"Me?" Aiga dropped the scrolls in shock. "They asked for me? Not Aang?"
"No, it was for sure you that they wanted," Zuko said, slapping at a gigantic mosquito on his neck. He hated the Swamps. "For some reason, they were willing to kill to know where you were."
"Well?" Shoji asked, turning to Aiga, "Why?"
"I surely...I wouldn't know at all," Aiga blubbered, "I'm a nobody."
"I think Katara would disagree, however, I'm inclined to agree; I mean, not like that! You know I think you're fantastic, but in a strategic sense..." Aiga was staring at him, unsure if she should be offended or laugh. "Out of everyone we smuggled, you're pretty far down on the totem pole."
"She has been cataloging all the messages from General Jee, but would anyone outside of this know that?" Toph said, and Zuko could tell how desperately she was trying to not mess things up, to not say something bad. From what he'd heard from Iroh, she was enjoying pounding Aang with rocks for Earthbending, but overall was quite the experienced teacher. Aang was lucky to have her, Zuko decided overall, despite his own current frustrations with her.
"I doubt that," Zuko shook his head. "Maybe...they knew you? Maybe from the lower rings? It seemed they were at their end, no other choices. Maybe they were just looking for salvation?" Zuko said. He described, to the best of his ability, what the two Equalists Katara had seen looked like. Despite this, Aiga's face was pinched.
"That's horrific, but no...I don't know anyone that fits that description. I'm just as confused as you are, Prince Zuko, as to why they'd want me."
"Well, think about it," Zuko said with a hint of aggravation. Whenever he thought they were going to make a break in the case, something else slowed them down. "I don't think the Equalists do anything without reason. They're more put together than that. If we know anything, they're organized, and that's truly dangerous."
"I will, sir," Aiga said, looking pale as a ghost. Shoji patted her shoulder. Zuko knew Aiga was important here. He knew she'd helped take over the teams that went out to find Airbenders and save them, and while she had no bending herself, had a mind like a steel trap that was skilled at multitasking and remembering little details. She would be fantastic in the militia, if things ever righted themselves.
"Her aura is pure," Ty Lee said, the first she'd spoken since the cry of despair when Zuko described what happened at the abbey.
"She's not lying," Toph was quick to add, "Totally confused." Aiga looked warmed by the support.
"That's just great." Zuko pinched his nose. "Uncle, I need Aang today."
"Is that wise, to bring him from our home base?" Iroh knit his eyebrows.
"I don't really have a choice. I've been getting reports of spirit activity near Selin and I don't want to be fighting with the spirits at the same time we're fighting men. If anyone else could close the portals, fix the issues..." He winced. Part of him hoped it wasn't Katara's little romp into the spirit world that encouraged the spirits to lash out. He was still completely confused about what she was doing there in the first place, why she'd nearly killed herself over that. He'd never gotten an answer, though, not more than half-crazy rantings during her few moments of being awake.
No, as much as he wanted to stay firmly at her side, he, Besu, and Nadhari had to travel to a town close enough to the Swamps for Zuko to pay a quick visit and fix some frustrating reports he'd been privy to.
"Is it not a trap? To lure the Avatar out, perhaps?" Iroh argued.
"Even my father cannot control spirits' ire," Zuko gave a sharp laugh, "And thank Agni for that, huh? And no, it was my mother that told me. She's gotten reports from many villagers."
"I would be careful. You should bring others along, two fighters in case things get ugly," Iroh said. "I would offer, but I sprained my ankle searching for the most delicious flower for tea the other day, and unfortunately it's still a bit sore."
Zuko couldn't help but smile. That was very believable, "I hope the tea was good. Shoji?"
"Of course. He did swear to protect the Avatar. But I agree with Iroh; one more," Shen interrupted. "And I'd go, but I promised I would travel home today to make an appearance at some frivolous fundraiser," he said with disgust.
"Ty Lee?" he asked. She hesitated.
"I, well, I've been trying to be more pacifist." She bit her lip. "I made a promise to the Air Spirits that I would refrain from any harm to anything for a quarter moon, until my aura can be washed by the full moon and cleansed."
