Author's Note(s):
Before we start, I need to say a few things. First, the video above is included for multiple reasons. It's not like the other chapters where you play the video when I say at a certain point in the chapter. I will include it but in a different way.
I highly recommend watching the video before we start. I'm sorry if it makes you cry, it made me cry too. However, it's absolutely beautiful how it's put together, and I feel like it fits so well. It is definitely worth the 4 minutes and 14 seconds! I've watched it over and over again since I found it, and I can't get over how good it is. Please watch it!
Now, as I mentioned before, this video is going to be put into the chapter differently. This video sets how Severus is feeling this entire chapter, so he's not just going to sing it and be done. He will sing a piece of it at one point, but this song will be included in this more than that. Therefore, I won't be telling you to play the video with it. I'm trying something new to express how he feels, I hope you guys like it this way!
Story Note(s):
The rights to the song and the clips do not go to me! This video does not belong to me! I did not create it, and I am not trying to take credit for it!
Warning: This chapter contains themes of depression. Please don't read if it triggers you in any way. Contact me if you do skip, and I'll reply as soon as I can with a summary of it for you so you aren't confused.
Third Person's POV
As the two spells simultaneously flew towards Severus, he didn't even attempt to block it. He closed his eyes, awaiting his death. However, all three of the men in the room seemed to forget one thing. They weren't alone.
The elves gave a cry of outrage when the two wizards launched their spells. All one hundred and one of them huddled around the professor in a protective circle, and in unison, all of them raised their right hand.
They glared at the men in front of them as a wave of magic rippled around them, forming a shield around the Potions Master. When the spells came in contact with the forcefield, they ricocheted off and hit their casters square in the chest. Both wizards fell to the ground, one screaming in pain as the purple flames slowly killed him, the other dying instantly.
The door burst open the second the last of the flames faded, revealing Hermione and Remus, panting a bit from running. As they took in the scene in front of them, both gasped in shock at the bodies lying dead on the ground.
Before they could begin to ask anything, Dobby stepped forward and launched into the tale. By the end of it, Hermione was beaming at all of the elves, while Remus cautiously walked forward to Severus, who had gone back to searching the kitchens for more firewhiskey.
"Severus, you can't drink any more firewhiskey, you've clearly drunk enough," Remus said, stopping him from looking.
"You can't stop me," Severus muttered back.
Remus smirked and announced, "House-elves, you are forbidden to give Severus any more alcohol, or allow him to touch it unless you personally check with me."
Instead of getting mad, Severus just turned away from him and walked out, still stumbling slightly.
When did I become so numb?
Remus looked confused at his reaction and quickly walked out to follow him. "Severus, you aren't acting like yourself, are you alright?" he asked.
When did I lose myself?
"I'm fine, Lupin. Just let me go to bed," Severus answered.
All the words that leave my tongue
Feel like they came from someone else
"Are you sure?" Remus questioned, not quite believing him.
I'm paralyzed
"Yes," Severus said emotionlessly.
Where are my feelings?
"You aren't mad at me for what happened earlier?" Remus inquired, trying to figure out if that was the problem.
I no longer feel things
"No, I was just in a bad mood," Severus responded.
"Really?" Remus asked incredulously.
I know I should
"Yes. Goodnight Remus," Severus said, and then walked away to his chambers.
When Severus walked into his chambers, he took his previous spot on the couch and put his head in his hands. He once again got lost in his never-ending circle of thoughts.
I'm paralyzed
Melissa's POV
When I saw the paper the next morning, all it brought me was a mess of emotions. Apparently, last night, my father and his friend had both been discovered and killed. The second person was identified to be Antonin Dolohov, long-time death eater, and killer of the Prewett brothers. The article went into detail about the history of both of them, along with all that had happened.
I was relieved that we didn't have to worry about their attacks anymore. I was also proud of all the elves did to protect Sev. However, what worried me was that there was no mention of Sev trying to defend himself at all. I knew he was probably really upset at the moment but wasn't it bad that he would just let himself die?
He also still hadn't shown up. I assumed he would be here today, but it was now 3 o'clock and he still hadn't come. When I heard the door open, I looked up excitedly but was disappointed to see it wasn't Sev.
Instead, it was Narcissa. I smiled at her, but she caught my slight disappointment. She sat down in the chair beside my hospital bed, and asked, "Expecting someone else?"
