Gabi's grip on me felt oddly familiar.
Since he usually took the bus to work, he gladly accepted my offer to take him home on Frankie when the cheese shop closed half an hour after Diya had left. The way he grabbed my body from behind felt as if Daniel was still alive. I had ridden with him like that more times than I could count.
I had checked on the vials in the wooden box before going. They were still fine, or so I thought. I had stored them back in Frankie's trunk.
So, on we rode from the Shell to Dawn's neighbourhood that late evening. The sun had just set.
When I parked Frankie in Amanita's parking lot right beside Sigi's red bike, Gabi said:
"I bet Sigi's just arrived and is taking a shower. Wanna give him a surprise?" His naughty tone of voice didn't go unnoticed. My cheeks turned crimson.
"I'm not that kind of girl, Gabi. You know that."
"I do, but the blush on your cheeks is priceless."
"Gabi!" I shouted as if I was enjoying chiding him. And I was. I was smiling too.
"Fair enough. Gonna go and tell him you're here." He winked and smiled at me right before he turned around and left me alone.
He made me smile just by the mere fact of being around; however, my lips soon erased that smile from my face as soon as I was left alone in the street.
I took the box out of the trunk, slowly, and caressed the wooden surface pensively.
Then, I turned and stared at Amanita's façade wondering what it meant to me while the box was in my hands and the waves of the Neon Sea crashed on the rocks down below.
Amanita, to me, was a tribute to emptiness and loneliness. It was heaven for the hardcore superficial. It reeked of death. Memories of trying hard those last few days were burdening me. Too many glares had come my way in there, even though when I thought of Sigi, Gabi, K8, and Ray I admitted that my trust had started to heal. But Agape's scolding the last time we had met there was still haunting me.
I averted my gaze from the mushroom-shaped building and started to amble down the promenade, taking the box with me. The cool breeze combed my hair. I walked down below, to the beach. There was nobody either in the streets or on the beach, luckily. I needed peace and quiet to think.
The Neon Sea was starting to glow in its trademark blueish and greenish hues due to the lack of sunlight. I walked on the sand and got closer to the waves, hypnotised by their deadly beauty.
My feet stopped. The box in my hands was urging me to make a decision.
I couldn't picture myself knocking on Amanita's door, going down to Agape's basement, either alone or with Sigi or Gabi, and handing over the viruses. The moment I would do that, I would seal the fate of many people, both innocent and guilty. I would have their blood on my hands. I couldn't accept being an accessory to mass murder like that.
I felt a cold pang in my heart and fell to my knees, on the warm sand. The box rested on my lap.
"Careful. The water's beautiful, yet deadly." A deep male voice said behind me.
I turned my face and realised it was Taro. Fear was written all over my features when I recognised him.
He was standing tall way above my head. Black waves of untameable hair undulated in the air. His well-built body reminded me of Sigi's because they had the same body type. Intricate tattoos covered both his arms and neck. They snaked all the way up until they got lost beneath the sleeves of his dark blue T-shirt. By the coldness in his eyes, I could tell that he was still mildly distrusting me, although there was a glint of wishful thinking in them.
"Is that a gift for me?" he asked with a mild smile sketched on his face.
I had my lips sealed due to fear and shock. I had no words for him anyway, though. I hated him and his job, and most of all I hated that his current agreeable attitude had been fostered by Agape's promise that I'd deliver what both of them wanted, and that I'd do it regardless.
"Agape said you'd be back with this for me."
He showed me what he was talking about then. He lifted the back of his right hand to me, pointing at it with the forefinger of his left hand. An intricate tattoo of the sun over the sea bearing a viral corona greeted my eyes, triggering in me an undelayable urge to come clean.
"I've heard you parking your bike and saw you with a box. This one, right? I assume it's for me."
He extended his right arm, with his empty palm facing me.
"I'll take it from here," he added. I felt the weight of fate on my shoulders.
Then, I spotted Sigi and Gabi walking side by side down the promenade while talking merrily and smiling. They were headed our way.
Sigi's wet hair was proof that he had just taken a shower. I could die watching his dishevelled fringe dancing over his eyes.
Those deep, chocolate-brown eyes of his, in which I would love to drown every time he stared at me like he was doing at that moment, with genuine happiness and desire.
However, they lost all traces of joy when they noticed something was wrong with me. Next, he aimed them at Taro's back with fury and started to run towards me. Gabi did the same.