"Of course." Zuko sighed long, neither upset nor surprised.
"Uhm, excuse me, you're forgetting one of the best fighters?" Toph snorted. Zuko winced; obviously, Toph was not his first choice when dealing with angry spirits, the very reason of such her argument of why she should go. Spirits needed a bit more of a gentle, subdued hand...two things Toph was not.
"Look, Sparky, I know you're worried I'll fly off the handle. Go off script. But I get it; you know I feel awful and I'm trying to make it up to you, so just tell me what you want me to do and I'll just do it, alright?" Toph said, staring at the ground, cheeks red and eyes full of liquid.
Zuko looked at Iroh, who shrugged as if to say, 'what other choice do you have'. Then, he patted Toph's shoulder.
"Everyone deserves a second chance to prove themselves," he said gently, "And we are better than that. Sometimes people need a third, or fourth."
"I get it. I do stupid things sometimes." Toph slumped her shoulders.
"Okay," Zuko relented, "Only because there's going to be no one around to see you, I'd guess. But you'll listen to my exact words, alright? No surprises? No 'oops pregnancies' or any of that shit?" He rubbed his eyes.
"You have to admit, as far as being convincing," Ty Lee said with a giggle, "It did work."
"Yeah, a bit too well," Zuko sighed. One day, everyone would laugh about it but today was not that day.
"Okay!" Aang turned, kissing Ty Lee quickly. "Are we heading out now?" Shoji was strapping his gear on.
"Yeah," Zuko led them back to his pair of ostrich-horses. "Let's get this wrapped up by dinner. I have plans with Besu and Nadhari at a nice place that I don't want to miss out on." He helped Toph onto his horse since Shoji moved toward the second one with Aang.
"Erm, not sure spirits are on a definable timeline..." Aang began but Zuko turned back to him, eyes firm, looking at the scarcely risen morning sun.
"Dinnertime, Aang. Dinner."
XXX
They smelled it before they found it. It was the smell; a fire-burnt stench, something sinister that clung around their throats and made them all cough. It was not the smell of a happy campfire where you roasted marshmallows, it was the stench of something overcooked and burned alive.
Aang had almost forgotten about the voices in his head. In the Swamp, it was easy enough to push their half-reached calls as just white noise, a buzzing in the back of his mind. There were moments when he'd be doing something and one might breakthrough, like Gopan scaring the shit out of Aang to cry out about a rare bird or Kasata waking Aang up at 3 am in a cold sweat for 'continual vigilance!', but other than that, their presence was much reduced.
As soon as they'd exited the Swamp's boundaries, Aang had expected the voices to leap back up with a fury, but it was rather like they had fallen asleep, like when Ty Lee helped him and was coming back into his mind in a slow march.
Why are you out of the Swamps? Kuruk chastised, Aang, it's dangerous!
"I gotta. There's a spiritual problem," Aang muttered under his breath. For as much as he was supposedly the link to the other side, he hadn't done much with that. Having the Avatars in his mind was as close as he'd truly gotten to the spirit world.
You can taste it in the air; something truly awful has happened here, Yangchen said solemnly.
Nothing worse than what has been happening! We're at war! Roku hissed.
Aang winced; he wasn't used to all this clutter in his mind again and it was giving him a headache.
As the four passed over a ridge, Aang's body went cold. Across the land was a scar of black earth, as though a larger-than-life firebender had descended from the heavens and razed the ground.
"Wait, where are we?" Shoji asked. Zuko took a scroll from his bag.
"Near Selin Village," he read, squinting.
Shoji jumped off the ostrich-horse, "Great Agni. I know what happened here."
"Zhao, I'm guessing," Zuko replied icily. Aang knew it in his bones too, as did the Avatars.
"No, like he knows for sure," Toph corrected, "I heard Aiga describing it at dinner."
"We saved a handful of Airbenders that fled this area. The town was sheltering them but felt pressured to give them up. I don't know if I can decide if they're good or bad for that because Zhao would have killed them, but he still destroyed their forests in retaliation for daring to go against him and to make sure there was no place for anyone to hide," Shoji explained. "How did you know about this?"
