i said this in the last chapter but i see isaac as dylan o brien if that helps you visualize him a little better!
//
Waking up alone was something I was used to, so when I woke up by myself in Isaac's bed this morning, I didn't think anything of it until I realized where I was.
I sat up a bit, rubbing my eyes upon realizing that I'm in Denver and not Milan.
I'm back at the place I swore I wouldn't return to.
I slowly get up off of the bed, still exhausted from the time zone change. I can hear the television down the hall so Isaac must have woken up before me and went out there. I grab my phone from the nightstand, checking the time.
Oh my god it's 12:30 in the afternoon.
I have no idea how I managed to sleep so long, even being jet lagged.
I go into the bathroom and freshen up from my sleep, washing my face and brushing my teeth before I went out to the kitchen and living room area of Isaac's apartment.
When I walk out, I see him standing on the tiled kitchen floor. I hear the toaster pop as soon as I set my sights on him.
He looks at me and smiles.
"Look who's awake." he says, grabbing the toast from the toaster and placing it on a plate.
"I can't believe I slept for so long." I mumble through my tired voice.
"Youre allowed to be lazy today. You had a big day yesterday." he remarks, taking a butter knife and spreading some strawberry jam over the toast. "Sit."
I go and sit at the kitchen counter on one of the stools. Isaac brings me the piece of toast on the plate.
"What are we doing today?" I question as I take a bite from the breakfast—or, brunch, I guess.
With his back to me, he pours himself some coffee. "I have a few things in mind. It's all up to you ultimately, though."
"Great." I smile as I chew. I was actually feeling good about spending some time with him after three months of being away.
Even though I was hesitant to visit, I'm not gonna let my past experiences here affect my time with Isaac.
He finishes pouring his coffee and turns around with a blue coffee mug in his hand. My eyes land on the mug and I examine it.
"Why aren't you using the mug I got you for your birthday last year?" I tilt my head with a smile, my mind immediately recalling the day I gave it to him.
He sips from the blue mug and arches his brow. "God, I was drunk when we opened presents. Which mug?"
"The green one with your university soccer jersey number on it." I laugh a bit, in slight disbelief that he couldn't remember. It's green with a '21' written on it in yellow lettering.
His brows raise and he nods. "Oh! That one!" he says and I perk up at his remembrance until he continues speaking and shuts me down... "Yeah, I think that got broken at a house party I had last month." he says.
My shoulders drop and my face falls at his words. That wasn't the answer I was expecting—and I spent a lot of money getting that mug made.
He notices my expression and immediately sets the mug down and comes around the counter to wrap his arms around me from behind, his head resting on my shoulder.
"Babe, I'm sorry. I know that meant a lot to you." he says, the scent of coffee surrounding me.
His arms remain around my stomach and I let the side of my head fall against his.
"It's okay." It wasn't. "I know it was an accident." I tell him, knowing it wasn't his fault but still feeling a little sad over the whole thing.
His hands come under his sweater that he was wearing to run his hands over my bare stomach. I continue eating, still feeling bummed over the mug. He tucks his face into the crook of my neck before laying a kiss on my skin.
"Do you forgive me?" he questions between small pecks on my neck.
I chew the toast, not fighting the kisses but just sitting there on the stool as he feels me up.
"I'm not mad." I tell him.
"Good..." another kiss, "...I love happy Elaina more."
I let out a small exhale of a laugh but through my nose, rolling my eyes at his teasing. His hands roam up underneath the sweater and find their way all over my torso.
"I know what you're doing." I remark with an arched brow, recognizing how he was touching me.
I feel him smile against my neck. "Is it working?"
I don't respond, trying to hold back a smile as I let him caress me.
In a sudden moment, I feel him hook his arm under my seated legs and lift my body up bridal style. I squeal with a laugh as I hit his chest.
"Isaac!" I laugh as he kisses my cheek and carries me to his room.
Later in the day, after our interesting morning, I fully got ready. It's hot today in Denver, 80 degrees to be exact. I dressed into a pair of jean shorts, wearing a pastel green bikini underneath my shorts because Isaac decided on going to the beach to spend some time there. Over the bikini top, I just wore a white tank top with brown decorative buttons, my hair up in a ponytail.
The beach wasn't far from Isaac's apartment. I sat in the passenger seat of his BMW, my chin in my palm as he drove down the Denver roads.
After being in Italy, I can confidently say that the two places are different.
