Elli is running on the field, his rucksack swinging heavily on his back. The ground shakes fiercely under his black boots as dozens of grenades explode into clouds of smoke. They are retreating towards the woods, soldiers leaping and sprinting at full speed, cringing and ducking from the falling rubbles. Some get shot in their legs and trip, rolling over the writhing bodies on the ground. Some get shot in their backs and stagger, dragging their bleeding bodies forward before more bullets pierce the limbs hanging out of their bulletproof vests. Some get shot in their heads and collapse instantly. Elli stumbles a few times over the maimed corpses. He hides behind the tank, shielding himself from the incoming bullets. He runs and runs, before bumping right into one of the enemies. The dark-haired boy is wearing a khaki-coloured uniform with camouflage patterns, with a red-and-yellow flag patch adhering to his arm. He looks even younger than Elli, hands trembling as he holds the rifle. They both shoot at each other. Elli recoils as the bullet strikes his vest. He tumbles to the ground as the other boy, shot directly in the forehead, widens his eyes and falls with blood bursting out of his hole.
Another boy, originally squirming not far away, growls after his brother collapses. He drags himself up, half-crawling, and with a grunt, charges at Elli. Elli gives him a forceful kick and knocks the rifle out of his grasp almost in a flash. The boy bounces onto Elli and pins him down. Elli raises his rifle but the boy clasps it and they start rolling on the ground. The boy's eyes are glistening, his teeth clenched as he attempts to snatch Elli's rifle away and crush his chest with the bayonet. He's muttering a mixture of Chinese and Korean – languages Elli doesn't know but he is certain that the boy is cursing at him for murdering his brother. They struggle some more before the ground quakes again. Several bombs explode near them and the shells teem down, cutting through whoever is roaming the field. Elli is beneath the boy and he seizes the chance to grab him, steadying his body above his as the debris and rubbles crash down, stabbing the boy. Soil splashes onto Elli's face and soon their bodies are engulfed in soot. Elli shuts his eyes and feels a torrent of liquid splattering onto his head. The boy's eyes are still wide open, just like his brother's. Blood is cascading down his chin and his knees buckle, arms quivering as Elli's blade delves deeper into his waist.
Elli will never forget those dark brown orbs that glitter back at him. He sees a grey brick house set in a remote village with red roofs and inside, there is a garden planted with bamboo, olive and peonies. Two boys and a girl are frolicking there, each holding a candied hawthorn stick as they run on a crimson bridge under which a small stream full of goldfish and turtles flows across the garden. A man is trimming the shrubs, smiling as his children run past him with vigour and laughter, and a lady is in the kitchen stirring a pot full of pork ribs and noodles, ready to gather her husband and children for lunch. A fluffy Pekingese barks as it gets chased down by a tri-coloured kitten.
The image soon dissipates and the boy's eyes turn void, his corpse falling off Elli's body and landing flat on the bumpy ground.
Elli has been taught to slice open someone's torso and tear out their intestines; to shoot someone full of holes and then blow them up. He has been taught to comply with whatever they taught him to do during the training. But this –
Nobody has told him that he has to see through these boys' dreams and kill them one by one.
More aircrafts swish by and more bombs fall. More boys get blasted, flung in the air and ripped into pieces. More dreams are shattered.
'Elli!' cries a familiar voice. Ren races towards Elli and yanks him up. Elli, still recovering from the shock, is dragged across the field. The two boys run towards the woods, narrowly dodging the surrounding explosions. Just as they reach the woods, a sudden jolt sends them flying forward. They fall hard on the ground as the entire field explodes into a storm of dark smoke, flames and dust. Elli covers his ears and shudder, endless moans and cries never stop echoing around him. When the smoke dissolves, all that's left is a sea of fire, still burning what remains of those thrashing mutilated bodies. Some have their heads completely detached from their torso; some missing an arm or a leg or both; some just a palm or an ear.
They lose hundreds of comrades.
The burning never ceases. Elli blacks out.
He is floating in the cold water, gasping. His breaths come out as bubbles and rings of different sizes. He sweeps his arms and kicks his legs, lifting his body towards the source of light. He reaches the surface and pokes his head out. A turquoise lake with crystal clear water comes into view. It extends to a far end and is enclosed by pointy mountains half-coated with glaciers. Jónas, sitting on a yellow boat, offers his hand to him with a smile. Elli takes it and pulls out of the water. He climbs onto the rowing boat and sits across Jónas, who has picked up both oars and begun to row slowly across the lake. His father is wearing a white cap and sitting on the wooden platform by the lake with a fishing rod in his hands and a cigarette in his mouth. Beside him is a small bucket full of fish. His mother is cradling his baby sister, reposing leisurely on a picnic mat while his toddler brother is sitting on a stool munching a sandwich. And then – there is Shaan running along the rim of the lake in a red hoodie and a pair of skinny jeans, waving both of his arms at Elli with an exhilarated grin. The scene looks familiar and it has appeared many times in his dreams. He keeps thinking that one day they can go back to that summer, where there were no wars or starvations and he could simply dive into the lake after school every day, swim and float as Jónas rowed his boat beside him, watch as his family indulged in their pastimes and bring Shaan to his hometown to live with them. There were no bangs or moans or yelps; no blood or rotten flesh; no energisers or sickening drinks. Only serenity.