"Not that." Zuko unfurled the scroll entirely. "My mother didn't say that. Maybe she didn't know. Or she did and..." He swallowed. "As it is, the issue is that there's been a spirit terrorizing the forests and this little village for the last few weeks. Nearly the entire town has been taken hostage. They've had to flee and are begging for help."
Zuko re-rolled the scroll. "I doubt they intended the Avatar to be their saviors, but I'm not sure what else they thought we could do?"
Aang stared at the blackness in front of him.
It's staggering, isn't it? Yangchen whispered quietly, That man can do so much damage. People are afraid of spirits, huh-
Well, spirits are taking people. Quite unusual- Gopan began.
Unusual? Kuruk snarled You forget that spirits have been playing with human lives for eons!
Aang, you must figure this out-, Roku said, Lest this becomes a bigger issue.
I don't know how to, though,)Aang moaned. His lessons in spiritual things had been lacking since hiding out in Fire Nation.
Meditation, Aang, is the key to merging your mind with the supernatural, Yangchen said helpfully.
"I guess I need to meditate," Aang said out loud. Everyone jumped.
"Let's find a place then. Uhm..." Shoji looked at the blackened ground, wincing.
"There's a town not far, I can feel it," Toph said, pointing west. She began to walk and immediately tripped, cursing as she got up, blackened soot all over her clothes.
"These little shits are everywhere, watch out," Toph said, picking up a smooth acorn and frowning at it angrily.
The walk to the town was quiet. The mood was eerie and the feeling weighed heavily on their shoulders.
Calling the ruins of what was left a town was generous, Aang decided. It was more or less a pile of rubble, broken boards, and the occasional piece of cloth snagged as the villagers fled. It was equally destroyed by Zhao, harsh slashes of black, mixed with the destruction that could only be described as the mighty hands of a spirit. There was a half-sunken porch at the center, raised enough to sit all four across exactly.
"What now?" Zuko asked Aang.
"I try to meditate," Aang mumbled, echoing the whispers of all the Avatars. "And I need silence."
"We are silent?" Toph snorted, "We haven't said a damn thing, Twinkletoes."
"Not you, them," Aang said, tapping his head. All the Avatars were trying to give him 'helpful clues' but, honestly, it was just muddying it. At once, they ceased.
Aang sat for a long time, and even though his mind was settled, he could not quite get in the right place. It was nearly noon when he opened his eyes, looking up at the sun now beating mercilessly against a town that had no protection.
"Is it fixed?" Shoji asked.
Aang glared at him.
He heard the humming and worry from the Avatars, picking up on cues from the universe better than he, before he saw it. As the sun reached its peak above the town, there was a terrible, fear-inducing bellowing that shook the whole town's remains. Everyone jumped up.
"What's coming, Toph?"
"Can't feel anything! It seems like nothing," Toph said, digging her toes into the dirt.
"Doubt that's true," Zuko said.
Appearing from nowhere, a great spirit the size of a modest house tore into the town, screaming things into a void and using it's oversized six arms to knock down the little remaining here.
"Aang, do something," Zuko hissed.
"What? What is it?" Toph was swinging her head around. "I can hear it, but not see it!"
"It's grotesque, ugg," Shoji made a face, "Soulless eyes, six muscular arms to pulverize everything, long claws-"
"Probably not helping, Shoji," Aang hissed, squaring his shoulders and bravely walking out to meet his fate.
"Uhm, hello there!" Aang said brightly, "Mr...er, Spirit! I'm Aang, I'm the Avatar and I'm the bridge between the-"
The spirit yelled in his face, spewing out spirit-matter. It didn't hurt Aang, but all the Avatars in his head shuddered and flailed like they'd been set on fire. Aang, blinking back, watched as the spirit went right past him, continuing to destroy, though there wasn't much left.
"Hey! Maybe we can figure something out!" Aang ran beside it. "Sir! Sir!"
"This is working well," Toph huffed from the porch.
"I'm trying!" Aang threw his arms out, "Any ideas?"
The Avatars were still recovering from being spirit-destroyed and Aang doubted they could speak, let alone give advice. He was truly alone right now.
"Hit it!" Toph encouraged.
