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"Y/N, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?" Koushi asked desperately, though he stayed near the door, away from the girl who's eyes were dead pools of e/c, who clenched her fist around the flower in her hand so hard that a drop of blood fell onto her thigh.
"You did."
He blinked, not having expected such a straightforward response from her.
Y/N wiped at her eyes, trying to choke back the tears and flowers she knew would come if she didn't remain calm. "You came into my life, literally picking me up when I fell - I guess it was my fault when I thought you would pick me up if I fell in a different way."
Realisation hit Koushi like a truck, and he almost staggered from the weight of his shock. "Oh- oh, Y/N, I'm so sorry ..."
"I'm just your friend, right?" she sniffled, giving an ironic chuckle as she let the latest blood-soiled flower fall into the bin. "Sorry we can't go rollerblading anymore."
The silver-haired boy stared at the broken petals that had been in her grasp a moment ago, his head reeling with the implication of what she'd said, the ridiculous understatement of it. "This- this is just temporary, right? You'll be okay, Y/N/N?"
Both of them knew deep down what he was too kind to say.
"I'm going to die, Kou," Y/N said, injecting as much gentleness into her tone as she could. "It's not your fault."
Koushi ran a hand through his hair, blinking rapidly so he could at least try and stop the tears that he was almost certain were going to fall.
No one wants to find out that they will be the reason their friend would die.
"I can try," he offered, his voice cracking as he slowly sat on the bed, a good foot away from her.
"Won't work," she replied immediately, all hope devoid from her voice.
I'm pretty sure I forgot what happiness was a week ago.
"You can go," Y/N said softly as Koushi covered his mouth. "You being here will hurt you a lot more than it'll hurt me."
He stood. "I'm not the one coughing up flowers."
The words were steeped in so much sadness that again, her heart longed for him, and again ...
She slammed a hand over her mouth, falling off her bed and onto the floor as she bent over, hacking. It hurt more than previous times, something definitely catching on a thorn as finally the pain stopped, and she withdrew from her mouth with a sloshing handful of blood and a thorn-studded stem of sterling silvers. To his credit, when she looked up, Koushi didn't look revolted, or faking pity.
He simply took her hand, tipping it into the bin, then leading her into the bathroom and gently washing the blood from her fingers. It was only until he dried her fingers and offered a sad kind of smile that Y/N began to cry again, dropping her head as her face scrunched up with the ugly sound.
Koushi said nothing, gathering her into him and resting her head on her shoulder as she sobbed uncontrollably. She had to love him all the more for that.
The worst part was that he meant every ounce of his affection platonically.
❯──────「✿」──────❮
A day later, Y/N was admitted to the local hospital, to their terminal ward. Seeing those letters spelling out 'death' plainer than the word itself could, she could hear her parents breaking down outside of her isolated room.
I have to be stronger for them.
She'd never liked anything to do with hospitals - something about the sterility of everything that attempted to cover up the aura of hopelessness and demise had always sent her shrinking away from doctors and nurses, ever since she was a child.
Now, she had no option but to decay in a silent room, coughing up flowers every other hour as the pain grew worse and worse. Time was fluid in isolation, the only marker of the passing days being her parents' visits, the bags under their eyes growing darker and darker and their smiles vanishing.
They seemed to be dying, too.
It took another week of this melancholic cycle before Y/N finally snapped, screaming at her parents to leave her alone. She couldn't bear to see the pity in their eyes as their daughter wasted away before them, and the easiest solution for all of them would be if her parents didn't have to watch her cough up flower after flower.
The colour of silver became more familiar than ever now, but the glimmering flowers soon emerged punctuated with thorns, more and more blood being dragged from her. Doctors stayed by her side at nearly every hour of the day, prodding her skin with needles and tubes, speaking in low tones that worried her to no end.
Professionals started speaking to her about 'surgeries' and 'anthectomies' [A/N - 'antho' is the prefix related to 'flower' and 'ectomy' is the suffix meaning 'removal of' in surgery. anthectomies are not a real procedure], all the unfamiliar words making her heads spin until she just took to replying to every question with 'okay'.
"Miss Y/L/N," a doctor addressed her gently, crouching by the side of her bed where she lay in an utter depression. "You haven't actually said anything other than 'okay' for the past three days."
Had it really been three days? Three days closer to her ultimate demise.
"Do you want to see someone?" the doctor asked, still keeping that kind tone that nearly brought Y/N to tears. "We can contact anyone if you need."
Only one name sprung into her mind, and although something within her was well aware it could never end well for either of them, even the thought of him brought comfort to her.
"Can you call Sugawara Koushi?" she whispered, her voice feeling as shattered as broken glass. "Please ... please."
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thank you for reading this
book and i hope you enjoy it!
~ jazzi