chapter seven
UNCOUTH
The tired princess entered the dimly lit room, ready to melt into her bed. It had been an eventful night — perhaps her first ever.
She gazed into the mirror, one by one, taking the accessories out of her hair. She looked a mess with her eyes puffy and bloodshot.
"Your Highness, it's me, Celenne." With a light knock and Y/n's approval, the lady-in-waiting came in, closing the door quietly behind her.
She pushed a silvery trolley inside. It contained a jug of water, a bowl, some towels and more things below that couldn't be seen.
"Oh my, princess!" She took one look at the girl's face and gasped. "What happened?"
"Oh, It was nothing, Celenne." She lied, "It's just the– the.."
She slowly got quiet, unable to think of an excuse.
Of course, Celenne knew something had happened. Perhaps the nobles had disrespected her. Maybe they talked behind her back. She just bit her lip and unloaded the things she brought. Despite only knowing her for a short while, she disliked seeing the princess in sadness.
"Have you eaten, Your Highness?" She asked, looking for something in the trolley.
Now that Y/n thought about it, she hadn't eaten at all at the celebration. "No, but the kitchen must be getting ready to close. I can just sleep it off."
"I have actually brought food. I thought that you might be hungry." She slowly took out plates of food, placing them on the nearest table.
Y/n eyed the plates of little sandwiches, perfectly cooked meat and fresh vegetables.
"You did this for me?" She asked as she walked over to her lady-in-waiting.
"Of course, My Lady." Celenne smiled. "Who else would I do it for?"
The princess' eyes became more liquid, her brows curving. She asked, "Can I hug you, Celenne?"
"Yes." The lady-in-waiting replied shortly, opening her arms.
The princess pulled Celenne into a tight embrace. She closed her eyes, and rested her chin on her lady-in-waiting's shoulder. "Thank you."
"Of course, my lady." Celenne breathed out, her voice breaking at the longing she sensed in her lady's words. "Anytime."
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Y/n abruptly awoke in the middle of the night. Moonlight was filtering through the drapes and illuminating the dismal chamber. Her windows were still open.
The thin fabric of the curtains seemed to stretch far in the nocturnal breeze.
She didn't bother to look at the time. It was clearly much past midnight.
As she laid her feet to the ground, the dream she had slowly returned to her.
It was a very familiar one, as if she'd seen it many times. She wasn't sure. It felt complicated.
In this dream, she had seen a vivid butterfly. She recalled that it had been very beautiful. Yet she wasn't willing to welcome it. She murdered it, ripping its wings off and crushing its body.
She walked out of her room, meeting the balcony's chilly atmosphere. Her nightdress was much too thin to endure the wind, but the breeze encircled around her like a warm embrace.
She hated how on edge she felt around Heinrey. She hated how she was forced to learn so much in so little time. She also hated that she didn't have anywhere to call home.
"I hate it." She spoke quietly, leaning against the bars. "I hate it all."
She took a short breath of the fresh air and tried to gather her thoughts, failing.
Perhaps the tower drove her mad.
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Y/n thought about yesterday's events as she sat by her windowsill. Although she felt like doing nothing, today was the second day of the celebration.
She'd already laid in bed for too long which caused her a painful headache.
Last night was awfully rough. Y/n repulsed as she thought of it. She remembered the small taste of bitter wine on her tongue, the dizzying flouncy gowns and coats, her brother, the empress..and finally, the dance she shared.
To distract herself, she had picked up a book. That's what she usually did. Most of the time, she didn't actually enjoy books, they were merely to pass time.
The book in her hands was about the Eastern Empire's laws. They weren't very different to the Western Kingdom's.
The sole reason why she wanted to quickly learn everything was the king. She wanted to be able to not take anymore lessons, to prove that she was useful.
Having tutors at a mature age was shameful among nobles because all aristocracy appeared to have mastered everything in their early years. Y/n was not granted this privilege. Therefore, if someone was to mock her, she wouldn't be able to respond as her past had to be kept a secret.
"Today is day two of the ceremony, your highness!" Celenne busied herself with pouring tea. "Would you like to have breakfast?"
Y/n approached the little table holding her food with a grateful nod.
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The princess and Celenne sat down on one of the tables with a neat cloth spread over it. It was calmer than yesterday and today there was no dancing.
It was quite nice when no one was paying attention to her. She didn't have to think of things to say on the spot or feel anxious.
"Y/n!" A sharp voice exclaimed, interrupting her thoughts and approaching the princess at a fast pace.