Aang almost ignored her, until he realized he didn't even have a smidgeon of this spirit's attention. So much for being the great bridge. He made an air knife and threw it at the spirit. It puffed against its back, and Aang figured it hardly made any change. That is, until the spirit whipped around and flung him against the ground.
"Yo! Hey! He's the Avatar, you jerk!" Shoji snapped, stomping down from the platform despite Zuko trying to stop him. He flung a small knife at the spirit.
The knife bounced off like it was a marshmallow. The spirit, however, turned his black, dark eyes onto Shoji, scrutinizing him. Just as Aang got the feeling that it was a bad mistake, the spirit grasped Shoji by the waist and turned, fleeing into the forest.
"No, no, no!" Aang ran after, with Zuko grasping Toph's hand and pulling her onto an ostrich-horse with him. Aang unfurled his glider and they chased after the spirit, darting through dead trees that stuck up like spikes and watching the spirit storm right through them.
Aang just about had a reach on Shoji when his glider caught on the gnarled end of a tree. It ripped with an awful sound and Aang went down hard, unable to switch his mind from saving Shoji to saving himself.
The spirit and Shoji glimmered before dissolving into nothing.
"No!" Zuko said, stopping his horse. Toph jumped down, running over to Aang. His shoulder was killing him and he was sure his ribs were going to bruise terribly.
"You okay?" Toph asked, helping him up. Zuko came to his side too and Aang groaned, his vision blurry.
"I lost them," he moaned, reaching out with his other hand to steady himself. The world was sideways. He touched something that felt like stone and had the wherewithal to look up to see a totem, but only briefly before his insides felt light and airy.
"What the-"
The trio were all holding on to each other as they fizzled like they were made of thin air, popping back up in a place where Aang's headache was immediately gone.
He was sure whatever Toph had been in the middle of asking would have ended with a swear word, but instead, she screamed.
"Toph!"
"I can see, what the hell?" Toph's eyes were no longer milked-over; instead, they were bright and vibrant green. "I...no...stop, eyes, no."
Aang was surprised she wasn't jovial, but she was shaking like a leaf, the most scared he'd ever seen her. She swallowed in, inhaling and exhaling hard.
"Hey, hey...just close your eyes," Zuko said gently, "It's fine, it's fine..."
"Your scar..." Aang eked in a whisper, and Zuko touched his face, startling back when the feeling of skin around his left eye was not rugged and burned, but soft...like before the incident occurred.
Toph tripped over a branch, eyes closed.
"My bending doesn't work! I can't see like this," she stuttered, curling onto the ground in a ball, her eyes still screwed shut. Aang tried to airbend, but nothing happened.
"Bending doesn't work in the spirit world."
Aang nearly jumped out of his skin to hear Roku's voice not in his head, but outside of it. He spun and swore before he could stop himself because all of the voices in his head were standing in a large group behind him. The ones he communicated with the most frequently, or those that were more in the front seat, were more solid. Those who he heard from only once in a blue moon were faded, almost see-through.
"Great-Grandfather," Zuko said in a terse, shocked whisper, bowing so low he nearly touched his nose to the ground, a sign of utmost respect.
"Zuko, please, stand." Roku broke away to meet his great-grandson. "You are exactly how I imagined you to be. Please know I am so proud of you."
"Guys...I'm not feeling too good," Toph groaned. "Not sure if it's just that I'm not used to so much stimulation or..." She rubbed her head.
"Mortals cannot go into the spirit world without repercussions. Dangerous ones," Katsata helped Toph stand, "It would be unwise for her to stay here long."
"Okay, I'll just, uhm, zap her back to earth. Zuko too," Aang said.
"I am concerned. You only managed to come here by accident. It is your job to fix the crevice that has grown between the town and this spirit. If you cannot make it back..." Roku rubbed his chin. "You are not yet skilled in going between realms."
"But they can't stay here. Or else...I mean, something bad will happen, right?" Aang said.
"It's fine, Aang," Toph said, trying to sound braver than she likely was. "It's just a small headache. We can't leave Shoji here."
"Is it even worth it? I mean, Shoji, of course, but if the spirit has taken other villagers, wouldn't they..." Zuko trailed off, gulping.