I nodded and said, "I thought Sev would be here, but it doesn't seem like he's going to show up."
"He's probably just a bit busy today, I'm sure he'll show up soon," she said comfortingly.
I shook my head at her. "I don't think he will. I'm worried about him. He acted like he was okay yesterday, but I think he took the news a lot harder than he let on."
Narcissa looked at me, confused. "What news?"
I felt my eyes brim with tears and took a deep breath, before saying, "We found out last night that our son died."
She looked at me, sadness in her eyes, and took my hand. "Oh Melissa, I'm so sorry. No one should have to go through this."
Tears started to flood my eyes, and I let them fall, not being able to hold them back. "H-he's gone. Our l-little prince is gone," I sobbed.
Narcissa pulled me into a hug, and let me cry, knowing that's all I wanted at the moment. No false words of comfort, no "I'm so sorry's", just someone to share my grief with.
"He'll just be forgotten about, barely anyone even knew he existed-" I cried, but Narcissa immediately pulled away and looked me in the eyes.
"Listen to me, Melissa. He will not be forgotten. He will always be remembered. Do you think Lucius or I have forgotten about our children? And I can't make any promises on behalf of your friends, but I doubt they'll forget about him either," she told me, hands on my shoulders.
I smiled at her. "Thank you Narcissa, that means a lot," I told her, and she pulled me in for another hug.
Before we could say anything more, I heard the door open again, and I looked up, hoping it was Sev. However, it once again turned out to be someone else.
When Narcissa saw Hermione walk in, she immediately stood up to leave so Hermione and I could talk in private. When Hermione saw Narcissa stand up, she immediately said, "No, you don't need to leave. I should probably talk to you anyway."
Narcissa looked at her for a minute, and then, following her request, sat back down. Hermione sat down in the chair on the other side of my bed but fiddled with her hair nervously. When Hermione didn't speak, Narcissa decided to break the silence.
"Miss Granger, I just thought I should mention, you're free to call me Narcissa if you wish. You are dating my son, after all," she said, a smile on her face.
Hermione looked up in shock. "You-you know?' she asked.
"Of course I know. Don't worry, Lucius and I completely support it," Narcissa told her, smiling.
"Really?" Hermione inquired, a smile breaking through her sad expression. Narcissa nodded and Hermione got up and hugged her.
When Hermione sat down, I got a good look at her face and could tell something had upset her a lot. Her eyes were tinged with red, and even though she had smiled, she still seemed sad.
"What happened, Hermione?" I blurted out.
"N-nothing," she said, but Narcissa and I just shared a look.
"Hermione, in all my time knowing you, I've only ever seen you cry once. So it's clear to me that something's wrong if you come in here looking like you've just been crying. Please tell me, I just want to help," I told her, taking her hand in mine.
However, all she did was shake her head. "No, this isn't about me, you're the one in the hospital-" she said.
"And you're struggling. I would be a terrible friend if I made everything about me when you so clearly need someone to talk to. Please Hermione, talk to me," I interrupted.
She looked at the two of us, and I could see a battle going on inside her head. It was clearly hard for her, whatever it was.
Suddenly, Narcissa broke in and said, "I can go if you want, Miss Granger. I feel like I'm intruding."
Hermione's eyes widened and she quickly shook her head. "It's Hermione, and no, you're not intruding. You should probably know this too. I'm just trying to figure out how to put it," she replied.
Narcissa nodded and leaned back in her seat, waiting for Hermione to tell us. After another minute, Hermione took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a second, and then spoke.
"So, last night, Harry decided to use a spell invented by someone in a book he found, but neither of us knew what it would do. I told him it was a bad idea, but he didn't listen. So, you know how he's been suspicious of Draco all year?" she started, but paused, asking me a question.
I quickly nodded, and so she continued. "Well, he decided last night to go and attack him with said spell, and-" Hermione stated, but Narcissa interrupted.
"Draco was attacked?! Why wasn't I told about this?!" Narcissa exclaimed, but Hermione quickly jumped in to explain.
"He didn't get hurt. I-I jumped in the way before the curse could hit him. It hit me, and Professor Lupin tried to heal it, but couldn't so he got Professor Snape. Professor Snape was able to heal everything on the outside, but he wasn't able to fix what got sliced on the inside. So I went to Madam Pomfrey with Draco, and she-she said that it was hurt s-so bad that a lot would need to be r-removed, and long story short, I c-can't ever ph-physically have children," she said, starting to choke a bit on her tears at the end.