The woman's hair glowed brightly, its strands making their way wavily past her waist and her smile was wide; from ear to ear.
"O-Oh," She covered her mouth, glancing at a woman by her side. "It slipped out of Rashta's mouth. Sorry, Your Highness."
"Please do not let it happen again." Celenne looked surprisingly displeased. "The princess' honour is important."
Y/n found her lady-in-waiting's hand under the table and gave her a reassuring tap and what she hoped looked like a smile.
She felt nervousness creep over her again. "What brings you here, Lady–...Lady Rashta?"
"Rashta just wanted to talk to you." The silver haired girl brought her hands together in front of her, a bashful expression on her face. "I really wanted to ask you this."
"Yes?" Y/n bit the inside of her cheek, readying herself for what she might say.
"Will you be my friend?" Rashta's cheeks turned rosy, her eyes full of anticipation.
Y/n was a bit surprised to hear that. "I can..try."
"Ah! Thank you!" Rashta giggled. "Truthfully, I don't have many friends here so I was worried I'd get lonely.."
"Yes, no problem." Y/n replied, flatly.
"I'd actually also like to invite you to my salon later today. It will be very fun. I promise!" The coal-eyes girl clasped the princess' hand.
Y/n dreaded the thought of being in a room with nobles that would do nothing but judge her. She didn't want to deal with them all at once. She couldn't.
"Sorry," She spoke rather softly. "I don't think I..can come."
There was a long pause – a silent moment. Y/n attempted to smile again.
"Ah," Rashta's eyes bubbled with visible tears. "It seems the princess doesn't like me very much."
"Excuse me?" The princess' eyes grew large. "I never..."
"That's what you mean! I would know!" Rashta wiped her flowing tears. "I-If you decline a lady's invitation like that, it means you don't like them!"
"Oh, Lady Rashta!" The woman beside her put a hand to her shoulder and glared at Celenne, as she couldn't glare at a princess. "It's rude and inconsiderate to decline a salon invitation without an important excuse. Perhaps Her Highness wasn't aware."
Y/n bit her cheek harder this time. Harsher. She still had so much more to learn.
"How dare you speak to Her Highness in such a manner?" Celenne stood up, irritated. "I trust that you will not repeat this and be on your way."
Rashta's lady-in-waiting looked at her for an answer.
"Oh...I overreacted." Rashta smiled somberly. "Then, I'll leave now. Princess, I hope you forgive me."
Guests all around began murmuring about what had just happened as the fairy-like woman ran away in tears.
"My Lady, excuse my words but I definitely do not trust that woman." A calm Celenne spoke. "She's trying to stir up trouble."
"But you cannot judge someone so quickly. After I get to know her more, I will be able to make a judgement." Y/n frowned. "Also, I wonder..did my smile scare her?"
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Y/n gazed into the mirror. She smiled. Paused. Smiled again.
Horrified, she averted her gaze. She never knew she was so terrible at feigning a grin. It was a simple curve of the mouth, yet it was so difficult to perfect.
She looked at her reflection again.
Clear, liquidy eyes, well coiffed hair, skin that she seemed to fit so well in.
She wasn't bad looking.
Perhaps she kind of liked how she looked.
"So why is smiling so hard?" She stared, hard, at the mirror, as if half-expecting it to speak.
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It was the next day and the sun dominated the sky beautifully.
A clear blue with a few clouds and birds dancing in the air.
The great – and practically unknown – Princess of the Western Kingdom sat on a bench in the gardens, reading a book per usual.
She was adamant on finding out what her strange dream was about. She hoped it didn't mean she had any underlying urges about...killing.
Leafing through the pages of the book she burrowed from the palace's library, she looked out for words such as 'Butterfly' or 'Killing'.
"Princess?" A sudden voice cut through her train of thought. "It's good to see you again."
"Oh..hello, Your Majesty." Y/n nodded at the emperor standing before her.
"Today is the third day of the banquet. Have you been enjoying it here so far?" He attempted to strike a light conversation.
"Ah, yes–..yes I have. Thank you, Your Majesty." She responded. She definitely didn't enjoy it one bit, but it would've be rude to say so.
"Of course." The emperor smiled. "Of course. So.."
The princess waited for him to continue his sentence, but he closed his mouth. He looked into her eyes, as if trying to read something.
"Is there something you want to tell me?" She closed her book and stood up from the bench she sat on.
"I just wanted to seek advice." He averted his eyes, embarrassed. "About flowers. She enjoyed the chrysanthemums from last time."