"If they have the protection of a spirit, they'll be fine. Like a coma, almost, unconscious and unchanged for their time here. They likely won't remember anything at all," Kyoshi said.
"I'll just grant them protection, then!" Aang said, shrugging. "Or wait, that's not gonna work either," he guessed at Kyoshi's tightened expression.
"You're not a spirit, Aang. You have a human body," Kyoshi agreed heavily.
"But...aren't you all spirits?" Zuko said, still looking in shock at Roku.
"Not quite. We exist within the Avatar's mind. We are the remnants of our past selves, nothing more."
"Memories," Aang finished quietly, "Echoes, but not...real."
"No, if the spirits are kind," Kuruk said with an air of romanticism, "Our actual spirits are out here in his expanse somewhere, at true peace."
"Well," Aang squared his shoulders. "We don't have a lot of time, now do we? Let's go."
XXX
Zuko could tell that the time here was taking its toll on Toph. Aang was at the front and most of the Avatars were within a few feet of him, in one big flock that moved together. Zuko had gotten some time to talk to Roku, time he could never be thankful enough for, but he'd moved back to aid Aang. Toph, not only trying to come to terms with her sight all at once, also was stumbling near the back.
Zuko had no idea how bad she was feeling. He kept waiting for the agony to his blood, but he only had a minor headache. It was obvious Toph was in much worse shape.
"Say something," He hissed to her. "You're not doing well, Toph." Toph inhaled shakily, almost crying from the pain her body was being subjected to.
"Shut up and let me be fucking selfless, Sparky. That's what you wanted me to be, right?" she hissed at him. "I'm not letting Aang leave Shoji here."
"I wanted you to be more responsible, I didn't want you to die in the Spirit World because of it," Zuko replied, so worried for her. He'd been furious, of course, and held onto that anger towards her. It was moments like this that reminded him that he saw her as a friend or younger sister and wanted nothing to befall her.
"I'm not gonna let you out-brave me," Toph said, incorrectly assuming he was feeling similarly. "I'm made of stronger stuff." One might assume she was doing this out of vanity, of her own pride, but Zuko knew better. She may make the occasional explosion of events, but deep down, Toph was a good person. "How are you?" she asked genuinely.
"Uhm, it's...bad?" Zuko tried to lie. Toph stared at him, really, and actually stared at him.
"I can't tell if people are lying from their heartbeat anymore, but I know a bad liar when I see one. You don't feel anything?" she asked, aghast, "What's wrong with me?"
"I have a headache. It's not a fun feeling," Zuko rushed to say, but obviously, they were on two different levels. And then Aang, of course, was walking around this place with no ill-effects, smiling and happily chatting face-to-face with his former lives.
At one point, Aang called for a break as he consulted with Katsata and Yangchen about where the vengeful spirit might be and how to reach him. Toph flopped over, face pale and sweaty. She waved Zuko away when he tried to help.
Feeling out of place for a second, Zuko stood awkwardly, looking at the array of impressive past Avatars and feeling very small next to them. He saw Roku looking at him, studying him, and he was surprised that he could see so much of his mother in Roku's face. Thinking of his mother made him think of his father.
Why not take advantage of this invaluable source while it was around?
"Great-grandfather Roku, can I talk with you?" Zuko asked, bowing again.
"You are my progeny, no need for bows. You may call me Roku, Zuko," Roku told him.
"Right, sorry, yeah." Zuko's face blushed and he went to scratch his scar out of an uncomfortable habit until he was reminded it was gone. "You were best friends with Sozin. And I have a feeling there's much of him in my father."
"From what I see through Aang, that is true, yes," Roku nodded, motioning for them to sit under a tree that had bright red leaves and purple bark. "But you, my son, have gotten the better temperament, if I may say so," he said, sounding equally annoyed and proud. How did he feel, Zuko wondered, about his granddaughter being forced back after so much bad blood had occurred?
"I feel so trapped, Roku. I don't know what to do. On one hand, this is my father...he raised me. He hasn't always been good to me, but there are moments I think he loves me. Or perhaps I'm only imagining it. But I...if he..." Zuko wasn't sure where he was going at all but Roku nodded sagely.
