GAINEY
Six days of chasing our tails and we have nothing to show for it, except a car load of takeaway trash and a collective funky smell that could kill the libido of many a she wolf.
Its doing nothing for mine either. Plus, all I have to keep me occupied while about bumping about in the car is replaying the vision of my parting kiss with my sinfully sexy but equally as sassy mate.
Fuck. That smart ass mouth of hers.
I'm sporting a constant hard on just thinking about her. What I wouldn't do with that mouth...
Benji snores like a bear in the front seat next to me and snaps me out of my semi- inducing day dream as I drive another empty stretch of highway, our garrison of wolves following closely in the cars behind.
I shovel a handful of gas station candies into my mouth and shake my head to clear my mind, going over all of the weeks events in my mind for the millionth time.
The kiss with Alice is at the forefront of my muddled up thoughts. It's shouldn't be, but I can't bloody help it. I should have completed the rejection and just been done with it all like I had intended. Set her free, it's what she wants. It's what I need. But every time I am in close proximity to her, my senses are knocked on their ass and I begin to act with a region south of my brain, rather than the actual cranial organ itself.
The funny thing is, she has zero idea how attracted I am to her. The appendage south of my border more so than any other part of me. But still, as much as I want to push her away, I can't. The little she wolf is growing on me. Attitude and all. And she has no clue. She thinks I am into Gia of all wolves.
Fucking Gia.
She is the last she wolf in the world I would ever touch, not for her lack of trying. Not only is she the absolute bane of my existence when it comes to female attention, she is also the sole reason we have left the pack almost defenceless when we have an asshole rogue set on destroying all the packs of this nation.
And if we are correct in our assumptions... ours specifically.
And now, to make matters as shit as possible, I think that Gia has deliberately brought him right to our door.
But why. Why now. Why him?
That's what we can't figure out. Not for the lack of trying. Benji has used all his resources. Pulled out all the stops. Not because he cares for the troublesome wolf, not really. No, this is all for her mother. His mother for all intensive purposes.
Losing Gia would kill Ellena and he can't let it go.
I just hope it's worth the astronomical risk he is putting us and the pack in to find her. If it were up to me, if it were my call, I would say fuck it. Let her sort out her own mess. We all know what she is like, deep down. She is a rank chaser. A troublemaker. An asshole in a slightly more than average coating.
But she is pack.
I reach into the cup holder and chug the last of my gas station coffee. Talk about crappy. It's cold and it's powdery. Great.
I'm going to need another, proper caffeine hit if we intend to hit our next target tonight. The Miranda Pack, another few hours drive south.
The last confirmed sighting we had of Gia was as she passed through their lands and asked for permission to rest. The Alpha happens to be a long time ally of mine and a good pal. He red flagged Gia to me, not believing her bullshit story about looking for her missing mate.
We have no clue what she is up to. Well, I don't and if Benji does, he is keeping a good lid on it. I spy yet another desolate gas station up ahead and flag the indicator to let everyone know we are stopping.
I need a piss and a coffee in that order. And we need to stop and call to check in on the pack, see if they are ok.
If Alice is ok. It's evening so she is most likely settling in with her pup, getting comfortable in bed for the night. I wonder if she wears much to bed, or if she sleeps naked like me...
My eyes go wide as I snap myself out of my reverie. Fuck. The fuck is wrong with me. I slap Benji on the chest as we pull to a stop. He stirs with a startle and blinks his eyes open and closed a few times, looking out the window and then over to me.
"Why have we stopped, this is not our rendezvous?" He says, half question and half demand.
I shake my head and open my door to get out.
"Need to piss and get a coffee. Maybe you could take the time to call the pack, check in." I say, trying to be non committal about it all. Nope. Not checking on anyone specific.
He doesn't buy it for a second. His confused expression turns suddenly sour as he grunts out his reply;
"Check on Alice you mean. You know, the mate you don't want." He growls a little on the end of the sentence as he pulls out his phone and begins to scroll messages.