'Elli. Elli'
A crack appears on the glaciers, slowly stretching to the lake. His world is ripped into two. Shaan's voice pulls him back to reality and he bounces up.
'Calm down, Elli,' says Shaan, patting his back gently. Elli glances around and finds himself in the medical tent, surrounded by beds full of injured bodies and corpses.
'Am I dead? Gosh, am I crippled?'
'No, calm down,' comforts Shaan, holding him close as Elli shakes hysterically. 'Listen, Elli, you're fine. You just got a few scratches. That's all!'
His heart won't stop pounding, unable to get rid of those burning images in his head and the pungent-choking smell that still lingers in his nostrils.
'Elli,' coos Shaan, who keeps stroking his back.
'He died, Shaan,' mumbled Elli, recalling the dream he sees from the boy's eyes, the life he has envisioned but gets crushed ruthlessly by Elli. 'I killed both of them.'
'Many people died today, Elli,' says Shaan.
'No, they were so young, even younger than me,' cries Elli. 'And I've killed them.'
'I know. I know.'
Shaan lays Elli down again and wipes the sweat off his forehead with his sleeve.
'I should've gone with you today,' says Shaan, flopping down on a stool next to Elli's bed. 'You wouldn't have to deal with that alone.'
'How's your arm?' asks Elli, raising his hand to touch Shaan's still bandaged arm. The bandages are no longer soaked with blood. Shaan smiles and waves his arm freely in the air. 'They're letting me back to the field after a few days. Good as new.'
Elli heaves a sigh of relief and stares up at the ceiling. He vaguely remembers passing out and Ren slinging his body over his back, carrying him all the way back to the camp.
'And Ren? Is he alright?'
'Snoozing,' says Shaan. 'He said you're freaking heavy.'
Elli rolls his eyes but can't help chuckling. His limbs still hurt in exhaustion and he can't wait to strip off his sullied uniform that still reeks of gun powder and iron.
'I'm really glad that you survived,' says Shaan. 'Thought I have lost another dear friend.'
Elli doesn't have the heart to tell Shaan that he keeps thinking of him while he's running desperately on the field, clinging to his dear life to jump back into the woods so that he can live another day to see Shaan's mischievous grin and hear him teasing him mercilessly for being such a baby.
'Here, this might cheer you up,' says Shaan, digging into his pocket and pulling out a round-shaped candy in a flashy purple wrapper. It is about the size of Elli's thumb.
'Where did you –'
Shaan shushes him with his index finger and tucks the precious delicacy into Elli's right palm. Elli squeezes it reflexively and the wrapper squishes. How nostalgic. He remembers Jónas always buying him packets of bear-shaped gums with his measly monthly pocket money in those days, when candies, chocolates and crackers were still accessible in many stores. Shaan has given him a few snacks – a chocolate bar as a greeting memento when they first got acquainted and became partners on the same team; a lollipop after Elli returned from the first mission almost getting shot in the neck; a liquorice – Elli's favourite so far and it reminds him of his homeland, when Shaan found him weeping in his sleep one night babbling things about his family; and a box of jelly beans on Elli's birthday last year, successfully quelling the repulsion he got after consuming three bars of energisers. Shaan never tells him where he has got all these snacks and Elli has a feeling that Shaan must have somehow managed to smuggle them into the camp when he enlisted, or traded some of his trinkets or valuables with other comrades in exchange for these rare, almost vintage treats. Elli never eats them on the spot and always cherishes them to a point he can keep them hidden until they almost expire and is forced to finish them.
'Thanks,' mutters Elli. It almost comes out as a gasp.
'Not eating it now?'
'Nah, I'll save it,' says Elli.
'Don't let Ren steal it.'
They both laugh, already picturing Ren scampering around like a child and yelling 'unfair'. He would probably do anything – beg, whine, croak, fight or sprawl on the ground just to get a bite which is actually large enough to devour the entire candy.
'And don't die, Elli,' says Shaan. 'For every time you can survive without me and return safe and sound, I'll give you a treat. That's a promise, okay?'
Elli closes his eyes and smiles.
He will try his best. He will.