"He is your blood. Disowning blood is no small feat."
"I know from Aang what really happened with you and Sozin. That he left you for dead. I suppose, and maybe this is too invasive and you don't have to answer and I-"
"Zuko, please, ask what grips you so?"
"Would you have done the same? Had it been reversed?" Zuko asked with a weight lifted, asking a question that few would be brave enough to whole-heartedly answer.
Roku considered this for a long time, his lips pursing and face contorting. Finally, he gave a long sigh. "No."
"Right, thank you," Zuko said, feeling like he'd gotten a deeper answer from that, solidifying something good inside of him.
"No, however-" Roku held up a finger, "I strove to be a good Avatar... just, kind, compassionate, forgiving, the Father to the World and especially to those that needed it. And it got me killed," he said with a grim smile. "If I had the knowledge that I have now if I knew what Sozin would do... if I knew he was capable of such great atrocities and it would be carried out for over 100 years..." He steadied his breath, looking Zuko right in the eye. "I would have killed him, yes, if I had the chance if things were reversed. Our hearts are warm and sometimes too kind. It is a difficulty young Aang faces even now," Roku said. "And he will not heed my wisdom, he is idealistic. I'm not sure if you will either, but alas, I must admit to this."
"You'd kill someone-"
"I would blacken my own soul to save thousands, yes," Roku agreed. "That is necessary sometimes."
"Okay! I think we're going West," Aang called to everyone milling, "Let's keep going!"
Zuko wondered how much time had passed. Katara had experienced time so strangely in her trip to the spirit world. It had felt like hours; had it been days back home? Shit, that wouldn't be good.
The farther they continued into the strange place, the worse Zuko felt. He wondered if this was how Katara felt while she was on the other side of the spirit pool. And he remembered how that had ended; honestly, he was surprised he was allowing himself to be here at all. His headache worsened and his limbs ached. He was just about to ask Aang for a break, even though he knew they had to keep pressing forward, but before he could Toph made a strange sound somewhere between a cry and a gurgle.
Zuko turned to see her stumble, coughing up blood. "Shit guys..." she muttered before collapsing.
"Toph!" Aang cried out, bounding back to her side.
"Aang, let me," Suluk said, pressing her fingers to Toph's sides.
"You can waterbend here?" Zuko had no idea how this world worked. The rules were made up and nothing mattered, apparently.
"Spirit-bend, but I'm a healer," Suluk said, frowning, "She is in bad shape, Aang."
Udaya gently cradled Toph's head, using her sleeve to wipe the blood from her lips. Gopan came running to her with a cone-shaped leaf filled with water that glistened and glittered, panting from the exertion.
"Is that safe?" Aang asked.
"At this point, it wouldn't hurt. Perhaps her body needs some spiritual essence," Roku said, but it was clear no one knew.
They tipped the liquid into Toph's mouth. She coughed, rising to a shuddering sitting position. Zuko realized most everyone else was looking at him, waiting for him to fall over as well. He should be, logically, half-dead.
Yangchen strode over to him, placing a hand to his forehead. She pulled back, shocked. "You have a spirit inside of you."
"What?" Zuko laughed out loud, "What the heck does that mean?"
"I am unsure, it's muddied and I am not perfect at this," Yangchen said, "But Aang, see him, he is not dying like Toph is."
"He's not," Aang agreed, nodding at her words.
"I have a bad headache though. I'm not feeling great." Zuko argued.
The group looked at him with a sense of, 'okay, but do you see Toph?', "And I'm not sure I even..." He trailed off, unable to say 'believe', but heck...he was meeting his great-grandfather. Superstitions were sort of hard to ignore now, he supposed.
"So he's like me?" Aang said.
"No, otherwise he would have no ill effects. Somehow, a spirit touched him and part of that spirit remains," Kyoshi guessed. "Though when or how it happened is nothing we could glean unless Zuko knows."
"I don't!" Zuko huffed. "I think I'd remember a run-in with a spirit," he grumped.
"Unless they didn't want you to." Gopan raised a finger.
