Sirzechs was sitting inside his office, paperwork surrounding him. Yet he made no effort to do any of it.
"That Y/N... he certainly caused a bigger mess than I figured."
Oh yes. News quickly spread through the Underworld about the loudmouth who cucked Riser.
High ranking devils had made an alarming amount of formal complaints to the four great Satans. Considering it was technically Sirzechs fault, the other three Satans dumped all the complaints for him to deal with.
"Ugh... I don't want to do paperwork~" Sirzechs groaned.
"That's too bad for you. Now get to work!" Grayfia scolded her husband.
"Ah! Yes dear!"
////
It was a normal school day like any other. A few doors were kicked in, Issei got hit in the balls, all was right with the world.
Y/N was chilling in the clubroom, drinking tea that Akeno had made. He was in a rather mellow mood at the moment.
"Look... I know that you own us now but... CAN YOU GIVE BACK MY DESK!?" Rias shouted at the top of her lungs.
Ah, yeah. Almost forgot about that. What with how long this chapter took to wri-
Your fired.
YOU CAN'T SILENCE THE TRU-
POOF!
Great. Now I need another new narrator. Hmm? Oi! You!
Huh? Me?
No. I'm talking to the void. Of course I'm talking to you. You're hired.
////
Alright let's see here...
Y/N had been abusing his new power and basically converted the ORC into a black company. If you don't know what that is, look it up.
"Nani? Who is that?"
Oh, uh, I'm Norman.
NORMAN THE NARRATOR
"I SWEAR NORMAN GETS TO LIVE"
"The hell did we get this guy?"
Don't worry about it.
"Are you ignoring me!?" Rias whined like a toddler. Or perhaps a puppy begging for attention. Her pout was amusing to Y/N.
"Hmm? Oh right. Nah."
Issei burst through the doors with a box of donuts.
"Ugh! I'm sick of this shit!"
Issei had been waiting in front of a donut shop since lunch because Y/N told him to grab donuts.
It was now 6 o'clock.
"Quit your bitching." Y/N looked around at the club members before noticing something. "Hey, where's Kibro? I didn't give him a job today... did I?"
Before he could get an answer, there was a knock at the door.
Akeno walked over and answered the door.
"Oh! Hello there Sona!" She greeted casually.
"Greetings."
"What d'ya want?"
"Well first I'd like to request you give Rias her job as the club president back."
"Denied."
"I figured."
"Hey! Why are you two so mean to me?"
""It's funny.""
Rias quietly sobbed in the corner, Issei trying to cheer her up.
"Secondly, the ORC has some visitors. They specifically asked to speak with Rias."
"Ugh. Make 'em go away!"
Ophis sighed before pulling Y/N out of the chair.
"Wha-Hey!"
"Shut, the fuck, up. You, have abused your power."
Rias stopped crying and looked over at Ophis with a smile. "Thank you! I'll buy you all the donuts you'd ever want!"
Ophis stared at Rias before smiling slightly.
Rias quickly reclaimed her desk before looking at Sona seriously.
"Ahem! Would you send these guests in?"
"Was that supposed to be cool?" Koneko asked, eating a donut that she snagged.
Sona bowed before leaving to send in these visitors. Y/N sat with his legs crossed. He wore a childish pout on his face.
It wasn't long before two cloaked figures entered the room.
"Hmm? Excalibur?" Ophis trailed off.
"Greetings, devils. Thank you for your time."
The voice came from a woman with that had an admittedly cool hair colour.
XENOVIA "EARTH-CHAN IS NOT FLAT!" QUARTA
Y/N looked at the other figure removing their hood. She seemed to be a much more bubbly person than her companion. A trait that Y/N didn't really like in his acquaintances.
IRINA "WHEN YOU WANT TO BE HOLY, BUT YOUR BODY IS MADE FOR SIN" SHIDOU
"State your business in our territory, exorcists." Rias commanded in a harsh tone.
"Straight to the point then. Irina, explain the situation." Earth-ch- sorry. Xenovia commanded in the same way Rias did.
"You got it! So, like, my name is Irina, and this is my partner Xenovia~." The bubby girl trailed off, causing Xenovia to facepalm.
"The mission, Irina."
"Huh? Oh! Right! Ahem! Recently, two of the holy swords in the church's posession have been stolen."
"Whoop-dee-fucken-doo." Koneko stated blankly.
"What do you think we stole them?" Issei asked.
"Of course they don't dumbass. Devils can't even touch holy weapons so devils are the last people who would attempt to steal a holy sword." Y/N chastised Issei harshly, still upset that Ophis had torn him away from his desk that he had won fair and square.
"You will get over it."
"We would simply request that you don't interfere in our search." Irina stated.
"This is just a formality. We don't believe someone related to Lucifer himself would be dumb enough to interfere." Xenovia stated in a mocking tone.
"Wouldn't put it past her though." Y/N chipped in, earning a glare from Rias. Xenovia also looked over, suddenly aware of the human in the room.
Rias ceased glaring at Y/N, instead directing her ire to the two exorcists in front of her.
"Hmph! Very well. But before I grant you permission to search our territory, I have a few questions."
"Ask away."
"Do you have any information of the thief? We may have some information to support you."
"Unfortunately, all that was left at the scene was a few black feathers. The evidence points towards fallen angels." Xenovia answered.
"Because who else could it be?" Koneko snarked.
"That's enough for me." Y/N stated before rising from his seat. "Oi, Ise-chan your coming with me." He then turned towards the door. "You too Kibro." He grabbed the collar of the Kiba's shirt, ruining Kiba's surprise appearance.
"H-huh?" Xenovia tilted her head in confusion.
"You get used to it." The ORC echoed.