Fuck. It's worse than I thought. For some time I have suspected that he had developed feelings for Alice. His attitude every time her name has been brought up this trip has further flagged my suspicions.
This is awkward. We have never had any interest in the same female before. Ever.
Not that I'm interested in Alice. It's.. she's... it's complicated.
I grab his shoulder as he goes to turn away from me, his hand pulling at his dark hair like it's his last lifeline.
"Alright, out with it Benj. You have been acting like a bitch every time Alice is mentioned and we need to talk about it." I say, Alpha or not. Brother or not. We need to hash this out.
The other wolves travelling with us can sense the tension and give us a wide berth, heading quickly instead to the small dingy diner attached to the side of the gas station.
Smart.
Benji glares at me, his eyes red from the travel and stress. He feels the strain of the decisions he needs to make on a daily basis. More so now than ever before.
It's not just a yes or a no now. It's life or death. And we both feel it. The pain and the terror.
He stares me down, shaking out of my loose hold.
"There is nothing to discuss Beta." He spits out. Title. Nice. I can see this won't be easy.
"Yes there is. And you damn well know it, Brother." I counter, hitting him where it hurts. In the blood.
He lets out a small snort and shakes his head. It's low, I get it. Our bond is as strong as any bloodline around. More so. We have been through so much. So bloody much. And we still have more to do. But we each know we would never choose to face it all with anyone else.
It's us above them all.
Always.
His face drops and I see the very moment he releases his tension and faces the truth. His shoulders drop and he lets me see it all. The real Benji, not the brave facade he puts on for the pack.
"You're just such an idiot." He says finally, defeated. He starts slowly in the direction of an outside table at the diner and I follow behind him. Cautious. Not wanting to do this at all but I know we need to. To clear the air.
We sling our huge frames into the seats and order coffees to go when the waitress hovers near our table and then we sit, in relative silence as we each try to sling a sentence together that won't hurt the other.
He beats me to it.
"You are an absolute ass, you know that?" He says this like it's a question but we both know it isn't. He is calling me an ass and wanting me to agree.
Ok. Let's play.
"Okay, sure. I'm an ass. Care to explain why?" I counter with another not- question of my own because we both know that he is going to tell me why, even if I didn't want him to.
He smiles a small, grim version of his true smile and it hits me right in the small pocket of feels I have left.
Damn. He really likes her.
"You are a complete and total ass. An idiot. A stupid, moronic piece of shit. You are wasting something so damn special. Throwing away someone who is so fucking great. And I have no clue why. I'm fucking jealous out of my mind brother. And I can't for the life of me figure out why you would so carelessly dismiss something so unbelievably rare? Don't you get that? What I wouldn't give to be in your position?" His last words are barely there but I hear them. I hear them all.
Shocked, I slump back in my chair. Dumbfounded. I mean, I suspected he liked her. It's hard not to. She's.. special. Beautiful. A handful. Perfect.
You would have to be an absolute idiot not to be attracted to her. And that's what I thought he was. But this... is so much more. He is talking like he... like he is in love with her.
Which is nuts. Right?
We just sit and stare. Me at Benji and him at the table in front of us as the waitress delivers our coffees in silence.
I clear my throat out of sheer discomfort and his eyes shoot to mine, accusingly or in fear of my reaction to what he has just said, I can't be sure.
Maybe both.
I take a sip of my coffee and let the burning liquid warm my throat, hoping it works it's way down fast to my heart. I'm silently willing it to thaw out the frosted situation going on in there.
He knows why. He knows my life. My story.
I can't have a mate. I don't want one. Weakness. That's what she would be. For me. For my ability to keep everything stone cold. Detached. Simple.
I have seen what it does to the strongest of wolves. I won't let it happen. Not to me.
Not to her.
She deserves more. So much more.
And so does he.
An idea pops into my head. I search his face, looking for any evidence that he is catching my silent thread and as I'm about to speak, to voice this crazy notion, he beats me to it.