Zuko broke away from the group. "I just need a moment," he said, overwhelmed and confused. Aang let him pass, as his attention was on keeping Toph alive anyway.
Zuko trekked over to a pond to splash some water on his face. Their claims were hard to ignore; he had to have spiritual residue somewhere, or else he'd be near dead too, right?
He leaned down to cup the water and jumped back; his own face did not stare back. At first, he thought it was a malicious spirit in the water, waiting to pull him under, leering at him with blank eyes and a creepy smile, but when he retreated, the figure did too.
He crept back to the bank and made an experimental face in the water. The face mirrored him. He raised a hand; a gloved black appendage raised to meet it.
Now that his heart rate was settled, he sat and examined the picture in the water. It was his mask, the Blue Spirit, though it looked worn. It also looked more animated, not just a mask someone took on and took off, but the face of a spirit.
What did this mean? Zuko wondered.
"You okay, buddy?" Aang clapped Zuko's shoulder.
"Do you see that in the water?" Zuko asked, pointing down.
"Uhm...what?"
Zuko looked back. The reflection still surprised him, for he was so used to seeing his scar, but it was just his face. No Blue Spirit. Just him.
"Nevermind. This world is playing tricks on me."
Aang examined Zuko. "You do look paler. I think it's starting to take its toll." He didn't mention the possibility of spiritual residue, and Zuko was grateful. He didn't think he could take that right now. "We're leaving."
"Okay, still east?" Zuko stood up, though his bones shook as he did. He walked back to the group but Aang followed slower.
"No, you don't...we're leaving the Spirit World. I've just decided."
"What?" Toph said, her voice creaking, "But Shoji and the others-"
"No, no," Aang gave a firm shake of his head. "Toph, you're minutes from dying-"
"Don't stop on my account. I'm fine."
"You're not! And it's starting to get to Zuko too. You're both two of my best friends and Toph, you're my Earthbending teacher. I need you as much as I want to save your lives for selfish reasons. And besides," he tried to give a watery smile, "Self-sacrifice doesn't become you. Please, be selfish," he begged.
"Well maybe I deserve it, you know? After what happened to Sokka because of me...of what I put you through, Zuko, of how I hurt Katara's feelings, maybe I should go out like this. It will be a cool story, at least." She tried to laugh but coughed up more blood.
"Sokka would be devastated and Katara loves you like a sister. And Toph, you may make stupid choices, but I don't want you dead. I don't think this is your penance. I don't think you have to die to make things right," Zuko argued, "You're useful alive if that's what gets you to drop this. You are one of the best fighters. You are a force and the fight against my father would be worse without you."
"Really know how to charm a lady, Sparky," Toph said, rubbing tears from her eyes.
"Toph, my choice has been made. I wanted to be a leader and I have to get used to making really tough choices," Aang said, raising his chin. "We are working under the assumption that they are safe, but hell, they could already be dead. If they aren't protected, Shoji is fully human and would have been here longer than you, Toph, so he'd be gone. You two are still alive and I intend to keep it that way. I'm gutted I have to leave him; I feel disloyal and like a fraud, after all that Shoji has done to protect me, but..." He pressed his palms to his eye sockets, shaking his head. "Being a leader sometimes means making those awful, terrible, shitty choices for others to live. Even if it's hard."
"No one blames you," Udaya whispered, patting his shoulder.
"I can't stay in the village, but I will figure out how to save them. I need to figure out how to navigate connections in the spirit world. I will come back. I won't leave them here, I couldn't," Aang said, and looked at his friends. "But not today, not with you two," he added gently.
"Okay, okay," Zuko said quietly, not about to take away Aang's power and choice, and besides, he couldn't be far behind Toph's condition.
"Wait!" Toph threw out her hand.
"Toph, we've been over this-" Aang pinched the bridge of his nose.
"No. It's just, uh, I've been staring at you two yahoos this whole time, and you're both very pretty," she said sarcastically, "But I'm not sure if there's anything...to see what Sokka looks like. Or Katara. I just want to know," she said.
"Oh..." Aang said slowly. Yangchen whispered something in Aang's ear. He tilted his head, listening, before nodding. "Worth a try. Let's see if I can bend spiritual energy in here too."