////
Abandoned Church
Xenovia took one look around the ruined building and concluded the place would need a good cleaning.
Irina's conclusion?
She went outside to vomit.
The place hadn't been cleaned up since the Asia Escapade, and thus was still full of rotting exorcist corpses, and littered with crow feathers. A part of the roof conveniently fell at the moment they arrived.
Xenovia seemed rather at home among the corpses though. She didn't see it as the massacre it clearly was. She viewed it as a justified purging of heretics.
She had a few screws loose if you couldn't tell.
////
The Next Morning
"I maaaaaay have spent all of our money on this painting." Irina admitted sheepishly.
Xenovia had never seen such bullshit before.
She smacked Irina upside the head, before lecturing her, like a mother would a child for breaking an expensive vase.
Xenovia sighed in exasperation. Why must she always be partnered with this raging dumbass.
////
And that leads to this moment. Sitting on the sidewalk, begging for money.
Xenovia never saw herself ever being in this situation. Seeing as she was a devout servant of God, she wept for those who were less fortunate.
She now realized that weeping did little for those in this position.
"Fufufu, I assume your search isn't going well?" Akeno's teasing voice reached the exorcists ears.
The two looked over and saw Rias and her queen staring smugly.
"If you ask nicely, I'll treat you back at the clubroom." Rias smirked. It had been a long while since she held this much power over someone's emotions you see, and she relished it, considering she was a devil and all.
Xenovia simply glared.
"You are an evil woman."
"I know."
////
As the four walked through the halls of the old schoolhouse they had talked about the progress they had made.
Xenovia's opinion of the red-headed devil slightly wavered. Despite what she perceived as devil nature, Rias had actively been searching for the culprit herself. She managed to find some leads, though they were dead ends.
As they went to open the door to the main office, they heard music playing.
"Vocal percussion on whole 'nother level, coming through my mind!"
////
Earlier
Y/N, Issei and Kiba had been busy. They tracked down and captured a fallen angel, tying them up in the main office. Surprising Koneko and Asia.
"The fuck? Why bring him here?"
"AARGH! LET ME GO YOU DEVIL BASTARDS!"
"JESUS FUCK YOUR ANNOYING!" Y/N shouted, not paying attention to the devils gripping their heads in agony.
He brought out a sheet of flextape and put it over the dude's lips, silencing him.
"Well Neko, to answer your earlier question, we're gonna perform an experiment."
"Ooh! I like those! Can I help!?" Asia asked excitedly.
"Yes! Every time I break his bones, you fix them back up again!" At this statement the crow screamed into his gag in fear.
"I see... not only do we get information, but I get to practice with my Twilight Healing! You really are a genius!"
"And you need to stop hanging around Y/N! He's starting to rub off on you." Issei shuddered at the statement.
"What? No pervy comment? Gotta admit, I'm impressed."
"Fuck off Koneko."
Oh yeah Kiba. He was being an edgelord and brooding right now, so he sat on the floor facing the window.
Y/N merely scanned the room with sadistic glee, looking for things he could use.
Sure he could summon whatever he wanted, but where's the fun in that?
He followed the crow's sight and his eyes landed on the teaset. Y/N smirked before turning on the kettle.
"Issei, Neko. Flip him on his back."
The two lowered the chair as the water finished boiling. The crow thrashing violently.
"You've been eyeing this teaset for a while now. You must be quite thirsty. Drink up, I insist." Y/N grinned as the crow roared from the boiling water splashing over his face.
When the kettle was empty, Y/N discarded the pot, opting to stomp on the crows ribs instead, breaking a few in the process.
As Asia started healing the ribs, Ophis appeared, earning a petty glare from Y/N.
"Oh, the traitor decided to show her face."
"I have, a much more... effective, method." She stated in her usual manner of speaking as a snake slowly slithered out from her sleeve and onto the floor. "Tell me Crow. Do you have, a fear of snakes?"
The crow barely had time to react as he was bitten in the leg, the snake injecting a paralytic poison into the crow.
"That poison, you will soon succumb. Talk, or perish." She bluffed.
The crow tried to thrash about, but the poison was slowly numbing his senses.
"Hah! You lucked out buddy! This is ten times worse then what I had planned for ya!" He then pulled out a boombox as Ophis and Kibro got into position behind him.
One thought raced through Ophis mind before Y/N pressed play.
"Why, did I agree to participate, in this horrendous dance?"
"If you're not gonna fess up about your boss and where he's hiding, then I guess we're done here! If I were you though, I'd start worrying about the poison that's killing you."
"Are you done dicking around!?" Rias yelled at the three dancing.
"Fufufu, You decided torture somebody without inviting me? I should punish you for that~." Akeno slowly licked her lips.
The crow was weakly trying to speak, so Y/N ripped the tape from his mouth, tearing some skin. Not like the crow would feel it y'know?
"K-k-ko..Koka...biel."
"Coke and beer? This ain't a party jackass!" Y/N shouted in anger.
"He said, Kokabiel." Ophis corrected.
"He important?" Y/N asked. He knew very little about the state of supernatural politics you see.
"I'll tell you about him in a minute." Rias breathed out a sigh before turning to Akeno.
"Would you-"
"I would love to make tea, but it seems Y/N already had the same idea." Akeno grinned at the busted electric kettle.
Rias narrowed her eyes at Y/N earning a sheepish look.
"Whoops?"
////
Yyyyeeaaaahhh.
Would you believe me if I said I was busy?
No one will believe that.
Norman, do I need to remind you what happened to the last narrator that sassed me?
Yes actually. You never told me what happended.
Sigh
JESUS!
Glad I kept that tabbed.
You better hope the readers like you Norman.
W-wait! I never signed up for this!
Too bad!