Y/n paused for a second, thinking about who 'She' could be. She thought about the empress and her expression at the ball.
Then again, it didn't concern her.
"I see.." Knowing flowers was one of the few things she was actually good at. "You may ask anything."
"I'd like a few recommendations," He spoke. "I've been thinking of lilies lately. What do they symbolise?"
"Lilies." Y/n thought to herself, trying to remember what they meant. "Oh, they symbolise innocence, purity.."
The emperor stopped paying attention and let his gaze fall onto the princess' eyes, glittering in enthusiasm as if she had been waiting for this moment her entire life. She wasn't smiling – but it felt like she was.
"Then I'll be sure to prepare a bouquet of them soon. Thank you for your help."
"No problem." Y/n nodded and grabbed her book. "Then excuse me, I will be leaving."
"Hold on." Sovieshu stopped her, gesturing at her arm. "What's this?"
"What?" You also looked down at your arm, a dark puddle blooming on your skin. You must've gotten it when you hit your arm against the shelves in the library. "A..a bruise?"
"My guest's safety is my priority." He turned around and called someone over. A knight. "Go to the kitchens and bring some ice. Be as swift as possible."
"I don't need anything, Your Majesty." Y/n shook her head. If she ever injured herself in the tower, she'd just let it heal by itself over time. It was not a big deal.
"Please do not decline my hospitality." He sighed. "I'm only trying to help."
"Okay." Y/n sat back down on the bench in acceptance. Maybe Heinrey would scold her for disrespecting the emperor.
After some silence, he spoke up. "You seem to be fond of flowers."
"Yes." The princess replied curtly.
"Why?" He asked, genuinely curious.
"I don't know." She was curious too. "I never thought about it."
His Majesty barked out a laugh. "How can you possibly not know? Are you a liar, Your Royal Highness?"
"I am not a liar." She said, her eyes narrowing, reflecting a strange feeling.
The man opened parted his lips but before any words came out, the knight arrived.
"Your Majesty!" He huffed, his hand reaching to his back. "I've brought the ice at your request."
"And what is that?" The emperor pointed at the jar in the knight's other hand.
"Ah, I crossed paths with the physician and he handed me this herbal balm. He claimed it's good for cuts and bruises."
"Hand it over." Sovieshu opened his palm, waiting for his guard to give it to him.
"I will put some of this, first." The emperor gripped the princess' wrist, drawing the injury closer, but Y/n snatched her arm away.
Perhaps an anxious instinct.
After a brief pause, she apologised.
"Sorry..I can– I'd like to do it myself."
"Ah, alright." He sighed, handing her the ice and the jar. "You just need to press ice on it. I suppose it will heal in a week or so."
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The night finally fell upon the light blues of the sky, indicating the beginning of the third celebration. Y/n wore another pretty dress, though more elegant and plain than the first.
She didn't see her 'nanny' anywhere today. Maybe she didn't want to see her either.
She took a glass of water from the table. Wine didn't exactly leave a good impression on her.
"Excuse me, Your Royal Highness, how do you do?" A man spoke from beside her.
"I'm doing well.." The princess hesitated, not knowing what to call him.
"My name is not of importance, My Lady. But it's nice to meet you." He took her hand and pressed his lips against it.
Y/n held a breath in, trying not to retaliate like before. Hand-kissing was a way of greeting, showing respect and affection.
"Pleasure." She clasped the skirt of her dress, hiding her sweaty palms. "Is..is there something you'd like to say?"
"Well, if I'm being honest..I just wanted to take a closer look." He chuckled, his steady voice ringing in her ears. "I've heard my friends speak of you."
"Really?" She cleared her throat, trying to push away her anxiousness. "I wonder what they said."
"They said a lot, like.." The man's hands traced her shoulders, slowly going down her arms.
"Ah." A distant voice spoke up from behind Y/n. "I apologise for cutting in, but I have to talk to the princess."
"What could be so important for you to interrupt us, Archduke?" The stranger in front of the princess flinched before crossed his arms.
"Important enough for it to be private." The Archduke replied.
Y/n looked behind her, not surprised to see a familiar face.
Silver hair, smooth skin and a tall build.
A man as beautiful as the moon.
"Care to have a chat with me, Your Highness?" He smiled, his eyes radiating a strange warmth she had never seen before.
She nodded, wondering what he could want to talk about.
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"You said you wanted to talk about business." The princess looked at the Archduke, his hair caught in the moonlight.
"I was...lying." He looked at her, the warm demeanour vanishing from his face.
His eyes burned into hers, making her avert her gaze.