Narcissa and I opened our mouths to comfort her, but Hermione shook her head at us and spoke again. "That's not all. I was so upset and mad after I found out that, I-I ended my fr-friendship with Harry and Ron," she finished, putting her head in her hands as her body shook with tears at the end.
Both Narcissa and I stood up and walked over to her, wrapping our arms around her in a hug. I can't imagine what it would be like to go through all of this alone.
"Was I wrong to end things with them?" she cried through her sobs.
"No! No Hermione, you definitely weren't. They never listen to a word you say and always take advantage of you. If they can't see the amazing person you are, then they don't deserve to have you as their friend," I told her, rubbing her back.
Eventually, Hermione's sobs died down, and we pulled apart. "You probably won't want me dating your son now that I can't have kids," Hermione told Narcissa sadly.
"What?! Do you really think I care about that? You're an amazing girl Hermione, and you've made Draco happier than I've seen him in years. Besides, you took that horrid curse for Draco, and that's something I can never repay you for. All I care about is that you two are happy together. Infertile or not, I'll happily welcome you into the family," Narcissa said with a smile.
Hermione smiled at Narcissa's words, but I could tell she was still upset. "Hermione, I know that it's always been your dream to have a family. But that dream doesn't have to be over. There are other ways you can have kids. There's adoption, or you could get a surrogate mother. Don't let this stop you," I comforted her.
"You're right, thank you for all of this," Hermione said, a true smile forming on her face.
"On the plus side, at least you don't have to deal with periods anymore!" I said, getting both girls to laugh.
Time Skip: A Week Later
Minerva's POV
Finally, the healers said it was safe enough for me to leave. I couldn't wait to go, sure it was nice seeing Edward every day, but it still felt good to have my freedom again.
Edward and I had talked after our kiss, and while he wanted to be with me just as much as I did with him, he wanted to wait until I got assigned to another pregnancy healer. I was sad, but he said that there should be one available in a few weeks, so I wouldn't have to wait too long.
Before I left for Hogwarts, I decided to check on Melissa. I had heard she was here, but the healers had refused to tell me anything because of privacy issues. I hoped everything was alright.
When I walked in, Melissa was sitting in there, tapping her fingers anxiously on the bed. I quickly walked over and sat down beside her, and tried to assess what was wrong. However, she looked the same, besides the look on her face.
"Melissa, I heard you were here, what happened?" I asked her, a tone of worry in my voice.
She looked at me and rushed out in answer, "About a week ago, I came here because I was bleeding through my panties, and we assumed something was definitely wrong. Sev came in shortly after I did, and then my healer told us that our son died somehow. Before I could talk with Sev, he got kicked out when St. Mungos closed, and he hasn't come back since. I've sent him letters, but he hasn't answered in any way. And Hermione said that he hasn't been teaching either. I really need to see him, not just because I want to see how he's doing, but also because I want to have them surgically remove our son so he doesn't hurt our daughter, but I can't do it without hearing Sev's opinion!"
"Oh Merlin, Melissa, I'm so sorry about your loss," I said, not quite knowing how to respond, because she wasn't crying or anything.
"Thank you, Minerva. I'm still devastated by it, but I've been crying for days, and I need to start accepting it," she responded.
I nodded, sitting in silence for a minute, before getting up and saying, "I wish I could stay longer, but I need to get back to Hogwarts. I'll talk to Severus when I get there, and I'll try to figure out and help with whatever is going on with him."
"Thank you so much Minerva! Hopefully, I'll be back at Hogwarts in your classes soon!" she said, smiling at me. I smiled back and nodded, before walking out the door.
Third Person's POV
While Melissa seemed to be getting in slightly better spirits, Severus was doing the exact opposite. His chambers had turned into a disaster, much like how he felt.
He had thrown all the objects he could, knocked over all the tables and chairs he owned, and ripped all the sheets and papers he had, in the hopes of it making him feel better. However, none of it achieved much of anything.
He eventually sat down and picked up his guitar. He didn't know what he thought it would accomplish but just decided to sing what he felt, hoping it would make everything go away, if only for a few minutes.
Where is the real me?
I'm lost and it kills me
Inside
I'm paralyzed
Severus was so distracted, he didn't notice the person that just walked in through the door, and continued singing.