I turned my face to the sea once more. I opened the wooden box and stared at the vials. I frowned and grimaced with both anger and repulsion. I swiftly shut the box close again, stood up in a hurry, and threw the bloody box far away into the sea.
It soon plunged, making a loud splash.
"What the fuck, Daphne?!" Taro cursed while I heard Sigi's and Gabi's hurried footsteps coming closer behind me.
"Why have you thrown the viruses into the sea, Daphne?!" Gabi exclaimed with bewilderment when he stopped running.
"The what?!" Sigi shouted, appalled.
I turned around to face the three of them. Gabi and Sigi were standing right beside Taro.
"I am not doing it." My voice sounded wounded yet more assertive than I thought I was capable of. "Let me tell you something, Taro. I hate that you're friendly towards me right now only because you're interested in what I had brought with me. Nothing more. That's not friendship, that's pure interest."
"Who said I want to be friends with you?" Taro replied with disgust.
"I was hoping to make peace with you, the rebels who hate me," I answered. "But handing over those palaeoviruses to you, Taro, would mean more harm than good. Why do you wish for so much death and destruction? Clones might've murdered all your beloved ones, but why are you willing to taint your soul with the weight of mass murder by spreading those viruses? It would destroy you. Clones want hate to corrode us inside-out. That's exactly what they want – and you're giving it to them."
"You don't know what you're talking about, idiot." Taro's words stung, but nothing could hurt me more than Sigi's look of worry.
"I don't think your family and friends would ever wish those nasty feelings for you, Taro. Didn't they love you? I'm sure they did. They wouldn't wish you blindly accepting such a fate as a mass murderer. Because hate blinds us. It's a malevolent lighthouse. Violence only triggers more violence."
"Glad to see your true colours, Daphne. You're a sentimental traitor... and a lot more stupid than I thought you were." He chuckled defiantly.
"Let me help you break this spiral of hatred and loss." My voice sounded gentle and caring. The sea breeze felt cold on my back, softly combing my hair from back to front. "The moment you step out of this vicious circle, the clone empire shall fall on its knees on its own. Conquer them with candour and forgiveness, not with bullets and viruses. Because their violence against us doesn't justify yours against them. If it does, you should expect one of them to put a bullet in your head. You're signing off your own future murder. Is that what you want? A never-ending cycle of violence? You might believe that that's fine because you're delivering justice. But how is that justice?"
"Spare me a lecture on being pathetic. I don't need it." His defiance was acid; the look in his eyes, proof that he thought I was a fool.
"Now, don't look at me like I'm a fool!" I complained. "Not all clones are bad people, and not all traditional humans are innocent. I've seen the best and the worst of both communities myself. We need to strive for coexistence, not our mutual destruction."
"How can you be so dumb?! Such utopian ideas have no room in our world!"
"My idealism isn't utopian. It's difficult to obtain, I admit that. But difficult doesn't mean impossible. We need to focus on solving this conflict peacefully, without compromising ourselves by shedding blood when all we aspire to is freedom. I've met clones who want to be free. Their own system is asphyxiating them too!"
I thought of Eros and his mother to give me strength.
"Eros is an example of that. He's suffered, a lot more than you can imagine."
"Yeah, poor clones! They've suffered so much! They need to be saved!" His mocking was corrosive, but I promised myself I wouldn't let him knock me down with such cheap tricks. "That Eros has brainwashed you, hasn't he? Has he fucked you too?"
Sigi became tense and glared at his teammate. He was raising his right fist already when I spoke again:
"Well, Eros would understand us," I replied with pride. "He's caring and nice. He could help us to build trust between both communities."
With that, I somehow prevented Sigi from punching Taro.
"And how will you do that?" he asked as if he was expecting me to say something ridiculous.
"I... I don't know yet," I admitted, feeling my strength weakening. "Maybe I'd start by collaborating with him to develop a vaccine, and then..."
"Pathetic."
"Humiliating and killing one another isn't the answer," I insisted. "The true strength in us resides in how to come to terms with forgiveness for as long as it enables us to coexist, not forgetting the past though, so that we can move on and strive for a better future – for both our communities."
Taro sneered at me, then.
The three of them had been watching me intently. I could not read thoughts, but I was certain that they were being judgemental of me and how I felt. In spite of that, part of me was madly hoping for them to reconsider, to get infused by my words. My life would depend on it.