"I thought you were uncomfortable back there." He said, not breaking contact.
'You have beautiful eyes,' he also wanted to say, but he decided to keep his mouth shut.
The princess had been complimenting the Archduke in her mind, unaware that he was able to hear it.
She turned back to him, her lips stretching into a smile. It wasn't fake. It was genuine, raw and beautiful, and it made her seem more alive.
His jaw softened and he wondered why his heart felt strange. "Are you glad?"
"Yeah." She said, touching her face, as if to ensure she was truly smiling. "Thank you."
He also couldn't help it when his lips curved upwards as he watched the surrounding lamps cast a gentle light against her skin.
This girl, who he had seen around the palace a few times usually kept to herself and tried not to attract much attention.
Sometimes, when he tried to read her thoughts, her mind was too crowded to make sense of anything. As if blocking him out.
She thought too much.
"Do you believe in wishing on shooting stars?" The Archduke looked above and more than a thousand gleaming stars stared back.
"What's that?" Y/n pondered. She hadn't seen it in a book before. Marianne had never told her anything about it either. "Why do you wish on stars?"
"Oh." He was a bit taken aback. He thought everyone knew what it was, whether they believed in it or not. "It is when you wish for something when you see a shooting star. They say it becomes true if you do it in time."
Y/n quickly faced the dark canvas, searching for a gliding star. "If I find one, I'm definitely going to wish on it."
"What will you wish for?" He asked, surprisingly curious.
He watched her as she looked through the distant window of the hall. He looked at her shiny eyes and the apples of her cheeks.
"It's a secret."
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Y/n was back in her room. Her own room where she could finally relax and let go.
She looked at the open windows.
She rarely closed them. When she did, she felt stuffy. Like she was trapped.
"Your Highness, may I come in?" Celenne was knocking at the door.
"Of course." The princess sat up on her bed, ready to talk to her.
As her lady-in-waiting came in she held an envelope in her hand. "My lady, there's a letter for you.."
"A letter?" Y/n quickly stood up, walking over to Celenne. She never thought she'd receive a letter like this.
"It says it's from..." She handed the paper to the strangely excited princess. "Marianne."
She flinched, her jittery movements coming to an end. "I'll read it later. I'd like to sleep now."
"Yes, Your Highness. Good night." The lady-in-waiting left the girl alone with her thoughts.
Y/n quickly set the white envelope on her table, hesitating to open it.
The seal was a beautiful red wax with flowers stamped on it. It was so painfully obvious that it was sent by her.
She took a deep breath in, picking it back up and gently carving it open.
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Dear Y/n,
I'm not sure how to start this letter. It's been so long since I last saw your beaming eyes and charming smile that I cannot bring myself to speak informally.
A lot happened in the last few years. I know you must be angry, full of hatred. I do not blame you. It was never, ever your fault.
When I saw you in the hall, I almost couldn't recognise you. The flickering flame in your eyes had died and the glow you would carry on your face was no longer there. I tried to be the one who would protect your heart, someone who would shield it forever, but it seems it ended with me damaging it the most.
While I write these words, I cannot help but wonder, what do you think of me? Can you ever forgive me for what I've done? I know the past is irreversible, and I can't make up for my absence, but I hope the ink in this letter brings you comfort.
Once I had left, I found a familiar book in an old bookstore in the small town I fled to. It was old but still in tact and it reminded me of you. As I flicked through the pages, I thought about the time I found you perched over this same book. It might have not been the exact one you put on your bedside, but it still had many memories attached to it.
I thoroughly searched through the pages, and my eyes continuously looked for Gardenias.
Do you remember the time you told me your favourite flower was Gardenia? Now, after everything, I understand why.
I know whatever I say, I can never make up for what I've done.
But I'd still like to tell you that I'm sorry, my dearest flower.
I love you.
– Marianne.
She read the letter over and over again.
Her familiar scent was everywhere.
She opened the envelope a second time, finding another piece of paper. But this one didn't have words on it. It had a flattened gardenia, laying gently between its folds.
No, Y/n couldn't hate Marianne. That's what she despised most. The fact that she still stood in her memories, the fact that she couldn't bring herself to hate her. Now, even after she left, she feared that
she would still welcome her back with open arms.
That night, the princess' bed sheets became damp with her tears.
Family was different for everyone. It wasn't just formed by blood – it was something that tied those who cherish and care for each other, together. Family meant to love one another unconditionally. It was a word that went beyond bloodlines, connections and last names.
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GARDENIA
A flower, widely known
to symbolise family.