All my life I've always been first place. In sports, school, music, anything. I've never settled for anything less than first place. But when it comes to her, why can't I manage to be first place?
"Jen." I call out, turning my head a bit. I chuckle when I realize that she fell asleep, "Why do you always fall asleep leaning on me?" I ask her softly, reaching a hand and tucking the loose strands away from her beautiful face.
"You're beautiful...and I love you." I confess, like I always do..like I always have. I love her so much even if it hurts, even if I'm not the one she wants. My eyes travel to her hands resting on her lap and I catch the sight of the ring on her left hand. I take that hand in mine...caressing it softly...and wishing it was me who won.
"Hey....let's play a game." I look over at Jennie, it's late and once again we've snuck out to our own little hidden spot that had a magnificent view of Melbourne's downtown. Drinking some of the wine we stole from her mother's cabinet.
"Game?" She asks me, cheeks flush, probably from the alcohol, but still I place my jacket over her shoulders and she mumbles a soft thank you.
"Yep." I smile and she squints her eyes at me, "You know I'm bad at games Rosie." She pouts.
"It's not hard. Trust me."
"Hmmm..."She puts a finger on her chin, thinking about it, "Tell me what kind of game it is first before I agree."
I shake my head, the ever clever one, "Alright...it's simple really. We just have to stay like this, together."
"Huh?" She looks at me confused, "How's that a game? You know I'll always be by your side Rosie...." Jennie pauses her eyes staring up at the sky, "And you'll do the same right? You won't leave."
"Of course I won't."
"Then why do we have to..."
"You didn't let me finish." I pinch her cute little cheeks, "The point of the game is that one of us has to realize something about the other...something they haven't known before."
"Hmm you're being sus Rosie." She hiccups, and that's my cue to take the glass from her hand, chugging the last bit of wine.
"So play this game with me?"
"Fine...only because I know you'll let me win like always." Jennie giggles cutely.
"Okay...but prepare yourself Jennie Kim." I smirk at her.
"Ohh I'm scared." She teases me.
I don't care how long this game goes on, but I am going to make you realize your real feelings for me Jen.
And I'll win when I get to place a ring on your left hand.
~ ~ ~
"Rosie Poop!!! Good morning!!" Lisa jumps on my back.
"It's too early for this, please get off me Lalisa." I straighten my back, causing her to fall off.
"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed...wonder why." Lisa gives me a pointed look and if she wasn't one of my closest friends...I might have killed her already.
"I wonder why...when someone decided to barge into my house at 7am." I looked over at her and she sheepishly smiled, "Jisoo had to go on a weekend business trip to Tokyo and your place is close by the airport."
"How are you a lawyer with that excuse?" I ask her.
"Shut it. I just don't like being alone when she leaves."
"Yeah we all know." I sarcastically reply and Lisa glares at me.
"But since you're here, and settled on my couch, I guess you can stay."
"Like you could even kick me out." She says proudly.
"Yeah, yeah now come eat breakfast." I shake my head.
~
"Are you just going to give up Chipmunk?" Lisa asks me, pausing the movie she chose while waiting for Jisoo to come.
"Give up on what?" I turn my head towards Lisa utterly confused.
"Jennie." She simply states, and I freeze.
"You can't lie to me Roseanne, I've known you almost as long as Jen."
"Because I lost." I simply state.
"Huh? Lost?"
"It was a game...and I always win when it comes to games..but this time I lost. I lost the most important game in my life because I was too much of a coward."
"I'm seriously lost here."
So I tell Lisa about the game I made with Jennie our senior year of high school.
Chaeyoung love isn't a game." Lisa says seriously using my Korean name to show that she isn't joking, "It's not something that can be won and the people you love aren't a trophy." She scolds me.
"I know and that wasn't my intention, but I needed to give her a push to look at me more..to think about me more...to try and push me for answers every time she catches my lingering stare.." I close my eyes, clenching my fists to hold it all in, "I just want her to for once look at me the way I've always looked at her."
"Rosie? It's like early?" Jennie yawns, still trying to wake up.
"You said you wake up at 8 am feeling hateful."
"And? Is that why you're here at 8 am?"
"Mhm. Exactly." I nod my head, letting myself into Jennie's luxurious condo.
"Why?"
"So that hate in the morning turns into..." I pause, trying to think of something, "Ah!" I snap my fingers, "Into ate in the morning!" I chuckle, lifting the plastic bags I brought with me.
"You're a dork, you know that?" She laughs, grabbing an apron and tying it around my waist.