"I want to make that happen. It is possible," I added, dimly hoping that my words would make sense to them eventually. "But I don't think I can do it on my own. Help me think of an inclusive, violence- and virus-free way out of this conflict, please. So, yes, we are much better off with those viruses resting at the bottom of the sea, and you might be pissed off at me 'cos of it now. But it's for the greater good. For everyone, including you, Taro. And Agape, Momo, Vera, Nemesis, Cian, Sven,... even K8. Let go of those negative feelings, because they're hurting you more than you're willing to admit." I made a crucial pause, and then I asked Taro with gentleness: "Do you still hate me?"
An awkward silence ensued.
I was focusing on Taro and his white knuckles. Hatred was filling both his soul and his eyes. Tension was skyrocketing in Taro while it was ebbing in Sigi and Gabi, who were silently staring at me with awe.
Out of the blue, a weird hissing sound could be heard in the distance behind me.
"Oh-oh. What is that?" Gabi asked, frightened.
I turned around hastily. Nasty, effervescent neon purple bubbles were emerging on the surface of the Neon Sea right in the spot where I had thrown the box. That was not good.
"Oh, damn," I whispered with wide eyes and getting paler.
"Great! Not only have you thrown away your only chance at making peace with me," Taro complained with defiance, "but also you've polluted the Neon Sea a lot more than it already was. Congratulations! You're bloody brilliant," he added with sarcasm.
"We need to tell Agape," Gabi said seriously.
"You go and tell her, skirt chaser! In the meantime, I'm gonna do what we should've done a long time ago." Taro unsheathed his gun and aimed at me. "You're not getting out of this alive, you stupid girl!"
Sigi was faster than anybody else present. He hit Taro's right arm so that the gun fell on the sand, and then he knocked Taro over with a couple of bold moves. While trying to fight back and stand up, Taro grunted and heaved under Sigi's mighty body, currently sitting on Taro's stomach.
I had my Kolibri hidden in the right pocket of my jeans, but the thought of grabbing it and shooting at Taro hadn't crossed my mind until Sigi was throwing punches at Taro's chest and face. But when it did, I hated it to the core. Using a gun to take down a threat? That wasn't me.
Then, Gabi picked Taro's gun up and hid it right behind his back, securing it with the waist of his jeans. He decided to stand near me, at a safe distance from Sigi and Taro.
"Sigi, Taro, enough," Gabi said with a stern voice. "We're not fighting one another. We're not killing one another either. Just calm down. We're gonna solve this in a rational way – inside. Please."
Sigi calmed down quite quickly. He stood up and left Taro alone. Taro, in contrast, stood up in a hurry and clumsily. He was still pissed. His nostrils were flared and bleeding; his hair, wildly dishevelled; and his eyes, still in killer mode and aiming at me.
"No!" Taro complained, still panting. "Agape will let it slide and give her another chance! She doesn't deserve to live! She's detrimental to our cause! Don't you see?! Those viruses were the ace up our sleeve to defeat the clones for good!"
He made me feel like Truth and Danger were dancing a tango. Their dancefloor was my brain. Every step they took stomped on every nook and cranny. I began to shiver all over. I felt helpless. Would Agape command my execution for throwing the viruses into the Neon Sea?
"Nobody's detrimental here," Gabi complained. "Let's go back inside. Now."
"Has anybody seen us fighting? The gun?" Sigi asked Gabi with worry, still panting a bit.
That was when Gabi and I noticed that we were actually being watched – by Momo. She was frowning at us and crossing both arms over her chest while standing by the railing of Dawn's promenade. The rest of the street was deserted, thank God for that.
"Well, Momo's seen us. And she looks pissed. But that's it," Gabi replied.
Great. Momo would hate my guts even more.
"What you've just done shan't go unpunished! I'll make sure of it!" Taro yelled at me. "And Sigi here won't be able to save you."
"Taro, stop it already!" Sigi yelled back at him.
"You've become someone you're not, Sigi!" Taro complained. "Because of her. Bros before hoes, man! Where does your loyalty really lie?"
"Don't start with this again!" Sigi yelled back at him as if he was growling.
"I'm starting with this again because I care about you, man! Your history with clones is the worst by far in the group. No one understands Agape's plans and her reasons for them better than you do! You're also the best at aiming and shooting, the most devoted to the cause! And now, look at you: falling for a chick who's a stupid pacifist who knows nothing about the world."
"That's not true!" Sigi replied in anger.
"When I get rid of her, you'll be back to normal and thank me. I promise," Taro whispered with an acid tone of voice and casting a brief glimpse full of hatred towards me.