When did I become so cold?
When did I become ashamed? (Ooh)
Where's the person that I know?
They must have left
They must have left
With all my faith
I'm paralyzed
Where are my feelings?
I no longer feel things
I know I should
I'm paralyzed
Where is the real me?
I'm lost and it kills me
Inside
I'm paralyzed
After singing that he stopped, putting his head in his hands, not being able to stop the fresh batch of tears that enveloped his eyes. Suddenly, he felt someone sit down and wrap an arm around him.
He looked up to see Minerva sitting there, tears in her eyes. "Oh Severus, what's going on? Are you okay?" she asked him.
"Minerva, I truly don't know anymore. At first, I was just feeling so destroyed and broken, but now I don't know what I feel. I'm just lost and empty," he said, putting his head in his hands once again.
"And the destroying of your chambers?" she questioned, looking around at the chaotic mess around them.
Severus looked up, displaying the desperate look in his eyes. "I thought it might help me feel something again, but it didn't," he answered.
Minerva wrapped him in a hug, and after a few minutes, pleaded, "Severus, I know you're not a fan of this idea, but a therapist would do you some good. You can't deny that you need some help with this, and I am nowhere near qualified or educated in that field. Please, let me sign you up for an appointment, I know of a lot of good places in London that can help you."
Severus looked at her and sighed. "Fine, if you really think it will help," he said, causing Minerva to beam at him.
"Oh Severus, that's great! I can probably get you an appointment for tomorrow, how does that sound?" she asked, clapping her hands together.
"Whenever is fine, it's not like I'm doing anything," Severus replied.
"Great! I'm going to go schedule it, I'll owl you the details!" Minerva said happily, and stood up quickly, walking through the mess to get to the door. "Oh, and Severus?" she started, turning around before she walked out.
"Yes?"
"After your appointment tomorrow, please go and visit Melissa. She really needs to talk to you, and you not answering or visiting her has left her really worried about you," she said, and then turned around and walked out the door.
Author's Note(s):
I am so sorry that it's been so long since I updated! I've been so caught up with school, and when I had the chance to write I just felt too tired. I promise I'll get back to a normal schedule with updates soon!
Also, I was bored in school today so I came up with ideas for this story, and I've made a decision about how many books (again). You guys are gonna hate me for the ending, unless I change it, so sorry in advance. But in general, this book will be ending after their daughter is born, and then I will write a second book. The second book will mainly be about her daughter and will take place right around when their daughter turns 11. I've got the first chapter all planned out, I don't know about the rest of the book quite yet, but I've got lots of time before that still. The reason I like this idea is because you won't necessarily need to read this book before reading it. I mean, I obviously recommend it, but if you just want to read the second book, you can, so hopefully, it expands to more readers, like everyone in the Snape's daughter books. I'm really excited to start writing it! Update: I just posted the cover of the new book, I'll be writing the description later this week!
So, as you probably noticed, Sev is going through depression. More specifically, male postpartum depression. It is something that isn't talked about much, and I feel like it should be. They talk about women dealing with postpartum depression, but not men, even though around 10% of new fathers go through it. Now, just to be clear, I really doubt that I did this topic justice. But I tried my best and wanted to bring awareness to it.
Sorry if this chapter has mistakes in it, I usually read through it more to make sure, but I wanted to get this chapter out to you guys. I did all the ones Grammarly detected, but it misses them sometimes. Once this story is complete, I'm going to go back and fix all of that, and probably rewrite the first few chapters because they have so many grammar mistakes and stuff like that.
Also, I'm sorry if this chapter was bad, I really just wanted to get this out for your guys, hopefully, it turned out alright. I feel like the big mystery person finally being revealed, was kind of a letdown and not written great, but there was a lot going on in this chapter and I didn't know how to fit it in.
And also, I didn't mention their son's name yet, I know I said I would, but it just didn't feel right yet. I'm pretty certain it'll be the next chapter though.
Finally, thank you all so much for reading, voting, and commenting! I love reading all of the comments, they keep me encouraged to keep writing, so please either comment or keep commenting! Also, thank you for sticking with me, I can't believe it's already been 2 months since I started this, time really flies! And thank you so much for the 1.3k reads! I truly can't believe I have that many!
Lots of love and stay safe! Thank you so so much again for reading this! ❤️ 😊