questions came. She asked his favorite color, if he had any friends at school, what he liked to do for fun, other questions.
Then, she brought up his family.
It had been okay, for the most part. She asked him about Fuyumi and Natsuo, and only a little about Touya. She made sure to steer clear of his father, which he appreciated. Then she brought up his mom...
"How's your relationship with your mother?"
"...Fine, I guess."
Shouto loved his mom, but he couldn't get that night out of his head. She tried to convince him over and over again that she loved him too, but he was convinced he still scared her. She was hurt, over and over again because of him. Because she tried to help.
"You seem hesitant. Is there anything you'd like to talk about?"
"No."
"Alright. Thank you, Shouto-San. It was nice talking to you; I'll see you tomorrow."
Shouto didn't respond. When the door closed behind him, he let out a sigh he hadn't realized he was holding in.
He thought to the question the counselor said.
How are you feeling right now?
How is he feeling? He's exhausted, that's for sure. But how is he really feeling?
If he's being honest,
He doesn't feel like anything.
『✰❦✰』
"Stand up, Shouto!"
His vision was slowly drifting away, all sensation along with it.
"How can you possibly become a hero if you can't even defend yourself against me!"
His father wrapped his arms around Shouto's throat, lifting him. His feet barely scraping the ground. Then he added pressure.
Shouto began uselessly clawing at the hands gripping his neck. He was slowly falling to unconsciousness. The world around him spinning, and spinning, and spinning...
Then he saw it.
His mom attempting to stop Endeavor. She was nowhere near strong enough.
"You bitch." Endeavor snarled.
He let go of Shouto, allowing air back into his lungs. Endeavor walked over to Rei.
"No. S-stop. D-don't hurt h-her." Shouto begged.
He saw his mother's tearful eyes and then,
She screamed.
...
Shouto sat upright, cold sweat making its way down his face. There was a rapid beeping that was getting on his nerves.
Suddenly, the door opened. Fear coursed through his veins.
'He's here. Father's gonna...
He's gonna kill me.'
Shouto doesn't remember what happened next. All he remembered was all noise being drowned out, and...
Aizawa-Sensei?
『✰❦✰』
Aizawa was making his way over to the hospital to check up on Shouto. He had just finished making sure all the problem children wouldn't try to sneak out.
When he had made it there the first thing he saw was worried nursed running up and down the stairs. He made his way upstairs to Shouto's room, worried. That's when he noticed it was freezing upstairs.
'Shit.'
He ran to Shouto's room, pushing past people on his way there. He burst the door open and saw many doctors attempting to sedate a hyperventilating Shouto.
"Move!" He yelled at the doctors.
They didn't budge. So he yelled again,
"Get out!"
They seemed to have finally broken out of their trance and scrambled out of the room.
Shouto's quirk was going haywire. One half of the room was completely encased in ice and the other half had scorch marks everywhere.
Aizawa wasted no time, he quickly activated his quirk, the boy's quirk slipping from his grasp.
Although this seemed to only extend Shouto's panic. He pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them protectively. He began pulling at the stitches on his arms and mumbling. Aizawa could barely hear what the other was saying, but he did catch a part that made his heart sink.
"Please. I don't wanna train."
Aizawa quickly made his way over to Shouto. His breathing was shallow, eyes unfocused, and shaking. Aizawa couldn't tell if it was because of the cold or all the commotion that was happening, but he presumed that it was probably both.
He attempted to calm Shouto down.
"Shouto, listen to me. Your father isn't here. No one is gonna hurt you. You're safe. I promise."
Aizawa gently pulled Shouto's hands away from the stitches, trying not to startle the teen. He's pretty sure the kid didn't know he was there, but that was okay with Aizawa. All that mattered was that he calmed down.
A couple of minutes later, Shouto breathing was still shallow but much better than before.
"Aizawa-Sensei?"
"Yeah. It's me."
Shouto visibly, untensed. Aizawa had wanted to talk to the teen but he could tell he was exhausted and probably would sleep any second now.
"Go to sleep, kid. I'll talk to you later."
Too tired to comprehend what he said, Shouto responded with a "hm" and soon, was dozing off.
...
When Shouto woke up, the first thing he noticed was the quirk-erasing bracelet placed on his arm. He shifted uncomfortably at the restraint. There was a knock on the door. It was soft, and only tapped 3 times, which didn't go unappreciated.
"You can come in."
The door opened slowly, revealing a tired-looking Aizawa.
"Hey, kid. You feeling any better?"
Shouto nodded his head. Aizawa came and sat down in the chair next to Shouto's cot.
"Sorry about the restrictions." He said, pointing to the quirk-erasing bracelet.
"You're going to be released in 1 week. The doctors don't think you should go to school for the time being to help you recover. You'll be placed under suicide watch to keep you safe."
Shouto nodded again. He hated being treated like he could shatter any moment (and he could, but he would not admit that.) But he understood nonetheless.
"Since Endeavor is currently in custody and being investigated, you can't return to your house and aren't ready to return to the dorms."
Shouto was confused. Where would he be staying then?
"If it's alright with you, you'll be staying at my apartment for the time being."
Shouto was surprised. He didn't think anyone cared about him. He wanted to cry, to thank him for everything but instead, he just nodded.
Aizawa-Sensei soon left to begin to clean up the guest room Shouto would be staying in. The doctors came in and out of the room, checking his vitals, blood pressure, and making sure he wouldn't freak out again.
The same nurse from earlier, with light blue hair and grey eyes, was about to leave before Shouto spoke up.
"Excuse me..." Shouto started. He hadn't managed to catch her name.
"Ah! That would be Yua Mizuki! How may I help you, Todoroki-San?"
"Shouto's fine." He corrected.
"Sorry! Of course, Shouto-San."
"May I send a letter to my mother?" Shouto's cheek flushed in embarrassment. He wished he didn't have to ask, but he didn't have the materials and really wanted to talk to his mother.
"Of course, Shouto-San! I'll be right back."
Mizuki returned quickly, holding a letter and a pen in her hand. She passed them over to Shouto and told him to call her when he was done.
Shouto wrote as neatly as he could, considering his arm ached by how hard he pulled at the stitches.
_______________
Fuyumi and Narsuo probably already told you about what happened. I hope you don't blame yourself. It wasn't your fault. I'm okay now. I hope to visit you sometime soon.
I love you.
-Shouto
_______________
Shouto placed the card in the envelope and called for the nurse to come back in. She took the note and promised to return it safely to his mother.
Shouto thought back to Aizawa. Then to his siblings. And finally, his class.
He still hates himself, but he feels better than he did before.
He hopes that counts for something.
Words: 2292
The title is based on "Passenger" by Noah Kahan.
Cya next time. <3
Have an amazing Morning/Afternoon/Night
✰__startover✰