He stepped forward, motioning for Toph to meet him. Then, he placed his fingers to her forehead and closed his eyes. For a second, nothing happened at all, but then Zuko saw his arrows glow. And Toph let out a choked sob, a tear rolling down her cheek, and Zuko knew that it was working.
"Katara is stunning, I know why you like that now, Zuko," Toph said with a laugh. "And Sokka isn't at all what I thought, but Great Oma, he's beautiful. Every inch of him," she said with reverence, "Aang, I...thank you." For a rare moment, Toph was completely emotional, with zero effort to brush it off with humor.
"What about us?" Zuko teased as Aang reached for Toph's and Zuko's fingers. "Are we what you imagined? And are you ready to go back to being blind?"
Toph pulled a face. "Hell yeah. I don't know how you guys do it. So much everywhere. It's overwhelming, honestly, to be looking everywhere all the time, ugg." She shuddered. "I expected Aang to look more like a girl."
"Hey!"
"You have the voice and feather-light steps," Toph defended herself. "And you? You're fine-looking, I guess," she said to Zuko. "I guess I'm just underwhelmed by how everyone else always describes you to be soooo handsome. Or maybe I'm just biased now," she added, nudging his side.
"Right, Toph, thanks for keeping me modest," Zuko said dryly.
"Ready?" Aang asked. Toph, who wiped her lips and spat up blood, nodded vigorously. It felt like nothing happened, but all of a sudden, Zuko blinked and they were back in the burned forest.
"Oh, sweet, sweet utter blackness!" Toph said, throwing her arms up.
"Full mind again," Aang also murmured, rubbing his temples.
Zuko looked at the bear totem, unable to speak out loud about his experience over there. He wasn't sure what it meant at all.
He would be stuck over it for a very long time. Even at dinner, which he'd been so looking forward to- not for the company Besu, wait, why was she still here? Arg, not the time to send someone away... and Nadhari, spirits, sure he'd seen a better side of her lately, but still not pleased- but because it was a beloved restaurant. But he was elsewhere, and it was obvious to everyone.
How could he be mentally present? Aang was agonized over his choice to leave Shoji, who may be dead. Aiga had wailed when she'd heard, and Shen had clicked his tongue, saying how instrumental Shoji had been to aiding and saving Airbenders, which was for naught. Toph was unusually silent and pulled into herself after the whole affair...near-death did that. His talk with Roku swam up whenever he tried to pull himself away from the biggest thing...the face in the water that was not his, but so bittersweet and familiar, and the knowledge of something supernatural having touched his soul at one point.
He was glad for another day in the town they were visiting, hoping that he wouldn't have to go home and make any new choices yet, nor try to explain to anyone what was raging in his mind.
He laid down to sleep, hoping for no dreams. Post-spirit-world, he felt like his head was filled with water, but no ill effects. But was he ever tired... as Katara had been. He prayed he wouldn't wake up half-consciously babbling like her and had forewarned Aang to watch Toph for those symptoms.
His dreams brought him back to the spirit world. He cursed, trying to wake himself up and leave, but was glued in place. Over the horizon, a heavy mist grew, so thick he could hardly see through it. A figure was walking over to him.
He thought maybe it was the Blue Spirit, but he did not recognize who it was, though he instantly felt calm. It was the feeling that he'd experienced going to sit and snuggle with his mother during bad thunderstorms as a child. It was the relief of seeing his mother alive after that first attack. It settled him, though he had no reason to trust this spirit at all.
"Oh, Zuko," she whispered, reaching for him as though she'd been separated from him for years. He wanted to ease into her embrace, and perhaps his mind was getting mixed signals, but when he looked at her, he saw traces of Ursa in her facial structure. "Let me help you, my troubled son. You must know the truth before your mind unwinds itself with worry."
She reached forward and Zuko recognized what she was doing from what Aang had done for Toph earlier today. He paused, wondering if he was ready for whatever he was going to be shown. It would drive him mad if he refused this, so he leaned forward for her pale finger to press to his forehead.
And then, in the span of mere seconds spanning over eons, Zuko understood everything.
---
Next chapter comes out on Friday June 25th!