Italy makes me feel calmer. I like the essence there more than here in Denver.
"We should go to the art museum later on." I say, lifting my chin from my hand as I turn my head to look at Isaac.
His bottom lip sticks out as he shrugs, I'm unable to read his expression because his eyes are hidden by sunglasses.
"We could. We'll see where the day takes us." he says, giving my thigh a pat.
I love that museum. It's one of the only things I do like about Denver.
I'd really like to go.
Arriving at the beach, Isaac parks his car and takes the tote bag from out of the trunk. I was excited to just relax and tan in the sun with him. I brought a book and some music too.
We carried everything out on the sand. Considering it was the beginning of summertime, there were a decent amount of people here. There were a few cabanas set up along the sand, and while holding my hand, Isaac brought us over to one.
There was a white bed set up with different colored pillows, and two lounge chairs just outside of it.
Isaac places everything on the bed and I peel my tank top off, standing there in my green bikini top and shorts.
I watch Isaac peer around before he reaches into his backpack. I didn't know what he was doing until he brought out a bottle of peach Ciroc. He sneakily shows it to me, showing it off in secret like he was proud of himself.
My eyes go wide and I immediately urge him to hide it.
"Isaac! You can't have that here!" I whisper-yell. We're both 20—which means we're underage in America and we can't just be handling alcohol out in a public setting like this.
"Shh, relax. No one's watching." he says, unscrewing the orange lid.
With his back turned to the public view, he brings the expensive vodka bottle to his mouth and takes a swig. Nervously, I bite my lip and look around to make sure nobody was watching.
He wipes his mouth, clenching his teeth as he swallows it. He then looks to me and I watch as the smile creeps onto his lips. He subtly gestures to the bottle.
"Want some?"
I shake my head.
I really don't care if he drinks, as long as he doesn't get caught and isn't dumb. I just don't want to risk it for myself so I'm not gonna have any.
Right as I watch him take another sip, I hear his name being loudly called from across the beach.
"Isaac!" I hear a deep voice, causing both Isaac and I to whip our heads in the direction of it.
Fast walking across the sand, I saw four men in just swim trunks coming towards our cabana.
They're guys from Isaac's university soccer team. I've met them a couple of times but never got on a friendly level with them.
What a coincidence that they showed up here.
Isaac's face lights up as he greets the guys with open arms, his face bright and smiley as they all do their 'bro' handshake.
I stand there awkwardly with my arms folded in front of me.
"You guys made it!" Isaac cheers.
He invited them?
"Couldn't pass up a beach day." one of them says. He was blonde and tall. They were all tall—every one of them had to be six foot at the very least. "We brought some 'green' too, among other things." that same guy continues.
Isaac chuckles as he looks back over his shoulder at me, then immediately holds out his arm for me to walk under. He drapes his arm around my shoulder as he pulls me in.
"You guys remember Elaina, right?"
The four guys look at me. "Yeah of course. It's been a while." one of them says. This one had dark hair.
I give a polite wave and a small smile. "Nice to see you guys again."
"Listen," the blonde one leans in, "we have some lsd tablets in my backpack. You're free to join us." he tells me.
Acid? They brought acid to the beach?
Immediately, I try to reject as nicely as I can.
"Oh no, I'm okay. You guys have fun, though." I say.
I had no interest in doing drugs here. The only drug I've ever tried was weed, and only in the edible form—one of those times being with Zayn and the guys back in Italy the other night.
Acid is too much of a step up from that. I'm not doing it but I won't ruin anyone else's fun.
The guys had set up a bunch of lounge chairs outside the cabana and they were all relaxing in the sun—some of them high on acid and some of them high from smoking a joint.
I was on the bed, reading but not really focusing on the words. My mind was elsewhere.
I don't want to sound like an annoying, whiny partner...but Isaac hasn't payed any attention to me since they showed up and this was supposed to be a day that we spend together.
I guess I'm just a little disappointed...but I'll keep quiet because the last thing I wanna do is ruin the day for anyone else.
I look ahead at Isaac on a lounge chair, sunglasses over his eyes. His hands are resting under his head as he soaks up the sun in his newly found high state.
With an idea in my mind, I go into Isaac's backpack and grab the sunblock in an orange bottle. I slide off of the mattress and take my jean shorts off so I was just in my bikini now.
I adjust my hair and then walk up to the back of Isaac's chair. I take one hand and put it on his shoulder. He feels me and then looks over his shoulder and I hold up the sunblock.