After everything horrible and dangerous that had happened that Tuesday –from my photoshoot and Mirela's bullying and death threat to Apollo's ruthless plans and behaviour–, Taro's threats, though heartfelt and genuine, weren't moving me much. There were too many death threats on me already.
Then, I saw Cian and Sven approaching Momo. They started talking. I assumed Momo was reporting to them what she had just seen and heard. Cian's expression went from gentle to stern. Sven's reaction was the coldest by far. Next, Cian signalled for us to come back.
Taro was the first to go. Gabi followed him. I was left with Sigi.
"I'll understand it if you need to stay and talk about what has happened with Agape and the rest," I told him softly. "I'll tell my father to postpone the dinner."
"No, I'm coming. But... does that mean you're not coming?" he asked, hesitating.
"Why would I? Honestly. What I've done and said defies Agape's ruling." I sighed. "Anyway, there's only one thing that really matters now, Sigi. Go to them, and let Gabi talk. I've told him something of utmost importance this afternoon, something that's happened in Apollo's lab. Agape and the group need to know about it. If Gabi tells them instead of me, maybe they shall be willing to listen."
"What is it?" His eyes were full of concern.
"Apollo knows that the people caught during the check-ups so far are innocent, that we are still eluding clone police forces. Ray's nanochip has been examined, but it has revealed nothing thankfully. He's implementing a curfew as of tonight, and other security measures... like some sort of beasts I couldn't get my eyes on. Eros' have, but he hasn't told me what they were. It was something atrocious. Apollo's gonna launch them soon."
"Oh, dear..." His pupils began to shiver a bit.
"Besides that, Eros is due to research a way of improving Kevlar so that their protective gear resists shooting and bombing better. Apollo's orders. He's scared, Sigi. As much as I am. Apollo's threatened him. He's being used against us against his will. I've witnessed the moment myself!"
"Daphne,..."
"Go, warn Agape and the rest. You need to get ready against these new threats. I've got my own to take care of."
"I won't let Taro harm you." I loved his protective tone of voice.
"So far, a lot of people want me dead. Momo, her friends Vera and Nemesis too probably, Agape maybe, now Taro. Thank God that the Secretary of State and Uriel are dead. Oh, and let's not forget Mirela."
"Mirela?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
"A clone designer at Oyster's who's a control freak. She's threatened me early today if I don't bow to her and her whims. She said she can get me raped and murdered, that she's got Death on speed dial or something."
"SIGI!" Cian yelled at him from the distance. They were waiting for him to come.
"I'm not letting anyone harm you, Daphne. I swear!"
"I feel helpless, Sigi. But most of all tired. I'm so tired right now. Tired of being afraid. You know what I'm talking about. You've been afraid most of your life." I sighed. My eyes were on the verge of tears. "Doesn't it ever stop?"
"I stopped being afraid when Agape had hacked my nanochip," he replied seriously yet gently. "And then, I turned my fear into a violent kind of hatred. But that's not your way. You may need to find your own, Daphne."
He left me breathless. He was so right.
I had to find my own way.
Traditional humans had hurt, humiliated, and killed clones in the beginning. The tables had turned a few years later. History had been repeating itself over and over. One reign of terror guaranteed its downfall by the next reign of terror, which they had created themselves, to begin with. Amanita's rebels would be no exception. They were the offspring of hate and discrimination.
I needed to become a true rebel, the kind which didn't exist yet. I needed to break the cycle and to rebel against clones, their oppressive system, Amanita's rebels, their flawed views and their plans to get payback. To sum up, against the entire world.
And my only weapon was... love. The kind that conquers all with understanding, kindness and compassion.
I briefly turned my face to the sea. The purplish neon stain on the water had subsided.
"Go home," Sigi told me lovingly as he started to run to the rest of the rebels. "Wait for me there. I'm coming."
Hello, my dear sugar cubes!
Sorry for the long chapter.
I hope that Daphne's reflection doesn't burden you much. It's a subject I was hoping to dive into soon since it's pivotal to the plot.
Acknowledgement: Martin Luther King was a great source of inspiration. Thank you very much, may you rest in peace, great man.
Stay tuned to know more!
XOXO
MS
*Note: There are no "good" or "bad" characters in this book. Erase all notion of good or bad sides to a conflict from your mind when reading this novel.
People and sides are always part good and part bad, for better or worse. Mistakes and POVs from characters in this book might define them for good or for a short period of time; their opinions might shift or not; but rest assured that there is no pure white or pure black in moral terms.
So, please refrain from posting comments criticising characters for being good or bad at certain points of the story.