"I've been told that once or twice." I turn around, booping her nose, "But look you're smiling."
"Yeah yeah Park. Just cook me my breakfast please." Jennie looks at me with those feline eyes of hers.
"Yes ma'am." I salute her and she pushes me lightly on the shoulder.
And as we sat in her condo, enjoying the pancakes we made together, did I realize just how much I love her.
I definitely need to win this game.
~ ~
"Jen? You sleeping?" I ask softly, trying not to move since Jennie is currently leaning on my side.
"You must have been tired from today." my eyes linger on Jennie's sleeping form before peeling them and gazing up at the night sky.
"It's been a year since our little game, but either I'm really bad at pursuing you or...nope nope...not even going to think about that." I shake my head to remove those negative thoughts.
"I'm not going to give up on you Jen. Even if your eyes would always wander towards another even though I've always been right in front of you. God how pathetic am I? I thought that stupid falling in love with your best friend only happens in the stories, but here I am..a living cliché. But I won't ever get tired of loving you Jennie Kim. Always remember wherever you go..I'll always follow you..I'll always be here." I smile.
It's become a habit I guess.. to confess everything whenever Jennie falls asleep while we're out on our midnight adventures. It's the only way I can keep my sanity or else I might just blurt all my feelings out.
~ ~ ~
"Rosie!" Jennie clings onto me tightly as I surprise her at the company.
"Hey..miss me?" I chuckled.
"You have no idea!" Jennie pulls back and if only I didn't find out about the news, maybe I would have told her my own truth.
"I think my surprise worked." I chuckle, glad to have her in my arms again.
"Thanks." Jennie smiles brightly, looking so happy and excited that I didn't even notice how much my heart broke at that moment, "Actually, I'm about to have lunch with Rene, Chu, and Lisa...why don't you join us?"
"And be the 5th wheel? No thanks." I shake my head.
"You won't, I promise!" Jennie lifts a hand up.
"I don't thi..."
"Please Rosie posie pleaasseeeeee." Jennie pouts
"Sure." I lost the ability to say no.
"Yes!" She cheers like a child a wide gummy smile on her face. I smile softly looking at her, feeling my broken heart mend just a bit. I wish I was always the reason for your smiles Jen.
When we arrived at the restaurant everyone was already there. I spent some time catching up with them, telling them my adventures in Europe."
"I wish my parents were as chill as you Chaeyoung. Letting you go after your own passion." Irene comments.
"Well, I have an older sister that takes care of all the business stuff..so I get to take care of all the more esoteric parts of the business. Like finding places to open up new branches of the cafe, local artists for the attached gallery, etc."
"Still...it must be nice." Irene looks down at the plate in front of her.
"Rene.." Jennie places a hand over Irene's, "You really don't have to do this if you don't want to." She smiles at the older girl, but I know a broken smile when I see one.
"It's okay Jen...we'll get through this together, I promise." Irene smiles genuinely at Jennie..and the way her face lit up, the way her entire demeanor shifted...it's something I have never seen from her.
"What's funny Chae?" Jisoo looks at me.
"Hmm?" I look at her.
"You just chuckled to yourself a bit." She smiles.
"Ah..it's nothing." I shake my head, "I just...realized something..that's all..I don't know why it made me chuckle though." I gave Jisoo a half smile, taking a bite of my food signaling her that I didn't want to talk anymore.
"You're an idiot Roseanne." Lisa flicks my forehead.
"An absolute bonafide idiot." She flicks it again.
"Can you stop with that!" I hiss, rubbing my forehead. "I already threw in the towel, I lost."
"Wow, never thought I'd see the day Roseanne always number 1 Park give up." Lisa sarcastically says.
"Lisa." I say sternly, "I didn't give up."
"You know it's the same thing. You threw in the towel Rosie..you gave up on Jennie..you were the one who..."
"How could I not?" I interrupt Lisa, "Tell me Lis...how can I not give up when Jennie looks at her the way I've always craved for her to look at me??"
Lisa stays quiet and I try my best not to cry. I can't cry..I can't because I've accepted it right? I can't cry because all I want is to protect Jennie's happiness in any way that I can, but unknowingly I already let my tears fall.
God what do I have to sacrifice to be the one she chooses? To be her leading lady..to be first place in her heart?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
A/n: I do and at the same time don't have an idea on where this will go. Especially cause I was trying to write the next track for the other collection...but I've had this idea stuck in my head for a while and I just finally sat down and began to type away. Hopefully it makes sense.
As always let me know what you think.
Till next time
Adieu~~