"I need some help with my sunscreen." I fake pout, making him smirk.
"Is that right?"
"Mhm." I hum with my lip between my teeth, smiling a bit.
He gets up from the lounge chair and then gestures for me to replace him. "Well, let's get to it then." he smiles, his teeth shining.
I let out a small laugh and then my down on my stomach, resting my head on my arms. Isaac straddles my back, right on my ass as he opens the bottle and gets some of the sunblock onto his palms.
I can feel some of his friends' eyes on me. It's not like I didn't expect that considering they're all single college guys and Isaac is straddling me on a lounge chair. I don't mind, I'll let them watch.
Isaac massages the sunscreen in along my back, rubbing my shoulders and the backside of my arms.
"Woah, did you guys see this?" Isaac's blonde friend says from his lounge chair. I lift my head to look over at him, seeing how he's holding his phone in front of his face.
"See what?" Isaac questions.
"There was a casino robbery in Salt Lake City just five hours ago." he says, reading off his phone. "Four masked men broke in early this morning and fled with another man in a getaway car with millions in cash. Police are saying they're still at large, and they have no suspects."
"Scary..." I murmur. Utah is only a state away from us.
"Happens all the time." Isaac shrugs it off, rubbing sunblock into my legs now. "It doesn't affect us at all, right?"
"Well what if they come into Colorado? They haven't been caught—"
"Baby," Isaac laughs. "have a puff off of a joint or something. Even if they did, I promise they won't be after you of all people. You're being paranoid."
I look over my shoulder at him, creasing my brows at his words.
He should understand where my 'paranoia' comes from.
"Probably just a bunch of lowlifes that got lucky this time." the black-haired friend says.
I start to stand up off of the lounge chair, urging Isaac to get off. I take the sunblock and go back over to the cabana, rubbing the sunscreen all over the front of my body to even it out before going straight into Isaac's bag and taking the bottle of Ciroc out.
I take the cap off and take a shot straight from the bottle with my back turned to the beach.
I'm going to need this in order to get through this beach day...
I subtly ignored Isaac for the rest of the day at the beach until we finally got back in his car to go home. He was high and drunk while I only had one shot so I had to drive the both of us back to his apartment.
It wasn't until we got through his apartment door that he finally noticed my silent treatment.
"El, what's going on with you?" he says tiredly, fluffing a hand through his short dark hair.
"Nothing." I shake my head, cleaning up and unpacking the contents of the bag as he stands on the other side of the kitchen counter.
"I know that's not true." he says.
I roll my eyes before attempting to leave the kitchen and go into the bathroom but Isaac is quick to stop me, snapping his hand around my arm and pulling me back.
"Elaina, talk to me. What did I do?"
"Paranoid?!" I snap and finally bring up his comment from the beach. "You called me paranoid, after everything that happened? How could you say that?"
I'm not being dramatic. He knows the severity of that incident and he knows what it did to me.
"The cops called me paranoid too before it happened, Isaac. You were being inconsiderate." I tell him, watching his lips part in a fallen expression.
He shuts his brown eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Fuck." he mutters. "Look, Im sorry, I didn't—"
"I know that you can't even begin to feel how I felt, but calling me paranoid after that trauma makes me feel really invalidated, Isaac. I know that you didn't mean harm but I just need you to understand where I'm coming from." I tell him, trying to express my feelings appropriately.
"Okay, yes I understand. And I'm sorry, baby, I really am...but the silent treatment was sort of unnecessary. I'd rather you just be upfront from the get go instead of using mind games." he explains.
I huff out a breath through my mouth. "I'm sorry." I murmur. I guess the silence was a little overboard.
He pulls me by his grip around my arm into his chest and I feel his arms wrapping around me tightly, his chin resting on my head.
"You're one of the strongest people I know, okay?" he says as he hugs me.
I'm not strong. All I did was survive that night, there's no strength in getting lucky.
It's trauma that has buried itself inside of me, affecting me to the point where sleeping under warm covers or taking hot showers makes me panic. Everyone around me told me that I was imagining things, or looking too deep into nothing, but then it all changed and my fear came true...and I couldn't do anything to stop it.
Loneliness doesn't necessarily mean being physically isolated. I was surrounded by people I cared about yet no one felt what I did. I remember being in a room full of police and lawyers and investigators...completely surrounded...
...but utterly alone.
//
what do you think happened to Elaina?