"Not a fucking chance. You think I would do that? Make a move on your mate? Someone who clearly wants you, though for the life of me I can't fathom fucking why." He says with a small huff and I laugh lowly in response. It serves to cut the steal like tension suffocating the table.
"Benji.." I grit out. Savouring my hot black coffee again before I continue.
He looks at me with such emotion that it nearly fucking chokes me.
He knows what I don't want a mate.
And I know why he does.
The guy is the fucking best wolf around. In every way. If I didn't love the big bugger I would literally hate him.
But what he lacks, what he has always yearned for, is to be loved. Helplessly and completely, limitlessly loved.
Something that I refuse to give or be given.
We are the two sides of the same coin he and I. The dark and the light. The good and the bad. The worthless and the oh so fucking worthy.
What I wouldn't give to make it all ok for him.
I open my mouth to clear the air but again, he wins the draw.
"Gainey, just don't. Don't waste this. I know how you think. What you feel about mates. But Alice, she isn't any of that. She is the fire that can melt your frozen fucker of a heart, if anyone can, it's her. She is strong and brave and broken. So broken. But you will never hear her ask for help. She wouldn't dare. She can take it, all of it and more. You have been through so much. But so has she. Why is it so hard to just give this a chance? She needs us. But we need her. You need her. And I need to know that this shit still exists. Because if it doesn't.. what the fuck are we even fighting for?" He bites out, more philosophical and emotional that I have ever heard from him.
This is some real Doctor Phil shit and I don't really know how to process it. How to even respond.
I go to make a joke but he sees through it before I have my mouth all the way open.
"I swear if you make a joke right now I will throat punch you." With a small laugh I place my hands up, showing him that I am giving in and he sits back, a small lift of his lips shows me he has replaced his anger with something else. A reluctant truce maybe?
"Look, I apologise for being an ass. I like her. I won't pretend I don't. But you know I would never over step. She was destined to you. For some unknown reason, the goddess, in her questionable wisdom, this time, has given you this chance. This gift. Not me. You. Just promise me you won't rush your decision. And I promise not to be such a bitch about all this." He adds, putting his curled fist out for a fist bump, which I replicate and we bump it and sit back.
Relieved that this is done.
For now.
I nod and grunt a low "ok" in response and we sit in silence for the remainder of our coffees.
I will spend a great deal of our next drive mulling this over, that's for sure but at least it's out there. Hidden truths are always much more dangerous than those laid out for all to see. The punch to your chest still stings, but not as much as the arrow in your back.
And I know for certain, no matter what it is, Benji and I always have each other's back.
Benji's phone ringing loud on the table snaps both of our heads in that direction and the number he sees on the screen earns an immediate frown.
He picks it up and answers without saying a word, just listening to the person on the other end. A female.
My hackles rise instantly.
"Where are you?" He growls out, earning a few shocked looks from the human customers at the next table.
I shoot him a glare but he doesn't even register.
This can only mean...
"Where is she?" I growl now too.. again, scaring the crap out of the now scampering couple next to us but I don't give a shit.
My wolf wants out. Now.
The wolves who were inside the diner all come barrelling out the double doors, causing quite the commotion but we are on our feet and running to the cars before we even have a chance to notice or respond.
Benji gestures for me to drive and we are on the road in a few minutes flat.
I look over to his side of the car, his face is white as he stares at his now blank screen.
"Where is she." I repeat, not a question, a demand as my frown etched so deep, no amount of fillers could take it away. Ever. Some things scar without even making a mark.
"With him." He says and I swallow hard.
He turns his head, his eyes searching mine and for the first time since I have known him, he looks scared.
"What is it B?" I say, asking but knowing that even now, before he answers, I don't want to know.
"I have something to tell you." Those are the last words I hear from my brother before something slams hard into my side of the car, sending us into a dead spin, enough for me to see the car behind us tipped on its side, a fire lighting it up in the dark.
Her face is the last thing I see before it's all gone. Before it all goes black and for once, in the deep dark abyss of my mind, there is peace.